Disclaimer: As always, I don't own Naruto, Fairy Tail or How I Met Your Mother- each are the copyright of their respective owners: Masashi Kishimoto, Hiro Mashima, Satoshi Tajiri, Craig Thomas and Carter Bays. All characters, descriptions, names, places and references are the copyright of the owners, and everything else is simply a figment and work of my imagination.

A/N: This chapter's got a lot more adult innuendo in it, hence the T rating. Many thanks to musicmiss18, EmilyLovesbooks, Chikoshika101 and Malthinae for the lovely, thoughtful reviews and a special shout-out to SasuCakes-137 for showing me how much she enjoyed the story.

The Very Pink of Perfection

Chapter 2

"Naruto-kun, have you ever been in love?"

"Ahhh…" Screwing up his face in deep concentration, the blonde was silent for a good few minutes. His face suddenly lighting up, he grinned at the pink-haired mage sitting opposite him, "Ramen is and was my one true love! Does that count?"

"Baka," muttered Shikamaru somewhere in the background. Ino hushed him fiercely, clamping a hand over his mouth. "Be quiet, the camera can hear you!"

"Mendokusai…"

"Naruto-kun," Natsu gasped dramatically, falling to his knees in front of the whiskered ninja and seizing the hem of his orange jumpsuit. "I'm desperately in love with Sakura-chan, she's the first pink-haired girl I've ever seen in my entire life! I love her with every breath that I take, with every beat of my heart- I'd follow her to the end of the Shinobi Nations if that's what she desires of me! Please, help me to win her so that I can fulfil my foster father's last wish. I'm begging you!"

Further in the background, Tenten, Hinata, Erza and Lee were sniffing quietly into their handkerchiefs.

"Oh, the great beauty of the springtime of youth!" bellowed Gai, reaching out his hand for the snotty handkerchief that Lee was passing around and blowing (or trumpeting) loudly into it. "The burning flames of desire, the unquenchable thirst of passion, the unconquerable power of true love!"

"Mada mada, Gai," Kakashi muttered, turning a page of his newest Icha Icha Romance. "You know it's all scripted anyway."

"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee howled, rushing over to his green-spandex loving mentor, crying so many bucket-loads of tears that Kakashi was sure even Amegakure would overflow. "Why does he get to win the hand and heart of my most beloved cherry-blossom? Is it because I only did 4,999 push-ups yesterday instead of 5000? Or because I only did 9,999 handstands around the village last week instead of 10,000? Just say the word Gai-sensei, and I will do anything to win back my beautiful Sakura-san!"

"Be strong Lee, you know life doesn't always work out the way we want it to!"

Yare yare, he should be the one acting in this ridiculous show thought the silver-haired jōnin, shaking his head as the pair embraced tearfully amid a sunset beach and waves crashing onto the shore.

Back on set, Natsu was still down on his knees in front of Naruto. "Naruto-sensei," he pleaded. "Tell me, what's the best way to win over my fair Sakura-chan's heart?"

"Weelll," the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki looked perplexed. "Sakura-chan doesn't really like many things, and she doesn't seem to like many people…"

In a corner of the set, Sakura hissed with annoyance. "That's not true, Naruto no baka!"

"But!" he continued, beaming his trademark megawatt smile. "If I ever wanted to impress a girl, I would…"

"BUY HER SOME FOOD!"

Choji wandered into the camera's view, scoffing his perennial bag of chips. Next to him, Shikamaru was rolling his eyes in evident disdain. "Mendokusai…"

"Na, Shikamaru and Choji!" Naruto's smile only stretched wider. "You agree with me don't you?"

"It has to be all-you-can-eat yakiniku, Natsu," Choji stated firmly, waving his bag of chips at the Dragon Slayer. "Girls aren't going to fall into your lap with just any kind of food, they want to feel special! And what better way to show that she's special by treating her to a barbecue at Yakiniku Q?"

"Yakiniku is for losers!" scoffed Kiba who was riding on Akamaru, closely followed by his teammate, Shino. "Want to impress some chick? Give her some beef jerky and cartilage! They'll run to you begging for more!"

"All of you are deluded!" Naruto yelled, pounding his fists onto the ground. "Ichiraku Ramen is the key to any girls' heart! That's what old man Teuchi keeps telling me, he even said that if I ever brought a girl on a date with me to Ichiraku, he'd give her a fifty-percent discount on her second bowl!"

"Hinata doesn't even like ramen, you baka!" The fanged Inuzuka turned up his nose scornfully at the blonde loudmouth. "Some date that would turn out to be!"

"It would appear that all of you are going about this the wrong way," Shino's quiet voice interrupted the quarrelling pair, while a stunned Natsu merely looked on. "Why you ask? Because you are considering all this from only your perspective, not the girl in question…you fail to take her feelings and preferences into account."

Shikamaru sighed. "Well? Does anyone know what Sakura-chan likes to eat?"

*crickets chirping *

"Uhhh…" Naruto flushed. What did Sakura-chan like to eat? The problem was that whenever Team Seven got together, all they ever ate was ramen (besides standard mission fare) because that was all Naruto would ever eat. In essence, he'd never seen anyone else eat anything but ramen.

" I do."

Everyone looked incredulously at the stoic bug-user. Annoyed at the lack of an impressed reaction his words had imparted on them, he inclined his head towards their left.

Sakura was strolling down the village's main street, sipping what was presumably her morning tea from a metallic flask. Stopping at a roadside stall to buy something, she lingered for a little while to chat to the old lady manning it before skipping off, presumably back to the hospital.

The boys' eyes went round.

The sign in front of the stall read 'Takoyaki'.

"Ohaiyou gozaimasu, Chiyoko-baasan!" Sakura called cheerfully, waving to the elderly lady manning the stall in front of her. Her eyes crinkled with delight upon seeing the medic nin, a smile lighting up her wrinkled face.

"Ohaiyou, Sakura-chan! Anything for you today?" she responded. "I just made some fresh takoyaki, only 50 ryo a stick!"

Sakura smiled. "It's a little too early in the morning for something so oily, Chiyoko-baasan. Do you have anything sweet?"

The old lady rustled around, moving the box of takoyaki aside. "You're a lucky girl Sakura-chan, I also managed to make some of my special anko dumplings this morning! I know how much you like them, so I'd be happy to sell the whole lot to you. I didn't make that many."

The pinkette beamed, her eyes shining at the sight of the syrup coated red-bean dumplings she adored so much. "Arigatou gozaimasu, Chiyoko-baasan!" she exclaimed, biting into a stick and closing her eyes as the sticky sweet goodness flooded her mouth. "Mmm…" Handing out a wad of ryo notes, she added, "If you don't mind, I'd like to get five sticks of takoyaki as well. I'm not a big fan of them, but I think Kakashi-sensei could use a mid-morning snack. The poor man is so worn out nowadays thanks to that new genin team he's training!"

Off camera, Kakashi nodded his head sorrowfully.

"That man!" Chiyoko shook her head, handing Sakura her change. "He'll never change. What he needs is a nice girl to settle down with." She eyed the pinkette somewhat critically. "Same goes for you, Sakura-chan. Any young man in the village taken your fancy lately?"

"Ah…" Sakura laughed awkwardly, a familiar light blush tinting her cheeks. "Not really…I think I'd better be off or I'll be late for my shift. I want to stop by the training grounds to drop these off for Kakashi-sensei as well. Dewa mata, Chiyoko-baasan!"

Turning around to wave to the pinkette as she rounded the corner, Chiyoko glimpsed a silver-haired, slouching figure reading a bright green book with a huge red censor mark stamped across it. He loped along at an unhurried pace even though she distinctly heard him say to himself. "Only three hours and twelve minutes late today. I don't think those kids will be expecting me so early!"

Chuckling lightly, she turned around slowly before realising that there was a customer standing in front of her. He had spiky pink hair, dark eyes and wore a scaly white scarf wrapped around his neck. He was no shinobi that was for sure, judging by the dark coloured coat with gold trimming and flared design, poufy white trousers and open toed sandals that he wore: too loud and impractical for espionage missions. Furthermore, his movements were clumsy with the unpractised grace of someone unused to concealing their presence. His face was unfamiliar, so he was possibly a visiting tourist from some distant village. Chiyoko was a civilian, but she'd lived long enough in Konoha to be able to tell a ninja from a normal person. Noticing how his eyes lingered on the retreating pink-haired figure, the old lady grinned.

"Obaa-san, I have a question to ask you."

Chiyoko tried to hide her smile. "If it's about Sakura-chan…no she doesn't have a boyfriend," she cackled. "Go right ahead."

The young man only looked confused.

"Uhh obaa-san…I wanted to ask you if you could teach me how to make takoyaki."

"Welcome back, Sakura-senpai," the young nurse murmured as the pink-haired medic swept into the room and promptly collapsed onto the soft cushions of her plush armchair, the only real luxury in an otherwise spartanly furnished office. The ageing wooden desk was overflowing with patient medical records, and a long white sheet of paper laid out the patient schedule for the day- the last appointment reading 11.00 pm. Sakura groaned, kneading her temples.

"Haruka, when is the next surgery scheduled for?"

"10 am senpai – its Genma-san's fractured collarbone."

Great. Another major surgery in the space of barely 4 hours – she really ought to kill Shizune for being on maternity leave when her own husband's collarbone was fractured. The emergency morning operation on that ANBU squad had left her feeling so drained – she had no idea how she was going to face Shizune if she accidentally ended up stabbing Genma with a kunai instead of a scalpel because she was so sleepy.

"Long day again, Sakura-senpai?" Her younger colleague clucked sympathetically.

