Disclaimer: The characters of Glee do not belong to me. They are the property of Fox network as well as the creators of the show. I also snuck some Liz Lemon (30 Rock) in there. The songs used in this chapter are You Oughta Know, Thank you, Hands Clean, That I Would Be Good, Uninvited, Head Over Feet and Hand in My Pocket. They are the property of Alanis Morissette and Maverick Records. If you want to listen to them as you read, I've made some playlists available on my youtube channel to follow along with every chapter's songs (please check my profile for the link)! A Whole New World is property of Disney Records. Please review and enjoy! ;)
Synopsis: It's the first week of senior year and the glee club is back and determined to win nationals! The new year shows promise of change. Santana's tired of the same old song and dance. She wants things to be different this year, to be better. Most importantly, this is her chance to start fresh with Brittany, and she is going to do everything to make it happen. Trouble in paradise for Finn and Rachel, although no-one seems to know why just yet. Meanwhile, Quinn has decided to turn over a new leaf and get her life back on track.
These two first chapters focus almost exclusively on Brittana. There will be some branching out with other characters as the story moves forward, but the main plot will always follow Brittany and Santana. Please review!
A Tough Pill to Swallow Part 2
It was just a Tuesday. Students gathered to talk about their summers and desperately tried to escape Jacob Ben Israel's microphone. They lined up to sign up for try-outs and all kinds of clubs; the Cheerios line was especially long. To all, the day seemed to go by rather uneventfully. However, to Santana, the day felt as though is was going by ridiculously slowly. She caught herself glancing at the clock every five or so minutes, wishing that she could fast forward through that afternoon.
When the bell rang after her last class, she hurriedly made her way to her locker to get her things. She looked at herself in the small mirror hanging on her locker door and tried to fix her hair, unable to shake the excited smile that crept its way onto her face. She was leaning forward to fix her mascara when she suddenly felt arms slide around her waist and a familiar chin prop itself onto her shoulder.
Her body tensed slightly at the contact. Her eyes darted nervously around the hallways, still afraid of the looks that they might catch. So she closed her eyes for a short moment, and quickly steadied her breath. She just couldn't allow herself to let her fear get the better of her again.
'Hi,' she managed to breathe out with a shy smile.
Brittany's grip on her tightened in response. She then repositioned herself to whisper in Santana's ear.
"So, you know how I said I was coming over after school today?" she began, as the Santana's eyes widened nervously, her mind racing to conclusions as to where this conversation was going. Had she changed her mind already? Why was she ditching her? She knew how hard it had been for her to sing that song for her in glee club! And to humiliate her like that and blow her off? It was so cruel! So inconsiderate! So...So...
"Yeah?"
"Well, I thought I had bio last period on Mondays buuuut it turns out I have gym and I forgot to bring a change of clothes so...I kind of have to go home and clean up..." she paused for a second and squeezed Santana tighter before giggling lightly in her ear and adding, "and I guess you do too now."
To emphasize her point, Brittany nuzzled against Santana's back. Both of them laughed as the smaller girl struggled to release herself from her grip, feigning disdain, but only managed to turn in her arms so that they were both facing each other, locking eyes instantly. Santana cleared her throat and averted her eyes as Brittany instantly loosened her grip. Santana blushed slightly as she turned towards her locker to finish gathering her things.
"Alright Britts, so I'll see you later then?" she failed to say nonchalantly.
"I'll be over around six," Brittany replied with a small smirk.
With that she leaned in and kissed Santana on the cheek before turning on her heels and walking away.
...
"Do you trust me?" Brittany whispered as she held her hand out to Santana who was standing on her bed.
"What?" Santana answered over-dramatically.
"Do you trust me?" Brittany repeated a little louder, still extending her hand and kneeling on the carpet at the foot of the bed.
"Yes," her friend answered suspiciously before letting Brittany pull her down.
They both laughed together as Santana fell awkwardly next to Brittany and A Whole New World began to play in the background.
"I can't believe we still know this movie by heart," the Latina said as her laughter subsided.
