Chapter 2
"No… I'm leaving the city."
Rachel's heart stopped as she heard those four words. She was so shocked that she couldn't move. Her hand that had been placed on the handle wouldn't budge and neither would any other part of her body. The only thing she could think about was what Ross had just said.
He's… he's leaving?
She couldn't believe it and neither did everyone else.
"What?" Monica asked as if she heard him wrong.
"I said… I'm leaving the city," Ross softly repeated.
"You mean, leaving the city for a business trip right?" Joey asked worryingly.
"Yeah, yeah, like leaving the city for like a week," Phoebe jumped in, also trying to convince herself.
Ross sighed sadly, looking at the ground. "No, I mean I'm leaving New York."
Monica stepped forward with so much haste it was as if she was going to slap him. "What?! Why?! Why are you leaving?!"
Suddenly Chandler gasped and everyone turned to him. His eyes were widened and his hands were up on his head, practically pulling his hair out. "No, no, no, no, no! This is just like the time my parents divorced and my dad was moving out! Please tell me you're joking Ross, right? Hahaha, it's funny, but now the joke is over."
Ross closed the car door and stepped forward with a stern look on his face. "Chandler, I'm being serious. I'm actually leaving the city. I've been offered a job at a new museum in San Diego and had already accepted it a few days ago."
"Well don't you think you're rushing into this?" Monica argued. "I mean, just because you're offered a job doesn't mean you have to accept it right away."
"Yeah, well… actually…" Ross started, clearing his voice. "This isn't a decision I made right away. I was… I was offered the job a few weeks ago…"
"A few weeks ago?! How could you have not told us about that?!" His sister practically screamed at him.
"Things were different back then. I wasn't planning on accepting it… until…" he trailed off as his eyes wandered around, looking from one place to another until it landed on one person: Rachel.
All of a sudden, it dawned on her. A few weeks ago was when they were together. A few weeks ago was before the arguing and the break up. A few weeks ago was when they were…
…happy.
A single tear rolled down her cheek as everything became clear to her. The job had nothing to do with it. He was fine whether he accepted it or not. The job was only an excuse to hide the truth. And the truth was, he was moving because of her.
Rachel turned around as more tears starting falling from her eyes, the cold air freezing the tear drops as they slid down her face, giving off a strange tingling feeling. She couldn't believe it. Ross was moving because of her. Was it because of the break up they had? Was it because he thought she no longer loved him? It was at this moment when she realized that she had not been the only one left heart-broken after their break up. Ross had been just as affected, if not more. And to make matters worse, she has been treating him as if his life didn't matter at all. She had even gone out of her way to hurt him purposely, even going out on a date with Mark just to make him jealous. She couldn't even begin to describe how much that must have hurt him. If he was moving because of her, she couldn't blame him.
"Guys look," Ross started. "I know this is a lot to take in but I want you to know that this was my decision. I'm going to San Diego and nothing you say or do will change that."
"Man, you can't do this to us! After everything we've been through you're just going to throw it all away?" Joey asked, the sadness in his voice very clearly showing his current emotions.
"Of course not Joe, I'll always remember you guys. I don't expect you guys to be ok with this. Just… remember that this is my decision and my decision alone. Besides, I've already accepted the offer and can't back out of it now."
Silence ensued Ross' statement as the group pondered what to do next. It was Monica who broke the silence by asking the question everyone had on their minds.
"When do you leave?"
Ross sighed. "I've already started packing and have movers moving some furniture over to my new apartment right now. I leave Monday night."
Suddenly a beeper went off and Ross reached into his pocket to see who was dialing. He pressed a button and the beeping sound went away but not before looking everyone in the eyes.
"I got to go. That was Carol. She and Susan were helping me pack and need me to take the car back," he explained. In response, no one looked at him as he scanned the scene in front of him. "Look you guys, go on your ski trip and when you get back, I'll explain as much as I can, ok?"
He didn't get an answer and sighed in response. He walked over to Monica, who had been staring at the ground for the past few minutes, and gave her a quick hug before hoping into the car and turning it around.
The group looked up and watched him drive away, leaving them in the cold. But, they all knew that the next time that happened, he wouldn't be leaving them in the cold. He'd be leaving them forever.
