Dear Ri'saad the Khajiit trader,
What the hell are you talking about? You must be mistaken, I never ordered a delivery of skooma, I am not an addict like you low class cat-scum!
Meow meow, General Tullius
Dear Legate Rikke,
Don't worry babe, I'm not a skooma addict, the two-dozen skooma bottles in front of the palace are not for me. The delivery was a mistake; you can go ahead and cancel the therapy session.
Regards, General Tullius
Dear Legate Rikke,
You what? Why would you tell all your friends that I was an addict? Even if I was hypothetically a skooma addict it should be a closely guarded secret between us! I thought you were better; give me a list of all the people who you spread word to.
Regards, General Tullius
(Attachment- list of names)
Dear Hadvar,
You have your orders solder, I need you to assassinate all the people that are on the list attached to this letter. Good luck.
Regards, General Tullius
P.S. No the rumors are false; I'm not actually a skooma addict.
Dear Legate Rikke,
Oh gods, what a loss! Nine of your friends were found dead this morning in the Solitude gutters, and another six lynched by the lamppost? Mara preserve us!
Regards, General Tullius
(Attachment- Several sweetrolls)
Dear Elisid the Fair,
Your highness, please forgive me for not attending your late husband's funeral. Perhaps it will help you to speak with Legate Rikke, she has also suffer a couple tragic losses as of late. Hopefully the sweet rolls will soothe your rage and sorrow.
Regards, General Tullius
Dear Ralof,
What the hell? I cannot read your letter; it is a mix of chicken scratch and nordic slang. I was not aware that you and your sister do that, but I'll remind you that incest is banned within the Empire. Please do not write to me ever again while under the influence, imbecile!
Regards, General Tullius