A/N: Natsu is left at home with his two year old son. What's the worst that could happen?
DISCLAIMER: Mashima's.
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaah!" Inhale. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Check to see if someone is watching. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"Argh! What do you want?!" cried the pink-haired father, at a complete loss. It was a trap when Lucy suggested she go to the store without their son. She knew this was going to happen! Sneaky vixen…
"Mamaaaaaa!" The miniature version of Natsu stood in the middle of the room as his father began pulling his hair, wracking his brain to figure out what had set the toddler off this time! "Bah!" the boy demanded as tears still lined his lower lids, attempting once again to convey what he wanted.
"What's bah? Speak it plainly boy!" he was answered with a ear-piercing screech and holler as his son ran up and started pulling insistently on his pants, while still saying, "Bah!" Natsu picked him up only to have his son wriggle around as if he wanted back down again.
"You just wanted up!" he said in exasperation as he set the toddler down only to have his short little legs lift amazingly high so as not to touch the ground. "So you want me to hold you?"
"Bah!" That demanding tone again… Natsu missed the days when he only slept, drank milk, and pooped. Trying to understand the foreign language of a two year old was more challenging than trying to decipher the script Levy studied.
"Ball?" The little one tilted his head as if contemplating the word and then frowned in discontent. The tears started again.
"Oh no… oh no no no no no…" The flood gates reopened. "Argh, Igneel! What do you want from me?" Natsu begged desperately. "Where is your mother?!"
Lucy felt a chill run down her spine as she reached for a radish in the produce section. Smiling, she shrugged and continued to merrily pick out some carrots to go with their soup that evening. It was so nice being able to shop at ones leisure instead of speeding to get in and out as quickly as possible before the little one starts screaming and crying. Yes… so very nice. Lucy thought maybe she would take her time looking at the eggs today.
"Look look look, Igneel! I'm a bear!" Natsu stood tall over his son with hands raised into a towering position. "Roar! I'm gonna get you! Roar!" Igneel's bottom lipped trembled and Natsu realized this was yet again, another big mistake. "No no no no no, don't cry! Look it's me! It's Daddy!" The lip did not stop trembling. Igneel sucked in a huge breath. Ugh, here it comes again…
"Waaaaaaah!" Natsu snatched the little boy up and sniffed his bottom, then automatically shifting the crying boy to pull back the diaper from the back, checking to see if there was a mess to clean up. Nothing. Ok, diaper's good to go. Maybe he was hungry, what time is it? Natsu looked at the wall clock and saw that perhaps his son was simply wanting his afternoon snack. What the hell was it that Lucy gave him again? Bouncing little Igneel on his hip, Natsu made his way into the kitchen, smiling at his son encouragingly as he reached into the cookie jar.
"Look what Daddy has for you!" he whipped out his hand to present him with a very large cookie. Igneel's eyes widened as drool began to run from the side of his mouth. Within seconds it was gone and Natsu was once again reminded that Igneel was most definitely his son. Pretty soon the little snot was wanting more, pointing demandingly towards another jar filled with candy. Rolling his eyes, Natsu complied. Anything to keep him quiet. He had been at it all afternoon. Igneel swallowed the candy whole and then immediately got distracted by something shiny. Taking the brief reprieve, Natsu began to dig around in the fridge, trying to find something to wash all of that food down. His arms were almost completely occupied with child and task at hand, failing to notice that the toddler had managed to grab hold of one of the kitchen knives.
"Where is it? Oh, there it is!" He pulled out a bottle of sugary, carbonated goodness and smiled in triumph. He immediately pulled up short as he found a very sharp, pointy object only mere inches away from his face. The dropped to the floor in an epic explosion.
"Ah! Igneel! No!" He snatched away the new toy and placed it as far away as possible as his son burst into another fit of terrible two's tantrums. Sighing, Natsu placed Igneel in a high chair and quickly turned to clean the mess up he had made with the spilled soda. Lucy was gonna kill him if she came home to this mess. Assuming his son was out of trouble, he turned his back only to hear a loud crashing sound. Spinning around he watched just as Igneel pulled with superhuman strength on the table cloth, covered in dishes and tableware.
"Noooooooooooo!" Igneel grinned victoriously as he pulled the rest of the cloth off of the table. Chaos reigned supreme. The ill-considered sugar Natsu had given Igneel was digesting and spreading throughout his tiny system. Natsu swung the toddler up out of the chair and placed him absently on his shoulders, instructing his son to hang on while he cleaned up the mess he made. Just as the fire dragon slayer was reaching for the broom, Igneel found his hold in his father's pink hair. Grabbing two huge fists full, he yanked as hard as he could with a shriek.
"Aaaaaah!" Fire erupted from Natsu's mouth, once again being rudely reminded that Igneel was insanely strong for such a small tyke. Seeing as his shoulders were not the best place for the rambunctious two year old, he quickly brought him back down to discover the once clean diaper was now completely full. To add insult to injury, Igneel let loose a terrible sound from his other end announcing that he was done filling it and the little shit had the gall to smile while he did it!
"Why you…" Natsu froze, sniffing the air as he realized he smelled smoke. Whirling around, he found that his earlier burst of fire had actually caught onto the kitchen drapes. "Ah!" He felt his eyeballs spring out as he looked quickly around for a way to put it out. Taking the broom that had been at hand earlier, he smacked at the small flames desperately before finally it went out, smoldering away still at the edges.
Igneel became very disgruntled with his heavy pants and pulled harshly on Natsu's scarf, nearly strangling his already bedraggled father. "Bah!"
"What is bah?!" Igneel reached up and pat his father gently on the cheek and gurgled merrily.
"Na bah bah drrrrr boo dah…" He chattered away happily as the sugar high quickly began to wear off. He yawned as his eyes drooped slightly. With a plop, the little pink head fell onto Natsu's shoulder, thumb inserted in mouth. He continued to babble, even in his half awake state. Suddenly, the smell of the diaper assaulted Natsu's nose yet again. Something needed to be done about that. Slowly making his way into the nursery, Natsu skillfully removed the offending cloth and disposed of it with practiced ease. Fortunately the sugar crash that Igneel was experiencing aided him in getting the little one into the crib without a fuss.
Slowly, Natsu backed out of the room, gently closing the door behind him. Glancing at the clock a new wave of panic hit him. Lucy would be home any minute. Moving at warp speed, he flew around the kitchen, washing, cleaning, sweeping and scrubbing. Upon finishing, he collapsed onto the couch with a groan. His moment of peace was immediately interrupted as the front door opened.
"I'm home!" Shooting back up, he put his finger over his lips.
"Shhhhh! Igneel is sleeping." Lucy smiled happily as she moved quietly into the kitchen, pleased with how spotless it was.
"You cleaned?" she said happily. Smiling, Natsu stood and joined her in the kitchen, helping to put the food away.
"You did marry an incredible man, did you not?" he said, all fatigue erased as he wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck affectionately. Lucy hummed and smiled. She paused and sniffed the air.
"Is something burning?" Natsu's eyes widened as he looked over his shoulder and found he had forgotten the drapes.
"Um, no, just your imagination." Lucy pulled away and looked around at the stovetop.
"No, I am positive something is burning." Sniffing around the stove, she continued to investigate. It wasn't until the drapes suddenly went back up in flames did she locate the source of the smell. Her earlier mood vanished as she swung her gaze back and forth between her husband and the drapes.
"Uh… welcome back home, honey!" he said sheepishly as he gave her a wobbly grin.