Warnings: NC-17, graphic sex

I sit up straight, my eyes widening in disbelief at Edward's words. "You came out?"

"It was a month after I called off the wedding. Alice kept nagging me; the annoying girl wanted to know the reason I dumped her precious Bella. She kept pushing me to the breaking point until I exploded when the family was having breakfast. I just blurted out it was because I loved you."

"What happened then?" I say quietly, afraid of his answer.

All the time I kept pushing him to come out, I thought I would be by his side when it happened – a shoulder to cry on if things turned nasty. But when I received the wedding invitation I felt sure he would never come out; it was the reason I left Forks without looking back. Had I known what would happen….

I worry my bottom lip, my fingers nervously gripping the edge of the towel as I wait to hear Edward's answer.

He doesn't say anything for a while; instead he curls his body tight around himself as if he wants to make himself invisible.

"I love my father, and I always wanted to fulfill his expectations," he finally says, his gaze lost in the horizon. "He's so perfect, so smooth and elegant, just like mother. They are the perfect couple, and I could do nothing wrong in their eyes. All my life I yearned to be worthy of their love."

I nod slowly, even though Edward can't see me. He's always projected that perfect aura which is an essential part of his appeal; and yet I recall that smooth façade cracking during a moment of weakness. The way his lips curled down in a defeated smile on the school parking lot while Jessica, Bella's friend with the huge rack, openly flirted with him and hinted Doctor Cullen had expressly invited her to Jasper's birthday party so she and Edward could be together.

"And then Bella came." Edward cants up his chin, glancing at me sideways. "I caught her arm when she slipped on the pavement as that truck was rushing by, missing her by scant inches. The girl looked so fragile, her shy smile so grateful when I saved her that I felt a rush of tenderness towards her." Edward twists his neck, his arm reaching out towards me but he stops just before he touches my shoulder, and then lowers his hand to place it palm flat on the sand. "I want you to know those emotions were but a pale shadow of what you make me feel, but it was so easy to fall into the game of trying to fulfill my parents' expectations. Especially when everybody fell in love with her. Bella seemed to fit so well into the family, and I could see how much she pleased my parents."

I clench my jaw in anger; it's on the tip of my tongue to tell Edward how false Bella was. I had watched her carefully, and saw the possessive smile on her thin mouth when Edward would wrap his arm around her shoulders; the gloating look she shot at Jessica and the other girls as she stepped into his Volvo in the parking lot of the school.

"I wanted so much to be normal," Edward says with a sigh, his fingers tracing patterns on the sand. "The kind of man my parents would be proud of. I wanted to fit into the life they had so carefully planned for me. I thought the pain of not seeing you would abate with time, but it never did." He lowers his chin, his hand patting the sand in a nervous gesture.

I nod to myself, my heart throbbing painfully at the anguish seeping through his voice.

"When I couldn't find you, I knew in my heart you were out of my life for good. The normalcy I craved all my life felt useless." Edward shivers and wraps his arms around his shoulders, rocking back and forth on his heels. "My life seemed grey and empty without the possibility of seeing you. Darkness all around just like the night of the lunar eclipse, only this time the moon wouldn't reappear and your warmth was gone forever."

I shake my head at myself. All this time I've pictured him living the grand life with Bella, playing the perfect husband with a straight face. It's never crossed my mind that he might be suffering like this, but I should have thought of that possibility, knowing how he tends to brood over the smallest things.

"So that morning I just blurted out of the truth, having had enough normalcy to last me for eternity," Edward says quietly. "I didn't care anymore about the expectations they heaped on me, for they had taken away my heart. I rued the day I so thoughtlessly pushed you out of my life."

Edward rests his chin on his knees and says nothing more. The silence stretches for a while, broken only by the occasional screeching of the gulls and oystercatchers in the distance.

"How did your family react?" I whisper, afraid of the answer. His tentativeness and the broken look on his face tell me they hurt him badly. He was all alone and I wasn't there to help him; I shake my head angrily at the thought.