Trying in vain to stifle another huge yawn, the pinkette shook her head. "You have no idea." She started rifling through her desk drawers. "Now where did I put them…"

"You work too hard, senpai," Haruka shook her head sadly, passing Sakura the box of aspirins that the jōnin medic gratefully accepted. "You'll end up in one of those wards too before you know it."

"That's the least of her problems!"

Sakura quickly downed two lifesavers, glaring at the smirking blonde at the doorway. "Oh go away Ino-pig," she growled. "I've just mended four fractured tibias, three lung punctures, performed two emergency blood transfusions and guess what? My day is JUST STARTING." She banged her head lightly against the wooden desktop, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like, "Why me?"

The blonde kunoichi's smirk only grew wider. "You know what'll cure all this Forehead?" she cooed.

Peeping up at her best friend through her messy pink bangs, Sakura merely gave her best deadpan look. "Let me guess… a good lay."

"So you do listen when I'm talking!" Ino crowed. Walking closer to the pinkette slumped across the desk, she giggled, "Oh come on Forehead. When was the last time you even went out, let alone got some action?"

"Leave me alone, Pig," came the muffled reply.

Undeterred, Ino perched herself on the edge of the desk. "Trust me, Sakura," she purred. "You'll feel a lot better after getting your hands on some nice, hot male shinobi as…"

She jumped as Sakura's chakra laden fist thumped the desktop, causing the mass of patient files to jump rather violently in mid-air. Huffing loudly, Ino decided to switch tactics.

"I'm sorry, Forehead," she mused aloud. "Maybe it's not that you don't want to get laid, but you CAN'T get laid."

The pinkette didn't stir.

Deciding that she needed to up the baiting ante a little, the blonde continued, "Or maybe you're just hiding something from me. I'm sure you can't really be spending all those hours just training with Kakashi-sensei, the two of you must probably be getting really down and dirty in Training Ground Thr…"

"I am not sleeping with Kakashi-sensei!"

Ino chuckled, her words having the desired effect of riling up the kunoichi; whose cheeks were flaming red now. "Pity that. That man is one fine piece of…" she stopped short at the murderous glare on her friend's face. "Well if it's not Kakashi-sensei, then who is it?" she challenged.

Sakura turned a deeper shade of red, but she didn't answer.

Patting her on the shoulder, the blonde giggled again. "You know, maybe Tsunade-sama had an ulterior motive for letting Konoha take part in this silly rom-com TV show. It's not as if we really need the money…I think she just wants to hook you up with that pink-haired baka!"

"INO-PIG, YOU…!"

"Delivery for Haruno-san!" Mercifully, the mail boy poked his head into the room at the very instant a fuming Sakura was about to self-combust. "It's from a Dragneel-san, Haruno-san."

Ignoring Ino's stifled laughter, she ground out, "Just leave it at the door, Kenji." She really didn't feel like getting out of her chair to deal with anything, especially anything Natsu-related, except to maybe manhandle Ino by throwing her back to the Psychiatry Ward where she belonged.

"Gomen Haruno-san, but…it won't fit through the doorway."

"Eh?"

With an apologetic smile, Kenji beckoned the pink-haired medic over.

She peered round the doorframe…

And promptly fainted.

"Haruno-san!" Kenji waved frantically in her face. "Haruno-san, are you alright?!"

"Yare yare, talk about being dramatic, Forehead!" Ino huffed, striding over to the office entrance. "What can possibly be so…?"

She let out an ear-splitting scream.

There in the corridor, stood an absolutely humongous dragon.

It wasn't quite a Bijuu, but it was still big enough to obscure the ceiling and the three offices next to Sakura's. Nurses, medics and patients alike were staring at it, pointing and whispering in awe.

And it was made entirely…

Of takoyaki.

Of hundreds and hundreds of row upon row of little grilled octopus balls.

Complete with seaweed wings, a mayonnaise smile and ugly little bonito flake eyes.

Staring at the bizarre structure before her until her vision grew fuzzy, it wasn't long before she too fell forward with a gentle thump!.

"Do you think she liked it, Naruto?" The Dragon Slayer craned his neck eagerly, trying to get a glimpse of the pink-haired medic through the grills of the air vent they were currently squashed in.

The whiskered shinobi grinned. "I sure hope so! After all that effort we went to making that thing. It's really lucky we had all my Kage Bunshin use Mini-Rasengan to help us shape them or it would have taken us forever to make all those balls!"

Realising that his view was being blocked by nothing by takoyaki, he retracted his head. "Don't forget that it was thanks to my Fire Dragon's Roar that we were able to grill all of them in one go," he retorted smugly. He settled back comfortably against a dripping pipe. "This beats Yakiniku or beef jerky any day. I don't see how any girl can fail to be impressed by my takoyaki dragon…!"

"SHANNARO!"

"AAHHHHHH!" Both young men were flung against the pipes as they felt a monstrous force split the ground below them, the violent reverberations felt even through the ceiling where they were hiding. Bits of dust and plaster crumbled on their faces, causing them both to splutter and choke horribly. A terrified Natsu scrambled to press his face against the vent, gasping for air.

To his dismay, the takoyaki dragon was no more.

In its place was a ten-foot deep crater filled to the brim with what were presumably the smushed remains of their culinary masterpiece. And standing next to it was an evidently livid Sakura, chest heaving and fists glowing green.

"NATSU DRAGNEEL!"

"So…I guess she didn't like it then?"

"Haihhhhh," the pink-haired Dragon Slayer exhaled forcefully as he flopped facedown near the edge of the riverbank, feeling the long blades of grass tickling his cheeks. "Why doesn't she like anything I give her?" he mumbled, fisting handfuls of grass in frustration. "What is it that I'm doing wrong?"

"Maybe you're not looking underneath the underneath."

"Huh?"

Turning on his back, Natsu whipped his head from side to side but there was no one in sight. He scratched his head. Konoha hadn't twisted him that much to the point that the voices in his head were giving him obscure advice out loud…

"I've got to hand it to you though...even I would have had a hard time saying no to you if you'd gotten me a takoyaki dragon."

Craning his head skywards, Natsu jumped as he spotted one Hatake Kakashi lounging on a tree branch several metres above him, cradling a shocking orange book on his lap. The jōnin gave him a lazy two-fingered salute. "Yo!"

Natsu sighed, putting both hands behind his head. "It's not just the takoyaki dragon. I gave her a shōgi set on Monday, a pet caterpillar on Tuesday, a yakiniku voucher on Wednesday, a dog biscuit on Thursday and she still rejected them all! I'm just about to give up here- women are just too complicated," he huffed.

Kakashi hid a smile underneath his mask. "Hmm. So you've taken advice from Shikamaru, Shino, Choji, Kiba and Naruto and none of them worked out," he replied gravely. "I see."

"Exactly!" The Dragon Slayer scowled.

"Have you tried these?" Kakashi called, brandishing the orange book he'd been reading earlier. Natsu couldn't make out the words on the cover, but he could see a huge red censor mark stamped across the front. "Here, catch."

Turning it over, the pink-haired Mage visibly blanched. "Icha-Icha… Paradise?!"

"What they don't tell you is that besides being the man who's copied a thousand jutsu, I'm also the man that's made a thousand girls happier," the Copy Ninja winked. "Get her the box set, they all loved it," he called happily, before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Haruka, have those books that I ordered last week arrived yet?" Sakura frantically tossed aside the piles of paper and assorted junk that littered her table top. Her very first public lecture, and she was already running late thanks to a certain whiskered ninja waylaying her at the ramen stall. "I really hope they've arrived on time, half of my lecture depends on those chapters on chakra manipulation in neurosurgery."

"Hai, Sakura-senpai! This arrived in the mail for you yesterday morning," the young nurse passed the frazzled medic a medium-sized brown package.

Feeling the hard cover and edges of the package, the pinkette breathed a sigh of relief. Those were definitely books in there.

"Thanks! I'll see you later then, Haruka!" she shouted, as she sprinted past her bewildered assistant, clutching the package tightly. If she ran all the way to the Academy, she might just make it in time.

Shaking her head slightly, Haruka began to tidy up the mess that Sakura had left on the floor. As she started to sort patient files M-Z, she was startled to hear Kenji call her from the doorway, "Delivery for Haruno-san!"

Picking up the large brown package he handed her, she grunted. "This is really heavy! What's inside?"

He shrugged. "Must be those books that Haruno-san ordered last week. You know how anything that the Allied Ninjas Medical Association publishes weighs a Bijuu and a half!"

She stopped. "Wait, wasn't that package you gave me yesterday from the Medical Association?"

He stared at her, before breaking into laughter. "Ah hell no! They were too light to be medical books and besides, they were from that annoying admirer of Haruno-san's! You know, the one that made her that crazy takoyaki dragon?"

"So the first step in treating subarachnoid haemorrhage is where the medic focuses his or her chakra into the subarachnoid space and slowly extends its reach to detect the presence of any cerebral aneurysms," Sakura gestured to the scroll on the right, which had the cross section of the brain meticulously inked onto it. "If an aneurysm has been detected, the medic can then either clip or coil the blood vessel that has ruptured to prevent further risk of rebleeding. Any questions so far?" she glanced around the room. So far, her audience of trainee medic-nins had been fairly quiet, and Sakura was a little worried that the subject of neurosurgery was a little too advanced for them at this stage in their education.

To her surprise, a slightly raised hand wobbled tentatively in the middle. "Kojiro?"

"Sakura-senpai, I was wondering if you could explain what are the complications that could arise from treating a SAH."

