002
TAKES TWO TO TANGO
"So let me get this straight," Melissa Mao glanced up from her computer screen to cock an eyebrow at the fuming Tessa that paced angrily before her, "You're telling me that some random soldier spiked your drink, led you out of your room back to the Danaan, and proceeded to harass you in all kinds of ways in the Launch Bay?"
"Yes!" the response came out as a hiss, the Captain clearly not wanting to be overheard, "Only he isn't some random soldier from the base, it's Corporal Alexander Meriden, that pilot who was assigned to us yesterday,"
"Meriden? Oh DAMMIT!" Tessa jumped as the Sergeant Major slapped a palm to her forehead, "I was supposed to meet him off the plane yesterday, make sure Mardukas didn't scare him back to the States. Gee, I hope the old man didn't chew him out too badly…"
"In my opinion, he didn't chew him out hard enough," the Captain scowled as she slumped onto the crate beside her friend, "I was practically half naked by the time I woke up! Then he said something weird about his sisters…"
"Well he does have a big family," Mao smiled as she brought up a personnel profile on her computer, "Corporal Alex Meriden. Eighteen last July. Just got promoted last month," her eyebrows rose slightly as the data scrolled before her eyes, "Seems Mithril's in his blood; both his dad and three older brothers are all high up on our payroll. He's also got five sisters, three older, two younger…record's squeaky clean though. Slightly above average piloting skills, spends at least a hour a day in simulators, specialises in pistols and general melee combat…came recommended from the North Atlantic Ocean Unit," she smiled as she took in his profile's image, "All thing's considered, I've seen worse potential stalkers,"
"Melissa!" Tessa stared at her friend in disbelief, "This man tried to sexually harass me, and you think he looks cute?!"
"Hey, I didn't say that!" she grinned guiltily as she closed the profile down and resumed her work, "I just said I've seen worse potential stalkers. You know; dirty old men, sex staved geeks, that sort of thing. Besides, his record's clean, why taint it now?"
"Maybe he's just gotten away with it up 'til now," The grey haired girl's eyes narrowed to slits as she folded her arms across her chest, her gaze falling on the AS M9s in the corner of the Hanger as technicians hooked a green sheet around one of their waists, "If he's got a dad and three brothers within the ranks, maybe they're just covering for him…"
"Somehow I doubt that. He's kept pretty far away from his relatives in the short time he's been with us. Besides, don't you think it's a little unbelievable that a guy that's never even met you went to all this trouble just to try and get into your pants? And in the middle of the Danaan's Hanger Bay while we're in port? I mean how'd you even get back to the ship in the first place? Weren't you supposed to be sharing a room with me on the base yesterday?"
"Yeah, but you probably don't remember what happened," Tessa sighed as she turned her gaze to the ceiling in thought, "When I came in exhausted, you were drunk…as usual…"
"Hey!"
"So I joined you…and went right to sleep afterward…" her eyes widened in realisation, "That's what he must've done! He must have drugged that drink and then snuck in…"
"Hey wait a minute, I was drinking from that six-pack too remember?" Mao shot an indignant look at the Captain, "And I don't remember waking up with some stranger in the middle of the Danaan's Launch Bay! Well…" she smirked slyly, "Not today anyway,"
"I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that," Tessa squirmed uncomfortably in her makeshift seat, "Besides, he doesn't exactly strike me as a strong guy. Maybe he could only carry one of us at a time,"
"Yeah well, there's a little flaw in your plan my little senile old lady!" the Major smirked at the Captain's scowl, "If Meriden did sneak into our room to kidnap you for a night of unmentionable escapades, then he would of done it after I left. I ventured out of our room for a while after you came in, a little buzzed maybe, but definitely not drugged,"
"Maybe you could just hold it together better then I could," Tessa drummed her fingers against the side of the crate agitatedly, "Anyway, to make matters worse, when I got back to our room I found that pervert stole my favourite stuffed animal too! It wasn't anywhere to be found in our room,"
"You mean that Bonta-kun thing?" Mao frowned as her companion nodded, "Last I saw of it, you were hugging it to death after you got dead drunk and fell asleep. That must've been just after I left,"
"Hold on a minute," Tessa's eyes darted to the Sergeant Major in alarm, "Did you say dead drunk?"
