Sorry it's taken a while to update. School is kickbutt. My roommate went home for the weekend and I'm by myself in the dorm so I decided to crank this out. I hope it doesn't suck. :P

Anyway, thank you for the reviews and alerts. Definitely appreciate it!

Disclaimer: Don't own Glee. Mistakes I do own!

He thought that by walking back to his apartment a chance to clear his mind would be given to him. He was entirely too full of the emotions swirling deep within him, all of them threatening to spill over to the surface at any given time. Fifteen minutes away from the broken down building he called home, a loud boom of thunder clapped overhead. Within minutes of the warning from the skies above a rain, so chilling it pierced his skin, fell angrily. He thought it was kind of ironic; his day had been going downhill since Rachel had received her phone call from Jesse. He figured the rain was kind of symbolic or something. He probably deserved the downpour on him for what he was helping Rachel to do her husband.

Upon reaching his apartment building he flew inside to escape the downpour of the rain and hopefully his guilt. He trudged up the first two flights of stairs before coming to a halt outside of his door. He pulled the lone keychain out of his pocket and turned the lock before entering the small flat. He angrily dropped his keys and cell phone onto the small island that served as his breakfast table before walking a few mere feet into his bedroom/bathroom/everything because he was too poor to afford an apartment that actually had more than one room. He peeled the soaking wet clothes off his body before changing into warm pajamas and crashing onto the bed.

He kind of prayed that he wouldn't wake up.

Four hours later he heard a loud noise coming from the other side of the room. His drowsy eyes opened, and once coherent thoughts were formed he realized it was his cell phone. With a grunt he pulled himself out of the bed and lumbered over to the kitchen to grab his phone. "Someone seems popular," he mumbled upon seeing the three missed calls and five text messages.

Rach: You didn't call me.
11:43
Rach: Are you mad? I have a break; do I need to come by?
12:01
Rach: Sam, please say something…Last night was incredible; don't ruin it.
12:08
Lopezzz: Trouty Mouth, I wants some food. We should go to Puckerman's gig later 2nite so we can score free drinks…and chicks ;)
12:32
Rach: Okay. I'm coming over.
12:42.

With a frantic yelp he looked at his watch. 1:05. He hoped that Rachel decided against her initial thoughts. He could text her back and just tell her he was asleep and that would solve it all. He didn't want to text her back though. He was hurting, and though he knew it wasn't fair of him to blame her, a part of him wanted to-and did.

Me: Sounds like a plan! Meet me there? Or pick u up?
1:08

A lone knock on his door caused him to drop his phone. The solo knock then turned into a series of beating and pounding on his door. He chuckled at the brunette's impatience and jogged over, not wanting to have to pay his landlord for damage to the door.

He pulled the door open and took her disheveled appearance. Her hair was a mess. He still hadn't really figured out girls, but he knew that her hair was looking kind of whacked up. She was slightly panting and flushed. He noticed that she wasn't looking directly at him, more at his chest. He looked down to realize he still had on a pair of boxers and nothing else. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I just woke up." Her face lit up.

"So you weren't ignoring me," she stated, though it came out as more of a question than anything. He sighed before pulling her inside the apartment.

"Come in, you don't want anyone to see you over here," he whispered before shutting the door behind her. The jab at his heart was as strong as it ever was at the prospect of sneaking around. He guessed it was what he got for falling in love with Broadway's most talented woman. He was proud of her; he always had been, but it sucked that there was always someone on the street that knew her. They could never just…be.

Not that they could have even if she weren't famous. Her husband was just as famous as she. If for some odd reason someone didn't recognize her for her own fame they recognized her as Rachel St. James, or Jesse St. James' wife.

"Where are you at?" Rachel's voice was soft and gentle, almost like she was afraid of spooking him. Maybe she was.

"Nowhere, just thinking," he replied and then forced a smile. Rachel sighed. He forgot that she could read him like a book. "Rachel, you don't want to hear what I have to say so let's just not talk about it, okay?" She gave him a watery smile before sitting down on the couch, picking up his cell phone in the process. He slowly made his way over to the brunette before easing himself down beside her.

"We need to be mature adults, Sam. Be honest with me, please," she pleaded. He ran a hand through his locks before nodding to himself.

"Fine, you want honest? I can give you that. I'm dying here, Rach. I love you so much that it hurts. I can't go anywhere without seeing your face in a magazine or hearing some little girl with her mom in our shop talking about wanting to be just like you when they grow up. I want to be able to smile and tell them that you're my girlfriend, and that you are the most amazing thing in the world."

"Sam," Rachel interrupted. He could tell from the sound of her voice that she was crying, but he wasn't going to let that stop him from continuing his rant.

