Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight.
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Watching Bella walk in front of me, clinging to Rosalie, the world suddenly felt like a very foreign place. My arms felt empty, and the distance between us, although short, loomed painfully. I feared I didn't know how, or when, I would be able to cross it.
We went straight into the dining room. Lines were drawn as we sat down, reminding me of the first time we gathered around this table to discuss Bella. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It might as well have been. Carlisle sat at the head, and Esme next to him. I stood behind Carlisle, unable to sit. Alice walked in slowly and sat next to Carlisle, Jasper behind her. I was extremely concerned about the amount of physical pain Alice was in – I had never seen her like that before.
Same as the first time we met to discuss Bella, Rosalie sat on the opposite side of the table. She pulled Bella into her lap and wrapped her arms firmly around her. My stomach turned in disgust at the way Rosalie was holding her so possessively. I visualized myself ripping off her arms. Bella stared at me, her eyes hurting, but her face calm and resolved.
Emmett stood behind Rosalie, his expression clouded with concern and confusion. Obviously, Rosalie hadn't shared her sick plan with him before now. He was watching Rose intently, as he thought over her words on the porch, that she planned to help Bella keep the baby inside her. He didn't need an explanation why – he knew how badly Rose wanted a baby, any baby. He glanced momentarily at me, and his thoughts flickered angrily back to our confrontation on the porch. His desire to protect Rosalie had originally just been instinctive, but now that he knew what Rose wanted, he would not let me take it away from her. I was shocked to sense a resentful undertone to these thoughts, that I had given Bella what he could never give Rosalie. Insane.
As I watched him, Emmett's eyes slid down to Bella's stomach. A vision grew in his head, as his mind wandered, unbidden, to imagine what was inside her. The image was a human baby, but then it opened its eyes, and they were blood red. Its lips curled back as it bared its teeth in a grotesque expression.
"Emmett," I hissed quietly, sickened and infuriated. He started, and looked up at me quickly, his face strained. My family's eyes moved between us, while Bella remained unaware. Sorry, Bro, he thought miserably. He meant for more than the image in his mind.
"Okay," Carlisle began. "What is this?"
"I… we are not going to let you kill this baby," spat Rosalie.
"What is your role in this, Rosalie?" asked Carlisle. "This is about Bella. And Edward. It does not involve you," he said firmly.
"The hell it doesn't," snapped Rosalie. "Bella called me – she called and asked me to help protect the baby from you. Both of you." She glared pointedly at Carlisle and then me. I heard Esme gasp. "I know how you and Edward feel, and I don't trust how far you will go to achieve it. So I am sticking with Bella, every minute, to help her through it, and keep them both safe." Rosalie's eyes moved from Bella's face to her stomach, and then back to Carlisle. Bella continued to watch my face, her eyes now full of unnecessary apologies.
Carlisle stared silently for a moment at Rosalie, his face hard. He certainly understood her interest in this, but he felt it was at the expense of Bella's safety. His mind battled between anger and sympathy for her feelings. I growled softly. Carlisle sighed, and decided he would not even try to reason with Rosalie. He looked at Bella, his face pained.
"Bella," he said gently, and with such compassion. He sought to reassure her. "Don't be afraid. I will do everything I can to keep you safe and healthy when we remove the…fetus. I can go over the procedure with you if…" But he was stopped by Bella's sharp intake of breath.
"No," she gasped out, finally tearing her eyes from mine to look at Carlisle. Her face hardened slightly. "You don't understand. I'm not afraid. I don't want you to take this baby away from me." Her eyes went back to mine, pleading.
"Oh, Bella," Carlisle said, and it sounded like a groan. I just stood, staring, letting him carry on the conversation. I didn't think I could speak rationally. "I have to tell you, you must understand…carrying this fetus will most likely kill you. I'm so sorry, but this is the only way." His voice was filled with sorrow, and he prayed he was getting through to her. But instead I saw a flash of determination in her eyes. She shook her head.