"Yeah, I gave you what I was having," Mao shrugged nonchalantly as she continued to type, "I think it was a whiskey sour by then…"
"YOU GAVE ME HARD LIQUOR!?!"
She winced as the Captain rose to her feet like a shot, her eyes wide with fury, her features betraying an obvious mixture of fear and anger that was flowing through her mind.
"Heh, come on, it's no big deal…"
"TOO MUCH OF IT DESTROYS YOUR BRAIN CELLS SERGEANT MAJOR!!!" Tessa's fists were shaking with anger as she towered over the seated Mao, "OVER TIME IT WILL CATCH UP TO YOU!!!" She slumped back down onto the crate, a picture of horror passing across her face as she ran a hand across her pert features, "I thought it was something light…If it was something powerful like whiskey…Oh God…I might've made a terrible mistake! What've I done!? What must Mr. Meriden think of me!? I shouted at him, I called him a pervert, I even threatened him with time in the brig for sexual assault! What am I going to do?"
"Personally, I'm just glad you came to me first rather then Mardukas," Mao grinned gingerly, "Don't think that guy's joking when he said he was going to stuff Sousuke into a torpedo tube with a three hundred kilogram explosive if he even touched you, hate to think what he'd to a kid that supposedly tried to jump your bones by your word alone…I'M DONE! GIMMIE ROOM!!!"
"What am I going to do?" Tessa cradled her head in her hands, "He must think I'm some kind of monster…"
"Just go and talk to him, I'm sure he'll understand," Mao smirked, "And if he doesn't…file the charges anyway. Might be fun to see him go up like a firework on the fourth of July!"
"That's not very helpful Melissa,"
"Relax. Why don't you stick around for this little display? I think you'll enjoy it! Remember that report I gave you on my research into running a M9 without a pilot? Remember the part about advanced movements?"
"Yeah," the Captain sighed as she sat up, "But to be honest, I'm still not exactly sure what you mean by 'advanced movements',"
"Well, prepared to be confused no longer!"
With a press of a button, the M9s slowly rose to a standing position, the pair moving to the centre of a circle traced in chalk on the ground, standing face to face.
"Um…Melissa?" Tessa frowned as she noted the blanket of greenery around one of the machine's waists, "Why is one of them wearing a skirt?"
"Why else?" the Sergeant Major gave her a Cheshire Cat grin, "To set the mood!"
She only had to wait for the music to play before all became clear.
With a clank of metal against metal, the two Arm Slaves grasped hands and pulled themselves together into what was undoubtedly a…"
"Tango?" her voice was deadpan.
"Yep!" her friend grinned triumphantly as the two machines proceeded to prance up and down the circle as the nearby engineers clapped and catcalled over the music, "Does this kick ass or what!?"
"Excuse me," she kept her face neutral as she drummed her fingers against the crate, "but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't play around with equipment that's this expensive. I mean you are the Fleet Commander and…Are you even listening to me?"
"Here it comes!" the Sergeant Major stood up in anticipation, just in time for the skirted machine to drop into the other's arms, "And…the…DIP!!!"
"No…No it's clear your not…"
"I think we've got a winner here for the talent show boys…!!!"
Suddenly, there was a sound of scraping metal.
A brief silence…
Then an eruption of steam and mortar as the skirted AS flew out of it's companion's grasp and into a nearby wall.
"Aw crap!" Melissa sighed with a pained expression as she slumped down onto the crate, the engineers quickly running over to the downed machine as alarm bells rang, "Another failure,"
"Don't feel so down Melissa," The Sergeant Major glanced forlornly at her friend as she patted her on the shoulder, "Just cheer up okay?"
"Oh Tessa…"
"Because I'm taking this out of your salary…"
"WHAT!?!"
"And I want letters of apology from everyone okay? As well as a damage assessment by tomorr…"
Her eyes suddenly darted to the nearby doorway, her eyes widening in horror as a familiar dirty blond haired Corporal stepped through the door, a large full plastic bag clutched in one hand.
"Oh no!"
"Tessa?" Mao blinked in confusion as the Captain suddenly jumped behind the crate, keep her back flat to the concrete floor, "Hey, what do you think you're…"
"Excuse me? Sergeant Major Mao?"
"Oh, what now!?" Melissa turned with a groan towards the young man that stood before her, her eyes widening as she recognised the face that stared down at her in bemusement, "Oh! It's you!"