"SHINING, SHIMMERING, SPLEEENDID!" Brittany sang along to the movie. "Tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?"
As she looked into Santana's eyes, the mood seemed to change. She let her hands settle on either side of the Latina's waist. Santana whispered her name, as if asking a question. Brittany nodded, just once, and leaned in slowly. The song continued to play in the background as their lips met tenderly for the first time, and the blonde smiled as the chorus came on.
No-one to tell us "no" or where to go, or say we're only dreaming.
...
Santana fiddled around with the zipper of her over-sized McKinley jersey, nervously checking her cell phone clock every other minute and pacing between her mirror and her bedroom window, glancing out anxiously. "Would you calm the fuck down?" she yelled at her own reflection. "Stop sweating you idiot! What is wrong with you, you stupid bitch?" she continued, wiping off the sweat that had gathered on her forehead.
"Santana?"
"PUTA MADRE!"
Startled, Santana turned around suddenly, knocking over a few bottles of hair products from her dresser. Brittany stood in the doorway with an amused expression on her face.
"I didn't mean to scare you. I cut through the park instead of taking my car and the door wasn't locked...Are you ok? What were you-?" she asked, unable to hide a faint giggle in her voice.
"Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine. You just startled me Britt," she breathed out, slightly embarrassed.
Brittany chuckled as she bent down to help Santana pick up the bottles from the floor. When they caught each others' eyes, they both broke into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Neither could get up for a long moment. They held their ribs in almost-pain and laughed so hard they cried. As their laughter died down, Brittany inched in closer to Santana. She brought her hand up to Santana's cheek and gently caressed it with the back of her fingers.
"Let's just take it slow, ok?" she whispered, looking into hazel eyes.
Santana nodded shyly, the last remnants of her laughter dying down. Slowly, the blonde leaned in, careful only to close her eyes at the very last moment. Santana sighed into Brittany's mouth as their lips brushed together tenderly.
"Britt," she breathed in between kisses, "can we just...keep this to ourselves for now? I mean the glee club knows and that's fine but, for now, can we just-"
Brittany's lips stopped moving at this. Santana sensed the change. Oh no...
"Just...just for now," she added quickly and leaned in to kiss the blonde again, but she pulled away. Santana's face dropped when she took in the look in Brittany's eyes. The blonde stood up quietly and walked out of the room.
...
"So, what's going on with you and Britt? Are you guys dating now?" Quinn asked curiously, one of her eyebrows arching.
"I don't know...Leave it to me to mess it up so fast," Santana answered honestly.
Her friend smiled sympathetically as she closed her locker and they began to walk down the hall.
"Hey San?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really glad we're friends again," the blonde said sincerely.
"Don't start getting all sentimental on me now, Q," she replied with a smile, and nudged her friend. There was a comfortable pause before she continued. "Sooo, do you know what you're gonna sing this week in glee club?"
"I think so. I still need a little practice though," she said before hesitantly adding, "Rachel's helping me."
"Really Q? Groucho?" Santana asked incredulously.
"Be nice," she warned, "she's really not so ba-"
Her thought was interrupted as a retreating Rachel rammed into them right as they were turning the corner.
"Sorry...I'm sorry," she mumbled between tears as she rushed past them in a hurry.
"What the f-" began Santana.
"Rachel! Wait!" Finn called after her, clearly intending on going after the retreating girl.
"No! Nuh uh! Hold up Finnderella!" Santana said angrily as she and Quinn pushed him back in one swift motion, "you need to learn to recognize when a girl does not want to be followed because that girl, my pudgy friend, is a girl that does not want to be followed. So, you're going to turn around and Chaplin walk that humongous tub of yours to class. Understood?"
"Santana, this is none of your business," Finn answered, exasperated.
"Let it go Finn, she's already gone," Quinn reasoned.
For a second, he seemed as though he would keep arguing, but he simply let out a frustrated sigh, turned around and walked away. Santana and Quinn subtly high fived and continued their way to class.
...
I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know!
"Well that was...uh...interesting," mr Schue tried to encourage Finn, tapping him on the back lightly after an awkward rendition of You Oughta Know.