She nodded approvingly. "As far as I'm aware, the main complication that often arises is vasospasm, but I'm not an expert in the area of neurosurgery so if you give me a minute, I'll get Midori to check that up for you." The pinkette nodded slightly to the medic sitting in the front row, who promptly used a kunai to rip through the brown-papered package that Sakura had placed on the front row desk. From memory, the chapter on SAH should be in Modern Medical Ninjutsu Volume 2 Chapter 36. "Now, the mortality rate for shinobi suffering a SAH is only between 40-50%, and residual symptoms include…"

"Sumimasen, Sakura-senpai."

Sakura smiled. "Ah yes. So Midori, if you could just read out the list of complications on the page…"

"Sumimasen, Sakura-senpai," the junior medic repeated, cutting into a surprised Sakura. "But I think you may have given me the wrong set of books for the occasion," she replied a little smugly, holding up the package for everyone to see.

Sakura could only stare in horror at the books in front of her, as loud bursts of sniggering broke out among the audience.

Nestled snugly amid the brown paper packaging, was the complete, autographed box set of the Icha Icha Series.

It's only been a month since filming started but already, Konoha seems to have been hit by an infectious wave of what later came to be known as "Pink Fever."

Dear Sakura,

Pursuant to your participation in the TV Tokyo production of "How I Met Your Kaa-San", we, the undersigned as members of the Worldwide Natsu Dragneel Hotness Appreciation and Obsession Society (WNDHAOS) make the following demands of you:

1. Natsu Dragneel remains the sole exclusive property of the WNDHAOS. In other words: Keep the h*ll away from our pink-haired hottie, okay pinky? Two pinkies do not make a right.

2. B*tch please, he's like totally in love with US, not you sweetie. Sorry to break that to you. He turned up to like, TWO of our events last year. TWO! Out of a thousand. That was a RECORD year. And not because a. there was free food and b. the TV Tokyo producers forced him to because we threatened to stop buying up all those adorable Natsu fluffies they were producing. They are shooo squishy *demented squealing* You should go and buy one, since you can't have the real thing. If you get the special edition ones, you can even program them to say things like "I hate Lucy AND Lisanna" and "I'm hotter than Gray. Literally." Who wants boring stuff like "I'm all FIRED UP!"?

3. The WNDHAS is the single largest buyer of all things Natsu-related: Natsu T-shirts, Natsu fluffy toys, Natsu lingerie, Natsu tooth floss, Natsu pencil shavers, Natsu toilet cleaners, Natsu fire extinguishers, Natsu sliced bread, anti-Lucy machine guns…sweetie, we buy them ALL. So believe us when we say we have a LOOOTTTT of bargaining power. We're actually looking to offload some of those Barbie Natsus though, since some little idiot just smashed our entire stock of Ken Fullbuster dolls, so they're currently sad, single and past their shelf life (not joking, the Society's running out of shelf space for all 890,576,342 of them).

4. We know your little scheme- you just want to marry him so that you can get your hands on some of that pink-haired, one-sleeved, fire-breathing muscle don't you? Puh-lease, you don't know the man at all – you're nothing but a shallow fan girl. Or maybe you're just after all those jewels he's got hidden away in that rotten cave of his – rumour has it he got paid a million an episode… but don't worry, we've got you figured out sweetie. We're not letting you do a Kim Kartrashian on us. At this very moment, our lawyers are working on a pre-nuptial agreement that will direct the entire Dragneel estate to the WNDHAOS should this sham of a marriage actually go ahead. No more waiting 72 days just to get our hands on that fortune yessiree.

If you DON'T do everything we've very nicely requested of you, do you know what we're going to do? Ohh don't think we don't watch your show sweetie, we all know ALL your little secrets…. so we'll make you a deal.

If you stay away from our oh-so-sexy piece of pink-haired god-like one-sleeved perfection (mmmm sorry about the drool mark there, pinkie. And there), we'll leave you alone to live out your miserable broad-foreheaded existence in peace. We promise not to send you more than one hate mail a week. Really. If not….

We're going to petition your mangaka, Kishimoto-san to pair you up with Sai. Yes, THAT Sai. Mr. "My Abs are so awesome Kishimoto had to leave me with a bare midriff eventhough I'm probably dying of cold in winter" and "Mr. I'm supposed to be a kick-ass ANBU but all I really am is some pale (pardon the pun) replacement for Sasuke" Sai.

Not Sasuke, not Naruto, not Kakashi and yes, not even Lee. SAI.

We have more than 20 fans worldwide! We can make it happen.

So you'd better heed our warning! (unless you want to find yourself written into a socially retarded marriage for Naruto-manga eternity). Gotta run now…the latest shipment of pink Natsu jelly babies have just arrived…

Hugs and kisses from,

The Worldwide Natsu Dragneel Hotness Appreciation and Obsession Society

Sakura crumpled the scroll in her hand, her fingers crushing the paper so tightly her knuckles were turning white from the effort. Growling, she flung it as far as she could throw, whereupon it promptly landed on an unsuspecting Shikamaru's head, 100 feet above the ground as he lazed on top of Hokage Mountain.

"SHANNARO!" The kunoichi smashed her fist into the trunk of one of Yamato's prized oak trees. The tree gave a loud groan, but before it had collapsed to the ground Sakura had already moved on to the next victim, leaving a long trail of forest destruction behind her. Next to her, a worried looking Naruto was torn between anxiously hoping that she wasn't looking to vent her spleen on the nearest living target (i.e. himself) and worrying about what poor Yamato would say when he came back to find his prized oak grove (and probably house) completely destroyed. Only Sasuke looked unperturbed.

"Is being paired with Sai such an insult?" the blonde whiskered ninja whispered to Sasuke as he watched Sakura's tree-smashing rampage continue all the way down Konoha's main street.

The Uchiha smirked. "Bet you one bowl of ramen she castrates him before the week is out, dobe. He's due for his medical tomorrow."

"You're on, teme."

"ARGH! I can't believe those idiotic fangirls of his are actually taking this seriously. Treating me, ME as if I'M a threat to THEM!" she raged, adjusting her gloves as she barely registered that her knuckles were bleeding and full of tiny wooden splinters. Groups of Academy children hid behind their mothers' skirts as the kunoichi stormed by, great thunderclouds crackling with lightning above her roseate head. "Kami-sama, who even knew he HAD fangirls!"

"I don't want to be a kunoichi anymore, okaasan. Do all kunoichi eventually become scary monsters?"

"Hush now, and eat your vegetables. It's alright, as long as your name isn't Naruto big bad Sakura-chan won't harm you!"

"They can keep that stupid, stupid argh STUPID pink-haired baka of theirs, and be welcome to him! No one else is taking this accursed TV show seriously," she continued glowering as she wandered the cobbled pavements of Konoha's Market District, unseeing as anger bubbled through her veins. She paused for a while, her eyes narrowed as her own face stared down at her, larger than life and any other poster around for miles. They had airbrushed her face so that her most prominent feature was now her mouth, stretched into a silly, would-be flirtatious giggle reminiscent of her twelve-year old fangirl days. Somehow, they had altered the picture such that she was batting her eyelashes in a clumsy attempt to be sultry, at an equally out-of-place Natsu who was grinning awkwardly at the camera. "He's conquered the world, and he's conquered the dragons – now he's out to conquer her heart. The all new series How I Met Your Kaa-San, only on TV Tokyo every Tuesday night at 8pm!" It was soon smashed to bits with one well-placed chakra punch.

She stormed along the street, wringing her hands agitatedly as she continued ripping down every other poster she came across and tearing it into a million pieces. The kunoichi would have gladly strangled Naruto a thousand times over just to let out some of her mingled rage and embarrassment if he was around but unfortunately, even the No. 1 knuckleheaded ninja was taking shelter from her overwhelming anger. "I bet no one even WATCHES the d*mn show except those silly fangirls. Threatening me, as if I'M interested in HIM! And with SAI of all people. Don't I deserve better? I wouldn't have felt so insulted if they'd threatened Lee…Sai hasn't even mastered the art of smiling yet, let alone marriage or Kami-sama forbid, sex…!"

"Mochi for you, Sakura-chan?" A tray of sticky pink sugar-dusted rice-cakes was thrust into her face, interrupting her furious monologue. The old man peered owlishly at her, a silly hopeful smile written all over his wrinkled face. "I made them pink specially so that you and your boyfriend could share them!"

Sakura yelped. "Ano….arigato but…he's not my boyfriend, oji-san…in fact, he's just my co-star…"

She gasped again as two plump old women squeezed themselves next to her, pinching her cheeks, "Oh but you two make the most adorable couple! Everyone in Konoha just LOVES Tuesday nights now – How I Met Your Kaa-San is such an inspired replacement for My Little Blue Pegasus! And a spring, cherry blossom wedding would bring out the colour of BOTH your hair!"

"Just make sure the bridesmaids don't wear red dear, it clashes HORRIBLY with your hair…"

"What's wrong with red?" she growled again, fingering her red shirt somewhat defensively. "Wait, who even said anything about a wedding?!"

"Sakura-san! Is it true that Dragneel-san proposes with a 10-carat pink dragon diamond ring during the show's finale episode?"

"Sakura-san, is it true that the TV Tokyo producers have fired Dragneel-san because he ate their entire stock of takoyaki and replaced him with Luffy?"

"That can't be true, last I heard Ash Ketchum was favourite to replace Dragneel-san!"

"Don't say things like that, you know that Sakura-san and Dragneel-san are the latest "IT" couple in Shino(bi)-llywood! Konoha Entertainment Weekly even gifted them with their own nickname: NaSa! NaLu is so last year."

