Tohsaka Rin made it no secret that she fancied herself as a genius – and she was entirely correct. Whether it was as a student, as a practitioner of majutsu, or even as a martial artist, there were very few people she knew that could hold a candle to her. However, she certainly wasn't infallible, and she was prone to making mistakes. Not all the time, but when something went wrong it went terribly wrong.
And today, something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.
For instance, today she had forgotten to set the clocks back because of Daylight Savings Time. That little, inconsequential mistake caused her to wake up an hour earlier than she wanted to, go to school an hour earlier than she had planned and, perhaps most tragically, she almost missed the timing of her greatest hour of power. It was a mistake only an amateur would make, and it would have cost her dearly when she had tried to summon her desired servant, Saber.
Yet, even after preparing the ritual, reciting the words, and doing everything that she had been required to do for the summoning…nothing came out. Sure, there was a bright red light that appeared as she finished the last step, but even that flickered for a moment before dying completely. Unless her servant was invisible, she had failed to summon anything at all; not even the command seals, which were supposed to carve themselves onto her body, had made their presence known.
"…no, that can't be right…"
She double checked the clocks and made sure she had started the spell when she reached the height of her power. Even if she had done something wrong (which she was sure she hadn't), her own magical power would have compensated for an imperfect ritual for her. Maybe she wouldn't have summoned the servant she was after, or maybe something would go wrong and it would end up in a different location than she had expected, but for the summoning ritual to completely fizzle out…? In the past, people had even managed to summon servants completely on accident – so why couldn't she?
Just to make sure she had done things properly, she redid the ritual. The same thing happened: No summoning, no command seals, and most of all no servant.
Something was wrong.
"Argh!" she yelled in frustration. How in the world had this even happened? Though she hated to go to Kotomine for help, she had no choice in the matter.
"What do you mean all seven servants have already been summoned? You told me there had only been one summoned up until today."
"I was quite surprised as well," the priest said, on the other side of the phone call. He genuinely seemed surprised, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice that irked Rin to no end. "It seems that just half an hour ago the last six servants were summoned."
"All of them?"
"Yes. All of them, at the same time apparently."
Her heart sank. Then… "Wait, you said half an hour ago?"
"Yes. Unfortunately, if you wanted to summon a servant it seems that you should have done it…oh, about an hour ago."
A moment passed. Then, Kotomine had to pull the phone away from his ear as he heard an incomprehensible scream come out through the line.
Doing his best not to let Rin hear him chuckle, he decided to settle for a small smile on his face.
XXX
Emiya Shirou hadn't gone to bed yesterday expecting to be attacked by a small girl and a giant man wielding a weapon bigger than most people. He also hadn't expected to be saved by a group of six people calling them servants, right when he thought he was going to die; this, he wasn't really going to complain about since he particularly enjoyed not being killed.
People die when they are killed, you know.
He also hadn't expected to spend the next hour sitting in his destroyed living room, sitting around a table that was far too small for the group gathered, listening to his saviors proclaim themselves to be his servants and talk about something called a Holy Grail War. It was a lot to take in, however.
At the very least, he figured out what their names were…or rather, what they called themselves. The female knight was called Saber, the blue spearman was called Lancer. The main in red, despite not wielding any visible bow, called himself Archer, and amazingly the samurai wasn't called Katana or Samurai but, instead, Assassin. The cloaked figure, who removed her hood to reveal the face of a blue haired woman with pointed ears named herself as Caster, which Shirou presumed meant that she could cast spells, and the woman with a blindfold bore the name Rider.
Each one was a servant meant to aid their master in a war against other servants and masters. Normally, each team was a pair, like Ilyasviel and Berserker had been.
"I take it this is highly unusual then," Shirou said, glancing around the people he had summoned, "For one master to call out six servants."
"More than one generally doesn't happen," Saber admitted, clearly worried about these turn of events. "But fortunately, it's a mystery that works in your favor."