"Everybody was silent on the kitchen table but Alice; she just screeched and dashed out of the house, which frankly came as a relief." He shrugs tiredly. "The rest of the family obviously didn't know what to make of it and they were uncomfortable."

Edward says nothing more, so I prod him gently. "Jasper?"

"He was fine with it." He turns to shoot me a weary smile. "You know how Jazz tends to think about things strategically. Actually, his matter-of-fact demeanor was a soothing balm in the days that followed, but unfortunately the calmness I felt in his presence vanished too soon. His sense of duty caused him to enlist in the Army. Two weeks after I came out, he went to boot camp; now he's serving in the Middle East and his tour of duty ends next year."

I nod solemnly at that, offering a silent prayer to Q'wati for his safe return. Jasper always treated me with the charming manners of a gentleman.

Choosing a safe subject, I ask him, "How about Emmett?"

Given the big guy's penchant for clowning around and poking fun at everything, I'm positive he supported Edward.

"Emmett gave me the worst ribbing ever and then he wrapped me in one of his bear hugs," Edward says, a fond smile lifting the corners of his lips. "He got a job in a forestry company in Northern California a month after Jasper left, and of course Rosalie grumbled about it but ended up moving with him."

There's a wistful look in Edward's eyes when he talks about his brothers which makes me suspect something went awry.

"And your parents?" I say softly, waiting on tenterhooks for his answer. It's nice that his brothers supported him, but given the way Edward looks up to his father, I know his reaction must have been crucial in how he coped with this.

"Well, they didn't throw me out or anything, or even shout at me. But they treated me differently, like I had acquired an incurable disease and had to be handled with kid gloves." He hangs his head in shame. "The pride in my father's eyes at my academic achievements was gone. My parents treated me coldly, impersonally, like I was a stranger that wore their son's clothes."

"I'm sorry, Edward." I sigh brokenly at my empty words. There's nothing I can do that will change the past. The way his parents treated Edward makes me appreciate my Dad so much more. I'm still resentful that he kept silent about Edward looking for me, but I suspect he did it to protect me.

Dad treated me the same after I came out to him, accepting the news with a shrug. Gotta admit there's a special bond between us, since we've spent so much time together; or maybe it is the same wisdom that made him an Elder of the tribe.

Edward nods slowly and tilts up his chin to stare at the sea. "Carlisle clammed up and hardly spoke to me anymore. He gave up his dream of my becoming a doctor and following on his footsteps. And with my brothers gone, the silence in that house was more than I could stand."

"So what did you do?"

"I used part of my trust fund and enrolled in the School of Music at the University of Washington." Edward glances at me, his lips pursed in a thin line. "I rented an apartment and I have a few acquaintances, but that's all. I haven't met anyone who evokes the feelings you do." He cocks his chin at the path that leads out of the beach. "Yesterday I was on campus and overheard two professors talking about this project. Your name came up and I just knew I had to come here to see you one last time, even if you beat me up like your friends."

I tilt down my chin to stare at the ground, my vision blurry due to the sheen of unshed tears that covers my eyes.

"It's just hard for me at the moment, Jacob. Sometimes I feel so alone." His voice breaks in a sob. "In this ocean of loneliness, I scream and no one hears."

The pain in his voice is more than I can stand so I twist my shoulders and launch myself at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his back and holding him against my chest. I rest my chin on his shoulder while I rock him back and forth, all the while murmuring soothingly, "I hear you, man, loud and clear. You're not alone, Edward. I'm with you and I hear you."

Edward sobs quietly, his arms tight around me.

"The words I told you, Edward?" I breathe the words against his ear. "They're nothing but the truth. You're the only one that can make me feel like this; sad and happy, angry and cheerful. No one else has the power to pull this tenderness and love out of me so easily."

"Jacob, I'm in lov…" I put my finger on his lips to shut him up. He's been nothing but honest with me today. It's obvious in the pain and loneliness that laces through his every word. His honesty compels me to tell him the truth. If we start again and give in to our obvious passion, it must begin with the truth. The thing is, I don't know if he will accept it.

"Hush, beloved. Before you say those words, there's something I have to tell you." I let go of him gently, patting his shoulder before I scoot back on my knees a safe distance away.