"No," she said, still shaking her head back and forth. "We don't know that. Why do you say that? This is our baby, Edward's and mine. We made it, and I won't let you hurt him."
Edward, Carlisle thought. How can she be thinking this is possible? Talk to her. I took a deep breath to steady myself. I tried to make my voice calm and reasonable. She could see reason, right?
"Bella, angel. This…fetus is not supposed to be in your body. We don't know what it will be like, what it might be doing to you right now. What I heard on the island is that it will be strong. It will hurt you." Her expression didn't change. My voice dropped to an agonized whisper. "It will kill you."
Bella didn't flinch at this, or drop her eyes from mine. I ascertained she knew what the word morte meant, and had already considered that. My panic grew even more intense. What had she been resolving on that plane ride home? How far was she willing to go?
"Yes, Bella," Carlisle urged. "We can't protect you from something we know so little about. Clearly it is growing fast. Too fast. We have to act quickly."
Bella looked slowly between the two of us. Her hands moved to her stomach and a deep blush rose onto her cheeks. Her scent swirled strong around the room. A tenor of thirst flared up at the edge of everyone's thoughts, indefensible in this moment, and yet, as ever, omnipresent in our lives.
"Just superstitions," she said stubbornly. She sighed, looking down at her hands on her stomach. "I will do anything to protect him."
"Even kill yourself?" I snapped out harshly, unable to hold back. Her eyes moved to mine, and although she didn't say anything, I could see the answer in her eyes. Yes. Yes, she would. She would die, as she almost had many times, because of me, for me. For the monster I had created. Seeing the look on my face, she paled, and the corners of her mouth turned down.
Alice spoke for the first time, lifting her head painfully from her hands.
"Bella, listen to Carlisle, let him help you," she pleaded in a strained voice. Bella stared at Alice, concern on her face, but then slowly shook her head.
"I can do this," Bella said, her voice firm, ringing with finality. Rosalie nodded vigorously.
Oh Edward, Alice moaned in her head. She's not hearing us. Alice's eyes tightened with pain and worry. I can't find her future. We can't lose her like this. Jasper, watching her face carefully, squeezed her shoulder in reassurance.
Jasper's thoughts had been focused solely on Alice this whole time. He was letting the pain in her head wash through him, wanting to bear it as she did, wishing he could absorb it from her. But now he looked up at Bella, a hard expression on his face. Whatever was growing inside of Bella was causing Alice physical pain. The idea of something hurting Alice was excruciating, and unacceptable, to Jasper. His very existence was wrapped around loving and protecting Alice, much as mine was for Bella. This raised his level of hatred towards the creature near to even mine, and he viewed its unknown future with fear. Jasper was resolved that, right now, the best way to help Alice, and save Bella, was to get that thing out. He was, as always, single minded and fierce in his purpose.
Carlisle's thoughts hit me then, loud and desperate. Edward, I don't know if I can get through to her. We may have to do this another way – if we can get her alone, I can give her enough morphine to put her under and then…I don't want to take away her choice. But I can't let her die. Carlisle's thoughts began to disintegrate in confusion and despair. But mine became crystal clear. I would get Bella alone, and I would try to convince her to change her mind. And if I couldn't – how far would I go to save her? I thought I knew. But first, I needed to get her away from Rosalie. I began to strategize in my head. I would incapacitate Rosalie enough to get Bella from her arms. I would need Jasper to take on Emmett.
As I made my decision the vision started forming in Alice's head. And as she resolved her course of action it became clearer. Alice glanced up at Jasper, and, sensing our resolve, he seemed to read her mind. Alice and I would go straight over the table. Jasper could come around to be at Emmett's back. Alice would hold off Rosalie once I had Bella. The initial confrontation was blurry, but further ahead the vision was clear. Alice could only see herself, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. She felt this meant I was somewhere else with Bella. She searched the future, struggling to figure out the best way to contain Rosalie and Emmett, while Carlisle and I could attend to Bella. Alice hoped that Jasper could calm them enough to allow her to reason with Rosalie. But she kept seeing images of the four of them struggling with each other. I cringed away from the visions of my siblings fighting. This would be the worst thing that had ever happened to my family. There would be scars, more emotional than physical, that would take a long time to heal.