"My favor…huh…"
"Yes," Caster said softly, though it sounded as though she was still trying to make sense of it like Shirou was. "With six servants at your side, and one enemy, this should be a particularly quick war."
"I don't particularly like the idea of ganging up on a girl and her oversized attack dog," Lancer said, scowling.
"Neither do I," Assassin said, nodding in agreement. "However, if it's what the master desires…"
"I don't think he knows what he wants himself," Archer said, crossing his arms. "It doesn't seem like he even understands what kind of situation he's in."
"No, I think I get it," Shirou said, holding up a hand. "I summoned all of you somehow, and now we have to defeat that girl's Berserker before we can receive the Holy Grail."
"More or less," Archer said. "However, due to you summoning so many of us at once, it appears that we are…weakened."
"Weakened?"
"Yes. Generally, one master supports one servant," Caster said, taking control of the explanation. "To support six servants would mean dividing the power each one received by six. Even if one was an extraordinary magus-"
"Which he clearly isn't," Archer interjected. "I can't believe our master is this weak."
"-each of his servants would still be severely underprovided for," Caster continued, ignoring Archer. "To compensate for this, it appears that our strength has been diminished from what it should have been. It seems likely that, even with the six of us working together, we would have a tough battle ahead of us if we challenged Berserker head on."
"That is, if the six of us can even work together," Lancer said, shooting a look towards Archer and Caster. Caster simply ignored him, while Archer shrugged.
"So this girl, Ilyasviel," Shirou said, thinking back to the attack. "She attacked me because I became part of this war?"
"Probably not, Master," Rider said, kneeling before Shirou. "After all, she attacked you before you summoned any of us, and she seemed surprised when you did manage to call us."
"Anybody would," Shirou pointed out. "When all six of you appeared at once."
"In any case, whatever her reasons for trying to kill you are, it isn't likely because you were going to be or even could have been a master."
Shirou sighed. So, it seemed he still had no idea why Ilyasviel had attacked him out of nowhere or anything else about her at all. The only thing he understood was that she happened to be a master in the same war he was supposed to fight in now, and that she could come back at any time.
"So, what will you do now, Master?" Saber asked, her eyes seeming to pierce through Shirou. "Shall we go after Ilyasviel and Berserker?"
"No, let's not," Shirou said, shaking his head. "I don't particularly like trying to kill a little girl even after she tried to kill me. War or no war, we can wait for her to come to us."
"But…"
"There's no guarantee that she'll even come back, right?"
"I highly doubt she'll give up after trying to kill you once, Master," Saber said, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.
XXX
"Okay, we have a serious problem," Shirou said.
"Is it the fact that there's a tiny little girl with a giant mountain of muscle out to kill you?" Archer asked.
"Well, that's part of it, but that's not what I meant."
"Is it about the fact that there's berserker shaped holes in most of the walls of your house?"
"Okay, that needs to be taken care of too, but-"
"Or is it the fact that you have no idea what you're doing."
"That's a little harsh isn't it? I mean, I just got thrown into this today and-"
"Wait, I've got it – it's a school night and you have a biology test in the morning that you forgot about until I mentioned it and you haven't studied for at all."
"No, well, yes…how did you even know that?"
Archer smirked knowingly, before shrugging. That guy was really starting to annoy Shirou.
"Oh, okay, I admit it. We have a lot of serious problems," Shirou said, sighing. To be honest, he wasn't sure what he had done to piss the guy off – they hadn't even known each other for more than a couple of hours. Then again, he hadn't even known about Ilya at all before she had tried to kill him, but at least Archer didn't seem like he would attack him. One of the first things the servants explained to him was that if the master died the servant would also disappear.
It wasn't like Archer would ever want to kill himself, would he?
"Archer…" Saber said strongly, tapping her finger against the table a few times to get the man's attention. "Perhaps you should let our Master finish talking."
"If you insist."
"Thank you, Saber," Shirou said, smiling. She simply stared back at him, waiting for what he had to say; already, he had begun to understand that she was probably the most serious of his servants. "Anyway – we have a lot of serious problems. However, one of them is the fact that I've got people coming over soon."