…
The ski trip was a bust.
Ever since the group received the news from Ross of him leaving New York, it was all they could think about during their short vacation. Most of the time was spent talking about what to do and how this would affect their lives without Ross there. None of them truly realized until now how important Ross was to their group and their own individual lives.
Nearing the end of their ski trip, they had all decided that they couldn't let him leave like that. They had to convince him to stay and that would be their number one priority when they got back on Monday.
While the others may have been saddened during their weekend out, no one could compare to how sorrowful Rachel felt. The whole weekend had involved deep thinking, crying, and then a fake smile that hid it all. To the others, she was the same person who was still furious with Ross. Deep down inside, however, she was a mess.
She was devastated, yet she didn't dare tell anyone how she felt. All she knew was that if she didn't do something, one of the most important people in her life was going to walk out of her life forever. The question became how can she show that to him without causing another situation? She was sure that he no longer believed that she loved him, nevertheless care about him based on the way she had treated him over the past week. And if that was the case, she was going to need to go to the extreme. The problem there was that she was afraid, and fear had always been her worst enemy.
As Monday rolled around, the gang found themselves preoccupied with work. Right from the morning, they all had wanted to go and talk to Ross but things got in the way quickly. Because they had taken the weekend off, all of them had things to catch up on. Whether it be rescheduled auditions, waiting massage clients, large amount of food to be cooked, or reports due by the afternoon, no one had time to talk things over with Ross. Before they all left, they had tried to figure out a way to at least have someone over to talk with him at some point during the day, but soon, they realized that if they wanted any chance of convincing him to stay they would need to do it as a group. As a result, they left him a message saying they'd be over in the evening to talk things through with him and left their separate ways.
There was no happiness spread throughout the day as time seemed to have tick by twice as long. The hours leading up to the end of their work felt like weeks and by the time they were gathered in Monica and Rachel's apartment living room, they were all high on tension.
"Ok guys, this is it. All seriousness from here on out," Monica said to the others, who huddled up as if they were running a last minute play. "We know what we have to do. If we don't convince Ross to stay, that'll be it. We can't let him go like that without a fight so let's go down there and make him stay."
The five friends looked at each other, knowing their situation and waiting for someone to speak up. A minute went by in silence until Chandler put his fist into the middle.
"Ready, break!" Chandler joked, breaking the huddle and easing the tension in the room with a weak joke. They all could use some humor right about now.
As they began to get ready to leave, Monica spotted Rachel off to the side lost in her own thoughts. She approached her softy, not trying to start up anything with her at the moment.
"Rach, you ok? You've been awfully quiet," Monica pointed out.
Rachel sighed, wiping away a small tear that had formed in her eye. She turned around and instantly her sadness was reflected onto her best friend who noticed her ruined make-up.
"Mon, I… I don't know if I can do this," she whispered quietly, breaking down and embracing her friend.
"I know honey, I know. And I know that you and Ross haven't been on the best terms lately." Monica said soothingly, gently stroking Rachel's hair as she wept on her shoulder. "If you don't want to come, we will totally understand that, but Ross needs us right now and that includes you too."
Rachel sniffled and wiped away the tears from her face. "I can't Mon, I just can't. There's just too much history and I feel like it'll just end badly if I go. Even if I tell him the truth, there's too much pain to just forget about everything that's happened. I just can't."
Monica nodded her head sadly, understanding what it must take for Rachel to go with them. "It's alright Rach, this is your choice. If you think its better if you stay here, then stay. No one's forcing you to go."
Rachel sniffled and broke the hug, wiping her eyes with a tissue. Deep down inside, she knew she wanted to go, but as much as she wanted to, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Images of him sleeping with the copy girl flashed in her head as she remembered all the pain she had to face over the past week. She had been hurt, and so had he. Would any kind of reconciliation fix that?
She was brought out of her thoughts by the touch of someone's hand on her arm. She looked up to see Monica peering into her eyes as she put on her jacket.
"Honey, we have to go, ok? Are you sure this is what you want?"
Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "No… but I… I can't do it. I can't bring myself to see him like this."
Monica softly touched her friend's shoulder again. "Ok but we have to go alright? You know where we'll be if you need us."
