Today is the day. I didn't even take time to chitchat out on the platform. I wasn't capable of staying focused. I came straight to a compartment and took a seat. I was neglecting my prefect duties, yes. However I didn't care. It was a horrible way to start my last year, but again I just could not bring myself to care about anything other than him.

The thoughts were building up in my head. I'm sure my long red hair looked as disheveled as I felt. It failed to occur to me that that may be very counterproductive when trying to win someone back but I could barley remember to blink. This was insane. I was becoming the type of girl I used to mock in petty romance novels. I would tell myself it was the man who should fight for the girl, not the other way around but look at what I was doing now.

The sound of the compartment door sliding open was heard. "There you go! ...Woah zombie much?" came the loud (too loud) cheerful (way too cheerful) voice of my half sister Ava. "Are you okay?" she asked on a more serious note taking a seat opposite of me.

Ava and I had the same father and she was raised in the wizarding world with him and her mother whereas I was raised in the muggle world with my mother. We we're pretty close but only saw each other at school and some odd summers. Therefore she had no idea of my recent incident, and quiet frankly I have no idea how I'm gong to tell her.

"Well nice to see you too. I'm fine, honestly. Come to ridicule me then, have you? Or do we have some catching up to do." I say attempting to keep nonchalant from my mental breakdown, giving a smile.

"That we do." she squeals all giddy. "So guess what!"

I smirk. Of course Ava always had something going on. "Whatever could it be?"

"I did the craziest thing!" she exclaims, not as crazy as me, I muse in my head. "Remember Oliver? Oh you'd probably remember him as Mr. Daggner, wouldn't you?"

"Mr. Daggner? The man who dad works for at the ministry?" I question.

"Yes! Him. Well.." she begins to blush "Now I know what you're probably going to say when I tell you.. or what you're probably going to think-"

"Ava just tell me!" I insert growing anxious. If it turns out she had a fling with Mr. Dinosaur, I mean Mr. Daggner, that would make it so much easier to tell her about Snape!

"I'm dating his son! Though he's like 24 okay! I know he's older than me but it's not by much right?" she let out as if professing a crime.

This just made me feel a thousand times worse. Honestly. A 24 year old? Was that it? Snape had to be at least, what, 36? My confidence level sunk to a whole new low. And suddenly I felt extremely ridiculous. Of course he wasn't going to love me, or be with me. Of course it was nothing but a shag to him. What have I been thinking? Though it doesn't make any sense, my feelings don't make any sense. Why do I feel so much for him?

"There's nothing wrong with that at all! As long as you're happy." I finally remember to respond to Ava as I see her beginning to second guess telling me.

"Thanks Lisa. Oh my, if daddy found out! Could you imagine!" she cringed at the thought and gave a laugh. "So you do anything interesting?"

I knew she wasn't expecting to hear anything exciting. Just me, little boring Lisa. I never really did anything, I was pretty shy and quiet. And the majority of my time is spent on books. So despite how nervous I was to mention this, or embarrassed I probably should be, it was countered with the fact that I was excited I finally had something to share.

"Actually. Yes. And I can guarantee that you'll never guess what it is!"

"Oh really!" She yelped in surprise, "Go on what is it?!"

I still didn't know how I was going to get this out there. What would I say, Um I slept with Professor Snape? Or Ya know just screwed the professor we all hate. The more I thought about it the more I could feel myself blush.

"It's a bit scandalous. Well extremely scandalous." I confess. I motion for her to come closer so that I could whisper it in her ear.

"WHAT?!" she yells automatically jumping back with eyes the size of saucers.

I simply nod and advert my gaze to anywhere but her face.

"You're serious?" she asks with disbelief after a few moments.

"Yes I'm serious. But he won't even talk to me now. I must of done something wrong." I say my excitement and nervousness fading, being replaced yet again with the feeling of despondency.

"Lisa.." Ava began looking very uncomfortable

"Just forget it. I just needed to tell someone. It's been eating me alive. You won't say anything, will you?"

She shook her head eyes still wide. "Of course not. But that's kind of a jerk move that he didn't talk to you afterwards. Though then again remember who we're talking about here."

I tilt my head down regretting brining this up at all. Maybe I should just let it all go. Maybe it was just a wild thing that happened that the universe put in place for me so that I won't look back at my youthful days and have no crazy experiences to remember. I just hate that it feels like so much more.

For the remainder of the train ride we spoke of other subjects. Trying desperately to forget about the whole incident and for a while it worked as we chatted about school and what we planned to do after and whatnot. Then we arrived. I walked into the castle not knowing what to do with myself. My group had arrived a bit early. The banquet wasn't due to start for another half hour. I had no idea what I was doing but I found myself sneaking away from the group. I had to see him. I just had to. I wouldn't be able to set through the entire feast with him just a few feet away from me. I'd go mad, I'd of probably ran up there and that wouldn't do for neither of us.

As I approach his office I feel nerves set in and my heartbeat pick up. I don't know why but even though it's only been two nights it feels as if I haven't seen him in forever. I stand before the door willing myself to go in, not knowing exactly what I plan to do once I'm in, not even knowing what I plan to say.

I finally force myself to just go in. The door opens with a creaking sound to announce an arrival. He's at his desk one hand on this forehead the other writing with a quill. He looks up and a brief moment of shock in his eyes is replaced by a facade of no emotion.

"You shouldn't be here."