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It felt like they had been in the hospital for hours, but all in all they had only been there three and a half hours. Olivia had sat by Amanda during the whole examination, as Amanda struggled to stay composed but towards the end there was no composing herself. Olivia knew that feeling all too well.
There were two knocks on the door before the doctor re-entered the room. She looked at Amanda sympathetically. "We got your x-ray back, you have two broken ribs along with rib contusions. All I can really advise is that you rest and take it easy, take some time off work. Also, I have some pills to prevent any chance of STI's and pregnancy. If you want to take them," she held the medicine cup in her hand.
Amanda shifted uncomfortably in the bed. "I'm on the pill, so I guess I will just need the infection preventing ones," she blushed, revealing she was on the pill in front of Olivia. It was just an all too personal day for Amanda; she never let anyone in on her life before like she had with Olivia today.
The doctor handed her the pills and a cup of water, and Amanda took the pills.
"I can't give you anything for the pain in your ribs, but I just advise some Tylenol or Advil. Other than that, you're free to go."
"Thanks," Amanda said, genuinely smiling. Mostly because she just wanted to get out of there.
The doctor left the room, Amanda pushed herself to the side of the bed, slowly standing up, trying to not further aggravate her now broken ribs. Olivia held her hand out for support, Amanda turning down the offer, of course. They made their way out of the hospital back to the car.
"I got a text from Nick earlier, they are out on a call. I never told them anything, just so you know," Olivia said, hoping it would offer some comfort to her. Although, she wanted badly to tell them, she knew that Amanda would need everyone's support through this. God knows Olivia did.
"Thanks, I appreciate that. I don't know if I want to tell them anything yet, I just –" Amanda cut herself off, not wanting to expose anything else.
"You just what?" Olivia asked.
Amanda sighed, "I don't want them to know how weak I was, how stupid, naïve. Again." Amanda silently cursed herself for how pathetic she had been.
"You're none of that, Amanda. Bad things happen and sometimes you can't stop them. I've been there, so have they. They will understand."
"Sorry, I just feel so pathetic," Amanda said, feeling her eyes fill with tears again. God, she hated herself more than ever.
"I know, sometimes I still struggle with that believe it or not," Olivia said, referring to her ordeal with Lewis.
"You're so strong though," Amanda said, surprising at what Olivia had just told her. She seemed to think Olivia did pretty good most days.
"Not as strong as you'd think," she said as she pulled into the garage at the precinct, parking her car. "I'm going to run up and grab a few files, then I'm gonna take you to my place and we will talk. About what you – we are gonna do."
Amanda's first response was that she wanted to go home, be alone. But that's where she had been assaulted; she never wanted to go back there. Her second choice would be to go to Nick's, but seeing as he didn't know what happened and she had no plan on telling him right now, that was out of the option. Same with Fin. So she just nodded, going along with Olivia's plan.
Olivia got out of the car and headed towards the elevator, Amanda staying put in the car.
When she was finally alone in the car, she felt the surge of emotion come over her. Shame, guilt, sadness, anger, disappointment, failure. She leaned against the window and tears slid down her face so fast that there was no point in wiping them away. She was finally completely breaking down. What she wanted more than ever right now was to shower, scrub her body until it bled, get the filth off of her. She could still feel his body lingering on her skin, his sweaty body. It made her stomach turn, so much that she had to open the door and spew her guts out the side of the car onto the pavement.
Olivia just so happened to be stepping off the elevator towards the car when she seen Amanda puking out the passenger door. Her heart ached for the young detective. She had never seen her like this before which caused great worry for her. Amanda looked up as Olivia got closer, wiping her mouth with the back of her sleeve and closing the door. Olivia got in the driver side. "Are you okay? What happened?" Olivia figured something had to trigger the throwing up.
"I'm fine," Amanda replied. She felt so dizzy, like she was going to pass out. She felt like she couldn't breathe and tried to calm herself down.
"Just breathe. I'm gonna get us to my place, so you can relax," Olivia stated, turning on the car and heading out of the garage.
It took about 10 minutes to get to Olivia's place and up into her apartment. Olivia had helped Amanda steady herself all the way up.
"Thanks," Amanda said, as she sat down on the couch, wincing once again from the pain of the sudden movement.
"You should eat something," Olivia said heading to the kitchen, grabbing a pitcher of water out of the fridge and two glasses.
"Ugh," Amanda responded, at the thought of food. "Can I get a shower and we talk after?"
"Sorry, I forgot, yeah, of course. Let me get you some towels and a change of clothes. I'm sure I have something that will fit," Olivia walked into her bedroom, opening and closing drawers. She came out with a pair of pants and a NYPD hoodie.
"Sorry for all the trouble," was all Amanda could say, feeling so guilty being at Olivia's apartment, taking her away from work, basically having her look after her.
"No trouble. If you need any help –"
"I'll be fine, thanks." Amanda closed the bathroom door behind her and began running the shower, turning it to almost scalding hot.
She struggled getting her clothes off and carefully stepped over the tub into the shower. The water poured over her as she scrubbed every inch of skin, inside and out. She couldn't tell if she was crying or if it was just the shower water dripping down her face, but she honestly didn't care anymore. Her skin was bright red from the hot water and extensive scrubbing. When the water finally started to go cold, she turned off the shower, slowly stepping out onto the towel. She wrapped the towel around her body, trying to dry herself off but the pain was so bad from standing up in the shower. She cried out as she patted her ribs dry.
Olivia heard the whimper from the bathroom and headed towards the door. Luckily, it was unlocked. She knocked and then continued opening the door. She looked at Amanda, wrapped in a towel, shivering. "Are you okay?"
"Everything hurts," Amanda said.
"Let me help you get dressed," Olivia offered. She took the pair of pants off the edge of the sink and held them out for Amanda to step into.
Amanda clung on to the towel, trying not to expose herself as she stepped into the pants. The pain it caused was clearly written all over her face.
Next was the hoodie, Olivia picked it up and held it so Amanda could slide it on over her head. In order to do so Amanda had to drop her towel, revealing her naked upper body, bruises and bite marks covering it all over. Olivia got a look but quickly looked away trying to give Amanda privacy. She slid the sweater on over her head with help from Olivia.
Once dressed and back in the living room, Amanda struggled to get the glass of water Olivia had left for her in her. Her stomach wouldn't stop shaking. Olivia watched her shaky hands hold the glass of water. She was happy Amanda was drinking something. She knew she had to ask Amanda what happened, in order to figure out what to do from there.
"So, tell me what happened…"