A/N: Ecci 'Formerly Arrancar 01: Nah, Kaien is just a goofball. Ah, yes, the chapter does end a bit abruptly, doesn't it? I was honestly struggling to find a place to split that wouldn't seem too weird. Sorry about that. Yes, "Time Travel Is Not My Idea of Vacation" holds all the backstory. It's obviously not a requirement to read it, but you might get very confused otherwise.

Chapter 2: It's… Over?

"What is going on here?" a high voice hissed suddenly, and the group of friends turned as one to look at the speaker.

"So you can talk!" Renji cheered earning a smack from Rukia while Ishida tried to contain his disgust. He'd seen Hollows looking better than whatever the (human? Nah, couldn't be) person in question was.

The – seriously, what species did this- this belong to? – man was pale, paler than Kaien even which was quite a feat considering that Segunda Espada while no longer adversely affected by sunlight still hated it and preferred hiding in the shadows. The mystery male was also bald lacking even eyebrows and – Uryu had to blink and rub his eyes for they had surely been deceiving him – had no nose. There was no scar, so… was it a birth defect or something? And he had red eyes. Huh, the Quincy had never seen the eyes like that, and even the rich crimson of Kurosaki's Demon form didn't quite come close to that blood red color.

"English?" Orihime mumbled in confusion. "That was English. Are we in England?" The girl paused then gasped with dawning comprehension, "So that's why they didn't answer! They don't understand Japanese!"

"Hey, you're right!" Ichigo exclaimed in surprise, privately thanking Urahara and his latest invention that allowed learning any language in record time. "Where are we? And who are you?" he immediately asked in English, thankful that at least one of the odd people started talking and cleared the misunderstanding. Now if they had only stopped staring… Seriously, if those people, whoever they were, were capable of seeing spirits, then why the weird reaction?

"I am the one asking questions here!" the bald male shrieked.

Ichigo shrugged, "Yeah, sure, whatever." He just couldn't bring himself to be angry at the rudeness. The poor man was obviously suffering from some weird disease or genetic disorder. "Go on then, ask."

"You will treat me with respect, creature!"

Ichigo frowned under his mask. Now that was totally uncalled for.

"That's rude!" Orihime chimed in disapprovingly.

He nodded, "Yeah, exactly. Why should I respect you anyway?"

That was obviously the wrong thing to say as the pale man shrieked in rage, "I am the greatest dark wizard in the world! I am Lord Voldemort!"

The red-haired Shinigami Lieutenant couldn't help but snicker, "Your name is Moldywart? Did your parents hate you or something?"

Rukia immediately stomped on his tail freezing it for good measure, "Don't insult him! It's not his fault he has a stupid name!"

Renji hissed like a snake he currently resembled as his tail snapped in half. He cradled the broken part in both hands and tried to warm it with his breath. He most certainly didn't want to reattach the still frozen piece.

"Wizard?" Kaien asked apprehensively, for the first time paying attention to his surroundings. "Did you just say you are a wizard?"

The self-proclaimed Lord either didn't hear the question or was too absorbed with his rant to answer it, "You will kneel before me or die, for soon I will rule the Wizarding World!"

"Wizarding World?" Kaien whispered in horror then groaned miserably. "Oh, please, no. I'd rather babysit Yachiru then deal with those idiots. They are worse than Central 46."

His words were lost as his cousin snarled, the unmistakable Hollow timbre even more pronounced in his voice, "I kneel before no one! And neither do my friends, you arrogant bastard!"

"How dare you speak to my lord this way!" a crazy-looking woman screeched and waved her stick, "Crucio!"

Ichigo didn't even have to use Sonido to dodge the red light the crazy sent his way. He scratched his head in confusion moving between similar blasts of red and called, "Oi, Rukia, is this some sort of Kido I don't know about?" He was almost certain it wasn't since he felt no hint of reiatsu, neither Shinigami, nor Hollow, not even Demonic. Then again, his knowledge of Kido was limited at best.

