Chapter 2! =D

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.

-Marcus Tullius Cicero

Feeling as though he was moving underwater Merlin took the flint and steel from a small pouch on a saddlebag, kneeling beside the small pile of wood perfectly arranged for a fire. The flint and steel felt familiar in his hands and he struck them together as he had so many times before, but is heart really wasn't in it and after a few tries they slipped from his numb fingers to land on the ground with dull thumps. He made no attempt to retrieve them. The simple tasks of setting up camp only reminded him painfully of all the other dangerous and often almost suicidal quests Arthur had led him on.

The Knights and Gwen glanced at each other in both concern and understanding. Leon took pity and went down on one knee beside Merlin, reaching out to retrieve the flint and start the fire himself. But feeling an icy resignation Merlin pushed his hands away. "No."

His heart which had been racing wildly in his chest when he had shown Arthur was now just a heavy throb, an ache deep inside. There was still fear, but it was buried so far under sorrow and despair that it was combined with a cold indifference. He reached one hand towards the fire "Forbearnan" He said in the tongue of the old religion, not bothering to keep his voice down. His eyes flared gold In a second there was a cheery fire dancing amongst the wood.

Everything had gone still around him and he could feel all eyes upon him though he didn't meet any of them, instead staring into the leaping flames. The only sound around them was the crackling of the fire that they were all acutely aware had been started using magic. After a moment he broke the silence,

"I'm done, I just can't do it anymore." He felt tears sliding down his face, but didn't care and let them fall.

("I swear I will protect you or die at your side.")

"It doesn't matter now, so what if I'm executed for my magic. I defeated the Saxons, I killed Morgana, but Arthur died anyway."

In the relief of dropping the pretense he had held for years in front of his friends and voicing his feelings to them he couldn't seem to stop talking, the words tumbling out before he even had the chance to think about what he was saying.

"It was my destiny to serve him, to protect him, but I failed. I had my chances, but each time I made the wrong decision." His expression became bitter "I'm supposed to be Emrys, the most powerful warlock of all time. But what's the use of power if you can't even save someone you care about.?" He brought his hands up, clutching his hair like he sometimes did in times of great distress and confusion. He felt a sudden burst of anger at the injustice of it all "It's not fair!" he screamed to the world in general, to destinies and fates which refused to be changed.

As he shouted his magic burst out of him in a rush and the mild fire suddenly turned violent- swelling and shooting high into the air for a few moments, making everybody jump and Percival almost fall off the rock where he had been perched.

It was a tense moment- nobody really knew what to do or say to this outburst and drastic turn of events. Even Gwen who had guessed was startled. Had he really been carrying such a weight on his shoulders for so many years? Did he honestly feel that everything was his fault? That he had failed? None of the knights were prepared for a situation like this, that Merlin was sorcerer was just so... so impossible for the knights to believe, Magic was evil, and Merlin was not.

His face was hidden in his hands but Merlin clearly heard soft footsteps heading in his direction and tensed, determinedly not looking up. But then the last thing on Earth he had expected to happen happened. Gentle hands that could only be Guinevere's laid on his shoulders and she simply pulled him into a close embrace, his head resting on her shoulder. Gently, as though he were a little child, he felt her stroke his hair, sparking memories of his mother doing the same when he had been a child.

Impulsively he tried to pull back but she tightened her arms and didn't allow it. "It's okay Merlin. It's all going to be alright."

Despite his embarrassment for a moment he forgot she was his Queen and relaxed in a friend's arms. He felt bewildered and confused by her reaction, hadn't she seen his magic? He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself and willing his body to stop trembling. Although he accepted it from her he didn't want kindness, although he didn't know why. Was it that he thought he didn't deserve it?

"You know Merlin, you'll be much more useful in a tavern brawl now." commented Gwaine somewhat randomly, breaking the silence around them. It felt good to laugh even just a little, something that only hours before he hadn't been sure he would ever do again.

As he looked around at his friends, for the first time since Arthur had died it occurred to Merlin that maybe, just maybe, Some things were going to be ok.

Pelase Review! Next chapter will be up soon!

This chapter wouldn't be what it is without the assistance of Zendog.