Arriving in the vacant locker room, the sudden quiet after the noise of the crowd was unnerving. Jimmy's face still burned with shame and he refused to meet Jey's eyes as he yanked his locker open and started pulling out his belongings. As much as he wanted to pretend it was no big deal, he couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed in him. It was as if his mind was stuck on repeat and the scene kept dancing around in his imagination. Jey's muscular chest. Jey's strong arms. Jey's dripping sweat. He closed his eyes again tightly and rested his forehead against the cool metal, trying his hardest to snap out of it. A few minutes passed and, although he heard the occasional sigh and rustling movement behind him, neither of the men seemed to know where to start.
After what seemed like an eternity of uncomfortable silence, it was Jey who spoke first.
"I think… We should talk about what happened out there…" came the soft voice.
Hearing his brother's words filled with such confusion and hesitation got Jimmy trembling and as much as he hated feeling weak, his eyes stung with tears. Clearing his throat, he desperately tried to think of some excuse he could use to make this nightmare better. Coming up blank, he decided to feign ignorance. Keeping his back turned on his partner, he forced the words out.
"Talk about what?" he stated gruffly.
A gentle scoff followed that as Jey came up beside him and rested his shoulder against the locker.
"I think you know what I mean" came the whispered reply.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jimmy could see Jey cross his arms and wait patiently for an explanation but the longer the silence went on, the more difficult it was for him to talk. Sensing that his brother was stalling, Jey decided to go with a more direct approach.
"Out there…Was that... You know…" he faltered and took a deep breath, trying one more time to get his thoughts in order. "What I saw back there… Was that… Because of me?" he finally asked.
Once the sentence was spoken out loud, it hung between them like a fog. Struggling to keep his trembling in check and his breathing even, Jimmy fixed his eyes on the floor and turned away, heading towards the door.
Before he could even take 2 steps, Jey grabbed his wrist and held tight, stopping him in his tracks.
"Hey! Don't just walk out! What's going on?" Jey exclaimed with a hint of pleading in his voice.
Jimmy clenched his fists and yanked his hand away before finally turning around. He met Jey's eyes for the first time since the match and tried to keep his hysteria under control.
"Why?! Can't we just forget it and move on?! We both know exactly what happened! Why do you even want to talk about it?!" he shouted, failing to keep his voice from breaking.
Jey steadily met his gaze and gave him a searching look.
"Uce…" he ventured quietly, taking a deliberate step forward.
Jimmy took an equal step back, not understanding the expression on his brother's face. The fear and shame that had been building inside him suddenly overflowed and he snapped.
"No! No! This conversation is over! Why does it even matter?" he yelled at Jey for the second time that day, making him feel even more distraught.
Jey looked taken aback but he still held his gaze firmly on Jimmy.
"Of course it matters" he muttered slowly, crossing his arms again.
Jimmy felt a twinge of exasperation and he raked his fingers through his hair.
"Why, Uce? Why does it matter?" he said, slightly calmer this time.
Jey opened his mouth to reply, but the words had gotten stuck in his throat.
"Well?" Jimmy was starting to get impatient.
"It matters because… B-Because…" he stuttered, glancing down quickly before making eye contact once again. "Because." he said for a third time before closing the gap between them.