"But I can't," he finished. His voice cracked and he found himself crying silently along with her. "You know, it isn't fair that I'm so crazy about you. I want to be able to buy you flowers before your shows, and be waiting for you when they are done with a kiss. I want to be able to walk down the street with you while holding your hand, but I can't." A piercing silence followed his confessions. "And I don't think I ever will."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Rachel questioned. He wanted to laugh because how could he break up with someone he wasn't truly with.

"I can't," he cried out with frustration, "because as much as it's killing me to have you like this? At least even though I know you go home to his arms and a life where you belong to him I have these small moments. They're all I've got."

She hungrily attached her lips to his and all was forgiven in that moment. He didn't have time to feel pain; her kisses and touches were the only things to heal his wounds. She treaded her fingers lightly through his hair before pushing him down on the couch. The kisses lessened in intensity; she instead ended the series of kisses with a soft peck before pressing a solitary kiss to his neck and then over his chest, where his heart lay beneath.

"I love you, Sam. You have to know that I do. Please, I couldn't bear the thought of living a life without you in it." He sighed. They had been friends for longer than they had been having a secret affair and he knew it would be impossible to lead a life without Rachel Berry, no, Rachel St. James in it.

"And what if I couldn't handle being with you while Jesse was in the picture?" The sharp intake of breath from Rachel let him know all he needed to know. As much as she loved him, she wasn't leaving Jesse-that much was clear.

"I can't leave him now," she explained. "He just got the lead in an upcoming musical. The previews start in July. He has the entire theatre community watching him." Sam nodded. His phone chirped from the spot it was in beside Rachel. The brunette reached for the item blindly before reading over whatever it was he received. He ignored the pained expression on her face before handing the phone over.

Lopezzz: It's bouts time we got you laid, Evans! You been single too longz! Ill come to your apt. at 6.
1:34

"You're going out with Santana tonight?" Rachel whispered while looking at the floor. Sam nodded but realized she kind of couldn't see him.

"Yeah, we haven't hung out in a while. I miss my best friend." He heard barely audible sniffles. "What's wrong?" He questioned before wrapping his arms around the brunette.

"I thought I was your best friend." He couldn't help it. He really he couldn't. But the laughter that escaped him made the brunette seethe. The tips of her ears grew red. "Oh okay, excuse me for thinking that the guy I give myself to and am in love with is my best friend. Clearly that isn't how it works."

"Baby," Sam cooed before pressing a soft kiss to the spot beneath her ear, "you are more than my best friend." She turned to face him. "You're my best friend," he pressed a kiss to her cheek, "my lover," he pressed another kiss to her nose, "and the girl I happen to want to spend forever with." He pressed a lingering kiss to the corner of her lips before pulling away with a goofy grin. He was happy to find that Rachel was wearing a grin that matched his.

"You will, you know," Rachel stated before curling into his side.

"Will what?" He questioned in confusion.

"Get to spend forever with me." She pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder. He tightened his hold on her and smiled. It was the small moments that made all the shit they had to go through worthwhile. "Are you really going to let Santana hook you up with a girl?" Sam fought the urge to laugh knowing it would give her the wrong idea-again.

"I already have a girl, and she's better than anybody Santana might think is game to handle Sam Evans!" Rachel smiled at the excitement in his voice. "When is your break over?" Rachel stiffened in his arms.

"I might have lied. I feigned an illness so that I could take the rest of the day off," she explained.

"Naughty girl," Sam cooed before bursting out into laughter. "I can't pull off creepy old pervert, huh?" Rachel arched an eyebrow.

"Sam, you may not be a creepy old man, but you are a pervert." He flushed before shrugging his shoulders.

"I blame you," he explained. "Does he know you aren't working?" He tried avoiding Jesse's name as often as he could. He knew it was stupid to try to imagine Jesse not being in the picture, especially since he was the one helping Rachel be a cheat.

"No, I wanted to spend more time with you. I told you that this morning before you stormed out on me." Sam sighed."I can go if you want…" He knew it was a trap. That girl was a wizard of tricking him, but he was finally wising up to the ways of Rachel Berry.

"Do you remember the day we met?" Rachel giggled with glee before turning to look at Sam intently, the memory replaying itself in both of their minds.

He sighed before wiping the counter off with a tattered cloth. Business had been slow that day; it always was when he worked. It wasn't fun being a college freshman having to work hours that should be spent on partying or less important things like studying.

"How can I help you?" He recited once the door opened and dinged, signaling a customer.

"You can't," a melodic voice replied. His ears perked at the sound as he raised his head from the counter to see a petite brunette girl rummaging through the sheet music on aisle three.

"You sure about that, Miss?" Sam questioned politely all the while being enamored by the girl. She had an attitude, that much was obvious, but she was pretty in his eyes.

"I'm positive," she replied. He nodded to himself before continuing to wipe down the counter. Several minutes later he heard footsteps nearing him. A small cough was emitted from before him. He looked up with an arched eyebrow to look at the girl.