"People?" Lancer said, smiling wryly at the boy. "In the middle of the night? I admit, you seemed like the prudish sort, but-"
"Ah, that's not what I meant," Shirou said quickly, laughing weakly. "It's just my friend's sister and my teacher."
"Even more impressive!"
"It's just for breakfast," he said, noting the slight look of disappointment of Lancer's face when he found out that his master wasn't some sort of Casanova calling over a harem. "But they'll be here in a few hours."
"Understood," Rider said, nodding her head. "I will try to make the best impression that I can when greeting them, Master."
"No – that's not it at all," Shirou said, holding up a hand. He felt a little silly when he realized that she probably wouldn't be able to see the gesture since her eyes were covered, but he couldn't just let her go walk up to Sakura or Taiga and introduce herself as a servant. "To be honest, I don't think I know quite how I'll explain…"
"Everything?" Assassin added helpfully.
"Yes," Shirou said, nodding. "Everything."
"Understood," Rider said. "I will simply explain to them that we are your mistresses."
"I see," Saber said, surprisingly agreeing to Rider's plan. For some reason, Shirou had imagined that it would go against her honor or tarnish her pride, or something. Not that that was a good thing at the moment. "Truly, it would be the most logical reason for some of us to suddenly appear and also stay by his side – but it would not explain Archer, Lancer, or Assassin."
Rider looked at Saber, and for a moment Shirou could swear she blinked at the knight. Then, after a moment of thought, she tilted her head and said, "What would be the masculine version of mistresses?"
"Masters?" Assassin added helpfully.
"Ah. But Shirou is our only master."
Lancer's eye twitched. "Now, wait just a second! I don't mind if you guys pretend to be sleeping with him, but don't lump me into your group!"
"Then what should we call you?"
"At least call me a bodyguard! That's what essentially we're doing anyway, protecting him!"
"If that's the way we want to go," Assassin said, stroking his chin sagely, "Then we should call Master Shirou 'Aniki' in order to better fit in with this era."
"In that case, I too would prefer to be called a bodyguard," Saber said.
Shirou face palmed. "You guys…are making me out to sound like some sort of yakuza boss."
"It's still better than being labeled a manwhore, though, isn't it?" Lancer said, crossing his arms.
"Well…yes," Shirou admitted. "But somehow, this still seems like it's going to backfire on us."
"Then it's settled, Aniki. It's not like you have any better ideas, do you?"
"Could you guys just, I don't know…hide?"
"Hide where?" Archer asked, sounding amused by the whole conversation. "In case you forgotten, there are more holes in your house than a slice of Swiss cheese." To emphasize his point, he gestured to the wall behind him…and then in front of him, and then just everywhere in general.
Shirou groaned. "Okay, okay, I get your point. I don't even know how I'm going to handle that…"
"About that," Caster said, raising a hand. "I can probably manage to take care of that."
The other six people in the room turned to Caster – though only Shirou himself seemed to be surprised. "Really?" he asked.
"I am a witch after all, though this is rather basic. You can do something simple as fixing things with your spells too, can't you?"
"Actually…"
"Just take that as a no," Archer said.
"…well, in any case, I can handle it if you wish."
"That would be very helpful, thank you."
XXX
With Caster's magic, they were able to repair most of the damage to his household. Unfortunately, it took some time going through each room and taking inventory of what was broken – and they were on a tight schedule as it was. Fortunately, with the others helping sort things out, they had managed to put everything back in its place.
Amazingly, Archer of all people seemed to figure out where things were supposed to go even before Shirou said anything. To be honest, Shirou had started to get a sneaking suspicion that the man was psychic; it would certainly explain how he somehow managed to preempt Shirou so often. He wouldn't complain though. Despite his attitude, he really did need the help getting things in order.
He looked at the clock and sighed in relief when he realized they finished with some time to spare. With a smile, he turned to his servants to congratulate them for a job well done, even if it was only cleaning up. It was then, however, that he realized that Rider had strayed from the rest of the group – and it was also then that he heard the front door slide open.