The Shinigami shook her head, "It's not. I've never seen anything like that."

"I have," Kaien whispered weakly, once again unheard. The Shiba clan head quietly lamented the fact that those were witches and wizards. Honestly, wasn't it enough that he had to deal with Pesche and Dondochakka on a daily basis, break fights between Ganju and random Shinigami, between Grimmjow and random Hollows, between Hiyori and random… everyone. But no, he had to deal with witches and wizards now. Life was so unfair.

Meanwhile the rest of the people who obviously belonged to the same group as No Nose and The Crazy started waving their sticks around and yelling strange words that sounded kinda-but-not-quite English-y too. This resulted in a veritable barrage of multicolored lights that were quite annoying though still easy to dodge.

In contrast, the other group of stick-wielders stood quietly behind some sort of a barrier. Ichigo glanced at them, "Oi, people with sticks! …Um, the not shooting ones! Care to explain what the hell is going on here?"

"While I could ask you the exact same thing," the old man with really long beard and twinkling eyes said, "It can wait for now. What are you interested in, Mr…?"

Ichigo stared at him for a moment then got it, "Oh, yeah. I'm Kurosaki Ichigo. The white midget-"

"Who are you calling midget, you abnormally tall idiot?"

"-Is Kuchiki Rukia. The tall guy is Sado Yasutora, but everyone calls him Chad. The snake-head monkey-brain-"

"That's it, Strawberry, you are going down!"

The hybrid ducked Hikotsu Taiho thrown his way, "-Is Abarai Renji. The guy with wings-"

"How eloquent, Kurosaki."

"Shut up, Ishida! …Ahem, the guy with wings is Ishida Uryu, and the girl is Inoue Orihime."

"Hi, everyone!"

"The idiot over there-"

"So mean, Ichigo…!"

"-Is, unfortunately, my cousin, Shiba Kaien. And the guy with the shadows is Kokuto, no last name."

"Heh, don't need one."

"Now," Ichigo clapped his hands, "Who are you?"

"My name is Albus Dumbledore," the old man said. "I am the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Witchcraft?" Ichigo repeated.

"Wizardry?" Ishida echoed.

"I knew it!" Kaien groaned and started sobbing dramatically. The fact that he was still dodging the colorful lights caused many a raised eyebrow.

Ichigo stared at him for a moment then shook his head, long since given up on trying to understand just what exactly went through his cousin's mind. "Okay," he drawled in slight confusion. "So all of you are wizards-"

"And witches!" a bushy-haired girl added.

He nodded, "-Yeah, and witches, and you study- um, magic?" he glanced around, receiving several nods. "So you study magic in this school?" he pointed at the castle – kinda cool, though not that impressive compared to Las Noches – and received another round of nods.

"So… who is the No Nose?"

There was a moment of silence before the boy with stunningly green eyes that reminded Ichigo of his Cuatro Espada said tentatively, "Do you mean Voldemort?"

The orange-haired hybrid nodded, "Yeah, the guy with the stupid name. Who- I mean, why- I mean… just what the hell is wrong with that guy?"

There were several gasps from the people with sticks – he should probably start calling them wizards and witches now – as they stared at him in disbelief. Between the stares and the weird lights that No Nose and his group were still shooting at them, Ichigo was honestly getting annoyed, "Oi, quit staring at me, it's rude! What, have you never seen Hollows before or something?"

"You are not afraid of the dark lord?" someone asked carefully, and it was Ichigo's turn to stare.

"Who is this dark lord you are talking about? …Oh, wait, you mean-" he paused trying to remember the name. It was something stupid like, "-Mortimer?"

"Mortimer?" the guy with red hair similar to his own chortled. "I don't care what he looks like, this guy is brilliant!"

"Since it is quite obvious you are not on the same side with Tom-" Dumbledore started to say.

"So his name is Tom!" Ichigo interrupted. "Why the hell does he call himself Mortimer? It's a stupid name!" He paused, slightly embarrassed, "…Um, sorry, jii-san. Please, continue."