"Yes?"

"I'm afraid I do need your help. You see, the book I want to look at is on the top shelf and I'm unable to reach it." Sam nodded before wiping his hands off on his blue jeans and walked over to where the brunette had previously been standing. "That one," Rachel pointed.

Sam grabbed the book of sheet music with ease before handing it to the girl and returning to his original spot behind the counter. "You look familiar-do I know you?"

"Is that a pick-up line?" Sam smirked. "'Cause I'll gladly play along." The brunette scoffed but he could see the faint blush gracing her cheeks.

"I'm being serious," she exclaimed while stomping her foot. He laughed before truly studying her features. Soft chocolate eyes to match long brown locks, a dazzling smile to go along with the package.

"You do look kinda familiar. Do you go to Pete's down on 57th?" Rachel's face scrunched up in thought. He thought it was kind of adorable, but 18-almost 19- year old dudes didn't think girls were adorable. They were either smokin' or not.

"No, I've never been." He hummed in thought.

"Our band plays there. I thought you might have gone. Where do you go to school?" Rachel placed the book on the counter before brushing a lone curl away from her face.

"Tisch, you?"

"Oh, uh, I go to Essex-in Jersey." Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe you just look like someone I know," he finished lamely. "I'm about to get off work, do you maybe want to go get something to eat?" He knew he was going to be shot down, but it didn't hurt to try.

"I can't. I have somewhere to be." Yep, he felt like a loser. "But maybe I will go watch your band play sometime," she questioned with a grin.

"Yeah, that'd be awesome. Every Saturday night, usually. Around nine. You should totally come. It'd be fun." The brunette handed him the book. "Oh, no, it's on me."

"Are you sure?" She asked with a glint in her eyes he couldn't read.

"Positive." She smiled before grabbing the book and skipping out of the store.

It was only until after she had left that he realized he didn't know her name.

"You were kind of mean," Sam whispered once the flashback had passed. "You came to every show our band had though." Rachel nodded into his chest. Somehow during the random memory they had gone from sitting to lying down. Her head was resting on his shirtless chest while his strong arms were wrapped protectively around her.

"You intrigued me. And then you were just really nice eye-candy at those shows. A man with a guitar was my weakness back then," she sighed dreamily. Sam chuckled, the laughter sending vibrations through the brunette.

"Rach," he whispered while running his hands over her back soothingly.

"Hmm?"

"Why did you pick him?" Sam questioned. He and Rachel had never talked about her feelings for Jesse aside from the diva reassuring the blond that her feelings were only for him. Sam couldn't say that he truly believed her; Jesse was her husband after all-she was bound to feel something for him. "Why wasn't I good enough?"

"Sam," Rachel pulled away so that she could look into his eyes. "You act as though you were an option. You not once showed any interest in me. Why would I have thrown myself at you when I had a guy who showed affection for me?" Sam sighed.

He and Rachel had been friends for almost four years, he guessed. He had had feelings of the love variety for probably three of those years. She had been married to Jesse for two of those. It killed him that he had been there first. He had been in Rachel's life before Jesse St. James and had he shown the girl how he truly felt he could probably had been the one married to Rachel.

Then again, Rachel truly had been in love with Jesse, he thought. He knew he was being a great friend by watching her fall in love with someone else-because when the person you loved happened to love someone else it was common sense to let them go, even if it hurt like hell.

He had never tried to make her fall for him after things had become serious with Jesse. He had been everything a platonic friend would be. He listened to her talk about him for hours on end all while his heart felt like it was being stomped on. He ate ice cream with her and watched Funny Girl when she and Jesse would get into fights.

He was there when Rachel got her first off-off Broadway part. He was there when she got her first off-Broadway role. He was even there when she went to an open-call for her first Broadway show. He was the first person Rachel called when she got engaged after Jesse landed his first part on an off-Broadway show.

He remembered the first night he and Rachel kissed. He had gotten a girlfriend-the first one he had since being friends with Rachel, actually. He spent more and more time away from Rachel, certain that it was what he needed to do to make Rachel happy and to finally help him get over the brunette.

How wrong he was.

She and Jesse had been married a year at the time. The curly haired prick was out of town visiting his family, and Rachel had called Sam to keep her company. He declined, having already made plans with Santana Lopez. Rachel began to cry-Sam caved and took a taxi to her apartment immediately.

He often wondered what life would be like for him if that night had turned out another way, if he had simply pushed her away. He questioned whether or not he regretted it.

He didn't regret it at all.

"Rach, what's wrong?" Sam questioned while looking around the extravagant apartment. He always felt completely out of place at her and Jesse's place. "Why are you so upset? Did you and Jesse have a fight?" Upon mentioning Jesse's name, Rachel began to wail.

