** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1
Too little too late 2/?
Driving through the city toward her home Laura wiped away angry tears trying to focus on the road. She couldn't believe she'd been so stupid it had been a decade of the same crap, the same roller coaster, the same moments when he seemed to never want to leave her side then moments when he treated her like he was appalled by the thought they might love each other and have a future.
"Pull yourself together Laura what did you expect? He's not going to suddenly declare his undying love and you'll live happily ever after. This is the real world not a bloody Disney cartoon." She snapped angrily pulling into her driveway and slamming the car door as she headed inside. Throwing her bag and coat in the hallway she was about to start running a very deep bath and pour herself a very large glass of wine when the phone rang stopping her in her tracks. For a second she considered letting the machine get it but then the little voice in the back of her head chirped up reminding her that it could be Robbie. For a split second she actually convinced herself that it was him and that he'd realised he'd been unkind and was calling to apologise and suggest they meet up. "Hello….Robbie?"
"No last time I checked I was still Sira. Jesus Laura what age are you I thought we'd all grown out of answering the phone expecting it to be a guy years ago!"
"Sira; sorry I was expecting…actually I wasn't expecting I was hoping it was someone else. Hi." She sighed heading for the kitchen having abandoned the idea of a bath to go with her wine and pouring a glass anyway.
"Laura you're not still pining after that tosser are you? How long as it been? 15 years or something?"
"Ten."
"Ten years and he can't get his fucking finger out and realise what he's missing?" Sira snapped the exasperation in her tone making Laura cringe slightly. She'd had more than one conversation with her oldest friend over the years about Robbie and the non-existent relationship they had. She had promised a few months earlier, on a weekend trip to Dublin, that she was going to give up and move on and now she could almost see Sira rolling her eyes on the other side of the line.
"I know and I have tried, it doesn't matter now anyway I thought when I told him about the job offer over there he might realise he had to do something or might realise what he was going to lose."
"But he didn't? What a surprise. Laura when are you going to realise you could spend the rest of your life waiting for Robbie fucking Lewis and all that would happen is that you would be very old at the end of it and very alone."
"it wasn't that he didn't, more that he didn't give me a chance to tell him. He's working on a big case at the minute he'd distracted and it probably wasn't the best time to try to talk to him." Laura sighed not really sure why she was defending him. Not ten minutes before she'd been thinking the exact same things. She couldn't help the fact that when someone else pointed out the obvious issues with him and them as a potential couple it made her defensive. She knew all the problems around their mixed up, almost but not quite relationship and she didn't need others to point them out to her.
"And tomorrow it'll be another big case, or an issue with one of his kids or his grandson, or he'll have decided he's not over the death of his wife or some other shite. It's not going to change Laura please tell me you've realised that! I thought when you were over last time we'd gine through all this and you'd decided it was time to move on."
"I did and I've tried but….."
"But he still throws you a bone e very now and again and draws you back in? What was it this time? A quiet drink? A meal? A promise that you were the person he needs?" Sira continued her irritation reminding Laura how ridiculous it all looked from the outside. What no one could understand the way she could was the way those moments fed her need for him. When he let her in even for an evening or a moment it reminded her why she loved him to begin with. It brought home why she'd fallen in love with him and threw a little more fuel on the fire of hope which was currently just dying embers.
Staring at the white board completely covered with information and evidence that was telling them nothing Robbie threw the marker onto his desk and sank into the chair. There was a key to this case that he was missing, there had to be, but with James angrily sulking at home he wasn't sure he was going to find it that night, Closing his eyes and leaning back on the mock leather of his seat he let his mind wander to Laura's visit earlier. At the time he'd been so focused on the witness interview to take much notice of what she was saying and now as he turned the visit over in his mind he felt his stomach knot painfully.
"You're a bloody bastard at times Lewis." He muttered to himself sighing as he remembered the look on her face when she'd said she needed to talk. Over the years she'd dropped everything on more than one occasion when he'd needed her. She'd been there for him in the worst and the best of moments of his life and he knew he'd been less than solicitous in returning the favour.
He kept telling himself that he was running out of time, that even though he loved her and was as sure as he could be that she loved him, she wouldn't wait forever. He wanted her, he wants a future and a life with her that included coming home to her each night yet he kept messing it up.
Reaching for the phone on his desk he dialled her mobile number determined to make it up to her for his earlier lack of consideration. Listening while it rang he sighed as it finally stopped and the message telling him she couldn't take the call filled his ear. Hanging up he dialled again this time calling her land line and then angrily slamming the receiver back down when he heard it go straight to BT answer.
When there things happened, when he tried to contact her and failed, he always felt a mixture of disappointment and anger. He could see images in his head of her making arrangements to meet someone else. He could imagine her meeting an old flame or one of her many admirers and telling them what she wanted to tell him. He could see them listen and reassuring her in the way he should have done. Those were the images he knew would haunt him now for the rest of the night and he only had himself to blame. She'd come to him and he'd turned his back on her, literally as well as figuratively, and he'd have to pay for that.
Getting up again he stared at the whiteboard again his frustration growing. It was almost 10pm and rather than having a meal with the woman he loved, listening to what was bothering her and trying to help he was standing alone staring at evidence that still wasn't talking to him. Grabbing his jacket he turned out the lights in the office and headed for the car park determined to find her and apologise hoping that it would be enough.
"Sira I know it's ridiculous and I know you're right but it doesn't make it any easier to just give up. I've spent so long hoping that things would change that it's hard to just give up on that. It feels like it's all been for nothing, like I wasted a decade of my life by just letting go now." Laura said quietly draining the wineglass in her hand and heading for the kitchen to refill it.
"So you'd rather waste another ten years?" Sira asked the desire to shake some sense into her friend obvious even through the phone line. "Did you look at the job offer? It's everything you've ever wanted you get to teach and still be a consultant on active gaurde cases, you always wanted that and Oxford was never meant to be forever. Hell it wasn't even supposed to be for one year let alone ten. Don't pass up the one thing you've always wanted for some guy who will never give you what you want from him anyway."
"I'm not going to give up on the job Sira I've already decided to accept it. I gave him a chance tonight and he didn't even want to talk to me. Had you not called I'd have already emailed them to say I was accepting. It doesn't mean I don't hate the fact that he will never know how great we could have been together." Laura replied setting her wine down and about to sit again when she heard the doorbell. "Look there's someone at the door I've got to go but I'll see you soon I'll have to come over soon to discuss terms and look for someone to live."
"Ok but don't you dare chicken out of this Laura Hobson. See you soon." Sira replied as she disconnected the call and made her way through the house to the door.
"Robbie? What happened to the case and how you couldn't possibly leave it?" She said quietly the surprise in her voice obvious as he shrugged.
"I shouldn't have spoken to you like I did I'm sorry can I come in?" Robbie asked entering the house as she stood aside. Watching him head straight for the sitting room she felt her stomach tighten and her pulse race. She didn't know what had changed or if it would make any difference to her decision but the embers of that fire she'd been telling her friend about were suddenly glowing white with heat again and she wasn't sure what that meant for her potential new job nor their relationship.