"-Would you help us defeat him?"

Ichigo scratched his head, "Um, why? I mean, he is rude and has a stupid name, but it's not like it's a crime or something."

"Oh, he has plenty of crimes to speak of," Kokuto snickered just above his ear. "So does the rest of them for that matter."

Ichigo turned to him, "What do you mean?"

The former Togabito had almost completely melted into the shadows, the multicolored lights passing harmlessly through him. "You are not a pure Demon, unlike me, so you don't feel it that well-"

"Demon?" one of the witches asked apprehensively, and the white-haired man turned to her, his smirk hidden under the black scarf but audible in his voice.

"Oh, yes, Demon, straight from the depths of Hell where damned souls wander for eternity. And as a Demon I can feel who will go to Hell and why, even while they're still alive."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes, "So you mean that No Nose and The Crazy…"

"…And the rest of their posse will go to Hell once their time is up."

With a growl the hybrid turned to Dumbledore, "Okay, jii-san, we'll deal with them for you."

Dodging the weird lights was easy but incredibly annoying, so it was no wonder that the assorted group of spirits and superpowered humans was already itching for retaliation. It was Orihime who snapped first, her eyes flashing gold with rage, "Santen Kesshun! I reject!"

Enormous triangular shield snapped into existence, absorbing all attacks, but Inoue was far from finished. "Tsubaki!" she called and the fairy materialized on her palm. "Who do you want to kill first?" she asked in a voice slightly lilting and utterly terrifying, the same voice she used in her usual fights with Zaraki Kenpachi. The fights that usually landed both herself and the fearsome captain as well as any unlucky bystander in the care of the Fourth division.

Rukia quickly flash-stepped to her side, "I don't think it's a good idea."

Inoue turned to her with a frozen smile and too wide eyes, "Why not? Kokuto said they will all go to Hell. People like this do not deserve to live."

"She is right," Renji growled, his reattached tail swishing back and forth in agitation. "You know what kind of things would make someone into a Togabito. Any court would sentence them to death or at the very least to life in prison!"

"That's not what I meant!" the snow-colored Shinigami snapped. "We are in the World of the Living and not even the part of it affiliated with Seireitei! We can't play judge, jury, and executioner on someone else's turf!"

Their argument was interrupted suddenly by the cries of, "That's impossible!" and "It can't be!"

Not quite getting what the commotion was about they stopped and watched as the noseless wizard aimed his stick and shouted, "Avada Kedavra!"

The blast of green light impacted the shield and dissipated harmlessly, the wizarding magic paling in comparison with the might of the goddess of rejection. The others started shooting similar blasts but Santen Kesshun didn't even flicker under the onslaught. The defenders of Hogwarts gaped openly refusing to believe their eyes while the visitors from Japan had no idea what the entire racket was about.

"How does she do it?" the stern-faced old witch cried, and Ichigo turned to her in bafflement.

"What do you mean?"

"No magic can stop the Killing Curse!" someone else yelled, and Ichigo tried not to roll his eyes.

"It's not magic. And I don't think there is anything impossible for Orihime." He ignored the other disbelieving shouts and addressed Dumbledore, "Okay, headmaster- um- Bumblebee?" The old man didn't correct him but certainly looked amused. "Just to be clear, do you want us to capture these guys or to kill them?"

The old man paid no heed to disbelieving whispers all around, "As a matter of fact, it would be much preferable if they were captured. Could you do this, Mr. Kurosaki?"

Ichigo shrugged, "Sure, no problem." And drawing his Zanpakuto from its sheath he called, "Whisper, Muramasa!"

A flash of purple emanated from the blade as Ichigo entered Shikai, immediately calling upon one of its abilities. Invisible threads of reiatsu snaked around the rejection shield and ensnared the enemy in a vice-like grip, making them fall down completely helpless and wrenching the sticks from their hands.

The very one-sided fight was over in seconds.