"Sam, I don't know how it happened or when," she exclaimed in between broken sobs. Sam instantly wrapped his arms around her and let the pint-size girl cry into his chest.

"Shh," he cooed before pulling away long enough to wipe the tears away from her cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"You and Santana," she shouted. He pulled away in confusion, unsure of what happened. He had thought the brunette and the Latina had gotten along just fine.

"If you don't like Santana then I can break up with her, I guess," he shrugged his shoulders. It wasn't like things were serious with the girl; they liked to go out and drink together. It was more like a weird friendship than a relationship.

"That's not it," Rachel shouted. "You're always with her. At first I didn't know why it upset me so that you were never around me anymore. I was constantly complaining to Jesse about how much you not being around made me mad. Then I started complaining about Santana! A girl I hardly know, Sam!" Sam nodded, unsure of what was happening. "Jesse joked around talking about how it sounded like I was jealous."

"Rach, people can be jealous of people taking their friends away, you know." Rachel shook her head.

"That's not the kind of jealous I am, Sam," she whispered, voice taking on a husky quality. He rubbed his sweaty palms over the denim of his jeans and swallowed thickly. Instantly the brunette was invading his personal space and greedily smothered his lips with hers.

Not once did he push her away.

A simple kiss had turned into a yearlong affair.

It had been the greatest and worst year of his life, a roller coaster ride that often made him sick but was too much fun to get off.

Three more hours had passed with the two of them simply enjoying each other's company. Sam had brought his old guitar out and attempted to serenade the girl while Rachel internally swooned at the way the guy treated her. They watched a movie and cuddled underneath a blanket for the duration of the film like high school kids on a date.

Rachel's phone rang at 5:15. He knew who was calling her. He knew it before the color from Rachel's face drained. "Hello," Rachel calmly answered. "You won't be home tonight?" She asked in disbelief. Sam rolled his eyes at the brunette's dramatics. "No, I don't want to go with you to Atlantic City. Whatever, bye."

"Ah, I didn't know that hardworking Broadway actor's rehearsed in Atlantic City," Sam joked, hoping to ease the mood.

"They don't," Rachel grumbled. "Since he won't be home though," she purred," and you still aren't wearing clothes I propose that we do something about this." Sam gulped before looking at his watch.

"Bad idea, Rach. Santana is going to be over here in like…less than an hour." The brunette's hand was playing with the elastic of his boxers. "Rach," he whined before swatting her hand away, "we can have a date after I hang out with Santana."

"I can't believe you're choosing to hang out with an ex-girlfriend over your current girlfriend," Rachel snapped before pulling her hand away. "Maybe you two can take care of this current situation," she shouted while gesturing to his lower anatomy. Sam groaned before throwing his head back in frustration.

"You know she's into chicks, not dicks." Rachel rolled her eyes before getting up. She pecked his lips before admiring the chiseled abs on his body.

"You just remember that. Then you and this," she squeezed the aforementioned body part," came come to my place for the night." Sam shivered lightly as he watched the brunette sashay to his door. In a flash he was off the couch and running over to Rachel. He pinned her to the door and kissed her soundly. He had, over the course of a year, completely memorized every detail about her body-starting with her soft lips. He pulled away and languidly nipped and bit at the line of her jaw and neck before returning to swollen lips. Slowly, he ran his tongue over her bottom lip. The brunette immediately granted him access.

He felt his body temperature rising as their tongues met, languidly at first before turning into a much more heated dance. He let go of Rachel's wrist to rest his hands on her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged at his hair. He pressed his body into hers and ignored the whimper that escaped from her lips upon feeling the reaction his body had because of her. She pulled away and began to trail her lips down his neck while scratching his abs lightly. "Oh God, no," he moaned before letting the girl continue. "We have to stop. Santana can't show up to find me taking care of myself in the bathroom because of you."

"And you thought you weren't a pervert how?" Rachel questioned in between pants. Sam laughed before pressing a lingering kiss to pouty lips.

"I'll see you later, Rach." She nodded before shuffling out the door. He looked at his watch and then down at his below the waistline problem. "Cold shower," he stated aloud before running to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later he was out and changed into a fresh t-shirt and a pair of jeans, ready for a night out. He headed over to the door after hearing the knock. "Ready to go?" He asked upon seeing the Latina.

"Nice hickies," Santana deadpanned. His smile fell as his hand instantly went to the base of his neck. Apparently Rachel had decided on payback. "Who've you been sexing?" Sam sighed before pulling the girl inside.

He had kept the affair with Rachel secret from everyone and it had been killing him. He kind of thought telling someone could help him feel better about things. And Santana was his best friend, right?

He nodded to himself; he was going to tell her.

Next chapter: Santana is going to give Sam her advice on the situation. Which, when is Santana advice ever a good thing? Haha.

Review! They motivate me to write faster.