But right now, the focus had to be saving Bella. I saw Jasper move his eyes to Emmett, and he took an imperceptible step backwards. Jasper's thoughts were cool and unemotional now, his battle-trained brain thinking only of strategy. Emmett stiffened, sensing Jasper's movement. He lifted his eyes from Rosalie to Jasper, making his own small, defensive move. Rosalie's glare darkened and she gripped her hands together, strengthening her hold on Bella. Alice's chair shifted slightly. Be very careful of Bella, she warned me.
I didn't even dare look at Carlisle and Esme as I tensed for the fight. Edward…Carlisle called in my head. She will probably hate you for this. She may never forgive you. I shook my head. I didn't care. That was a small price to pay for Bella's safety. She would be alive, and I would take that punishment a thousand times over if I had to. To allow this to continue was a death sentence for Bella, one imposed by me.
Suddenly, Jasper let go of the tenuous hold he had been keeping over the mood of the room, and the true weight of all our emotions came crashing back. Those tensing for battle were filled with anxiety and rage. Carlisle's mind was crippled with pain as he struggled with his decision to see the procedure through, although he did not waver from his resolve that ending the pregnancy was the only way to save Bella.
But Esme – I heard her suck in a sharp breath. And in that moment Alice's visions of the fight disappeared completely. The future shifted. A vision appeared of my face, drawn and tortured, burning from the inside. I stared back at myself, knowing what would be the only thing to put that kind of pain on my face. I gripped the chair in front of me, my face contorting with anguish, as I realized that whatever decision Esme had made, it changed everything. I searched, and found her mind was filled with…with love. And compassion. She spoke her thoughts as they materialized in her mind.
"She loves him," Esme breathed. "I see now, she loves this baby."
"I do." Bella's small voice came from across the room. Her sorrowful eyes stayed on my wretched face. Could she see me dying inside?
Esme stood up, and placed her hand on Carlisle's arm. He glanced up at her, confusion and worry on his face. "You can't do this, Carlisle. You can't take away this baby. Bella wants him. She loves him. It's her choice." And she moved across the room and put her hand on Bella's shoulder. Bella glanced up at Esme, her eyes full of thanks. Carlisle sighed and put his face in his hands. He didn't agree, but he wouldn't go against Esme. Carlisle was the leader of this family. But in decisions that involved love, Esme shone brightest, and Carlisle would follow. We had lost him.
Alice, Jasper and I remained resolved, but I knew it was over. I tried to strategize new attacks, looking for visions from Alice. But none came. Because we all knew we would not make a decision that would lead to a physical altercation that might involve Esme. And now that she stood with Bella, it seemed she was ready to protect her. And the thing inside her. A wave of utter sadness washed through me at this thought. Bella needed to be protected from me. How had it come to this?
Carlisle's thoughts floated to me. Try and talk to her again, Edward, he thought. At least try. I moved slowly around the table towards Bella. Emmett moved protectively in front of her and Rosalie, but I held my hands up submissively.
"I just want to talk to her," I said.
"You can talk to her just fine from over there," snapped Rosalie. I ignored her and kept moving forward. Emmett looked into my eyes, and I pleaded silently with him. He moved aside and Rosalie let out a disgusted sigh.
"You don't have to talk to him, Bella, if you don't want to," she said in a low voice. I kept my eyes on Bella, uncertain if I could look at Rosalie without betraying my murderous hate. And if Emmett saw that, he would move again to protect her.
Bella glanced, shocked, at Rosalie.
"No, Rosalie, of course I want to talk to him." She glanced back at me, eyes full of love, and I sensed the slightest chance of victory. But then she said, "but please don't let me go, Rose," and that small spark died away. I could almost envision the smug look on Rose's face, but I pushed it away, desperate for this moment with Bella.