"Sakura-san! If you book The Dancing Shinobi for your wedding, my chefs and I have already come up with the most amazing wedding banquet menu: Pink salmon sushi, pink dragonfruit juice…"

"Sakura-san! Is it true that Dragneel-san and yourself are planning to name your first child Sasuke Wakaba Dragneel?"

"Oh Sakura-chan, even if things with Natsu don't work out, I have this tall, handsome jōnin nephew of mine who's DYING to go out with you! He doesn't have pink hair (we come from seven generations of redheads) but that's close enough isn't it, dear?"

The kunoichi tried to wriggle away from the excited crowd, but more and more villagers pressed excitedly against her. "NO!" she shrieked, desperately ducking under heads and pushing through the crowds as the eager mob closed in on her, jabbering away excitedly with ever increasingly ludicrous ideas and suggestions for her so-called relationship with the Dragon Slayer.

"KONOHA DAILY! Fresh off the press! Get the latest news right here: Hokage-sama finally breaks 50-year Incredible Sucker streak by winning 10 ryo on a lotto scratch card; Orochimaru unveiled as new ambassador for Konoha Purple Eye Shadow Corp.; How I Met Your Kaa-San Episode 6 trumps Itachi & Friends with viewership of over 10,000; Jiraiya's latest Icha Icha Sakura hits No. 1 on Fire Country's Bestseller Romance List…"

"ICHA ICHA SAKURA?!" Grabbing the unfortunate newspaperman by the scruff of his kimono, the poor man could only quail in terror at the waves of murderous intent rolling off the livid kunoichi.

"You ought to try it dear, Jiraiya really does know the winning formula for writing bestsellers; he's an absolute genius!"

She rounded on the hunched up old man squatting on a wooden stool next to the quivering newspaperman. He puffed away serenely, blowing thick clouds of ash grey smoke, which were dissipated by his shock of thick, snowy-white hair; blithely oblivious to the seething kunoichi in front of him. He waved a pink hardcover book in front of her nose, a familiar red censor mark stamped across the lurid cover. "Psst, you want to know the secret?"

"To what? His so-called success?!"

"Don't you mean succ-SEX, SEX AND MORE SEX?!" He cackled loudly, slapping his thigh as traders, customers, shoppers, shinobi and civilians alike along the entire street roared with laughter. As he waved the book again, she suddenly caught sight of the cover picture. "Is that…"

The old oji-san grinned lecherously at her as he handed her the offending book. Flipping it over, Sakura suddenly gave a loud scream. "WHAT HAPPENED TO JUNKO?" she yelled, utterly horrified as she dropped the book to the ground. The crowd only laughed harder.

"Why Sakura-chan, I had no idea you were familiar with the series! You even know the main character's name… Could it be your sensei's been educating you beyond the wonderful world of ninjutsu? "

Turning beet red as she resisted the urge to snap back, thankfully she quickly remembered her manners. Biting her lip savagely, she ground out a quick "Gomen nasai," nodding at the newspaperman before turning on her heel and hurrying down the next street.

Taking another puff of his pipe as he snickered, Jiraiya released the Henge Jutsu and bent down to pick up the copy of Icha Icha Sakura that Sakura had so kindly dropped in her haste to get away from him. "Now I wonder why she didn't like the cover art?" he mused, running his thumb lovingly over the graphic scene depicting two pink-haired lovers (that exhibited a suspicious resemblance to a certain kunoichi and Fire Dragon Slayer) entangled in a very compromising position involving kunais and pink cotton candy. The glittery kanji "Icha Icha Sakura: From the author of Fire Country's top best-sellers 10 years in a row! Kinkier, funnier and more fiery than ever - featuring an all-new hero and heroine. For those who don't want their cherry blossoms in the first buds of virginity: over-21s ONLY" were stamped across it, followed by a supposedly five-star rating by the Konoha Daily in suspiciously fine print.

"Mmm, it's not too bad at all! For a guy with supposedly zero experience, Sai has a pretty good imagination of how's it's supposed to look like."

"There she is, teme! Sakura-chan, what are you doing?!" Naruto yelled in horror, waving his arms frantically as he raced towards Sakura. The watching crowd gasped as the pink-haired kunoichi grabbed armfuls of the latest No. 1 Romance Bestseller off the shelves and started stamping on them in full view of the mass of shinobi and villagers gathered in front of the Pink Bookstore.

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Eventhough she gave him one of her best glares, the whiskered ninja refused to budge. "Uh…why are you destroying hundreds of copies of Ero-sennin's latest masterpiece? Are you trying to sabotage him? It won't work Sakura-chan, Ichiraku Ramen is distributing free copies with every bowl of ramen purchas…ACK!"

"Why?" the pink-haired kunoichi hissed dangerously. "Why?" she took one menacing step forwards, and Naruto quickly found himself backtracking. "Since I found out that perverted excuse for a sensei of yours made me and Natsu the stars of his latest bestseller!" She cracked her knuckles threateningly, a manic expression on her face.

"Hehehe…is that really bad, Sakura-chan? At least you can tell people that you were once the best-selling (albeit literary) fantasy of every man in Fire Country, datteb…!"

"Naruto, you hentai!" Just before she could grab the gibbering blonde loudmouth, a little voice piped up behind her, "Sumimasen, Sakura-oneechan!" Feeling a light tug on her pink medic-apron skirt, Sakura glanced down to find herself surrounded by a gaggle of Academy kids, all big eyes and wide innocent grins plastered on their little faces. "We just wanted to say that we really like your new TV show, it's so much nicer than My Little Blue Pegasus!"

She smiled a little, despite herself. "Arigato, minna-chan! But really, My Little Blue Pegasus wasn't that ba…"

A small brown-haired boy whispered loudly, "I heard Iruka-sensei in the staffroom saying My Little Blue Pegasus is for "ray-tards" and "lesbos". Sakura-oneechan, what's a ray-tard?"

"Sakura-oneechan! I drew this for you in class, I hope you like it." As Sakura accepted the scroll one of the little Academy students handed her, she flipped it to the front so that she saw the subject of the drawing.

Two stick-figures with smiley red crayon mouths, holding hands and dressed in traditional wedding attire, standing in front of a triangular brick house with puffy green scrawls of grass. A rough circlet of yellow and some blue squiggles (presumably the sun and sky) completed the childishly charming picture. A bride and a groom.

They had pink crayon hair.

She screamed loudly, badly frightening little Shizuka and the rest of the Academy genin. "The whole village has gotten Pink Fever!" Sakura screeched, dropping the scroll before running away again presumably to pound her head again and again against Hokage Mountain.

"Okaasan, I told you all kunoichi were big scary monsters!"

"Hush now, and eat your vegetables. At least she didn't throw you over Hokage Mountain like she would have for Naruto."

The raven-haired Uchiha sniffed disdainfully at the wrecked piles of Icha Icha Sakura lying on the ground, the spines coming off and their pages torn to shreds and covered in pavement dust. "Tch. Don't you think Sakura was overreacting?" he muttered, his eyes narrowed in disgust as he scuffed his toes against yet another pile of ruined tomes. "After all, it's only fiction." He suddenly caught sight of the brand-new row of posters tacked outside the store window. "Wait a minute. That looks like…"

He whipped his head around towards the bewildered blonde sheltering behind him, before pushing him roughly to the ground. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he thundered, his dark eyes suddenly giving way to the dangerous crimson ellipses of the Mangekyou Sharingan.

Naruto gaped like a goldfish, but no sound came out. "Teme, what's gotten into you? Itachi has his own TV show now, he won't make you obsess over him for hundreds of episodes anymore! It must have been a rotten tomato from lunch…." Naruto tried to put his arm round his agitated teammate's shoulders but for some strange reason, his actions only caused the watching crowd to snigger.

"Don't you just love it when a story leaps out of its pages, Jiro?"

"Absolutely, Hiro. Maybe they'll reclassify the book as non-fiction now!"

"Teme! What the h*ll…" Naruto's voice died away as he too, finally realised the posters behind them.

"No, everyone it's not like that! I swear, dattebayo! Teme, look I promise you there's NOTHING between us – alright I may have kept one of your Uchiha hand warmers, and a pair of your old pink plastic shuriken, and those chopstick wrappers from the times we used to go eat Ichiraku Ramen after every morning training session, plus a pair of your old Captain Ramen underwear with the frilly yellow bow in front…but apart from that, I swear I am NOT obsessed with you…no, come back…COME BACK! Oh, that Ero-Sennin, I'm going to kill him…!"

Chuckling amongst the crowd as he watched a frantic Naruto chase after an incensed Sasuke, his sharp ears also catching the distant banging sounds Sakura was making; Kakashi quietly decided that although it wasn't really his cup of reading material, he really ought to put in an order for Jiraiya's new 'Dangerous Love' series. After all, with those lovely Sai-drawn posters of Naruto and Sasuke entangled in a compromising position involving ramen and tomatoes, how could it fail to be a bestseller?

"So Natsu…our readers are dying to know. Haruno Sakura: Love at first sight or love at first fight?"

"Uhhh…"

"COOL! Now moving on, if you were the last person on Earth and all the hopes of Mankind's repopulation rested on you, who would you choose: Haruno Sakura or Gray Fullbuster?"

"That's hardly comparable…!"

"COOL! Next question. Is it true you only agreed to star in How I Met Your Kaa-San after Gray Fullbuster turned down your New Year's Eve proposal atop the Fairy Tail Guild at the stroke of midnight?"

"NO! Now wait a second…"

"COOOOOLLLLLL! Is it also true then, that Haruno Sakura forces you to wear an Uchiha Sasuke mask every time there is a kiss scene?"

