~o~0~o~
Darren stretched and rolled over. Thank god the pain in his head was gone. He was almost smiling when he remembered last night and groaned. He sat up. He was a little sore from sleeping on the couch, but his mind was clear.
He wanted to call Chris and talk. Say what he should have said last night, be sweet and understanding and all the things he knew how to be and wanted to be for Chris. But it was after ten. Chris would be surrounded by post-production crew, most ten to twenty years his senior, he wasn't gonna take Darren's call in front of them, because when it came to work, Chris was all business.
Plus there was still that little matter of getting his car. He was going to need it for his gig tonight. The growl in Darren's stomach distracted him. As usual there was nothing in his apartment but beer, apple juice, ramen noodles, hot chocolate and Diet Coke. He reminded himself that one day he was gonna have to start living and eating like a grown up. If he moved out to Laurel Canyon there wouldn't be a coffee shop or pizza parlor on every other block.
If he moved out to Laurel Canyon… Darren pressed the 'hold' button on his thoughts. After the way he acted last night he might not even have a boyfriend, much less a half hearted invitation to move in…or have a booty call. Darren couldn't help but smile. He could see himself sneaking into Chris' room after a show and putting all his hyped up energy to good use. Plus sometimes he would sleep over. It wouldn't be that bad. Darren's stomach growled loudly as if it seemed to disagree with Darren's thought process, or at the very least the speed at which he processed his thoughts.
"Okay" he said out loud, patting his abs. "Food. Car. Chris. Happy now?" He could have sworn his stomach grumbled back not yet.
~o~0~o~
Twenty minutes later Darren was back home. One muffin and coffee down, one croissant and coffee to go. He was scrolling through the contacts on his phone trying to decide which of his cast mates was going to have the pleasure of picking him up and taking him to the lot.
He actually didn't even really consider any of the guys – plus Mark had told him to never under any circumstances call him before 2pm on a Saturday. So that left the girls. He wondered which of Chris' "stage moms" would be most likely actually say yes and take pity on him. And he wondered if he should ask any of them for advice, …well advice in a round about kind of way since he and Chris had decided not to tell anyone what was going on between them.
He knew Lea and her boyfriend probably had the whole weekend planned down to the last minute. Dianna always seemed to know what was going on in Chris' head and could read him like a book. Darren was kinda scared he might crack under her stare. Chris and Amber had been close since the show began and he knew she was probably his best bet, but just as he was about to dial her number he remembered she was going out of town for the weekend.
Right under Amber's name was Ashley. Ashley was cool. They had done a lot of press together lately; he genuinely liked her. He had even been given a nickname by her to seal their friendship. She was 'Axe', Mark was 'Saw' and he had been christened "Ice Pick'.
Ashley was also not shy about expressing her love for all things 'Chris Colfer' and Darren could find no fault in that. Ashley would be the lucky shmuck to take him to the lot, and if she tried to decline, he would remind her that she threw him under the bus at the live stream three weeks ago and that she owed him.
Wow that was easy Darren thought as he hung up the phone. Ashley had said yes right away. She said that she would be outside in fifteen minutes and that she would text to let him know when she had arrived. Things were looking up. Maybe today would turn out great after all.
~o~0~o~
Darren changed his mind as soon as he got Ashley's text. He wanted to talk. And he wanted to talk now. He felt like he was about to burst. Every make-up scenario he had created in his head for the last fifteen minutes had ended horribly. He knew that flowers and a sweet ballad had gotten him off of more than one girl's shit list, but he wasn't quite certain if it would work with Chris.
Ashley was parking her car right now. He wasn't quite certain what he was going to say to her, but he knew he needed a listening ear and sound advice and he hoped she could help with both.
Ashley hugged him as she walked through the door. "What up Criss?"
The question was simple enough, but Darren's heart was pounding. "Hey you want something to drink?" he offered. "Sorry, …but the only thing cold is Diet Coke."
"Sure! Don't tell me you're an addict too."
"God no! I just keep them for –" Darren let the words just die in his mouth. "Ah, …I think they're left over from a party."
"Cool" Ashley grabbed the proffered can and sunk into his couch, absently rubbing the fabric. "Nice couch" she commented "I bet this sees a lot of action."
Darren blushed. Ashley was soooo right. "If you mean me falling asleep here night after night, then yes" he lied.
Darren didn't know where to start but he had to say something. Well no time like the present he thought. Plus, he was certain Ashley had better things to do than talk to him all afternoon.
"Ashley, to be honest, I need to pick your brain." Ashley nodded to let him know she was listening. "I screwed up" nice choice of words there Criss he thought, "– with a friend of mine, …a friend of ours," Darren raised his eyebrows hoping he would not have to say who "and I need your help to fix things."
"And how did you …screw things up?" Darren wondered why Ashley sounded like she was mocking him.
"I think I might of, …kinda …hurt their feelings."
"Wow that's extremely vague" Ashley rolled her eyes and turned to face him. "With all that info I should be able to fix this problem in no time." Darren could hear the sarcasm in her voice. This wasn't going to work; he needed her help. He had to tell her the truth. He just hoped Chris would be able to understand.
