CHAPTER ONE

Ted had fallen asleep, aswell as Dougal, Jack and Mrs Doyle. In another crate, Bishop Len Brennan is awake, well aware of the other's presence, and that two officers, a Scottish officer and a Welsh officer, are checking the cargo hold for stowaways.

"Shit," Brennan could hear the Scottish officer's voice.

"Harold ... someone said that a few priests were in here," began the Scottish officer. "The person said they were from Ireland, I think."

Bishop Brennan swore once more under his breath. He had no idea someone had seen the others. Perhaps they saw him too.

"Drink!" came a loud voice from one of the crates on the other side of the cargo hold. Father Jack had awoken, and wanted a drink.

"Where did that voice come from?" came the voice of the Welsh officer, his footsteps echoeing on the floor.

Brennan couldn't see what was going on. He stayed silent and alert. If he was caught, what was he going to tell them? He muttered something very rude under his breath and closed his eyes. It's that fucking Jack Hackett, Brennan thought, If he thinks he can escape me and get me into deep shit AND make it out alive ... he's got another thing coming.

"Drink! Drink! DRINK!" Jack's voice grew louder as the two officers approached his crate cautiously like he was a mad animal. "DRINK! FECK!"

"What the hell is that!" the Welsh officer said, his torch fell to the floor with a loud clunk!

"Don't know ... smells awful though. It must be a drunk," concluded the Scottish officer. "But why would there be a drunk priest in the cargo hold?"

Brennan hit his head on the crate's lid with a loud thump. "Bollocks!"

"Did you hear that! There's another one!" the Welsh officer exclaimed. "Will, can you check that one over there?"

Brennan couldn't believe his stupidity as the Scottish officer's footsteps closed in on his crate. He was praying silently under his breath - he always prayed when he was in trouble.

"Open!" shouted the Scottish officer as he slowly prised open the lid of the crate. "Nearly ..."

CRASH!

"Gotcha! ...!" the handsome Scottish officer looked at Brennan in shock. It's true, there is a stowaway bishop, thought the officer. "Your grace ... why are you hiding in here?"

"Oh ... from -"

"Will, help!" shouted the Welsh officer as Jack punched him angrily, bursting his nose. The Scottish officer ran to help him as Brennan remembered when Jack had punched him in the nose ...

Ted, Dougal and Jack had unsuccessfully prevented a film being banned on Craggy Island. The Passion of Saint Tibulus became the most popular film ever shown there since Jurassic Park, all thanks to the failed protest. Bishop Brennan was furious.

"Look, there's you," Brennan said to Ted, "there's Forrest Gump," Brennan indicated to a picture of Ted and Dougal on a poster for the film. "And there's Father Jack, actually WATCHING the film! Now there's a turn up for the books."

There was a separate picture of Jack with his thumbs up, watching the film. Brennan threw the poster away and began plans to send the three priests elsewhere. Ted was to go to a little island off the coast of Surinam, in South America, and Dougal was to go the Philipines. However, he did not get round to Jack.

"Jack wake up!" Brennan barked at Father Jack, who was alseep in his chair.

"Bishop, I wouldn't do that," said Ted.

"You shut up. Jack, wake up!"

Jack woke up and punched Brennan hard in the nose so hard that it began to bleed. Brennan backed onto the sofa.

"I've got you. I've got you now! Oh my God, if you think this is bad, just wait until you see your new parish! Just wait until you see!" Brennan ran out of the house, his cloak billowing behind him.

Brennan attempted to head for the exit but the Welsh officer spotted him while restraining Jack, blood still streaming out of his nose. He left Jack with the Scottish officer and grabbed Brennan.

"Right, your grace. You can explain to myself and the captain why your stowing away in the cargo hold. Come on!"

Grumbling, Brennan let the Welsh officer lead him away.

Meanwhile, as the Scottish officer was struggling with Jack, Ted, Dougal and Mrs Doyle woke up in another crate. They could hear Jack scuffle with the officer, but were unaware about what happened to Bishop Brennan.

"Arse!" Jack shouted out as the officer yelled, "Shut the fuck up!"

"Flip!" Dougal said, finally realising what was going on. "We're caught!"

"Quiet Dougal," Ted muttered, as Mrs Doyle poured the priests some cold tea from her teapot.

"Here we are now, tea for everyone." Mrs Doyle said it too loud. The officer had heard her.

"So there's more ... Ah! Charles, Henry, take care of this one. I think he's seriously drunk," the Scottish officer said as two more officers entered the cargo hold.

Ted, Dougal and Mrs Doyle heard footsteps come closer, despite Jack's yelling.

"Drink! Feck! Arse! Drink!"

The officer began to prise open the lid of their crate.

"ARSE BISCUITS!" Jack shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Shut it you!" shouted one of the other officers. An Englishman, this time.

"Don't provoke him Charles!" said the other officer nervously.

"GOTCHA!" the Scottish officer opened the lid of the crate to find Ted, Dougal and Mrs Doyle cowering slightly at the bottom of the crate.

"Oh feck," said Ted, knowing that they were caught and could get thrown overboard.

"You three with me now!" the officer's Scottish accent echoed around the room as the trio climbed slowly out of the crate.

The officer led them past Jack who was being restrained by the other two officers, onto the deck and all the way to the bridge, and into the captain's office where they saw Bishop Brennan and the Welsh officer.

"Ted Crilly!" shouted Brennan.

"Oh feck!" Ted watched the captain enter the room,with anangry look on his face.