"NO!"

"And a Hatake Kakashi mask for any sex scenes?"

Natsu slammed his fist on the table, his dark eyes blazing as Jason excitedly scribbled on his flowery purple notepad. "NO COMMENT!" he exploded, grabbing the reporter by the scruff of his silly flowered shirt and shaking him furiously. "Ask me any more questions and I'll give you such a roasting there'll only be ashes for your mum to pick up!"

"CO-OOOO-LLLL! No need to get so fired up, just COOL down, Natsu! Now look here: one, two, three, COOOLLLLL!" The Dragon Slayer's evident hostility was lost on Jason, as his only response was to grab the camera hanging around his neck, temporarily blinding Natsu as he clicked, snapped and flashed repeatedly, his hands shaking so much with excitement he could hardly hold it straight. There were even a few tears of joy streaming down his face.

"And the last question is our winning entry from loyal Weekly Sorcerer's reader Laxus Dreyar: Natsu, why Sakura? There was a suspicious scribble underneath that looked like "Why not me?" but there was a large mayonnaise stain over it so we chose to give him the benefit of the doubt."

By now, Natsu's patience was wearing thin and he'd never been a big fan of Jason; who'd always published nasty little "NaLu" articles in the weekly digest and printed high resolution photos of all the buildings, houses and ice-cream stands he'd ever destroyed. "Why Sakura?" he hummed mock-thoughtfully, pretending to scratch his chin. Forcing a fake cheesy grin on his face, he flashed a thumbs' up at the excitable reporter. " Na Jason, you know I'm an honest guy. Your readers deserve the truth. And the truth is…I'm a man on a mission. A pink mission." He chuckled evilly, rubbing his hands together in glee while Jason only stared at him, starry-eyed and drooling as he hung onto his every word.

"I have a dream…and it is to build a pink empire. With my lovely pink-haired wife, we're going to give birth to five million pink-haired children and form our very own pink army so that we can rule over both Konoha and Magnolia. I call this part Pink-minator: Rise of the Pinks. Our five million pink-haired children will give birth to another five million pink-haired children and eventually, we'll have enough pink children to save the world from the Blond-pocalypse, and repopulate the world from pink-scratch. This phase of the plan is known as Pink-minator: Salvation. We'll have stores selling pink candy and pink ramen, and everyone will have to wear pink leotards or face death by pinkfire. I'll have a crown of pink sugar and my queen will have one of pink guava. I'll be known as the Pink-kage, and we'll rule on the Pink-Iron Throne for all pink-ternity. It's time us pinks took our own future into our hands and rose against the tyranny and oppression your blondes and brunettes have been throwing at us for years – We demand equal rights! We demand that pinkettes be recognised as an official word in the dictionary, and we demand more than one brand of shampoo for pink-haired people! I'm sure Sakura can tell you that we're both tired of using Strawberry Sweet Scent since the day we were born…And, I can exclusively reveal that THIS was the true last wish and testament of Igneel, the great Fire Dragon, the real reason why he mandated me to find a pink-haired girl to be my wife."

A deathly silence followed his pronouncement, and Natsu felt satisfied that the shock from his answer had at least rendered Jason mute for one precious minute. The reporter just stared at him, his eyes bulging before bursting out, "COOL, COOL, COOOOLLLLLLLL!". The Dragon Slayer stared, his annoyance melting into surprise as Jason started scribbling so hard, his pencil lead broke and hit him on the nose. The crazy blonde reporter kissed the book, before standing up and waving his outstretched hand in front of Natsu's face.

"Arigato, Natsu! I'm sure everyone including uh Sakura will find this very interesting. I wish you all the best in carrying out your pink mission! Maybe if I bought a pink wig you would spare me from Your Royal Pink-nesses's pink justice?"

The next day, he received an arrest warrant from the Magic Council for defying the ruling authority by falsely claiming discrimination of hair colour and conspiring to achieve world domination by colour-motivated means.

Snickering, Natsu rolled up the piece of paper and replaced the toilet roll hanging with it. "Happy, you can use the toilet now!"

The clearing outside Hokage Tower had been completely transformed. The usually barren landscape was now a mass of tents and stalls erected in anticipation of the night's festivities, with colourful paper lanterns and streamers strung around the enclosure. Teuchi was ladling bowls of steaming takeaway Ichiraku ramen for a crowd of hungry chūnin, while further down the wonderful frying smell of yakisoba curled through the air, making everyone's stomach growl eagerly. Shinobi and civilians were already trooping in by the droves, with many stopping to buy a helium Natsu, Naruto or (shock horror!), Gai balloon.

"Wahhhh!" Lucy looked around in wonder, her eyes shining as she took in the sights, sounds and stalls around, multi-coloured lights glowing softly in the evening light. "It's really pretty!"

Slipping his arm around her shoulders, Gray felt his heart soften a little at her rapturous expression. "I'll buy you a Gray balloon if you buy me a Sakura one, how about that?" he teased. Blushing furiously, she giggled. "You don't really want your head literally up in the clouds do you? Plus I'd sooner buy a Natsu one! Speaking of Natsu, where is he?"

Right on cue, the pink-haired Dragon Slayer emerged from the rapidly growing throngs of people, his arms piled sky-high with dozens of little plates, packets and cups of food. There were at least ten sticks shoved in his mouth for maximum food-carrying ability, and even a tall box of cotton candy balanced precariously on top of his head. "YAH! The food here is absolutely amazing!" he enthused, only it came out as "Thr fszh urmg urz urbsehlurshgly urfhmurghzheng!" thanks to the sticks in his mouth. Erza, who was munching on a stick of syrupy dango, closely followed him. "Not bad, but it can't replace strawberry cheesecake."

"It's a traditional Japanese festival," Lucy gushed, savouring the smells of frying noodles and the cries of traders trying to entice shinobis, mages and civilians alike to stop at their stall, snatches of traditional music floating in the air. She spotted Levy and Wendy delicately trying to scoop goldfish using only a flimsy looking paper scooper, the paper rupturing almost as soon as it touched the water. An admiring crowd of civilians were watching a pair of shinobi having a mock-kenjutsu fight, while Inuzuka Kiba was trying to fend off a group of kids who were trying to get on Akamaru's back for a ride. The great white dog gave a long-suffering bark, shaking his shaggy body vigorously and the three little boys fell of his back with a startled 'plop' on the ground. Laughing at their annoyed shouts, she patted the full skirt of her sky-blue kimono. "I feel like I've gone back in time."

To the right, a pink-haired girl in a light pink yukata was hitting a pale brunette dressed in a mid-riff top with a stick of chocolate bananas, while threatening to mutilate him with the leftover stick. "Call me 'hag' again, and I'll guarantee you not even one of them will want you by the time I'm through!" Satisfied, she turned away from the cowering Sai and clutched Sasuke's arm, a starry-eyed look clouding her eyes as she drank in the sight of the tall, handsome dark-haired shinobi; imposing yet elegant in his simple indigo yukata. "Ne Sasuke-kun, shall we…"

"SASUKE-KUN!" A squealing mob of fangirls suddenly steamrollered the Dragon Slayer, trampling and kicking him in their haste to reach the object of their affections (and obsessions). Breathing heavily as he gingerly touched the various heel marks and dirt clumps on his squashed face, Natsu poked his head out and was gratified to see the stampede of girls clinging to the stricken shinobi with vice-like grips, pawing all over his indigo top and skirt. He couldn't stifle a chuckle as he watched the Uchiha thrash wildly for air and smile through gritted teeth, "Hello there, ladies. I hope you missed me because I've missed all of you."

"SASUKE-KUNNNNNNN," they swooned, as he threw in a cheeky wink for good measure. One of them actually fainted, her drool painting a damp trail down his shirt. Sasuke twitched violently, resisting his OCD temptation to wash, dry and disinfect it immediately. They'd better be paying him that sack of tomatoes they'd promised for rehashing his character from Road to Ninja. Damn fangirls.

It wasn't long before things descended into the usual mauling, and Sasuke grimaced miserably as he felt his hair being pulled out, his cheeks squeezed to death, his shirt being ripped. And…were they actually biting his neck?!

"Sasuke-kun," a pretty brunette pouted as she mussed his spiky raven locks, running them loosely through her fingers lovingly. "Why don't you ditch pinky here and join us for the festival? I can guarantee you you'll have a lot more fun and if you're lucky, we can even go back to my place for an afterparty." She winked at him, but Sasuke was too busy trying to prevent himself from dying of suffocation from the fangirls' grabbing hands. He finally managed to pry them off before they robbed him of every last piece of clothing and decency he had (no one was getting their grubby hands on his special edition Captain Ramen signed underwear with the yellow bowtie in front. No one.)

"Actually ladies, this pinky here is the angel of my cough existence, the salt of my earth and tomato of my life- my lovely teammate Sakura. I love her more than revenge itself."

5, 4, 3, 2,1.

Predictably, they burst into floods of tears. Hastily covering the huge smirk that was threatening to stretch his lips, Sasuke quickly arranged his features into one of stricken playboy-ish regret.

"OH SASUKE-KUN, WHY….?!"

"BUT WE LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH…!"

"Broad foreheads are sooo out of fashion…"

"I'd like to know that too, Uchiha."

A bored look flashed over Sasuke's face momentarily before it disappeared into a smirking mask. Natsu cracked his knuckles. "I'm not going to let you win her without a fight!"

Lines that were so clichéd he didn't even need a script to know what came next. "Come and get her then, if you dare," he taunted, slinging his arm around Sakura.