Rachel looked down at the floor, deep in thought, while Santana and Quinn who sat on either side of her stared at Finn with their mouths agape, their brows furrowed and their heads tilted similarly.
"Does anyone else have something?" mr Schue asked hopefully.
"I have something mr Schue," Kurt volunteered. He stepped up to the front of the choir room before introducing his number. "I've listened to a lot of Alanis Morissette songs this week. She has written some absolutely great songs, but I wanted to find something that really spoke to me, personally. This song, it didn't just speak to me, it got me thinking about a lot of things. About how everyone experiences challenges in life but you have to keep moving forward. You can't get stuck in the past. That's what I want to do this year. I want to move forward". There was a silent moment of understanding in the room as Kurt signaled Brad and a very simple tune began filling the quiet.
How bout getting off all these antibiotics
How bout stopping eating when I'm full up
How bout them transparent dangling carrots
How bout that ever elusive "could of"
Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you, thank you silence
No-one made a sound as Kurt sang. He looked around the room at all their faces as he continued.
How bout me not blaming you for everything
How bout me enjoying the moment for once
How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How bout grieving it all one at a time
Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you, thank you silence
He looked at Finn for a moment, as if trying to say something. Finn looked back at him, eyebrows frowned, failing to understand the advice his brother was subtly trying to give him.
The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down
How bout no longer being masochistic
How bout remembering your divinity
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How bout not equating death with stopping
Thank you India
Thank you Providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you, thank you silence
"Wooooow," Mercedes exclaimed once the song was over.
"Kurt, incredible," mr Schue added enthusiastically as Kurt returned to his seat looking proud. "I wouldn't want to follow that but, did anyone else prepare something for today?"
"I did," Brittany answered seriously. Santana's expression changed instantly and she found herself staring at the blonde nervously. The blonde signaled Puck to follow her to the front of the class and cleared her throat before giving him the ok to start. He began to pluck the strings of his guitar and soon, Brittany began to sing.
If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much
"Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind and
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime"
Her eyes were tired, mixed with sadness and almost bitterness. It was a look Santana had never seen on her. It was like getting hit in the stomach, and all she could do was sit there and swallow dryly.
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
There was a frustration in Brittany's voice that empowered the performance and weighed every word with meaning as her eyes locked with Santana's. As she continued, her expression took a turn for disgust and contempt for the words.
"You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my protégée and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it"
"Ooh this could get messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime"
She took another deep breath before continuing with the chorus, infusing it with every ounce of emotion that her being could muster.
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
I've more than honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
Tears began gather in Brittany's eyes, though she refused to cry.
What part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
What part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
What with this distance it seems so obvious?
"Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse"
A sad smile crept onto the blonde's face as she continued and Santana finally spotted what she had been looking for in Brittany's eyes since the start of the performance.
I wish I could tell the world cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body
Santana couldn't help but smile with a twinge of relief. She could fix this. There were a lot of things she had no power over but this was within her reach and now, she could see it.
"Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime"
We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
I've more than honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this
She sang the chorus a few more times until the song came to a natural end. Everyone applauded energetically and mr Schue took over again, patting Brittany on the back for congratulations.
"Great job! That was fantastic! It was emotional, it was raw, and I want everyone who still hasn't performed this week to take note from this! Ok, well if that's everyone for today then I'll see you all tomorrow," mr Schue announced happily, "I'm so proud of all of you, great work this week!"
...
"Wow," Rachel looked at Quinn with a huge grin on her face.
"Yeah? Was that better?" Quinn asked insecurely.
"That was amazing," Rachel replied honestly, much to the blonde's surprise, "I think my job here is done!"
Rachel smiled proudly at her pupil who looked down in embarrassment. The brunette walked up to her and gently placed her hand on her shoulder.
"I'm really proud of you Quinn. You've really come a long way," Rachel reassured.
"Thanks. You know I couldn't have done this without you," she said sincerely.
"Yes, you could have," Rachel replied knowingly, "but it was my pleasure to help."