"Ah!" came the surprised shout of his underclassmen. "W-who are you?"
"Oh," came Rider's voice from the same direction, equally surprised, though lacking the confusion that Sakura's had. "I…am Master Shirou's mistress."
Shirou froze for a moment, hoping that he had only imagined Rider saying that.
"S-Shirou's mistress?" Shirou heard Sakura ask, apparently hoping that she had misheard things as well.
After a moment, which Shirou imagined Rider spent nodding, his servant said, with even more confidence than before, "Yes, you heard correctly. I am Master Shirou's mistress."
"Master Shirou…Mistress…" Sakura said, her voice seeming to wobble. Then -
-THUD-
- something fell onto the floor.
"I think you should go check up on your friend," Assassin said, smiling weakly at his master.
"I…I think I should too," Shirou said shakily, before taking off towards the entrance.
By the time he arrived there, his fears were confirmed. Though Rider had already picked up Sakura from the floor, he could tell that she was simply hanging limply from the servant's arms.
"She fainted," Rider explained.
"Yes, I see that she did," Shirou said.
XXX
When Sakura woke up, she was lying on the living room floor – her head resting on somebody's lap. Though she couldn't remember falling asleep inside of Shirou's house, she didn't complain about getting a chance to lay her head on her upperclassmen's legs. She was sure that the two of them would have to leave for class soon, so this was a rare opportunity that she wouldn't waste.
Nonetheless, though she was trying to pretend to be asleep, her eyes closed as tightly as she could make them, she couldn't help but smile softly when her senpai started to run a hand through her hair, playing with it a little like she had dreamed of him doing so many times before. It was then that she was glad that she took careful care everyday –conditioning it to make sure it was soft and smooth just for a moment like this. Then, when she felt her senpai lean over – his own long hair tickling her face, she suppressed a giggle and…
…
Wait. Her senpai didn't have long hair. In fact, it was pretty short.
Immediately her eyes opened, and she bolted up – going from a lying down position to standing up in less than a second. She threw an accusatory finger at the person she had been resting on, seeing it was the same woman she had seen at the entrance.
"Y-you!"
"Yes?" Rider replied, tilting her head slightly.
It took a moment, but the words Rider had said flooded back into Sakura's memory. "You…you're the mistress!"
"Ah…yes," Rider said, bowing her head. "That was a joke," she continued, as though she had rehearsed that line carefully.
XXX
From the kitchen, Shirou heard the scream come from the living room and cringed. Even though he had just gotten his apron on, hoping to have something prepared to eat by the time Sakura woke up, it seemed that she wouldn't
"You can't run from it forever," Lancer said with a grin, patting the smaller guy on the shoulder. "You shouldn't be in the kitchen anyway, when your girlfriend was knocked out. She seemed to take it pretty hard, after all."
Shirou didn't bother to correct him and simply nodded. It seemed he wouldn't be able to procrastinate on explaining his new friends after all. Actually, he wasn't sure why he thought it would be a good idea to leave Sakura alone with Rider in the first place.
Walking into the living room, he was relieved to see that Sakura hadn't fainted again. Instead, she had simply frozen in place as though she had been petrified, pointing a finger at Rider. He stared at the sight for a few disbelieving seconds, wondering if Sakura would even blink if enough time passed. Rider, for the most part, remained composed; too composed, really, all things considered. The servant simply stared at Shirou's friend with a curious expression on her face…from what he could see of her face, anyway.
Finally he coughed, catching Sakura's attention. Immediately, she unfroze, turning to Shirou with a panicked expression. "Senpai! I can't believe you had a mistress!"
"Didn't Rider tell you that she was making a joke?" Shirou asked, looking to the servant who nodded.
"Who would believe that, when she's dressed like that?"
Shirou winced. He knew he had forgotten something – the funny thing about Heroic Spirits was that they all seemed to stand out. Saber wore armor, Lancer wore a bodysuit, and Assassin was dressed like someone straight out of an old samurai movie. Archer and Caster could probably pass as normal if they removed their coats and cloaks – though, they still stood out in other ways.
