the funeral

As I sat in the church, I still couldn't believe it. I never thought I would actually see the day she died. We tried to make this funeral personalized. Everyone wore black, like at a normal funeral, except the guys, Rose, and I. We wore purple. Ash's favorite color. Rose went up to see her second to last. She stood over her and cried. Just looked at her and cried. After a couple minutes, Anthony took her back to her seat in between him and Natalia, his mom. I didn't go up. I stayed put. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it with Ms. Leana, my old art and humanities teacher, and there was absolutely no way I could go up for Ash. Apparently the guys weren't going to have that. Kyle and David each grabbed one of my arms and started to pull me up. I thrashed against them already knowing it was no use. Once I was finally up there and saw her face I stopped moving completely. I heard that people looked peaceful once dead. I didn't get that feeling from her. Her eyes were shut but something about them made me feel like she was in pain.

"Freak?" I whispered her nickname.

"Freak, listen to me. You have to beat your heart now. Take a deep breath. You have to do it now." I kept whispering to her, hoping that this was some kind of sick joke she was playing. But I knew that once tears came she would have quit. Tears came a long time ago.

"Freak, please. Beat that blessed heart that kept you alive these few years. Please-" I was cut off by my own tears. I stood there and cried, just as Rose had. No one bothered me for about three minutes. Rose had about four. Kellan came over and took me to my seat. I sat silent as the tears kept coming, my eyes wide and wet. Rose was still crying into Anthony's shoulder with Natalia rubbing her back, tears coming down her face as well.

I looked around. There were many family members I've never met, a couple kids from school... and way in back were her parents, standing like statues, expressions blank. I starred, confused. Trying to figure out what they could be thinking. They caught me and glared as if it was my fault somehow. The look made me shiver as I turned back around. It also made me feel guilty. I was saving her in school, but her house was somewhere I had no control over. I wish I did though. I wish I could have been there to save her...

Ben, David, Jacob, James, Kyle, and Mike carried her coffin out. Kellan had to wipe my eyes repeatedly so I could see where I was going. Once we were at her grave, waiting for her to be buried, I noticed almost no one brought flowers. That was rude. The guys each brought a single red rose. Rose and I each brought a single black rose because she told us she wanted black roses for her wedding. It looked beautiful. Simply beautiful.

Once everyone left, it was just Rose, Anthony, Kellan, Jacob, and I. The rest of the guys were waiting in the van with Natalia and Peter, Anthony's dad. We just sat there silently, unable to leave her for a while.

After what seemed like only minutes, but must have been about an hour, Anthony got up to go to the van. Rose looked like she was undecided, but followed. Another minute past and Jacob got up. Kellan followed, not sure if he should leave me alone, but decided it was okay. He put my jacket around my shoulders. I must have looked cold, though I didn't feel anything. I sat there. Blank...

Then I saw her. She was standing right next to me, looking at me, upset. But it wasn't really her.

"Ash?"

"Ciara, listen to me. I can't keep these powers.-" She was talking about her powers to speak to spirits."- I would give them to Rose, but with being bipolar and all I don't think she could handle it. I spoke to your grandmother and she said you would be good at handling it. She is very much like you. Anyway, I will come see you every now and then. I will ask you to tell Rose and the guys what I want to say to them. But be careful. Don't speak to spirits with others around. Do you understand?"

I was still in shock that I could see her but slightly nodded in response.

"Good. Now I have to go. Don't tell anyone that you can see me yet. I will tell you when you can. I will come back in a couple weeks or so. Just till my death dies down a bit."

I nodded my head again.

"Ok, well I guess I'll see you soon."

"Wait." I said louder than I thought I would have been able to.

She looked at me questionably.

"I'm gonna miss you Freak. We all will. You better as hell know that. Nothing will be the same without you. Don't think so little of yourself." I said fast but sternly.

She smiled. "I'm glad you care so much for me. And I know it will be very different." she said with a wink.

Just then I knew she knew something that I didn't. When I was about to ask, she disappeared laughing. I smiled too. "Bye-bye Freak." And I was left to look at the sunset.

I sat there watching twilight go by for a few minutes. Then I heard footsteps.

"Come on Ciara! I don't want to be here anymore! It reminds me of what happened to Ash and it's so cold!" Rose shouted at me.

"Okay, I'm coming." I called back, getting up from the ground.

I walked with her back to the van and realized how cold it was. I must have sat out there for over an hour and it's the middle of November. I picked up the pace when a gust of freezing wind hit my face. Rose caught up easily. Once we got into the van, Rose sat next to Anthony and I sat in between her and Kellan. Peter started driving. We all sat in silence. Rose leaned against Anthony as her tears dried up. He put his arms around her as Kellan put his arm around my shoulders. The order of the rest of the guys was Kyle, Jacob, David, Ben, James, and Mike. They all looked at their feet the whole ride. After half an hour, I realized we weren't going towards Florida, our tiny town in New York.

"Peter, where are you taking us?" Rose must have thought the same thing as me.

"Home." he simply replied. The guys didn't live in Florida like Rose, Ash and I do.

Rose and I shared a confused look.

"You guys are staying with us this weekend. Natalia already convinced your parents." Kellan whispered.

Rose shot me a look of content and put her head on Anthony's chest again. This excited me. I've only been to the farm once but I didn't get to appreciate it since it was the night Ash had passed.

I laid my head on Kellan's shoulder and eventually fell asleep for the second time in the van.