There was a pause and suddenly, her hand on Quinn's shoulder felt heavy. She cleared her throat and removed it.
"I'd better go. Good luck with your song tomorrow Quinn. I'm sure you'll do great."
Rachel began to gather her things while Quinn watched her silently. She was about to leave, her hand on the door knob, when Quinn quickly went to stop her, placing her hand on top of the brunette's.
"Doyouwannastayfordinner!" she asked, i.e. shouted, in one breath.
Rachel stared in confusion for a second. She examined Quinn's face with suspicion that quickly turned to amusement.
"Does this mean we're friends now?" she asked, laughter in her voice.
"We were always friends Rach," Quinn replied more softly, "I was just really bad at it."
Both girls smiled fondly, and their hands hesitantly left the door knob.
...
"Alright guys! Who is ready to perform their Alanis Morissette song?" mr Schue opened, his usual over-excitement filling the choir room.
There was a short silence before Quinn raised her hand and volunteered, perfectly confident on the outside in one of her white maternity shirts. She had taken to wearing them even after Beth was born. They felt comfortable somehow. Safe. However, even they couldn't shield her in this moment. Her heart was beating so fast she thought she might cough it out any second. She went to sit on a stool at the front of the class, took in a deep breath, and her eyes quickly glanced at Rachel before she signaled Brad.
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
The others' reactions were mixed. Some seemed surprised, others thoughtful, some even in awe. Rachel smiled proudly.
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good whether with or without you
There was a roar of applause from the rest of the club as soon as the last note of the song disappeared into the halls of McKinley. Mr Schue clapped his hands slowly and praised her performance. Rachel walked up to her and enveloped her in an excited hug while whispering words of congratulations. Everyone seemed in complete awe of her performance except for Finn who suspiciously eyed both girls, looking almost angry. Rachel caught his gaze but hurriedly turned away.
No-one else had prepared a performance for that day, and soon the room was left almost empty as the students headed out for lunch. Quinn took one more look around the choir room, feeling proud, before heading out. She was startled when she saw Finn standing in front of her, blocking her exit. Had he been watching her the whole time?
"Quinn," he said seriously. She felt a little uneasy with his expression and tone.
"Did you want to talk to me about something?" she asked casually, not seeing where this was going.
"Look," he started, "I'm not mad. I just want to know what you said to her."
"What I said to who?" she asked, genuinely confused.
"Look, I'm not an idiot. We were happy, we were in love. She was happy," he insisted. "Then all of the sudden, she doesn't want to be with me anymore." His voice broke and Quinn's gaze turned compassionate as she saw the cracks in his facade. "And you mean to tell me that it's just a weird coincidence that you two are suddenly the best of friends. I know we have a messed up history Quinn, but I need to know what you told Rachel that made her suddenly think that we aren't meant for each other."
"Finn..." the blonde started softly.
"You know what? Forget it! I don't know why I thought you'd actually be decent about this! I'll see you later," he said bitterly as he walked away.
Quinn sighed as she watched him walk away. She dropped her bag on the floor and moved to sit at the piano, singing to herself as she pressed on the keys gently.
Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
Quinn fiddled with the cross around her neck and seemed deep in thought as she stopped playing for a moment.
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight
I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate
...
"Hi," Santana tentatively whispered while Brittany avoided her gaze, pretending to be focused on rearranging her books in her locker.
Brittany only nodded as a response, all the while not looking back at her.
"Britt, can we talk, please?" she continued softly.
The blonde sighed. "What else is there to say, San?" she said sounding defeated. "Look, I'm not mad. I'm just...We've been dancing around this for a long time, you know? I'm just really tired. It's like that song we wrote for Nationals, remember? Are we ever going to stop pretending, San?"
With that, Brittany closed her locker and began to walk away from her, heading towards the cafeteria. Never one to give up, Santana followed her closely but didn't say anything more. Her heart was racing in anticipation of what she was about to do. For both of them.
Once in the cafeteria, instead of following the blonde, she headed for the middle of the room and climbed right onto the nearest table.