"Corporal Alexander Meriden Ma'am," Alex stood to attention with a smile, "I'm sorry to bother you Ma'am," he glanced over at the crashed AS with bemusement, "Is this…a bad time?"
"Yes, but I need a distraction," Mao smiled as she glanced behind the crate where Tessa lay, a small pang of satisfaction hitting the Sergeant Major as she noticed the Captain sweating buckets, "At ease. What can I do for you Meriden?"
"I was wondering if you could help me with a…problem…I'm having concerning Captain Testarossa. We had an…unfortunate misunderstanding this morning,"
"An unfortunate misunderstanding?" Mao smiled innocently as she watched Tessa turn several shades of red out of the corner of her eye, "Imagine that. Care to shed some more light on the subject?"
Her smile became a full fledged grin as she noticed the frantic hand-waving of the Captain, unseen by the Corporal.
"I'd rather not aloud, with respect to the Captain," Alex himself felt his cheeks heat up, "Suffice to say a series of unfortunate events caused a misunderstanding in the Tuatha De Danaan's hanger bay this morning. Fortunately, the Hanger's security cameras filmed the whole thing," he pulled a small disk out of the bag, "It took a little persuasion, but I managed to get Dana to give me a copy of the events that occurred. I've heard that you are friends with the Captain, I would appreciate it if you would give this to her. I don't believe she would listen to a word I say after…what happened,"
"I see," Tessa clutched her hands to her heart while her body curled up into a ball as Mao took the disk, "Don't worry, I'll get it to her ASAP. What's in the bag?"
"Hm? Oh yes," the Corporal held the bag towards her, "I was told to give this to you by Sergeant Sagara,"
"Hmm," Melissa frowned at the contents of the bag, "Nope it's not mine. Sure he said Mao? We got a Sergeant Major Zhao around the base. But of muscle-head though…"
"I'm certain he said Mao Ma'am…"
"Well, you got me. Just give it in to Lost and Found, I'm sure someone will pick it up,"
"Yes Ma'am, right away," Meriden glanced towards the M9 again, "Do you want to reschedule our meeting Ma'am?"
"Hm? Oh yeah, I think that'd be best," Mao sighed, "How about tomorrow, say 1200 hours?"
"Roger that. I'll be there,"
"Yeah yeah," Melissa simply sighed again with a tired nod, "Dismissed Corporal,"
"Yes Ma'am!" she couldn't help but smirk as his boots almost clacked together as he snapped to attention once more, "Have a good day Ma'am,"
"Yeah right," The Sergeant Major chuckled to herself as she watched Alex disappear back to the corridor from whence he'd come, before turning her eyes to the mess at the end of the Hanger, "Looks like a lot less booze in my future. Oh well," She turned to face her hidden Captain as she slid the disk into her computer, "He's gone you know. What to see what he left you?"
"Not really," Tessa rose miserably from her hiding place as the Tuatha De Danaan's hanger bay appeared on the screen, "He must have no respect for me after what happened…"
"I dunno, it looks kinda juicy,"
With curious eyes, the Captain turned miserably to look at the computer screen.
Before her lay the Hanger of the Danaan, black and white, the video soundless.
Seated before the Arbalest, she watched with heated cheeks as the Corporal stood up slowly from his chair, only to step back as her video tapped self bounded across the room, burying her face in his chest. She watched with more and more horror and embarrassment as Alex tried to pry her off, only for 'her' to squeeze tighter. She watched as 'she' suddenly leapt off him, appeared to shout and scream at him, then storm off, leaving poor Meriden bemused and alone, before the tape stopped.
"You know, if I didn't know better," Melissa shot her a sly glance, "I'd say you two had been together for a while…you know, right up to the point where you shouted at him and all…"
"OH WHAT MUST HE THINK OF ME!?!" Tessa's head hit the crate with a thick clang, "It's all my fault! If anything he should be filing charges against me!"
"Oh calm down!" Mao rolled her eyes to the ceiling, "He didn't seem angry you know. He just wanted to set the record straight that's all. Look, I just sent him down to Lost and Found, maybe if you run, you can catch up to him and apologise. While you're there, you can see if you're stuffed bear is there too,"
"Maybe your right," the Captain sighed as she slowly rose to her feet, "Guess I better get going. Thanks Melissa,"
"No problem, so does this mean I'm off the hook?"
"Not a chance!"