With that, she left for the door. Chandler and Joey followed suit, also giving her soft goodbyes as they passed by. The three of them left through the door and Phoebe followed last, but not before turning to Rachel and looking her in the eyes.
"Rachel, just remember that this might be the last time you will ever see Ross again. Is this really how you want it to end?"
Rachel tearfully looked at her friend, her mind processing what she had just been told. Before she could answer, however, Phoebe turned and closed the door, leaving her alone inside the empty apartment.
She took a seat on the couch, shutting her eyes and letting the tears fall openly. Was this really how she wanted it to end? After everything she and Ross had been through, this is how they say goodbye? The last thing they had directly said to each other had been during their argument when he had come to help them. Is that the last thing she wanted him to remember her by?
Suddenly, a wave of encouragement flowed through her body. She stood up and looked at the door, easing any last minute doubts she had. Her friends were right. She had to go. It was Ross, her Ross, and as bad as their break up had been, he was still the man she fell in love with. As Phoebe would say it, he was still her lobster.
She quickly grabbed a tissue and cleaned up her face, wiping away the mascara that had been ruined by her crying. She was now determined to set things straight and was prepared to do anything to make him stay. She had to do it for herself; otherwise she'd regret it for the rest of her life.
Grabbing her jacket, she made her way to the door, swiftly opening and closing it as she left the apartment.
…
A couple knocks on the door brought him away from the kitchen counter as he had been expecting them to come. Reaching the doorway, he peered into the peephole, making sure it was them before unlocking the chain and letting them in.
"Hey guys, come on in," he said as Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe piled in.
The first thing the group noticed were the large amount of boxes piled up in the living room. The kitchen table had been stripped off the ground and so had pretty much everything else. The TV, the coffee table, and the chairs that once held years of memories were gone. The only thing left were the two couches he had decided to leave behind since it wouldn't fit into the truck.
Nobody said a word and Ross could tell by his friends' faces that they were reminiscing of the times they used to hang out here. Judging by the looks on their faces, it was pretty clear that they were not happy with his decision.
"Well, uh, have a seat," he said, motioning to the coaches. He grabbed some beers he had set out on the counter and pulled up a little stool, joining his friends as they crowded onto the two couches.
"So…" he started awkwardly, popping the caps off the beers and handing it to them one by one.
"So…" Chandler repeated, taking a long sip from the bottle.
The five of them silently looked at each other, unsure of what to say.
"Um… I see that Rachel didn't come," Ross pointed out, earning some uncomfortable looks from his friends.
"Uh, yeah, uh, she had a lot of stuff to do. You know, for work and all…" Monica lied, though she didn't want to.
"Oh, ok," his disappointment clearly being shown to the others. It was obvious that Monica was lying. He just couldn't believe she wasn't going to say goodbye to him. Maybe it was for the best.
"Well, actually, she's just upstairs if you want to go and see her," Joey said, earning an elbow from Monica and Chandler.
"No, no, it's fine. It's probably better this way anyways…"
Joey nodded and took a sip from his beer as everyone else followed suit. The same awkward silence came after and they all just stared at each other, still not quite sure of what to say. Finally Ross had enough and placed his beer down on the table.
"Alright come on guys, it's my last day. I know you want to say something so just say it. Isn't that why you came down here anyways?"
The four other friends looked at each other, as if encouraging the other to start talking first. After moments of eyebrow raising and long hard stares, Joey burst open.
"You can't go to San Diego!" he yelled, quickly covering his mouth right afterwards. Chandler face-palmed at his friend's outburst but looked at Ross with a promising look.
Ross sighed. "Joey, you know that I'm leaving today. Even if I do decide to change my mind, it's too late to back out now."
"But… but what about when we go to Ranger games? Or-or get together on Saturdays to watch the Giants smack whatever team they're playing? Who am I going to do all that with if you leave?" Joey pushed on.
Chandler smacked Joey's arm and expressively gestured at himself. "Um… me?"
Joey looked him over then turned to Ross with a pleading look. "Come on, you can't leave me with him. He doesn't know anything about sports. Man, you can't do this to me!"