Rider, however would have the hardest time fitting in. Her dress seemed impossibly short, and with those thigh high boots and blindfold he could understand why Sakura didn't seem to believe Rider, now of all times.
"I-it's just the fashion overseas," he said, though he couldn't imagine any place that would have that sort of fashion be considered normal.
Maybe Hollywood. Rider did have a body suited for a model or an actress, after all, even if she seemed to lack in common sense at the moment.
"Oh? And I suppose your torn pajamas are part of that fashion too?"
…right. That was another thing he had forgotten.
"No – I just got up myself. Look," he said hastily, trying to find a way to convince Sakura he wasn't keeping a sex slave. "She's just an associate that my father knew."
"Your father had a mistress too?"
"No!" Shirou said, shaking his head. "She and some others came today, to handle some affairs with my father's estate. Now that I'm old enough, I am officially going to inherit my father's properties."
"Is there any problem?" Saber said, ducking into the room. Shirou prepared to cringe – though he was surprised to see that she had changed out of her armor, though he wasn't sure where she had gotten the suit.
"Another girl, senpai?" Sakura said, raising a brow.
Saber nodded, as if her gender was ever really the question. "Yes," she said. "I knew Shirou's Father. At this moment, I came to act as Shirou's bodyguard."
"Oh, a bodyguard?" Sakura asked, crossing her arms. "So you're not one Shirou's mistresses too?"
"No," Saber said, shaking her head.
"Well," Sakura began, sighing in relief. "That's go-"
"Not anymore, at least."
Shirou face palmed as Sakura began to turn red. Accusatory glances flew at Saber and Shirou, until finally Rider pulled at Sakura's sleeve.
"Ah…yes," Rider said, as soon as she had Sakura's attention. "That was a joke."
XXX
It took almost half an hour, but Sakura finally relented when Shirou had called out the rest of his father's associates and only one of them was a woman. An exceptionally beautiful woman, like the other two had been – but Sakura was sure that even if the three men were all handsome enough to make her blush (Just a little! Her senpai was still the best, after all.) Shirou wasn't the type to swing that way…even if she did spend a moment or two imagining what it would be like if he had. For some reason, the thought of her senpai and the tannest man seemed particularly appealing, though she couldn't point out why other than the fact that the man felt like he would be extremely aggressive towards Shirou.
In bed.
So yes, she had convinced herself that 1. Shirou's associates simply had a terrible sense of humor, 2. Shirou hadn't suddenly summoned a harem over night, 3. Shirou hadn't decided to include her when he was building one, and finally 4. She wasn't at all disappointed by 3 at all.
"I'll explain the details later," her senpai said, after introducing all of his strangely named friends. "For now, it should be enough to know that they'll be staying over for a while."
Sakura pursed her lips, shooting some glances at the women. In her gut she couldn't help but feel dangerous vibes coming from them, and yet…
"I don't like it," Sakura said, looking to Shirou. "But…at least you won't be doing anything funny, and there are other men staying with you too." Even if Sakura wasn't sure if they would be a good influence on Shirou just yet. Lancer seemed like he would be a natural playboy, while Assassin, despite being substantially more subdued, still had an aura of a host from one of the Shibuya clubs.
As for Archer…
"Don't worry," Archer said, as though he had read her mind. When he flashed a smile at her she felt her heart flutter – and for a moment she almost mistook him as her senpai. "I'll make sure he behaves."
Shirou laughed weakly. "Well, as you see, there's nothing suspicious going on here."
"You know, senpai," Sakura said with a sigh. "That's the last thing you should say when you've finally convinced someone there's nothing strange going on."
XXX
Shirou had worried a little when he had called out the other servants to help explain things to Sakura. While none of them had been dressed quite as inappropriately as Rider was, it was still sure to make Sakura give them strange looks if they had showed up as they first appeared. Fortunately, like Saber, they had all come out wearing business attire – though he wasn't completely sure where they had found those clothes. Most of them appeared similar to things his father, Kiritsugu, owned, though they wouldn't have originally been in the servant's sizes.