"MOVE IT SANDBAGS!" wailed Becky, but Santana ignored her as well as the handful of peas she threw at her.
Everyone's eyes had turned towards her, including Brittany's who looked surprised and riddled. Santana took in a shaky breath and with an equally shaky voice began to sing...
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
A snicker. Another.
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
Laughter began to go around the room, but Santana stood firm, shaking as she was, looking into blue eyes imploringly. Seeing her distress, Quinn quickly climbed onto the table next to Santana, dragging Rachel behind her, while Puck inexplicably raced out of the room. Quinn placed a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder, urging her to continue. As she did, the two other girls joined in, harmonizing, and her voice became increasingly more confident.
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
To Santana's surprise, Puck then walked back into the cafeteria strumming his guitar to the music, smiling encouragingly at her.
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Mercedes, Kurt, Tina and Mike were the next to climb quietly onto the table behind Santana. Even Artie had wheeled up close to them humming, looking sympathetically at Santana as he waited for the next chorus to jump in. She had it bad and he could see it.
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
Sam then joined in with his harmonica, dancing around ridiculously while Santana jumped off the table and made her way to Brittany. Once she had reached her, she took both her hands in hers and looked into her eyes before continuing.
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
Finn joined them for the next chorus and the entire glee club now chimed in energetically.
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
As the other girls continued to vocalize to Puck's guitar and Sam's harmonica, Santana slid her hand onto Brittany's waist. She pulled the blonde close, laid her head on her shoulder and began to slowly sway them from left to right.
"I'm sorry," she whispered quietly.
And that was all she said. Brittany was so speechless, all she could do was nod as tears ran down her cheeks. She clung to the Latina almost desperately, incapable of containing her emotions.
As the music began to die down slowly, Puck looked around the cafeteria apprehensively. He quickly signaled Finn and Sam who began to scurry all of the glee club members out of the room. Once they were all out, he strummed one last chord, and scanned the cafeteria once before running out of the door as fast as he could. Just as he reached the hall, he heard the familiar clamor of a food fight and smiled as he made his way to the choir room, congratulating himself on his own cleverness.
...
When mr Schue walked into the choir room, he was a little surprised to find that the entire club was already there. All of them were congregated in the back of the room, their chairs turned partly towards each other. He hadn't seen them all be that openly friendly to each other in a while and it brought a smile to his face. Only Brittany and Santana seemed to be a little distanced from the group. They sat closely together, Brittany's legs draped over Santana's as she ran her fingers up and down the blonde's arm, and seemed to be whispering to each other sweetly.
"Hey, how come you guys are here so early?" he asked curiously.
"We're just hanging out," replied Sam with a shrug.
Mr Schue smiled at that but did not interrogate them further, pleased with the camaraderie they were displaying.
"So, it's Friday! Last day of Alanis Morissette week! I really want everyone to participate so, if you still haven't performed, now's your chance!" he invited gleefully.
"Yep, Artie, Sam and I've been working on something," Puck suggested.
Mr Schue went to sit with the students while Puck and Sam grabbed their guitars and Artie wheeled himself to the front holding a tambourine. Artie gave the rhythm and Puck began to strum his guitar as Sam took the lead.
I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
Mercedes smiled at the odd-looking blond. Santana held Brittany closer and kissed her cheek.
And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one's giving a high five
Puck took the lead for the next verse, smiling at the words.
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
And what it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
Sam then stopped strumming the chords of his guitar and pulled out his harmonica for a solo. Once he was done, he jumped back in with his guitar.
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one's giving the peace sign
Puck and Sam began to play more quietly as Artie took the lead. A sad smile found its way onto the boy's face as he sang.
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
Slowly, Puck and Sam increased the volume of their playing.
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
The three of them sang together for the last part as the guitar slowly quieted back down towards the end of the song.
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything is just fine, fine, fine
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab
Sam stopped playing all together as he transitioned into another harmonica solo.
By the end of the song, the entire room felt serene and at peace. Finn still, however, could not help but notice how Rachel had laced her fingers with Quinn's half way through the song.