"It's Chris…" He started. "He…, I…, we…." Darren let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. Were his hands shaking? Get a grip Criss he chastised himself.
"Ashley, …truth is …Chris and I, well–"
"I know." Ashley had mercifully cut him off, …but what did she say?
" 'Cuse me?" Darren didn't quite understand.
"I know." That's what he thought she said.
"You know!" it was almost a scream but most definitely a relief, maybe. "….What do you know?" Darren was back in control of his voice and emotions, not ready to over share. He needed more confirmation from Ashley than I know.
"Mmm, let me think, …what do I know." Ashley tapped a finger to her lips. "I know that I've seen less of Chris on the lot than in seasons past, even though he has more screen time. I know that you might as well not have a trailer, because you're never in it. And I know that you can't keep your eyes, or your hands, off that fine ass of his."
Darren's mouth dropped in shock. He ran his hands though his hair. "Wow …you know… does anyone else know?" He had to know who on the cast and crew knew.
"I think more or less, everyone knows something is up, pardon the pun" Ashley allowed herself a little giggle.
"Oh. My. God! Does Chris know …everyone knows?"
"No …his head is right up in the clouds with you. When you're around each other you two don't seem to notice anyone else. Oh and Darren... you're not very subtle. The eye fucking …has. got. to. stop."
Darren was holding his head. His ears were ringing. Reality was crashing around him. He was looking for something to hold onto. Obviously Ashley was a mind reader because she scooted across the couch and wrapped Darren in a big hug, squishing his face to her chest. "Darren, it's okay. We're all cool with it. In fact, we're so happy Chris found someone like you." At those words, Darren wrapped his arms around Ashley returning the hug. He felt so much relief and acceptance. If coming out felt like this he would do it tomorrow. He felt like he was gonna cry, if he didn't smother in Ashley's chest first.
Again Ashley must have been reading his mind. She released him from the hug and rubbed his arms, smiling at him adoringly. "You know when Chris picked you, I had no idea it would turn out like this."
"What do you mean picked me? I made the first move." Darren could barely believe he said that out loud, but if felt good.
"No, I mean for the show, silly boy."
Darren looked at her, confusion in his hazel eyes.
"Oh my god, …you don't know… he never told you…no one ever told you. Oh my god, I need to shut up now."
"What do you mean picked me? What do you mean 'for the show'? Ash, what are you talking about?" Darren head was spinning with several different realities, trying to get all the cogs in the machine in his head to fit together but failing miserably.
"Next topic …please." Ashley was trying to change the subject, no too subtly.
"Ashley, you have to tell me?"
"Darren, I'm so sorry, I guess it's a secret, …and its not mine to share."
"But I shared I huge one with you... Please, I have to know." Ashley remained tight lipped, looking around the room and finding interest in the cobwebs in the corner.
"Ashley, you threw me under the bus during the live stream – you owe me!"
Ashley caught his eye and let out a chuckle. "Yeah, that was pretty horrific, but I had a great time on Tumblr later. 'I was so consumed by my love for Chris Colfer…' was the worse come back e-va" She shook her head, eyes smiling and decided to give Darren a break.
"Okay, …here's the short version. You know Chris has Ryan in his pocket. Chris saw you at the original auditions and knew exactly who you were, but he was too shy to approach you. And Chord really was supposed to be Kurt's boyfriend but Chris and Chord had zero on-screen chemistry, basically because he's not Chris' type; the bleach blond hair was the deal breaker. So Ryan need a love interest ASAP and had sense enough to include Chris in the casting process. They contacted your agent and two weeks later you were Blaine Anderson – Teenage Dream incarnate. Oh …and Chris picked that song too by the way."
Darren's eyes were glazed. There was so much information to process. He thought back to his second audition last fall and how stoked he was that they had chosen him. He remembered feeling like the role was made for him, and now he realized …it was. Chris had been the catalyst, Chris had pulled the strings. Chris had chosen him.
Ashley was still talking and he knew he should be listening, but how could he, when his heart was pounding so loudly and his ears were filled with his pulse. He was wrong. He was wrong. Chris was just as invested, if not more so, into this relationship. Chris had picked him right from the start and had waited, and hoped, and pined, patiently for Darren for months. From the beginning he was able to see what Darren never could have imagined.
"– It didn't matter that you were straight" Ashley suppressed another giggle, "because he just wanted you in the cast and to get to know you. I warned him not to get too invested, not to get his hopes up, because straight boy crushes suck."
"Holy hell Ashley, …how do you know all this?" Darren had found his voice.
" 'Cause Chris and I are tight. He's my best friend actually, but you know that. Before you came on the scene…" she shoved Darren playfully, "I was always in his trailer, hanging out, being a sounding board and just a supportive friend. To be honest Darren, if you want me to know something about you and Chris, I probably do and if you don't want me to know about it, then I'm just gonna pretend like I don't."
"You know everything?"
"Yup…pretty much. Sometimes I don't ask for the gory details but most times I do." Ashley laughed and Darren blushed, suddenly very uncomfortable.