Ross shook his head. "Look guys, I'm not saying I won't miss you, because you know I will. But I need to do this, ok? I'm going to San Diego and nothing will change that."
"Ok, but is this what you really want to do?" Phoebe asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I feel like you're still rushing into this. Like, have you really taken the time to consider what you're leaving behind? Your friends? Your family?"
He sighed. "Phoebe, believe me. I've spent more time thinking about this than you may think, ok? I honestly think this is the best option for me. I'm moving on with my career. This job opportunity is once in a life time. I mean, I'm going to run an entire department! I can't just ignore that… can I?"
Monica suddenly stood up and stopped directly in front of her brother, looking him straight in the eyes. "I don't believe you."
"Excuse me?"
"I don't believe you're leaving just because of the job. Otherwise you would have told us about it earlier."
Ross looked down at the floor, not knowing what to say. She could see right through him; always had, always will.
"Ross, look at me," Monica demanded, taking a seat on the couch but holding onto his hands. "Be honest, why are you leaving New York?"
It was at this time when Rachel finally managed to catch up to the others. Haven ran down the street to get here, she took a moment to catch her breath before going any further. Once she felt like she was ready, she cautiously approached Ross' door, her hand shaking as she reached for the handle.
Surprisingly, she found the door left ajar and lowered her hand. She rested it on her heart, having final doubts about whether she should walk in there or not. Before she took another step, however, she heard Ross' voice from inside.
"Ok, the truth… you want the truth…"
Quickly, Rachel peeked through the open space and peered inside, spotting her five friends gathered around the two couches in Ross' living room. Across from the door, she saw Ross stumbling with words as Monica held onto his hands, waiting for a response.
"Ross," she heard Monica say, getting Ross' attention. "Are you leaving because of Rachel?"
Rachel watched attentively as Ross unhooked his hands from Monica's and ran it through his hair. He closed his eyes for a moment, as if contemplating whether to tell the truth before opening them and giving his sister a sad look.
"The truth is… yes… It is because of Rachel."
His words hurt her like a stab to the heart as she painfully stumbled away, leaning against the wall next to the door. It was true; he was leaving because of her. All of a sudden, her worst fears have been re-opened and in her already emotional state, she could no longer contain her feelings. Devastated, Rachel broke down, sliding down the wall and resting her head in her hands, trying her hardest to contain the tears that had formed and at the same time, listening in on their conversation.
"But why is it because of Rachel?" Monica asked softly. "Is it because of your break up, because that shouldn't be the reason for why you're leaving."
Ross stood up, shaking his head as he slowly paced around. "Look, ok, I don't expect you to understand my reasoning for this. I don't think either of you have had a serious break up before, and let me tell you, it hurts more than anything else in the world."
"So then work on it! You don't have to move away!" Phoebe countered.
"No, it's not that simple Phoebe. Like… it's Rachel, you know? I think back to everything we've been through and realize that when I was with her, I have never been happier. Even with Carol, no one has ever come close to how I feel about Rachel. I mean, I love her, I really do."
"Then why don't you tell her that?"
"It's complicated, ok? For one, she doesn't feel the same way… not anymore… not after what I did to her. She hates me."
"She doesn't hate you Ross. She's just angry. It'll pass by," Monica reassured but Ross just shook his head.
"No Mon, she hates me. I've seen it in her eyes. Every time I look at her, all I can see is hatred for what I did. She doesn't love me anymore. She can't even stand being in the same room as me, and for what it's worth, I can't blame her. I don't think she'll ever forgive me for what I did and I… I just can't be around to see her like that."
More tears began flowing from her eyes as she heard his words from the hallway. Did he really believe that she didn't love him anymore? Did he truly believe that she hated him? Just the thought of him thinking that she was so insensitive made her shake.
But then again, it's not like what he was saying wasn't true. Could she ever forgive him for what he did? On their anniversary nonetheless. She remembered the pain she went through when she found out she had been cheated on, yet she also remembered suggesting that they take a break hours before. All of a sudden, she realized that none of this would have happened if she had kept her mouth shut. It was her fault all this had happened, and for the entire week, she made it seem like he was to blame for everything. Only now did she finally see his point of view.
