Here, Kitty Kitty

A/N: Freakin' CRAP! It's been a while. I am so sorry for not updating in a year, so here's a new update. By the way, these stories are not in any sort of order whatsoever.

Warnings: crack, abuse of the word 'kitty', swearing.

Rated T for language

Pairing: ASGZC. Mainly Z/C in this one.

Summary: Surprise! Ball of yarn + one Cloud Strife = OH HELL NO.

I own nothing.

-x-x-

"Here, Kitty Kitty!"

"Screw you, Zack!"

"C'mon, Kitty, follow the ball of yarn!"

"…"

"C'mon, Kitty!"

Cloud Strife could feel one of eyebrows twitch and maybe even one of his ears. The twitching could only really mean one thing. One very important piece of information that may or may not be vital to a certain someone's life.

Simple. Cloud Strife. IS. NOT. AMUSED.

At all.

-x-x-

All he wanted to do was finish his homework so he didn't have to do it later and so he could do more fun, important things – *cough cough*. He was doing fine until Zack decided to come home to the apartment they shared, and the one he was technically not aloud to live in, carrying a small paper bag. He wasn't even subtle or quiet about his arrival either. Oh no, in true Zack Fair fashion, he kicked the door open before announcing his arrival with a very loud 'I'M HOME' all the while carrying that little paper bag with a maniacal grin on his face.

And that was when he knew the contents of the bag contained pure fucking evil.

Because when Zack Fair has that look in his eye, you know he's up to something and you know to not get involved because it's most likely going to fail.

Hence why he was looking at the bag like whatever inside was the scum of the earth. And really, it was because inside that bag was a ball of yarn. A blue fucking ball of yarn with a grinning Zack looking down on him.

He could already feel his eye twitch. Blood was going to spilt today.

"Hey, Cloudy, look at what I got you! I thought you might get bored doing homework all the time and since you don't have any fun, I bought you a ball of yarn! Isn't it cool? Now you can chase with it all your kitty heart's content and you wouldn't be embarrassed for acting the a little kitty!" the megawatt smile that accompanied that entire sentence was enough to make Cloud want to strangle the raven-haired man.

"Zack, I don't know if you know this but I am actually not a cat. I may have a pair of cat ears and a stupid freakin' tail, but believe it or not, that doesn't make me a cat. Not now or ever." He really tried his hardest not to have homicidal thoughts during that. Really, he did.

"Don't be stupid, Cloudy, of course you are. Don't worry, it just makes you more adorably squishy and cute and–"

"…"

"Now come on, Cloudy, be a good kitty and follow the ball of yarn!"

"I hate you."

And he promptly went back to doing his homework.

-x-x-

That had been nearly an hour ago. And so that meant for the last hour, Zack had been trying to get him to chase after that little blue ball of evil. And for every attempt, he was getting more and more annoyed.

And an annoyed Cloud Strife is a dangerous Cloud Strife.

Not that Zack seemed to care or even notice. Even if he did notice, he was too busy waving that blue ball of yarn in front of his face every five minutes. Quite clearly, Zack Fair was asking for a death sentence. A very long, slow, painful death sentence with a slight chance of dismemberment on the side.

"Come on, Kitty, come get your favourite ball of yarn." And he proceeded to wave that thing in his face again. Oh yes, Zack Fair was asking for a very painful, torturously slow death sentence, complete with dismemberment and everything else.

"Zack, if you do that again I will cut your limbs off with a chainsaw and then I'll run you over with a steamroller and feed your remains to the nearest monster I can find, or I will give your remains to the science department so choose your actions carefully." He said in the calmest voice he could manage, because, really, he just wanted to finish his homework so he could get to the sexyfuntimes later.

"No you won't, Kitty, you love me too much and he would be sad if you killed me." He sounded way too happy after that threat.

"Seriously Zack, if you do that again, I will not be responsible for my actions."

He really, really won't.

"Don't be silly, Kitty, of course you won't."

He felt his eyebrow and one of his ears twitch again. He groaned internally, all he wanted to do was finish his homework. Really, was that so hard? He thought he could do it in the apartment while all his lovers were either in their offices working or out for the peace and quiet, then he could take a nap to wait for them or finish his homework in peace if they came home early. But apparently not, apparently he was wrong.

Worst part of all, there was no Angeal, Genesis or Sephiroth to calm Zack down.

"Come on, Kitty!"

He felt himself twitch.

"Here, Kitty Kitty!"

He struggled to find his happy place

"Kitty!"

He would not kill his boyfriend. Just think of the bloodstains he would have to clean up.

"Kitty!"

Bloodstains were a bitch to get out of carpet.

"Kitty!"

Think of the lecture he would get.

"Kitty!"

Bloodstains and lectures. Bloodstains and lectures. Bloodstains and lectures…

"Aw… Here, Kitty Kitty, come get the ball of yarn!" And Zack waved that horrible, stupid blue ball of pure fucking evil in his face.

The other male just grinned.

OH HELL NO!

"…"

And he launched himself at the other male, aiming for his throat.

Cloud Strife. IS. NOT. FUCKING. AMUSED.

-x-x-

Several minutes later loud screams of, "ANGEAL, GENESIS, SEHPIROTH! HELP ME! CLOUDY'S TRYING TO KILL ME! HELP!" were heard several floors below and above the apartment.

End.

-x-x-

Don't even know were that came from…