If he had to hazard a guess, Caster had probably used her magic to alter the clothing for them to wear. Shirou had to admit that her magic was pretty convenient – far more convenient than his own petty skills.
The only exception was Archer, who was dressed more or less how he came. The difference was that he had replaced his coat with Shirou's apron. Despite the fact it seemed to look natural on him, it annoyed Shirou to no end to see the man dressed like that.
Archer was a complete mystery – but at least Shirou's theory of him being a psychic was gaining more support. It seemed like even Sakura was not immune to Archer's apparent ability to read minds. Of course, if Archer was psychic he was probably reading the thoughts of Shirou all the time – and was no doubt enjoying himself as he watched Shirou handle the stresses of suddenly being the master of six servants.
Archer, you're a bastard! Shirou thought as loudly in his head as possible, but Archer didn't react. Of course, there was a good chance he wanted to think he couldn't read minds.
Just in case, Shirou would still remain on guard.
"Anyway, I should get started on breakfast," he said, turning to Archer and holding out a hand. Shirou wanted his apron back, unable to stand watching it be held hostage in the clutches of the other man any longer. "If you would mind…"
"No, I didn't mind at all," Archer said, amazingly giving up the apron to Shirou without any resistance. "Here you go, Shirou."
It was easy. Too easy, in fact. Still, Shirou accepted the apron, deciding not to worry about the servant's sudden congeniality. Shirou should have been, though, and as soon as he stepped into the kitchen he understood just what horrible thing Archer had done.
Archer, you're a bastard!
…no reaction. Archer was good.
Shirou spent a few moments staring at his kitchen, where a practical breakfast feast (there was no way he could call it a simple meal, though with the amount of mouths to feed a feast was probably necessary anyway) was laid out, ready to serve trays. For some strange reason there were also no dishes in the sink, and no sign that any of his cooking instruments had even been used. Shirou pledged immediately that whatever secret technique Archer had used to do all of this he would figure it out and master it himself. For now, however, he resigned himself to bringing out the food – like he was just an ordinary waiter who simply carried out the master chef's dishes.
It took a couple of trips, even with the help of Assassin coming in to help him – but soon enough they were all seated at a rather crowded table, food set out before them and all the bowls, plates and utensils ready for the group.
"I didn't think it was possible, but you've improved Shirou! This is the best meal you've ever cooked!" Taiga said, already digging in.
"Actually, it wasn't me this time but," Shirou began, ignoring his own damaged pride, before he stopped and blinked. The other people at the table did too – how the woman had snuck a place into the table without anybody noticing until that moment was a mystery.
"But what, Shirou?" Taiga asked, pausing in between forkfuls of an omelet. Apparently, the fact that there was anybody else there at all was a mystery to her as well – at least for a few precious seconds. Then, all of a sudden she realized that everybody was staring at her and immediately stood up, almost bumping the table in the process. "Shirou, who are all these people?"
"Guys," Shirou said, gesturing towards Taiga. "Meet my teacher. Taiga, meet my father's associates."
Lancer grinned. "You didn't tell me your teacher was a woman," Lancer said as he patted Shirou on the back. "And you told me you weren't bringing over a harem!"
At this, Sakura blushed a little as she smiled about at least being included in it. However, just as she was about to correct Lancer, Assassin did it for her.
"No, you see, for it to be a harem it would have to be at least three girls."
Unfortunately, Assassin corrected Lancer on the wrong issue.
"Ah," Lancer said, understanding correctly. "Of course. What's the saying for this situation then?"
"'A flower on each arm' I believe."
Taiga didn't seem to be paying attention to the conversation. Instead, she looked around, before focusing on Shirou. "Hey-hey Shirou! Tell me, what's going on? Why are all of these people here?"
Shirou sighed. It was going to be a long day today.