Why did she say those few words that broke their loving relationship? Was it because she was stressed that night? Was it because she was angry about the sweet gesture he made by bringing a picnic to her office? Was it because she was tired of his jealous attacks? Thinking back, none of those things proved to be proper reasons for why she decided to ruin the greatest thing that has ever happened to her. What was she thinking?
She sobbed quietly, now knowing the truth behind everything and what she had done. Was it too late… for them?
Inside, nobody said a word as Ross took a seat back on the stool. He grabbed his beer and looked down at the floor, swishing the liquid around in the bottle as he tried to compose himself. He could tell his friends were deep in thought, and knowing that he had already revealed so much, he may as well continue.
"It's not just that…" he said quietly, getting their attention. "Rachel… Rachel is the love of my life. I've never loved anyone more than I love her and that will probably never change. For years, I watched her go out with other guys but it would always end in a heartbreaking break up for her. When we finally got together, I promised myself that I would be different from the rest. That I would forever love and respect her, protect her from the world, and never, ever hurt her like the others had. I told myself that I would always place her first, that she would be my priority and that everything else could come afterwards. I wanted her to be happy, for her to feel comfortable and safe, and for a year I followed that promise..."
Ross looked down, a lump forming in his throat as he tried his best to hold in tears. He remembered the day he promised himself that. It was the night they had watched the prom video and Rachel had given him the most memorable kiss he's ever had. She had forgiven him for the list, and from that moment they had truly become a couple. When he went home that night he had looked in the mirror and vowed to never hurt her again. He had said to himself that this was what he had dreamed of since he was fourteen years old, and now that he had it, he couldn't mess it up. He couldn't afford to lose her again.
How he wished he could turn back time.
"I'm a failure!" he blurted out, not able to control his emotions any longer. "I blew it! My best chances at love and happiness and I blew it! It's my fault we broke up. I was jealous, over possessive. I didn't want to lose her and ended up doing exactly that. I only have myself to blame for everything that's happened."
He felt Monica's hand softly rub his arm as he openly wept. There was no use in hiding it any longer. It was his last day with them. The best thing to do was to tell the truth. He stood up, running his hand through his hair as he continued.
"I can't even look at her knowing it was me who caused all of this. I can't even look in the mirror without being disgusted at who I've become. That stupid 'we were on a break' thing is just what I say to cover up the truth, and the truth is I'm wrong. I cheated on her and can't even bring myself to admit it. I've become exactly what I promised myself I wouldn't and that is why I am leaving. I can't live a lie anymore. I can't. I don't know who Ross Gellar is anymore and I sure as hell won't find that here. I can't do this anymore. It wouldn't be fair to you, her, or even me."
"Oh honey, come here," Monica said through her own tears, standing up and bringing her brother into a tight hug. He sadly hugged back, thankful for the presence of his sister as his tears finally began to slow down.
"I just, I just want her to be happy," he confessed softly. "That's all I ever wanted for her. Someone as amazing as her deserves to be happy and I know that as long as I'm around, that'll never happen. I… I don't think I'll ever be able to move on. I've loved her for too long to just forget about her. But Rachel? She's stronger than I am. I know she'll find someone else. Someone who will care for her and never dream of hurting her. Someone who will love her forever and will give her the happiness she deserves. That's all I ever wanted for her."
Now everyone was crying and one by one, the others walked over and hugged him until the embrace became a large group hug.
"We're gonna miss you," Joey confessed and the others nodded in agreement as well.
"I'm going to miss you too," Ross said, hugging them all tighter. "Please, be there for her when she needs it, ok? She can be stubborn sometimes and not ask for help but I'm asking you to always be there for her. Help her find her happiness."
"We will," Monica answered softly and the group silently held their embrace.
Outside, Rachel couldn't stop bawling, knowing she had missed her opportunity. It was over, he was leaving. And yet, after everything, his last request was for her to be happy. Why couldn't he realize that he was the one for her? That he was the love of her life and that she will never find anyone else like him. But it was too late now. She had lost him, just as he believed he had lost her.
Rachel got up from the ground, sadly peering into the apartment for one last look at his face. She spotted him, his eyes closed and small tears rolling down his cheek. Never again would she see those amazing eyes that she could get lost in forever. Never again would she feel his amazing lips against hers as a method to show her just how much he loved her. Never again would she feel the softness of his cheek and experience his smile that lightened up her world.