"So… the house…"
"I know."
"And what happened last night?"
"Well let's just say …that I know …for the last four weeks, Chris has not been having post production meetings on Skype every other night …and that's why he hasn't been able to go out with the cast. …You know, now that I think about it … you've been missing too." Darren's blush deepened. "See what I mean… not too subtle."
"Ash, what's he saying? Does he hate me?" Darren tried not to whine. "Did I screw up big time?"
"Darren, I don't think Chris could hate you if he tried. He's so over the moon about you. He's probably in his meeting right now biting his nails hoping you'll call, but we all know he won't be able to pick up, …so I wouldn't torture him by doing it. He's actually worried he did, or said, something wrong. I heard he wasn't his most eloquent last night."
"What should I do? …I mean with regards to the house. What does Chris want me to do?"
Ashley bit her lip, after all this was the reason she was here, why she had said yes to chauffeuring Darren on a Saturday. She had to let Darren know.
"Okay …I'm gonna share the biggest secret of all with you. But you cannot use it against my Boo. In fact …if you break his heart – I'm gonna break your face." Ashley put on her best 'Zines' scowl and punched her palm. "Got it Ice Pick?"
"I understand you perfectly Axe," nodded Darren solemnly.
"Alright, here goes nothing… Chris is crazy about you. You are everything he could have ever dreamed and more. We both know he's young, but that boy knows what he wants. And he wants you. He wants you more than he wants anything else in this world. But he's scared too. He knows how hard this is for you; and he knows the cluster fuck, I mean …media circus, you would both face if your relationship got out. He doesn't want to push you… to do anything or be anyone you're not ready to be. That house in the canyon is his castle; the foundation of a new fairytale and he wants you in that fairy tale. He can't image not having you there, but you have to decide if you're ready for that. He's not gonna push you, he loves you too much to risk losing you."
He's not gonna push you. The words reverberated in Darren's head. It explained so much. Why Darren had to make the first move. Why Chris wasn't pushing him to take that final step …sexually. Why he had been so nonchalant in asking Darren if he wanted to move in. He loves you too much to risk losing you.
The pilot light of fear and doubt that had been burning in the back of his mind, since the beginning of their relationship flickered and then finally died. Darren felt light – like he was hovering just above the earth. The only thing that had been holding them back was Darren. And now that Darren knew, they could go forward as far and fast as they dared.
"So what are you gonna do?" asked Ashley breaking him out of his reverie.
Darren had the widest grin she had ever seen on another human being. "Ash, I think I'm gonna storm the Castle."
~o~0~o~
It took ten minutes for Darren to gather most of what he needed. He had filled up a cardboard box with miscellaneous objects; he also had an air mattress and a small cooler.
His heart skipped a beat for a second as he tried to remember if he still had the key. Luckily he found it in the front pocket of his jeans on the bathroom floor and mercifully the garage remote was out in the open on the kitchen counter.
"Ready?" Ashley was carrying the cooler. Darren was juggling everything else.
"Ash, I can honestly say …I've never been more ready for anything more in my life."
The drive to the lot was relatively quick and extremely light hearted. They joked about their mutual love for the blue eyed boy; Darren dropped clues to his plan to win over Chris (take him to the dark side he called it more than once) and he made Ashley promise secrecy – just from Chris, and just for the next 24hrs. He understood anything more than that was asking for too much.
They were sitting in the studio lot and Darren was mentally checking off all the things he wanted to get done. Before he could open the car door, Ashley leaned in and said "One more secret… for the road?" Darren turned and gave her his full attention.
"I miss him. Now that I'm not in 'Glee Club' anymore and not on the set everyday, I really miss him. I'm really happy for him, …for you both, but I miss him. I can't help it." Darren felt his heart go heavy. My god he was a goober. He had stolen this girl's best friend and then pried all of his secrets out of her. Before he could say anything, she continued "You know that Tuesday night Writer's Club Chris goes to?"
"Of course, he calls them sacred; he says he can't live without them. …That they're magical and inspiring and it's where he gets most of his ideas. It's the one night I don't even bother calling because he says they always run late."
Ashley hung her head and spoke into the steering wheel "Well, I am the Tuesday night Writer's Club".
Darren didn't even flinch, actually he let out a laugh. Chris was full of secrets and someday he hoped to learn everyone. "I'm glad Chris has you" he said leaning in to kiss her cheek "and on Tuesdays when the Writer's Club comes to the house I'll be certain to make myself scarce."
"Thanks for understanding Darren" Ashley finally found the nerve to look at him.
"No sweat, Sweet Cheeks. …way I look at it …we are the Co-Presidents of the Chris Colfer Appreciation Society and we gotta stick together." Darren gave her a playful shove and started to get out of the car.
Slamming his trunk, he walked back over to Ashley, who was still idling behind him. "Thanks for everything Ash. If everything works out, Axe will be the name of our second adopted child; Toronto is first, of course."
"Of course" Ashley dead panned.
"Seriously, thank you. …I owe you dinner"
Ashley smiled and said "I know." She drove off and Darren was left with his plans.