Recommended playlist! I listened to this music a lot writing this fic. Play as is, or shuffle, whatever, it's all good!
You Can Never Hold Back Spring - Tom Waits
Long Way Home - Tom Waits
World Keeps Turning - Tom Waits
Danny Says - The Ramones, covered by Tom Waits
If I Have To Go - Tom Waits
Jersey Girl - Tom Waits
Ruby's Arms - Tom Waits
Tom Traubert's Blues – Tom Waits
Who Will Love Me Now - PJ Harvey
Sweeter Than Anything - PJ Harvey
This Mess We're In - PJ Harvey
We Float - PJ Harvey
The Desperate Kingdom of Love - PJ Harvey (the titular song for this fic – seriously, listen to it and tell me it's not HBxA all over!)
The Devil - PJ Harvey
Silence - PJ Harvey
Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen, covered by Rufus Wainwright
Marieke - Jaques Brel, covered by Camille O'Sullivan
Famous Blue Raincoat - Leonard Cohen
Waiting for the Miracle - Leonard Cohen
O Children - Nick Cave
Into My Arms - Nick Cave
People Ain't No Good - Nick Cave
Across the Universe - John Lennon
Stand By Me - John Lennon
Lovesong - The Cure
I could read the whole fic comfortably within the span of those songs, but I guess it depends on your reading speed!
Evidently, somewhere between The Wild Hunt and The Storm, Hellboy and Alice became lovers. That this would happen was pretty clearly indicated throughout The Wild Hunt in Mignola's signature subtle yet meaningful way. From their quiet flirtation during their first reunion to Hellboy's statement to that he "might need [her] already", it was clear that something was building between them - and very quickly.
Then The Storm begins and their physicality has progressed to asserted coupledom and while their now-established relationship plays out sweetly and without dominating the story, I couldn't help but find myself wishing we'd seen more of its actual progression.
A lot of readers like that about the Hellboy & BPRD comics - they don't want romance to be part of the stories. And, I have to admit, I despise the glib treatment of romance as the saccharine spoon-fed ultimate objective of life as depicted in rom-coms. BUT... romance is still a significant part of the human experience, of forming bonds and having relationships. It has fuelled some of the greatest stories, myths and legends that we have ever known. It's important to us as an experience and since a major aspect of Hellboy's story has been that of his assertion of his best nature, I think it should be an important part of his experience, too.
I think Mignola agrees. It his style to communicate vitally important elements of his stories in subtle, atmospheric ways. I think it's significant that these most recent stories have demonstrated him in a relationship, given their direction (trying not to spoil, for anyone who hasn't read The Fury. Though you really, really should!) And I think Hellboy & Alice's relationship was handled really beautifully and powerfully.
Still... I wish we'd seen more of it.
So that's basically what I wanted to do with this fic!
I have never written Hellboy before and it was pretty intimidating. It took me a really long time to settle into this fic because I was agonising over every word.
Originally I was trying to capture a Mignolaesque minimalism. This fic turned out way more wordy than I originally intended. Because:
1. I'm not actually that skilled a writer as to accomplish conveying so much in very few words
2. This is a story where 100% of the communication is in words, not words and pictures, so I feel it does need a little bit more. But hopefully it wasn't too much.
No matter how simply and directly Hellboy expresses himself, he definitely has a complicated internal world. Hellboy just isn't the sort of guy to go talking at length about his feelings, though I'm totally sure he ponders them. He's just very internal about naming them - but even still, he is comfortable with showing them, in his own quiet (temper excepted), simple way. So writing this fic was trying to strike a balance between their dialogue, the mood and expressing what he was going through emotionally and then reflecting it in action. Did it succeed? I dunno. I just hope, at the least, it rings true as being in character.
I feel like even though we've seen enough of Alice to have a reasonable grip on her personality to a certain degree, I'm not sure of her dialogue. I hope it works okay.
As for HB - I've noticed that often when other writers script him, they include a note thanking Mignola for helping them with his dialogue. So, I assume Mignola would brush up everything I've written HB saying here. But I hope it ain't too lousy.
I don't know if Alice is actually six foot, but she's regularly drawn as coming up to HB's shoulder and he's seven foot. A gal like me - who measures in at five foot four - would just scrape his pecs. But truly, their height in relativity to each other on the page is more likely about efficiently using the panel space to best effect. I'm just anal about these things so I chucked it in. And I liked the thought of it being another side-effect of fairy-magic on her.
HB's first two are totally made up. I just thought it would be nice if the guy had had sex before the 80s. Since his two most significant romantic relationships - Anastasia and Alice - have been redheads, I figured he would probably have a thing for them. So I put the roots there, with one of them.
Cassie Saunders appears in The All-Seeing Eye by Mark Morris. They flirted heavily but never got quite to anything more. But it was in the cards.
Granny Culver appears in Emerald Hill by Tom Piccirilli. Hellboy thinks she's hot but it's never said that anything actually happens between them. But it should! So I pretend. Incidentally, I envision her as a Black woman.