The pink-haired kunoichi pushed his arms away, her emerald eyes flashing. "I am NOT some prize to be fought over and won!" Glaring at her fellow pinkette, she narrowed her eyes. "Why are you being so annoying? Can't you see I only want to be with Sasuke-kun?"

Natsu ignored her. "YOU'RE ON!" he yelled, pumping his fists. "I challenge you!" He turned his gaze to the motionless shinobi, the mocking edge in his voice mirroring the Uchiha's earlier taunt. "If you dare."

The air was thick with tension, the threats and taunts the two rivals had exchanged left hanging in the air. Silence permeated the room as the two young men squared their shoulders, sizing each other up. Natsu's fists were balled, while Sasuke's jaw was twitching.

Skipping into the camera-frame, Levy smiled straight into it "And you know what this means folks?" She paused.

Suddenly, they both raised their right hands.

"Naruto!"

"Gray!"

"I CHOOSE YOU!"

"That's right folks, it's time for a POKEMON I mean Naruto-Fairy Tail (NFT) battle!"

Eye to eye.

Wink to glare.

Smirk to snarl.

The clearing outside the Hokage Tower was filled with a ring of cheering shinobi, all eager to witness the victor of what had to be the biggest match-up since Hashirama v Madara. The Hokage had declared it the main event of the festival and everyone, even the civilians had come to watch the entertainment.

Sasuke and Natsu stood at opposing ends of the field, flanked by their three chosen combatants.

"What a charade," Charle sniffed disdainfully, her pretty little nose stuck high up in the air. "And the best part is that none of this is even real!"

Next to her, her blue counterpart merely sighed. "That's why I hope Natsu doesn't get too excited," he whispered, stealing a glance at the Dragon Slayer's gleeful, battle-hyped expression.

"Fat chance of that."

"Any bets on the outcome of the match, Hokage-sama?" Genma grinned as he stood guard beside the busty blonde. "Hatake here just bet a measly 5 ryo on his student, no surprises there!"

The silver-haired jōnin shrugged. "Skill over passion. But the mages are admittedly an unknown quantity. Hence the small bet."

Steepling her fingers, the Hokage thought for a moment before pounding her fist on the ground determinedly. "I bet my entire sake stock on that pinkie! Shizune," she gestured to her assistant. "Bring all the bottles we have down from my office. Screw the elders' sobriety plan - what's a battle without some alcohol to liven things up!"

"That's a wild bet even by your standards, Hokage-sama."

"I guess even an old woman like me still likes to believe that true love will triumph at the end of the day." She sighed theatrically, before nodding at a startled Kakashi. "May the best baka win!"

"This is an NFT battle. In the red corner is Uchiha Sasuke – voted Konoha's Most Popular Obsession five years in a row and current crush of Haruno Sakura. In the blue corner is Natsu Dragneel – voted Fairy Tail's Bottomless Pit five years in a row, and current challenger for Haruno Sakura's affections. Each contestant can use up to three people. No time limit. Let the battle begin!" Levy shouted.

"Choji, I choose you!" Sasuke yelled, jabbing his finger towards the centre of the field.

"RARRRRR!" Choji yelled, hurling forwards as he beat his ample stomach with his fists. Suddenly, he stopped. "Wait, can we stop to have a snack first?"

Natsu smiled cockily. "Don't worry, you'll get a knuckle sandwich, all in good time. Pantherlily, I choose you!"

The Black Exceed strode calmly into the middle of the grassy arena. "I'm ready."

The mainly shinobi audience stared at his tiny stature.

He sighed. "What? You guys haven't seen anything yet."

Sasuke clicked his fingers. "We'll crush your little cat in no time. Choji, Baika no Jutsu (Expansion Jutsu) now!"

Forming the handseals he needed to perform the jutsu, the Akimichi quickly inflated his body to its gigantic proportions as he stared down imposingly at the unflinching Exceed.

Pumping his fist into the air, the roseate Dragon Slayer shouted, "You're not the only one that can turn yourself into a giant beach ball! Lily, Battle Mode Shift!"

The audience gasped as a brilliant light enveloped the Exceed's body, and the little black cat transformed into his original, well-built proportions. He bared his teeth in a feral grin. "Told you."

Levy cheered along with the crowd. "And we're off to a whopping start here, folks! Akimichi Choji gets off the ground with an impressive Baika no Jutsu, but Lily counters with a supersize expansion of his own! What will Sasuke do now?"

"Yea!" Natsu whooped. "Now Lily, let's show them how a real battle should be fought! Use your Musica Sword to cut him down to size!"

Drawing the huge, curved blade from his back, the Exceed swung it wildly towards the Akimichi.

"Gack!" Choji yelled, as the edge nearly grazed his pants.

A small smirk graced his features. "Hn." Turning to Choji, Sasuke commanded, "Mow him down with your Nikudan Sensha!"

Tucking his limbs in to form a large rolling ball, Choji launched himself at the huge Exceed, using chakra to propel himself forwards at enormous velocity. "Nikudan Sensha!"

Pantherlily could only scream as the rolling Choji-ball knocked himself and the giant sword aside like a bowling pin.

"Strike." Sasuke looked satisfied.

"And the first victory goes to Uchiha Sasuke, who's one step closer to winning the battle and the pink-haired girl of his dreams! Which contestant will Natsu Dragneel choose now?"

"Sasuke, Sasuke! He's the one who'll win the day, YAY!"

Shikamaru looked in disbelief at the glittery, pom-pom wielding mob next to him, before shaking his head. "Thank God I'm not popular enough to have my own fangirls. Think about how mendokusai it would be to have to shut them up during every fight." His eyes then nearly popped out as he spotted a hooded Shino waving a pair of pink ones in the thick of the throng.

Natsu's only response was another spirited punch in the air. "You may have had it easy in the first round Uchiha, but I'm all fired up now! Gray, come out to play!"

The bare-chested brunette sighed. "Why me…" He slowly took his place at the centre amid raucous laughter from the male shinobi and adoring screams from the females, many of them Sasuke's fangirls. "We love you, Gray!" "Show off those abs, baby!" The Ice Mage looked bemused.

The Choji-Ball stopped suddenly, before reversing direction and headed straight for him.

"Hey stripper! Do something!"

Gray grit his teeth in irritation. What was he, some sort of Pokémon? Crouching down, he formed the seals and flung his palms on the ground. "Ice Make: Floor!"

A brilliant blue seal enveloped the ground, and the Choji-ball skidded wildly as Choji tried to end the jutsu. But it was too little too late, as he crashed into a thicket of trees at the far end of the arena, slumping to the ground with 'X' marks over his eyes.

"And what a stunning comeback for Natsu Dragneel! Now both Natsu and Sasuke are down to two contestants each, and things look like they're starting to heat up!"

Despite himself, Gray couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. Absurd as it was, it was kind of fun to kick ninja butt. Even scripted ninja butt.

"Hn. It's not over yet. The Uchiha would rather turn gay than lose! Gai-sensei, I choose you!"

Kakashi stifled a groan as he watched the fuzzy-browed, green-spandex loving jōnin charge forward, a familiar manic glint in his eye. "Dynamic Entry!" he yelled, throwing his right leg forwards into the mage's face with a sweeping kick before Gray had even finished gawking at the strange sight that was Konoha's Sublime Green Beast of Prey.

The Ice Mage spluttered; his eyes running incredulously over the dark-green stretchy jumpsuit that accentuated every angle and plane of his body, the crazy orange leg warmers that stuck out like giant foot pompoms and most (pardon the pun) hair-raising of all: the slick, shiny bowler cut. "What…what are you?!"

Flashing his trademark megawatt smile with an audible 'ping', Maito Gai stuck his thumbs up for his Nice Guy pose. "They call me Konoha's Sublime Green Beast of Prey, Maito Gai!" Surveying his opponent, his beam only stretched wider, "I see that you are proficient in the use of Ice jutsu, but I shall prove to you that it is useless to fight against the Power of Youth!"

A sweat drop ran down Gray's forehead. Was this guy for real?!

Unfortunately, Sasuke wasn't amused. "Stop talking so much, and finish him off with Konoha Senpū," he grunted, sticking his hands into his pockets. He wanted those tomatoes, and he wanted them quickly. Preferably before Director Baka had a chance to write in any more scenes with those accursed, Kami-damn fangirls.

Springing into the air, the jōnin launched into a succession of high and low kicks, shouting, "Konoha Senpū!"

The crowds' cheers increased. "And Sasuke's Maito Gai kicks things off with a devastating Leaf Whirlwind! It looks like our favourite Ice Mage's chances of victory have just been swept away - can Gray find a way to fight back against the storm?"

"WHOO! Sasuke, Sasuke he's our man! If he can't do it no one can! Goooooo Sasuke!"

Natsu bared his teeth. "Gray, return! Happy, I choose you!"

"Ehhh, Natsu!" the Blue Exceed squealed as Charle looked at him in disbelief. "I thought you were going to use Gajeel!"

The camera panned to a cowering Gajeel, trembling violently behind Natsu as he shielded his eyes, little whimpers escaping him at intermittent intervals. Cracking open one eye, he caught sight of a curious Gai peering almost politely at him, before letting out another small scream. The Dragon Slayer sighed. "Gajeel's got a phobia of bodysuits, let alone green, stretchy spandex ones…something about the tightness of the clothing… I'm sorry, Happy. Now, use…" he stopped to scratch his nose. "Actually, what attacks do you have?"

"Come fight me, o youthful blue cat of Fairy Tail!" Gai boomed, taking giant strides towards the trembling Happy. "My hot blooded passion is impatient to battle one so small, yet surely powerful! Come test yourself against the epitome of youthful enthusiasm!"

