BACK TO THE BEGINNING
THE 1ST OF MY MEMORIES IS MUM AND I SITTING IN AN EMPTY APARTMENT, FEELING BEWILDERED AND NOT UNDERSTANDING THE STRANGE NOISES COMING FROM MY MUM.
I WAS ABOUT 3 YEARS OLD AND WE HAD JUST FLOWN TO OUR NEW HOME IN PHOENIX FROM FORKS BECAUSE MUM COULDNT STAND BEING SUFFOCATED MY WHAT SHE CALLED THE SMALL MINDED TOWN FOLK WHO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND STIFLE ALL HER CREATIVE YEARNINGS. WHAT SHE DIDNT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT IS THAT BY LEAVING DAD WE LOST ALL MONEY AND BELONGINGS AS SHE HADNT LINED UP A JOB OR THOUGHT ANY FURTHER THAN HER OWN SELFISH WANTS AND NEEDS. ALL I WANTTED WAS A CUDDLE AND WHERE WAS MY DAD, AS I LOOKED AROUND I REALISED MY REAL LIFE TEDDY BEAR THAT CUDDLED ME AND MADE ME FEEL SAFE WASNT HERE AND I BEGAN TO WAIL.
OF COURSE IN TIME WE GOT ORGANISED , MUM RETRAINED AS A TEACHER AND I WAS ENROLLED IN SCHOOL BUT WHETHER IT WAS TO DO WITH HAVING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND DO THE CHORES AT HOME OR WHETHER I JUST DIDNT FIT IN , I BECAME MORE INTROVERTED, SHY BEYOND BELIEF, I HATED EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME AND I BECAME ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO PEOPLE KNOW THE NAME OF BUT CANT PICTURE THEIR FACE AND THAT SUITED ME JUST FINE.
WHY THIS SHOULD BE WHEN MUM WAS SO EXTROVERTED DIDNT MAKE SENSE BUT WHERE MUM WAS SCATTERBRAINED AND DIDNT THINK ABOUT BILLS OR WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS, I WAS THE EXACT OPPOSITE FROM A YOUNG AGE I DID THE SHOPPING MADE LISTS AND ALWAYS LOOKED FOR THE BARGAINS AT THE END OF DAY, PUTTING LOOSE CHANGE IN THE TINS FOR THE ELECTRIC BILLS, RENT AND CAR PAYMENTS, OFTEN THE ELECTRIC WOULD BE CUT OFF UNTIL IT COULD BE PAID AND OFTEN BILLS WOULD BE PAID AND WE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO EAT. I WAS TOO PROUD AND MAYBE TOO LOYAL TO GO TO DAD FOR HELP, THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND HE WOULD OF WIRED MONEY DESPITE HAVING NO SPARE MONEY HIMSELF.
THE TEENAGE YEARS
PICTURE IF YOU CAN , A GIRL SO INTROVERTED NO-ONE REALISES SHE IS THERE, SHE KEEPS HER LONG NONDESCRIPT HAIR COVERING HER FACE, HER FIGURE COVERED UP IN LOOSE BAGGY TOPS AND JEANS AND A COMPLEXION SO PALE SHE LOOKS ALBINO.
THIS DESCRIBES ME , LIVING IN ARIZONA IM SUPPOSED TO BE TANNED, TALL ,SLIM AND HEALTHYM BUT IM PALE WITH CONTINUAL BAGS AND CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES, SMALL IN HEIGHT BARELY 5FT 2 SIZE ZERO BUT EMBARRASSINGLY LARGE BREASTS FOR MY FRAME HENCE THE BAGGY CLOTHES, I HATE PEOPLE ESPECIALLY BOYS NOTICING ME SO THIS IS EASIER. I ALSO STUTTER IF SOMEONE ASKS ME A QUESTION IN CLASS (NEVER A GOOD THING) AND THIS IS WHY IM CONSIDERED A LONER ABIT OF A FREAK, I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN STEP WITH MY PEER GROUP I FIND THE GIRLS VACUOUS AND EMTY HEADED WHEREAS THE GUYS , WELL ALL THEY ARE INTERESTED IN IS GETTING LAID OR HOW THEY CAN GET BOOZE AND GET DRUNK.
THIS THEREFORE SETS THE COMING EVENTS IN MY LIFE AND WILL MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I BEHAVE AS I DO