"I've had lovers," I say bluntly, my gaze straying to the horizon. "Two of them. They were nice guys, easy to be with and they taught me things. We just never hit it off at a deeper level, though, and the relationships ended kind of fast. One of them was what you might call a power bottom."

"So you've topped?"

"Sure, sure." I nod slowly. "I always wanted to do it with you; dreamed that you would be the first guy I fucked, but you always insisted we should wait for the perfect moment."

"And that moment never came," Edward says with a sigh. "I was afraid, Jake."

Seeing my frown, Edward raises his hand to brush his fingers on my brow. "Not afraid of the pain or that it would be awful. I feared I would like it too much and become more addicted to you than I was." He shakes his head ruefully. "You see, at that time I still wanted to fit in and deluded myself into making things easier for me. But I denied my body the pleasure it craved."

"So you're ok with what I've told you?" I look at him sharply.

"Jacob, I left you alone and ran like a coward from the love that had grown between us. I never expected you to remain celibate. I'm just glad you've had companionship, that you went on with your life." He leans forward and rubs his forehead against my brow, muttering, "I envy your strength."

He scoots back and shoots me a vicious glare. "Just know that if we start something, I'll expect you to be only mine. I'm willing to kiss you silly in the middle of the campus just to prove to all those guys and girls that drool over your perfect body and chiseled face that you're taken. I want them to know who you belong to."

His possessive words make me shiver, my arousal twitching against the soft cloth of my Speedos.

Edward stands up and brushes the sand off his slacks with the back of his hands.

I follow suit, my joints creaking at the sudden movement. Then I step towards him and poke his chest. "I'll expect the same. No more Bellas, ever."

"Deal."

"Deal."

"Right here is the one competitor you won't get rid of." I beam at him and then thrust my chin at the chopping sea behind the long stretch of beach that's been exposed by the low tide. "I love the ocean, man! The cliff you mention? Love diving and letting the sea swallow me in its cold embrace. I want to study it, to always live near the shore."

Edward nods slowly, a tentative smile blooming on his face.

"Dr. Hayes is right, you know." I shrug. "I'm just a little cog in the machinery they've set up, but I'm proud of it. I intend to get a degree in Marine Biology and work in that field. Don't expect me to play some kind of househusband and be at your command."

"I wouldn't want that." He shoots me that crooked smirk that warms my blood. "I've always liked your drive; it's one of the things that attract me to you apart from your perfect body. Watching you tinker with your car until it runs perfectly? The way your brow purses in concentration while you carve your wood into art? It's part and parcel of the man I'm in love with."

My heart soars at the words coming from his lips which I have waited so long to hear, and I miss the gist of what he says next.

"… follow you wherever you go, since a composer needs but his piano and paper music to bring the notes to life." Edward shuffles his feet and gazes up at the darkening sky tinted with the brush of dusk.

"On that note, I guess it's time I make my way back to the hotel," he says.

We enter the phone numbers in our mobiles and promise to meet in Seattle. Then Edward starts to walk away and waves his arm in farewell.

The surf rumbles heavy in my ears, but I know it's heightened by the blood that rushes through my head at the sight of his lanky body walking away from me, his footsteps on the sand slowly fading away as the waves lap them up.

I ball my fists, my breath ragged at the thought of letting Edward walk away from me. So many things have passed in the stretch of a few hours, so many emotions grip my heart that I have to taste him right away. I need to stake my claim on him because my body is pulled towards him by a relentless tide which I'm unable to resist.

"Hey, Edward!" I shout joyfully.

He pauses and turns his head, the sea breeze ruffling his tousled hair as he sees my arms open wide. "Come to me!"

I walk forward, the soles of my trainers dragging on the wet sand, the knapsack swaying against my hips. Edward starts running towards me, shooting me a boyish grin as our strides get longer and faster.

I'm panting by the time we meet in the middle of the beach. There is silence between us as I cup his chin between my fingers and lean up to lap at the seam of his mouth.