I knelt beside her and held out my hand. She pulled hers out from Rosalie's tight grasp and took it. I caressed her warm, soft skin with my fingers, and then wrapped my hand around hers.
"Can't we speak alone, love? Just for a moment." I looked deep into her warm, brown eyes, my voice soft. God, she was so beautiful. Surely she could see how scared I was for her. How much I loved and needed her. She wavered, and an image from Alice flashed of Bella and I alone, upstairs, and then blurred out quickly.
But then she glanced down and said, "no, Edward, not right now. I'm so sorry." A sob caught in her throat at her last words. I pressed on, not giving up.
"Don't do this, Bella," I begged. "It's too dangerous."
She lifted her hand to my face and caressed my cheek. Her touch burned, it was almost torture.
"I love you, Edward," she said softly, her eyes calm. "And now, I love him too. He is yours and mine. Part of us. I want him." A little smile formed on her face. I closed my eyes to block it out. She was delusional. This was a fantasy.
"Bella, it will kill you." My voice was rough now. I opened my eyes and looked at her lovely face. "Don't take yourself away from me. I can't live without you. There is no me, I doesn't exist, without you." She knew too well that if she died, I would die as well. The ties that bound us were unbreakable, even in death. I would follow her, always, anywhere.
Bella's expression grew intense, her molten chocolate eyes boring into mine.
"Edward," she said, her voice suddenly fierce. "I know this is right. Deep inside, I know this is not a mistake, it was meant to be." I stared back at her, and just shook my head mutely, unable to find the words to express how I felt deep inside, in my core. I did not feel the same.
Bella's face softened. She moved her hand back down to squeeze mine, her delicate fingers brushing against my skin like feathers.
"I'm not going to die," she said softly. "Carlisle will do everything he can, but if it's not enough…" She paused as my insides twisted painfully. "I'll keep my heart beating. I can do that, and you will save me."
"Save you," I choked out. "How?" But then I saw. Saw her plan. This thing would kill her from the inside, and then I would kill her from the outside. She would let it destroy her, and hope that venom, my venom, could save her. But it was a dream. A dream within the nightmare. I looked at her fragile body, not built to withstand this world of monsters and demons I had brought her into. I wouldn't be able to save her.
I couldn't speak any more. I knew all the arguments I would make, and I knew they wouldn't work. I lowered my head. Esme put a hand on my shoulder. The rest of my family stood frozen around us, except for Rosalie, who shifted impatiently.
"Don't you want him, too… at all?" Bella asked quietly, her voice breaking. I didn't look up. I didn't want her to see the emotions on my face. No, I thought. Never. It will kill you. But I said nothing. I knew now that these words would hurt her even more, and I just couldn't do that right now. I felt lost inside. The future loomed before me, monstrous and unknown.
"All right," snapped Rosalie. "That's enough. Decision made. Bella is tired and probably hungry." She stood Bella up and wrapped an arm around her, moving her into the living room. They sat on the couch together. I watched them go, and then dragged myself slowly over and stood by the couch. I could do nothing but stare down at Bella.
"I'll get you something to eat, dear," said Esme.
"Thank you, Esme," said Bella. "Eggs please." She smiled tentatively up at me. I couldn't move my face to respond. She shivered at my expression, and Rosalie, misinterpreting, snapped at Emmett.
"Go get Bella a blanket."
"Oh, thank you, Rosalie. Thank you for everything," Bella said, looking up into Rose's face. Rose smiled down at her and touched her cheek. Rage and hatred boiled inside me.
"Don't you worry," she crooned at Bella. Then I saw her eyes slip down to Bella's stomach, and I knew what she was really talking to. "I'll take care of you."
I could hear Carlisle's thoughts upstairs in his office. Lists of equipment he would need. How to get an ultrasound machine. Wanting to buy more blood. Thinking about what we knew. The thing would tear its way out of the womb, killing the mother. Killing the mother. Morte. Dead. I glanced up and saw my reflection in the glass wall. My face was the face from Alice's vision. I was burning.