"NATSU, HELP ME!" The Exceed wailed as Gai began to chase him around and around the grassy arena.

"Do not run from my youthful challenge! To prove my sincerity, I shall pursue you on my hands until you succumb!"

The tiny blue cat barely had time to look up before being freaked out by Gai's grinning face, as the upside-down jōnin speedily gained on him albeit "running" on his two hands.

"AAAHHHH!" he yelled, frantically searching his body for anything that could be used to distract the fuzzy green terror. Opening his little green backpack, he started flinging its contents at the oncoming Gai, not even pausing to look at what exactly he was throwing.

"Oh ho!" Gai yelled delightedly, as he kicked away a juicy red crab followed by a light purple octopus. "You have succumbed to my advances!" he cried, enthusiastically kicking two small tuna fish, three oranges and five prawns into the screaming crowd. "Very well, I shall return the favour!"

"NATSU!" Happy wailed, as he realised that he was completely out of seafood armoury save for last week's lunch. Praying for a miracle, he flung it at the grinning shinobi. Gai was gaining on him: he was 20, 15, 10, 5…then a mere salmon's throw away from him. He reached out a hand…

"Konoha Daisenp…OOF!"

The crowd gasped as a giant salmon fish smacked Gai across the face, causing him to stumble. "Ack!" he gasped. "The smell…." A loud thud sounded as he keeled over.

A shocked silence ensued, as Erza counted to three. "Maito Gai is unable to battle. The winner is Happy!"

"YEAH, WE DID IT!" Natsu cheered, dancing around the spot. "DOO DOO DOO DOO!"

A stunned Happy stood motionless in the centre as the crowd chanted his name, before sinking to his knees and bowing his head to the ground in reverence. The Gods of Fish had been merciful- they'd spared him the agony of being touched by the Sublime Green Beast of Prey.

"Unbelievable!" Levy shouted. "Maito Gai is defeated in what could be the fishiest victory of today's tournament- last week's rotten salmon! So both Natsu and Sasuke are down to their last contestant- who will Sasuke choose now?"

The Uchiha closed his eyes as he clasped his hands tightly. "It's all up to you now, buddy. I'm counting on you," he whispered to himself. Turning back to the arena, he shouted, "Naruto, I choose you!"

The crowd roared its approval at his choice, screaming and clapping enthusiastically for the village hero. A loud 'bang' sounded and the smoke cleared to reveal…

Tonton.

"EH?!" Sasuke stared. "What happened to Naruto?!"

The little pink pig merely stared right back at him. "Buhi buhi buhi, buhi buhi buhi!"

The crowd began to mutter. "What on earth is she saying?" Genma whispered to Shizune. The jonin medic cocked her head.

"I think she said Naruto's in the bathroom- too much ramen."

"She doesn't seem too upset about it."

"His favourite flavour was pork."

Genma's senbon twitched.

A somewhat bemused Levy continued her commentary. "We're almost at the end folks, of what has been a titanic battle for superiority, world domination, and the heart of a beautiful kunoichi! It has come down to these two brave, gallant competitors: Happy versus Tonton. To the winner we declare the strongest warrior of Konoha and Magnolia; to the victor do we give the spoils of war: the hand of the beautiful Haruno Sakura-san! May the best animal wi…."

A loud CRASH resounded around the clearing, and a creepy sounding soundtrack suddenly blared out of nowhere; the eerie strains of a minor chord drowning out the frightened shrieks and screams of the crowd. The assembled spectators began to choke as huge puffs of smoke began filling the clearing, obscuring everything in sight. A spotlight shone down in the middle of the arena, illuminating the thin, long-haired figure basking in its glow. His pale yellow eyes gleaming with malevolence; he ran his forked tongue across his mouth as he hungrily surveyed the great crowd before him.

"So many people, so many new bodies ripe for the taking!" The snake-like shinobi laughed cruelly, rubbing his hands in gleeful anticipation. He bared his tongue again. "You didn't think you could deny me Sasuke forever, could you?"

"Orochimaru," Tsunade spat, leaping to her feet. "What do YOU want?"

Orochimaru chose to ignore his former teammate, fixing his eyes instead on the silent shinobi standing a few metres away from her, his dark eyes cool and collected and his mouth a grim line. Only the slight tenseness of his broad shoulders betrayed a hint of anything he was feeling. "You owe me a body, Sasuke. And I've come to collect it."

"I defeated you once, and I have no hesitation in doing so again. I have no need of your power any more." The camera panned to the Uchiha, who automatically plunged his hand to his back, reaching for his trusted blade, Kusanagi. To his horror, his fingers closed on empty air. You wouldn't bring a shiny giant sword to a summer festival, would you? His conscience chided lightning chakra at his fingertips, he shouted, "Chidori!" rushing through the panicking crowd towards Orochimaru.

The earth beneath his feet suddenly opened and Sasuke found himself face to face with an enormous, ten-foot long purple snake. Orochimaru's great snake summon, Manda.

It opened its great mouth, hissing in triumph and giving Sasuke a glimpse of its deadly fangs. Great and white, at least a foot long, and sharp enough to rip a man to pieces in one vicious bite.

"Begone, you evil creature not born of youth and passion! Maito Gai has arrived to save Konoha!"

"Gai, no!"

Before Sasuke could even move a muscle, the giant snake had already opened its fangs of doom and swallowed the onrushing Gai evilly in apparent satisfaction, the snake soon turned its attention to the motionless Sasuke, who was still staring almost stupidly at the spot where Gai had just been two seconds ago. A warning snap of its jaws jolted him back to reality.

"Sasuke!" Snapping his head around, he saw Kakashi frantically beckon him. He rushed to his sensei, blood pounding in his head. "We need Naruto to summon Gamabunta," Sasuke replied, breathing heavily. "Taka's too small to take Manda on his own, that's the only way to defeat him."

"I would, but Naruto's in the toilet remember…URGH!"

A horrible stench soon washed over both shinobi, and Sasuke looked up; although he was starting to feel very faint and the action only made him feel sicker. "Did that bl**dy snake just BURP on us?" he asked incredulously.

Kakashi's eye began to slide shut, even as the jōnin fought desperately to stay awake. "There's some kind of knockout-gas in the snake's burp! Sasuke…I can't…" his head fell forward and he started snoring deeply and within seconds, he was soon joined by his student.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI! SASUKE-KUN!" Fear gripped Sakura's heart as she saw her two teammates slump to the ground, evidently out for the count. At the sound of her scream, Orochimaru turned to her. He glanced over her almost amusedly. "You're feisty. I like feisty, and although you're not Sasuke, you'd make a good bod…"

But just as she was reaching for the explosive tags and kunai concealed beneath her yukata, a pink, black and gold blur suddenly leapt in front of her. "If you want to get her, you have to beat me first!"

Orochimaru hissed delightedly. "And who are you?"

Natsu stood straight, his white scaly scarf flapping dramatically in the wind. "Natsu Dragneel, Fire Dragon Slayer and a mage of Fairy Tail. And that's my nakama you're threatening," he growled, clenching his fist.

The Sannin only laughed again. "So you're not a shinobi. Very well, I've never fought a mage before so this could be interesting…but I'm in a hurry to get to a makeover appointment, so just hand over Sakura and you needn't get hurt."

"Never." A familiar resolute determination flashed through his eyes, as his hands started forming those familiar seals. "I always swear to protect my nakama no matter what and for Sakura, who's so much more than a nakama…," he turned away, a slight blush staining his cheeks. "For Sakura…I'd gladly die for her." His eyes quickly darted to hers, before flicking back to stare determinedly at their enemies.

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Fool!" Orochimaru laughed, his hands also starting to form Seals. "We'll see who…"

Cupping his hands, Natsu roared, "Fire Dragon Slayer Magic: Fire Dragon's Roar!" A giant fireball swept over the Sannin and the great purple snake; engulfing everything in its path in a blazing wave of orange fury.

"Noooo!" Crumpling to the ground, he closed his eyes and sniffed disgustedly, burning bits of Manda's body raining down around him as the great snake exploded in a shower of sparks. His hoarse voice descended into a furious whisper, "I will get revenge, I will get Sasuke! Sasuke…is…mine…"

"CUT!"

Everyone turned to Director Baka. "What was wrong with that take?!" Natsu spread his arms indignantly. "I thought it was perfect! It was passionate, it was dramatic, it was…"

"…the worst acting I've seen in my entire life!"

"WHAT?!" The casts' indignant cry was as one.

The fat man sulked, a huge pout on his bulgy face, making him look more like an overgrown pig than ever.

Natsu thumped the floor. "But we were just doing what you told us to!" he raged.

"Maybe if you didn't use popsicle snakes…" Gray muttered, as he slowly wheeled the giant ice statue of Manda he had just constructed and sprayed purple towards the set in preparation for the second take.

"And lazy cloud-watching villains…"

Mendokusai, Shikamaru thought miserably as beads of sweat poured down his forehead, trickling into his eyes and making him blink. Although the rubber Orochimaru facemask and the rest of the costume were fireproof, it was sticking uncomfortably to his skin, and the sweat wasn't helping matters. It was already so hot in here in that stupid suit without the dragon boy heating things up further. I can't believe they couldn't afford to hire Orochimaru to play his own part with the millions of ryo they're making per episode!

"And use the dobe's sh*t as a major ingredient in Manda's burp," Sasuke cursed, fanning himself vigorously. He was adamant that his clothes would smell of Naruto for days – and not a part of him that he wanted to be reminded of! Beside him, Kakashi serenely read Icha Icha Romance, smiling as he reminded himself of another reason to be eternally grateful for the mask covering his face.