The gulls fly high in the sky, dark commas against the twilight sky which is thick like a blanket covering us, dark ochre lining its edges painted by the setting sun.

Edward opens his mouth and I thrust my tongue inside, moaning when his lips close around me and he sucks on it. My fingers trace a path down his slim flanks, closing around his hips and pulling him towards me, our cocks rubbing against each other through the layers of cloth.

Edward runs his hands over my bare chest, caressing the hollow of my collarbones, his fingertips light as a feather fall down on heated skin before his thumbs touch my nipples to tweak them.

He swallows my groans and I break the kiss, thin strands of saliva joining our lips. I swipe my thumb over my mouth and then rub my forehead against his warm skin to gaze at his eyes, the green almost swallowed up by dark lust. "Wanna have you right now, Edward. Bend you over that rock and rip off your pants, have you lick my fingers to prep you. Twist them inside you until you open up, watch your hungry body clenching around them until you beg me to fuck you."

Edward groans at that, his hips thrusting reflexively against me, seeking relief through the friction between our dicks.

"Wanna fuck you like a wild wolf mounts his mate; see you writhing under me until you come on my cock, your seed falling to the sand. Then sink to my knees and clean up your swollen hole until it's slick and twitching, eager to get fucked again."

"Do it, Jake! Want to feel you inside me!" His usual smooth voice is so reedy with need that heat coils heavy on my groin, the wet patch on my Speedos uncomfortably dragging against my cockhead.

I take a few deep breaths to calm myself and brush my fingers along the perfect plane of his cheek. "We can't do it here, beloved. People from the university are bound to show up to check the instruments and they will see us."

Edward growls at me, pushing my chest away. "Fucking teaser! You just love to rile me up, don't you?"

"There might be some truth in that," I say with a shrug. "But I'm also in love with you and want this first time to be special. It certainly won't be with all that sand stuck to our wet bodies."

"So let's go to your place," Edward says, taking deep breaths to calm down. It's really a pity because his flushed cheeks, smoldering gaze and tousled hair make him look so fuckable it hurts.

"We can't go to Dad's; there's no privacy with Rachel and Sarah there. We could go to Embry or Quil's, but I'm bound to end up beating them up for what they put you through."

Edward shakes his head and wraps his fingers around my wrist, pulling on my arm as he starts walking toward the path that leads out of First Beach. "There's an easy solution; let's go to my hotel room."

"Fine, man. I'll follow you in my car." I stroll alongside Edward as the dying sun sinks below the sea, our shadows stretching into the horizon joined together at last.

oOoOo

The soft lamplight limns Edward's head in a bronze halo as he sits down on the bed to pat the rumpled sheets next to him. I set the knapsack upon the carpeted floor, leaning down to zipper it open and fish inside for the lube and condoms.

Toeing off my trainers, I glance at Edward while he leans down to pull off his loafers and his socks.

I bend down over Edward's lap to place the lube and condoms on the nightstand, taking the opportunity to undo the buttons of his cotton shirt, exposing his creamy alabaster skin to my hungry gaze.

Edward's breathing hitches when he lays his head on the pillow while I nibble on his dark nipple, my fingers brushing along the ridges of his abs. My other hand splayed on his hip is trapped between soft cotton and the smooth groove of the perfect V of his hip.

My tongue traces a path up his chest, licking the hollow of his collarbone. Edward runs his fingers through my hair, gripping it hard as he pulls me towards him, our mouths meeting in a wet, sloppy kiss. The angle is all wrong but we're in too much of a hurry and there are too many layers of clothes between us. Edward writhes under me, our trapped dicks eager to be free. I crouch over him as he props himself up on his elbows, my fingers tugging down his shirt off his shoulder and arms until he sits up and yanks his hands free, the shirt falling to the floor.

The mattress dips as I squat on my haunches next to him; I hook my thumbs around the waistband of my Speedos and peel them off with the sweatpants, twisting my hips and raising one calf and then the other to slip them off my feet. Edward's eyes widen at the sight of my throbbing dick, the head glistening with precome.

I grip the base of my shaft between thumb and forefinger. "Want a taste?" I growl.