She shut her eyes tight, more tears coming from them as she silently whispered goodbye. Heartbroken, she walked away, leaving behind the love of her life and her lifetime of happiness.
Back inside, the group had finally broken their long embrace and were saying their heartfelt final goodbyes. Ross had to leave soon and so did they as they sadly approached him one by one and hugging him tightly.
"Don't forget me ok?" Phoebe said as she hugged him tight.
"Never," was all he said, squeezing her back.
Joey came up next and awkwardly stood a few steps away. They both looked at each other, tears in their eyes as they wondered who would make the first move.
"Well, uh, I guess this is it." Joey said, extending a shaky hand.
"I guess so," he replied, accepting the friendly gesture.
They shook hands for a few seconds before Joey broke down, moving forward and hugging his friend.
"Man, I can't believe you're really leaving."
"I know, I can't believe it either."
When Joey broke the hug, Chandler walked forward. Unlike Joey, he hugged Ross immediately, having known him the longest aside from Monica and Rachel. They were college roommates after all.
"Take care, alright?" he said sadly, unable to come up with any jokes at the moment.
"You too Chandler, you too," Ross repeated, patting him on the back. "Take care of her too, ok? You know how much I care about her."
"I know…"
Finally Monica came forward, having lived with him for almost her entire life, this was basically the first time she would be away from him. She knew that if she ever had a problem, he'd be there for her, through thick and thin. She couldn't have asked for a better brother to grow up beside.
"You'll call right?" she asked as she embraced him.
"Oh course I will," Ross whispered into her ear. "I could never not know what's going on with my baby sister," he said with a goofy smile.
Monica smiled back and playfully slapped his chest, looking him in the eyes.
"Come and visit sometimes. You'll always know where we are."
"I will. I love you."
"I love you too," She answered sadly as she embraced him once again.
As she broke the hug and began to leave, Ross stopped her by touching her arm.
"Hold on, before you go, can you… can you do something for me?"
"Of course," Monica accepted, unsure of what he could possibly want her to do.
She watched as Ross walked over to a pile of boxes that had not been sealed up yet. He reached into one and pulled something out, returning to Monica and handing her the object.
It was a small box, wrapped in beautiful white wrapping paper and a red ribbon on the top. The others looked at it curiously, wondering what could be inside.
"Could you… could you give this to Rachel for me?" he asked quietly. Monica saw his saddened look and realized how important this little gift was.
"What is it?" she asked.
"It…" Ross started, looking down sadly. "…it was my anniversary gift for Rachel…"
Monica's eyes popped open as she remembered what had happened on that day and why he couldn't have given it to her himself.
"Oh…" was all she could say and wondered how she was going to give it to her.
"Yeah…"
All five of them looked around the empty room, thinking back on their memories here. As time would have it, they used to come here all the time to hang out since Monica's apartment was being renovated when she first moved in. So many memories of the five of them being in here, although back then, it was them along with Carol who made six. They used to have so much fun here. It used to be a place where they went when life had them stressed out, when they could relax and laugh along with their friends. All of them smiled at the memories.
"Alright, well we should be going now," Monica said, breaking the silence. The others reluctantly nodded.
The five of them walked towards the doorway in silence and Ross opened the door for them.
"I guess this is goodbye," he said, forcing a soft smile on his face.
"Guess so…"
They stood their awkwardly, wondering what to do next until all of a sudden, the four of them gave him one more big group hug.
"We love you," Monica said for the group.
"I love you guys too."
Slowly and reluctantly, they broke the hug and Ross watched as his friends left, waving them off and giving them a last heartfelt goodbye.
He watched them disappear from his life… forever…
…
Author's Note: Thanks for the great reviews guys. Just to give some outside context on the story, it's going to be heavy on drama and completely unlike my previous story (sorry!). Also I've got some chapters finished from before so I'll probably update pretty frequently to start this story out and will probably return to the 1-2 chapters/week thing as normal.
Thanks again for the support. Be sure to give the story a follow so you don't miss any updates (and a favorite couldn't hurt either :p). Take care.