Director Baka remained stubborn. "Never mind the props, I'm getting paid a million bucks to make a show that will make ALL the fangirls and old ladies reach for their handkerchiefs and order a thousand more Natsu plushies to dry their tears on," he huffed. "But the acting was so bad I didn't shed a single tear during that entire scene, and THAT's supposed to be the climax.

"Hey, it's not our fault that the audience is going to have to read between some really bad lines…"

"Just get on with it!" he sulked. "This show is going to make me famous, and I won't have you bakas ruining it!"

As everyone scrambled back into position, Levy called out. "How I Met Your Kaa-San, Episode 10, Scene 29, Take 1- ACTION!"

"Natsu." The Dragon Slayer turned around at the sound of her voice, still breathing heavily from the exertion of the previous action sequence.

Sakura was looking at him warily. Her hair was swept messily to the side, and her yukata was dark with smoke stains. Flecks of dirt dotted her already-pale complexion. No one looking at her now would have called her beautiful.

Yet, he felt an awkward flush start to creep up his neck so he responded by flashing her his trademark grin. "I told you I always protect my nakama."

The next thing he knew, Sakura had walked straight up to him and placed a hand gently on his cheek, her touch smooth and cool. "Did you really mean what you said earlier?"

From the side of the set, Sasuke barely stifled another yawn. The moment they'd all been waiting for. The cliché oops climax of the show.

"I…did."

And there it was. The moment he'd been dreading. Beads of cold sweat began to dot Natsu's face, and he saw Sakura momentarily flash him a quizzical look as the hand he had placed around her waist began to shiver and shake uncontrollably. "Ano…uh…." he stuttered, the normally rambunctious Fire Mage suddenly at a loss for words as his brain decided to take off on a holiday to Tenrou Island.

There was an awkward pause, in which Natsu felt like everyone on set could hear his heart pounding out of his chest.

The wind blew.

Choji crunched.

Kakashi flipped a page.

Gray coughed.

Erza sniffed.

Sasuke yawned.

The silence dragged on.

Like everyone else, Sakura seemed puzzled into silence but pretty soon she poked him in the ribs. "What's wrong? Get on with it, will you?!" she hissed furiously.

He gulped. Long and hard.

"Hey are we going to be done before breakfast tomorrow? Because Akamaru wants to take a p*ss!" Kiba howled from the background.

Finally after another agonizing silence, Natsu sighed in resignation and dipped his head as he pulled her closer.

She drew back.

"Your breath stinks. Do you smoke, by the way?"

"It's the fire I eat," he snapped back, his fraying nerves almost stretched to breaking point. Suddenly, he just wanted to get it over with so that he could go back to Fairy Tail, go back to Igneel, go back to his comfortable cave, and bed and eat ice-cream with Happy and forget about Sakura, forget about Konoha, forget about Fat Directors and forget that anything like this TV Show had ever happened. He was sick of her, sick of them, sick of everyone.

She shut her eyes. He obediently did the same.

Suddenly, she opened them again. "No longer than five seconds."

He stared incredulously at her. "Five?! I was thinking three."

"Three?! What can you do in three seconds?"

"Exactly. Nothing."

"Then what's the point?!"

"That's the point, nothing!"

"Look, if you're just stalling because you don't know how to…"

Losing patience, he finally grabbed her back and pushed her against him. She was so close, her warm breath was on his mouth and he could feel her heart beating as violently against her chest as his probably was. There was a roaring sound in his ears drowning out everyone and everything else on set but her.

Just a little bit more…

But before their lips touched, a loud shout sounded behind them.

"WAAAAAIIIIIIIITTTT!"

They jumped aside immediately. Natsu touched a finger to his mouth, a slight sense of mingled…disappointment(?) and anti-climax washing over him . So close, yet…

"What is it?" Director Baka roared, finally at the end of his patience. Two months filming on location in a remote hidden village with hundreds of trained assassins living mere feet away from you did that to a person.

Poor Wendy swallowed. "Sumimasen, Director-sama…but the TV Tokyo producers just called. They're cancelling the show."

A deathly silence.

Then all hell broke loose.

Amid Director Baka's anguished screams, Sasuke and Naruto's hearty cheers, Akamaru's excited barks, Gray and Lucy's high fives and a whole other cacophony of jubilant noise making; Natsu gathered that a society called the WNDHAOS had paid them 100 million ryo to discontinue the show.

"But how on earth did they get the money to buy off TV Tokyo?" Erza asked, astonished. "How I Met Your Kaa-San was making millions of ryo!"

Wendy peered at the scroll she had been given. "It says here they managed to raise 100 million ryo by selling all of their 10,000 Natsu T-Shirts, 20,000 Natsu fluffy toys, 50000 Natsu bra sets, 5000 boxes of Natsu tooth floss, 8000 Natsu pencil shavers, 25000 Natsu toilet cleaners, 900000 Natsu fire extinguishers, 50000 anti-Lucy machine guns." The young Dragon Slayer paused for breath. "And 890,576,342 Barbie Natsu dolls?" she finished, giggling.

"Haihhhhh, thank Kami!" Natsu flopped down to the ground in relief, wiping the sweat of his brow while Director Baka howled and wept next to him of lost fame and sunken fortunes. "Good timing, Wendy!" he cheered. "And just before we had to kiss as well!" He cheerfully turned to his pink-haired co-star, who was sitting next to him. "Na, Sakura?"

"Ano, Natsu…" she suddenly trailed off and to his surprise, it was her turn to blush now.

"Sakura?"

Fidgeting, the red blush continued to suffuse her cheeks. "Actually…" she took a deep breath. "I know the show was stupid and I was quite relieved we didn't have to kiss in the end but I actually think it was a waste that we left a good story unfinished and well…I enjoyed it." By the end, her words were tumbling over each other and she wondered if he even understood a quarter of what she was saying. There, she said it.

He goggled at her, his jaw sagging to the ground. "Why?!" he asked weakly.

She chuckled a little sadly, and shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose it's because Sasuke…well no one, really, has ever properly liked me or made so much effort to chase me in real life. It's stupid and cliché but it actually made me feel…special. Like I was someone that could actually be loved." The medic started twisting her fingers over her pink apron skirt. She could feel her cheeks heating up again. "Never mind, you probably don't understand."

The Dragon Slayer remained dumbstruck for several long seconds. Inner Sakura started throwing kunai, shuriken, kusarigama and exploding tags at her, while simultaneously pounding her head against Hokage Mountain. Why why why why why?!

After a pregnant pause, he turned back to her, a playful grin on his face stretching from ear to ear. "Sakura…do you like happy endings?"

The kunoichi looked confused. "Well yes…why?"

And in full view of everyone, before she even had time to blink, Natsu had briefly pressed his lips to hers before quickly pulling away. "Yup, so do I," he grinned, his eyes quickly meeting her startled emerald gaze before flicking downwards in embarrassment. "And I hate to leave a good story unfinished too."

Sakura smiled at him, the first real smile he'd seen her give since the day he'd first bumped into her at Yamanaka Florists and Natsu felt his grin grow that much bigger and his day that much brighter.

Mirajane gave a silent squeal of happiness, while Gray and Lucy smiled at each other. "Our Natsu's all grown up," Erza nodded, looking proudly at the pinkette pair. "I do love a good old fashioned love story." Happy turned hopefully to Charle, but the pink Exceed only turned up her nose at him. "Not everyone can have a Happy ending." The little blue cat drooped.

Taking his hand, Sakura pulled him to his feet. "So you're a very free Dragon Slayer now aren't you?" she murmured, slipping her arm through his and smiling up at him as contentedly as a Hokage with her gambling chips.

Beaming back at her, Natsu quickly looked around for his teammates but they only waved back at him and made shoo-ing gestures, sporting knowing grins on their faces. Gray winked at him. "We'll probably return to Fiore tomorrow but I've got tonight free, at least."

"Good, because I think I never got a chance to know you beyond you spouting some cheesy lines to win my affections and convince me to be your pinkie wife so that I can give you five million pinkie brats. If you want those pinkie brats, you have to earn them the hard way."

He laughed. "And if we have time after that, I want to tell you about this brilliant new idea for a TV show I thought about the other day. It's about a pink-haired boy that marries a pink-haired girl and together, they set out to achieve world domination and peace by building their very own pink empire…"

A/N: IT'S FINALLY OVER. Phew that was almost 24,000 words in total – the longest I've ever written and the equivalent of an Honours thesis. I know I said that Chapter 2 would be up a week after Chapter 1, but to be honest it was a lot more difficult than I initially expected and this is the product of more than three rewrites and many late nights over more than two months. Many thanks for putting up with my senseless humour, hope it put a few smiles on your face

PS My apologies for the implied SasuNaru and Natsu/Gray, it's really not meant to be taken seriously. And the KakaSaku references and Sai bashing, I really couldn't help it. There are also a couple of deleted scenes from the alternative ending I wrote, which I had earlier published but later took down, so if there's enough interest I might put it up in the future.

Jap vocab:

Yare yare- Geez

Ohaiyou gozaimasu/ohaiyou – Good morning

Dewa mata – Good morning (more formal)

Arigatou gozaimasu – Thank you very much

Mada mada – Enough

Anko dumplings – Red bean dumplings

Yakiniku – Barbecue

Takoyaki – Grilled octopus balls

Bijuu – Tailed Beast

Baika no Jutsu – Expansion Jutsu

Nikudan Sensha - Leaf Style Taijutsu: Human Bullet Tank

Konoha Senpu – Leaf Whirlwind

Yakisoba – A type of fried Japanese noodles

Sumimasen – Excuse me