Edward nods jerkily, making fast work of undoing the clasp of his slacks. I lean over him, my dick bobbing up and down while I help him undo his fly and hook my thumbs around the waistband of his boxers. He raises his hips as I slide them off his long legs, and then he twists his feet to push them to the corner of the bed.

I scoot forward on my knees and sit on his chest, my arousal bobbing above his chin.

"You're gagging for cock, aren't you?" I sway my hips so my dick slaps his cheeks, leaving glistening trails of precome upon his smooth skin. Edward cants up his chin, his tongue chasing my cockhead until I shove my hips forward, the flared head easily sliding into his hungry mouth.

I groan as his tongue swirls around my cockhead, the wet tip pushing into my slit. I pump my hips to sheathe myself, inch by inch, into his hungry throat while I look at his mouth stretched around my girth, twisting my arm to reach back so my fingers ghost the length of his throbbing dick as I chuckle darkly, "So you like your mouth stuffed full of cock, huh?"

Edward grips my ass and pulls me towards him until I'm sunk all the way in. I luxuriate in the sopping wet tightness squeezing me, his tongue flat against the underside of my dick. I shudder at the exquisite feeling and pull back, mindful of his gag reflex, my cock leaving his lips with a popping sound while strands of saliva connect us for a moment.

Edward whimpers in need while my thumb swipes the spit and precome sliding down his chin. "Such a great cocksucker, Edward. It's time to feed your other hungry hole."

Edward wiggles under me as I undulate over his body, slowly and teasingly; the wild look in his eyes tells me he's out of his mind with lust. My cock leaves a wet trail down his chest and abs until it rubs against his arousal, our cockheads briefly touching in an obscene kiss.

I crouch over him and thrust my chin at the nightstand. Edward takes a while to react, his eyes glazed with lust until I rub his knee. "On the nightstand, Ed. Unless you want me to fuck you using your spit as lube?"

Edward grabs the bottle of lube and the condom and passes them to me. My thumb rubs over the green wrapper while I leer down at him. "Green like your eyes, and soon it'll be nestled deep inside your tight ass."

Edward moans, a drop of precome glistening on the tip of his cock. I bend down to swirl my tongue around the slit, greedily lapping up the salty flavor that is uniquely Edward's.

Raise my head to look right into his eyes while I nibble the flange of his wet cockhead. "You taste so good, Ed. God, I missed you so much!"

He bucks his hips wildly at that, moaning. "Please, Jacob."

"What do you want, Edward?" I whisper against his twitching cock and then lick a path down the shaft, along a prominent vein that throbs at the touch of my raspy tongue.

Hook my forearm under Edward's knees and push them up. He gets the point and wraps his hands over the back of his knees, pulling up his legs until he's spread to my gaze, all wanton and needy.

"Want you to…" he trails off.

I sit back on my knees and uncap the bottle, upending it over my hand. I rub my palms and fingers together to warm the lube and then reach out to swirl my thumb along the crease of his ass, tracing a path on the soft skin between his cheeks, my finger rubbing now and then his twitching hole as I drive him out of his fucking mind with lust.

"You want me to do what?" I sneer while Edward thrusts up his hips, chasing my thumb until I sink it inside him to the first knuckle. Rub his walls gently, my gaze drawn to the place where I breach him.

"Look at your hungry hole, it's sucking me right in!"

Edward jerks his hips, impaling himself on my thumb. I lower my face to lave his stretched rim, nibbling gently on the sensitive skin as Edward whimpers.

I slide my thumb out of his greedy ass and then sink two slick fingers inside him, bending the knuckles to jab his prostate. Edward grunts and I look at his face, my gaze fixed on his fucked-out, swollen lips. He grimaces at the burn, and l lean down to lick his pulsing rim.

"It gets better, I promise. You'll feel so good you'll want my cock day and night."

"Please, please fuck me," he says in a wrecked voice that makes my dick throb.

"Since you said the magic word…" I sit back on my knees, ripping the wrapper with my teeth. I stretch the condom with my forefingers and slide it down my cock. Then I grab the bottle of lube and pour it down my shaft, spreading it around with my wet fingers.

