Chapter 2: Look at this.
When the first four Dwarfs had arrived, I wondered whether risking it out there was worth the rush of meeting the characters of my favourite book, although admittedly I preferred Bofur and Bombur to any of the ones that had arrived yet. It was just after the rest had come, not Thorin, that Bilbo came to get me.
"Miss Reynolds? Might I be so rude as to request your help with these Dwarfs?" Bilbo asked through the door to my room, I cringed and shuddered before straightening my new pastel lilac dress Bilbo had given to me and marching out the door. "Oh dear." I heard as Bilbo walked briskly to keep up, he wasn't that much shorter than me in truth. As we rounded the corner of the dining room, I felt butterflies in my stomach, I crossed my arms and frowned at the rowdy Dwarfs.
"Excuse me?" I said loudly, all of them turning around, I kept my eyes fixed on Balin, who had an eyebrow raised. In all of the stories I had read, none of the girls ever fell in love with him, always with Fili or Kili or Thorin, hence not looking at either of the younger Dwarfs. "I assume that the four of you have thanked Mr Baggins for allowing you into his home?" I asked, there was a chorus of non committal answers, I raised an eyebrow to them. "What have you done since arriving? Intruded, ignored Mr Baggins, insulted his home without apology and now you're eating his food as though he doesn't want any left?" I asked, no sound came from any of them.
"Apologies Mr Baggins." Balin said, stepping forwards, his hands raised. "But I did not know you had a Wife." Both Bilbo and I turned red, he from embarrassment and myself from anger.
"Wife?" We asked in unison.
"Well, usually when a man and woman live together, they are either married or young siblings." Balin explained, I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.
"No, we are not siblings nor married, Gandalf left me behind and Bilbo took me in out of kindness and I assume pity. Now, you lot are the worst house guests, and this place had better be spotless by the time the morning comes around or I swear to all that is good and holy, that if it isn't, I will personally hunt down each and everyone of you and drag you back by your ears." I threatened, leaving the men to continue with their raucous ways.
"I do believe they may have listened to some of that." Bilbo sighed, I shook my head.
"Bloody Dwarfs."
Several hours passed by, the Dwarfs sang their way through cleaning up the dishes, giving Bilbo a stroke as they threw around his mother's hundred year old West Farthing pottery. I heard the three ominous knocks on the door, announcing the arrival of Thorin and fought the desire to stay hidden.
"Oh come on you wimp, what happened to the Clary that just threatened a room full of scary, armed Dwarfs? Thorin is just a big kitty compared to them." I hissed at myself, steeling my nerves and striding to join Bilbo, the rest of the company turning their eyes to the ground. I arrived just i time to here Thorin's parting insult.
"He looks more like a green grocer than a burglar."
I frowned and pushed between Gloin and Bofur, standing next to the dejected Hobbit and crossing my arms.
"So you're just gonna pass him off like that?" I asked, the Dwarf prince turned around and scowled at me. "Don't you scowl at me, just because you don't want to hear what I'm telling you." I added, he rolled his eyes and turned away, ignoring me as I pursed my lips.
"Laddie, remember what happened the last time a Dwarrow looked at you like that." Balin warned, Thorin scoffed.
"Yes, my taller than this girl Sister ranted for the better part of a day at me for not watching Fili and Kili." He said shrugging. "This child can cause me no greater grief."
"Oh you really are an asshole! And all of the stories I've heard always paint you as some kind of God given saint, you're not, you're a jumped up prick with a sexist inferiority complex." I snapped, feeling the rolls of anger waving off the Prince.
"Hold your tongue." He warned, jabbing a finger at me.
"No." I simply replied, stomping my foot. "I will not follow orders from a douche bag who has everyone under his nail out of what appears to be loyalty on the inside but feels more like fear in the inside."
Or you know, that's what would have happened if I'd been more confident. Yeah, threatening a room of Dwarfs was nothing, but I just couldn't open my mouth to argue with Thorin, the look he gave me was knee shakingly confused, like he'd never seen a woman before in his life.
"Gandalf, you did not tell me to expect a woman to be coming with us." Thorin said in what I assume must have been his, pleasantly surprised voice.
"Ah yes, allow me to introduce the back up plan. Clarisse Reynolds, meet the Leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield." Gandalf said, deigning forgetfulness. Thorin merely nodded to me respectfully, I returned the gesture before turning on the Wizard.
"Back up plan? What is that plan, to feed me to the Dragon?" I asked, he turned a faint shade of pink. "Don't worry, Gandalf already gave me the low down on your quest, my mouth is like a steel trap, I don't tell secrets that aren't mine to tell." I added to Thorin almost indifferently.
"Well, I thought that it would throw Smaug off to smell your scent." He tried to explain, I frowned.
"Are you trying to say that I smell? Because, I know I haven't showered in a few days but come on." I groaned, the Wizard must have picked up on my joke because he chuckled, the others did not.
"What is a shower?" Ori asked quietly from his spot behind Dori, I closed my eyes before answering.
"It's like standing under a waterfall and bathing that way." I explained, he nodded and scribbled in his journal quickly.
"Come on, let's go and sit down and discuss this properly."
I knew this part of the story too well, even from the second Bilbo fainted because of Bofur, the only reason I said nothing was because this scene never failed to make me chuckle, even in the cinema where the staff threatened to have me removed for laughing too loudly and disturbing everyone else. An hour ago, Gandalf had sat down with Thorin, the pair casting me looks every so often, so I gathered that they were discussing me.
"So Miss Reynolds, how did you come to being here?" Dori asked, watching Ori over the top of his knitting as he talked with Fili and Kili by the fire.
"Oh uh, Gandalf found me. You know, he's a Wizard, I was just minding my own business, walking home from the pub, he found me and brought me along." I explained loosely, leaving out the hit by a train bit.
"Ori be careful!" Dori squawked, jerking towards his brother and pulling him back, I smiled. "Don't your family wonder where you are?"
"Doubtful, they kicked me out ten years ago." I replied, to which he gaped.
"Kicked you out?! How old were you?" He demanded, I frowned and thought about it.
"Well, I turn twenty-nine in two months so I guess I was between eighteen and nineteen really." I answered uncertainly, Dori's mouth opened and closed a few times before his face turned red.
"What madness drove them to do something that drastic?"
"It's a long story really. But in a nutshell, I didn't like the my dad's..." I scratched my ear before rephrasing. "I strongly disliked the guy who lived with my dad." I ended up going back to the first way of phrasing. "I hated the man my dad was with after mum died."
"He did what?!" Gloin shouted, having overheard our conversation.
"Well that's what we humans do Master Gloin. When someone we love dies, we either move on or we stay single out of respect. In my father's case, he changed his mind about liking women altogether and decided he preferred men."