Disclaimer - It doesn't matter how hard I wish, they aren't mine, for all ownership rights see E Kripke and CW. I don't make any money from this and don't have any to speak of so don't waste your money by coming to look for me
Summary - This is set in the 'future' - after the boys have dealt the final blow to the demon we all love to hate. Dean is injured and on a rocky road to recovery but thankfully Sam and some other friends are there to help.
Author's Note - there is some reference to violence throughout the story and at times bad language.
Author's thanks - to the ever patient and encouraging Rae Artemis for everything she does and puts up with (way more than the average beta!) Thanks also to anyone who takes the time to read this, and everyone who reviews. Best wishes to you all.
Chapter 2 - Do you think we can do this?
"Do you feel like going outside for a bit?" Sam asks. He watches as Dean's eyes flick to the window, there is a yearning there, then to Sam, then down in defeat. "Dean, would you like it? To go outside?"
He looks at Sam as if to say 'I don't know, I don't know whether I can, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to leave this room.' His fist clenches at the base of his throat.
"Dean, how about I talk with the staff and then I take you outside for a few minutes. We don't need to go far, just as far as you feel okay with."
"W-W-What if I..." Dean's been stuck inside for weeks. He only sees three rooms, his own, his doctor's and the gym. He goes to each when no other patients are around. He speaks to no-one and only the doctor, his physiotherapist and the staff who take care of him speak to him. He has the same staff and each does the same thing and Sam wonders if that doesn't just make the whole thing worse.
"I'll be back soon," Sam says as he goes to find the doctor to tell him about his idea.
The doctor agrees reluctantly, saying at least all the other patients have come in for their meal now. Dean after all, he reminds Sam, is the only patient who doesn't eat now. Sam knows that, Dean eats better for Jerry, the guy who comes in at 8 than he does for Suzanne, his key nurse now, so rather than non-stop battling, Dean's food is put on one side and Jerry re-heats it when he comes in.
Sam heads back down to Dean's room with an extra sweatshirt he had in the car that shouldn't be too hard to get on. When he opens the door to Dean's room, he can feel the tension hit him but makes a decision to soldier on as if everything were okay. He knows it could backfire, they could end up back where they were before today, but maybe he can make this work if he handles this right. One thing Sam knows is that he can't take many more visits in which he watches Dean stare mindlessly at those god-damned fish. He knows that sounds harsh but he hates coming in and seeing Dean stare without moving for hours on end. They'd given him the fish after removing the television. They seemed to think it was to account for Dean's nightmares. Unsurprisingly for Sam removing it had not improved the situation. Sam wishes it were that simple to get rid of the horrors he imagines trawl freely through Dean's mind when he's asleep. If there's anyone in this place who's seen enough to give them nightmares it's Dean. One night a week, Sam stays over. One night a week, he's there when the night terrors come. One night a week, Dean sleeps a little better and Sam sleeps barely at all.
Sam approaches Dean carefully and starts talking as if they were already part way through a conversation, "So I thought I'd stop and bring back a sweatshirt for you on my way. I just thought you might want it on, it's a bit cooler out there than in here." Dean always so active he was warm, Sam used to envy him how little he felt the cold. Now, Dean's never warm. Each room here can have the heating individually controlled and the doctor asked him if Dean had always had difficulty keeping warm because now his room was set to the highest setting and he was still often found shivering with cold.
It was just one more part of Dean's burden, one more thing he had to battle, had to struggle against. It was one more thing to wear down his spirit, his pride, his dignity.
Sam rambles on with his grand plan for their trip outside, while Dean turns the sweatshirt over and over in his hands. Sam tells him how good it will feel to breathe the fresh air, how outside there are different areas, a herb garden, a flower garden, there's a pond with fish, if Dean wants they can go look at the fish. Sam's inordinately pleased to get a disparaging look from Dean at that suggestion. Dean still hasn't put on the sweatshirt and Sam figures that is the sign, the sign to say we aren't going anywhere, I can't do it. He'll accept that as what Dean wants. He'll accept it because at least today they talked about going out, at least today for a moment it seemed possible. Sam stops talking and Dean stops glaring at the sweatshirt he's torturing in his hands. Sam reaches down to take the sweatshirt and says quietly, "It's okay, Dean, another time maybe," but as he goes to take the sweatshirt away, Dean snatches it back and begins to struggle into it. Sam wants to help, wants to make it easier but knows that at times, anger propels Dean further than any other emotion ever could. Right now, Dean's angry, angry that he can't just put the sweatshirt on, that it hurts and pulls across the scars on his body left by the demon's second attack on him. Dean won't let the demon win this battle with a shred of fabric and so Sam stands back, heart fragmenting as Dean finally manages to get the sweatshirt on.
Sam moves Dean's chair towards the door and hears how uneven Dean's breathing has become so he stops and moves to face him again. "We don't have to do this today."
His hand drops again from his throat to his lap as he answers, "D-Do"
"You've done fine, Dean. You've done enough."
There is a moment's hesitation, a moment when Dean nearly takes Sam's offer, then he says, "D-Do it."
"Just let me know, Dean. We'll come back, it'll be fine." He receives a nod and starts to move forward again.
They don't make it outside, but they make it to the door and they sit with the door open for a while and Dean breathes deeply of the fresh air that is carried in on a breeze and Sam is so proud of him, he thinks he could burst.
To be continued as they say... Here's hoping it is meeting with your approval.