The mattress squeaks as Ed thrashes on the bed while I guide my dick towards his entrance, the fingers of my other hand spreading his ass. Rub my blunt head around his slick hole while Edward bucks his hips towards me, moaning piteously.

The sight of him wiggling under me and the way his hole twitches with need finally snap me out of my teasing mode. So I thrust my hips, my cockhead smoothly breaching his entrance, his rim expanding around me until I'm sunk midshaft.

I pause for a while, letting him adjust to the stretch while my hands ghost over his sweaty flanks, my fingers touching his own, which are holding the back of his knees. I shudder as his tight heat flutters around me.

Edward props himself up on his elbows and lowers his thighs to wrap his legs around my waist. "More," he groans as his heels pull me towards him.

I fuck my hips into him until I bottom out, his ass clenching hard around me. I twist my hips to rub my dick around his walls until he raises his hips and shouts, "Move, dammit!"

"You're such a pushy bottom, man!" I say with a crooked grin as I lean over him, my feet flat on the bed. I slide my dick out of him teasingly slow and then pump my hips into him hard and fast. The sharpened angle allows my cock to nudge his prostate.

"Harder, harder," he says, before he starts babbling incoherently.

I willingly obey, plowing into his tight ass hard and fast, rotating my hips when I bottom out and changing the rhythm. Slow and deep, and then hard, shallow and fast. Want to make him forget his pain, fuck his loneliness out of him until I am all he can think about.

My fingers slide down the crease of his thighs until I reach the place where we are joined. My fingers trace his swollen rim, a fingertip sliding into his stretched hole briefly to rub inside his walls.

Seeing the way his eyes roll back on his head, I wonder if I can make him come on my cock with no other stimulation.

I look down at his abs, his cock bobbing around as the force of my thrusts pushes us towards the headboard.

"Please touch me," he moans.

Sweat drops fall down my forehead and chest to fall on his abs. I glance at his thick cock and my entrance twitches with the need to feel him inside me once more. Perhaps in Seattle. God knows we'll have plenty of chances, studying at the same university.

I take pity on him and wrap my fingers around his slick dick, swirling my thumb around the crown. I pump his cock with the same rhythm I'm fucking him as his walls squeeze hard around me, tight as a vise.

Spurts of come seep between my fingers to dribble down on his abs as he comes with a muffled shout, his hole clenching hard around me. The exquisite tightness is too hard to resist and I fuck into him wildly, my balls slapping against his ass until I come with a hoarse grunt.

I lay down on him, completely exhausted. Kiss his cheek and my thumb tenderly wipes the sweat off his forehead.

Raising myself on my elbows, I slide carefully out of him. Then I scoot back to the bottom of the bed and pinch the condom between my thumb and forefinger, sliding it off me and tying it in a knot before I stand up and make my way to the bathroom to drop it in the wastebasket.

Grab a couple of towels and go back to the bedroom, cleaning myself and then Edward, taking care to rub gently against his swollen entrance. He bucks slightly towards me, chasing the touch of my thumb.

"You're greedy for more, aren't you?" I whisper.

Edward grunts, his eyelids fluttering after the powerful orgasm. I drop the towels on the floor and lay myself lengthwise alongside him, cuddling up to him, my arms wrapped tightly around his chest.

I close my eyes briefly, luxuriating in the warmth of his body next to mine, listening to the rhythm of his breathing which soothes me like the rumble of the surf on First Beach. I smile tiredly when it becomes regular and deep. Edward is falling asleep, as he should after this trying day.

I ruffle his hair gently, mouthing kisses on his shoulder. "You're mine, Edward, and I'll never let you go now."

"I feel the same, Jacob. I had to come back to you to drown in your warmth like the ocean you love," Edward whispers roughly. Obviously I wasn't as quiet as I should have been. Doesn't matter though; his voice comforts me as it has always done.

I lean forward to trace the shell of his ear with my tongue and whisper softly, "You're the moon that rules the tides of my heart."

THE END