I don't know that anything actually happened between he and Emma Granger (Weird Tales #5, Love Is Scarier Than Monsters). It's not a canon-story (and was released in 2004 though no date was put on the story itself), I just like the thought, again, that he gets it a little bit more than is otherwise shown. He didseem to be relenting by the very end of that story. "My life is really weird", with a grin seems more "you sure you know what you're getting into?" than "no way" to me.
There doesn't seem to be any determinate statements made about he and Kate Corrigan but, to my reading - and many other fans' - there was definitely something between them. I certainly really like their relationship.
Anastasia Bramsfield is Christopher Golden's creation, appearing in his novels The Lost Army and The Dragon Pool. She has been officially adopted by Mignola as part of the canon and was HB's girlfriend for two years from 1979 - 1981.
Lilies spring from Hellboy's blood as symbolic of his goodness so Alice smelling of them was very deliberate.
Don't hate Kate for backing out upon seeing the size of HB's wang. Simple facts is, not everyone is built to accommodate that kinda girth and most women know their bodies, or know what they want to push them to do. Truthfully, I think she really did it because she was frightened it would change their friendship too much. While Kate is more worldly, given HB's inexperience and lack of options, I'm not sure he could really handle the 'friends with benefits' thing. No, that doesn't make him less macho. It just makes him a real, complicated, person with real, complicated, feelings. Anyway, I'm planning on making a bit of a series out of my thoughts around these things so will likely explore this in more detail real soon.
I know it's every guy's dream to be so well-endowed he scares women but the reality is actually far less fun. And I seriously don't think HB is the kinda guy who judges his worth by the size of his dick so I can't see him waving it proudly about.
I can't remember if HB knows yet his hand is known as The Right Hand of Doom and I didn't feel like going back through every single story to figure it out. So. If he doesn't... sorry. Suck it up. ;)
It's never stated which part of Ireland Alice is from, so I just made her rural lower West. She & HB are driving to Cork to catch a ferry over to England. It doesn't state specifically where Bill lives either, so I figured their trip could take at least two weeks since they're doing it all by car.
I just wanna mention this cos it's a big deal for me - I hate body hair! I have never before written a fic where I have openly acknowledged a woman's bush. Or a man's, for that matter. My characters have either waxed, shaved or we just don't mention it. So frankly, I'm really proud of myself here. I just couldn't conceptualise Alice as a woman who'd want to go the bare route & I figured Hellboy - having his formative years in a time when women's pubic hair was de rigeur - would actually be into it. I don't understand it myself, but everyone is different. And that is beautiful. *books next appointment with the waxer*
So justifying all the decisions I made in this fic…
My impression of Hellboy and Alice is they fall in love quick and they fall in love hard. While I appreciate the actual story had to keep moving forward, I find it a little sad they weren't given much page time together, all up. I've always advocated strongly for HB having a girlfriend. In writing this fic I didn't want to just depict a steamy sex scene or how they came to that point, but also what I believe HB experiences emotionally with regards to his life and what he is. I know some of the fanbase think he should stay alone, whether because of the inter-species thing (doesn't bother me at all, can't understand why it bothers anyone), or because it makes his story more… something or other, or because they think he's asexual. I don't agree, at all, on any point. It also doesn't bother me he knew Alice as a baby – he himself was only fourteen at the time, though fully grown. And he didn't actually raise her, or even watch her grow up. It's not as though he 'imprinted' on her or any such thing – they met again as adults, as grown people, and fell in love. He wasn't expecting it and had never anticipated it. It's been forty-three years since they last saw each other. Get over it!
Hellboy's story has always been one of ownership and self-defining. His resistance to being the Beast of the Apocalypse - to being simply an instrument of fate. His determination to be the person he chooses to be, to decide his own actions and destiny.
An intense romantic relationship would definitely be significant as an aspect of rewriting his own destiny.
And Hellboy is a guy with a lot of feeling. Not a guy who would express his feelings so much in words - he's gruff and internalises a lot of his responses- but he has so much feeling - a great deal of kindness and empathy, strongly developed sense of protectiveness, particularly towards children, who he seems to like a lot, fierce loyalty to his friends and a very strong motivation to doing the right thing as he defines it. This is not someone whose emotional world is shallow. And he's demonstrated ample capacity for expressing himself and his feelings - from his outrage over little girls being brutalised to his empathy for fellow BPRD agents to his own discomfort with his potential for brutality - to how easily he swept Alice into his arms when she was revealed as alive and whole at the close of The Hunt.
He's a loner and something of an introvert but also evidently longs for and values his connections, experiences profound loneliness and enjoys company where he can feel at ease or have a sense of commonality - he likes to tell stories of his adventures, will cosy up with ghosts rather than be totally alone, writes a letter to Abe because he needs to share a disturbing experience...
Of course, he is the ultimate macho man. But that's just who he is – his machismo is not posturing. So I also feel he has no problem showing his feelings. Not in a sappy hearts-and-flowers way – but it happens.
I wanted to celebrate that.