Chapter 2: A Lesson in Fate

(Years later…after Aizen's fall)

Renji sat quietly fuming at his desk, pretending to give his attention to the work in front of him, while wondering how in the hell the war could be over, Aizen could be sealed away and imprisoned in Central 46 and yet everything else could feel so badly fucked up. His body still ached from being put back together after too much battle and not enough recovery time as they struggled against Aizen's Espadas in their efforts to free Orihime. And having freed her and ending Aizen's treachery, he should, he thought, have felt better, not worse. But he couldn't feel better. He thought he might never feel better.

It seemed oddly as though Kurosaki Ichigo was slowly dying, instead of just losing his spiritual pressure…

It only made things worse that Renji's ginger-haired friend was taking it so calmly. He was actually more calm about it than any of the rest of them. Perhaps with the exception of Renji's taichou. But then, Byakuya seemed to take everything in stride. In fact, Renji had only even known the noble to lose his cool a couple of times. Once…during Ichigo's battle with him, when Ichigo started to gain the upper hand (He had only heard about it afterward from the substitute shinigami). And the other time in Hueco Mundo as Renji had lain, semi-conscious, watching Byakuya and Zaraki go head to head against each other near the still quivering remains of the Espada they had killed. There was something about the eleventh division taichou that really riled Byakuya. They had nearly tangled a few times before, but this time they had let loose on each other and nearly finished each other off. If not for the news that Ichigo and Urahara had defeated Aizen, then they both might have fallen. It was fortunate, he thought, that Unohana taichou had gone back with Ichigo or both taichous involved in the fracas would have faced court-martial for such behavior. But luckily for the two, Kurotsuchi taichou, though disturbed that neither man had died, promised to make wicked experiments out of any of them that breathed a word about the fight.

Renji found an unbidden smile touching his lips, bolstering him as he thought how Byakuya had looked entrancing, using all of his power and throwing himself against Zaraki's relentless reiatsu like that. Despite how he had looked and likely felt afterwards, his taichou was a beautiful fighter. The thought gave him a short respite from thinking about Ichigo. But all too soon, his thoughts were drawn back to the substitute shinigami again.

He sighed in frustration, focusing harder on the report in front of him until his eyes began to cross from the effort, but the dark emotion ate away at him until he felt like he could barely stand it. Just as he thought he had reached the end of his wits, the door opened and Byakuya walked in. Renji noticed the lingering catch in his normally graceful step and the tiny echo of pain in his calm features. Byakuya's eyes immediately drifted to where Renji sat, and the noble frowned.

"Is something bothering you?" he asked, "Your reiatsu is quite riled, Renji."

"No," Renji sighed impatiently, "Well, yeah, sort of. But it's not like there's a goddamned thing I can do about it!"

Byakuya stood still, considering his fukutaichou's words, then sighed and lowered his eyes.

"Nor any of us," the noble said softly, "As yet, there is nothing we can do to assist Kurosaki Ichigo. Rukia and Ichigo's other friends are gathered with him at the manor. I had thought you might go there as well."

"Why?" Renji asked in a low, trembling voice, "To stand around and stare at each other and not talk about it? To hug him and say how sorry we are that he and Kisuke saved our asses and now all we can do is watch the connection between us fade away?"

Renji caught his breath as a flash step sounded and Byakuya suddenly reappeared at the side of his desk, a graceful white hand settling both commandingly and bracingly on his shoulder. He looked up into the calm, gray eyes and suddenly hated Byakuya for being able to take it all so quietly, so placidly…like he didn't care.

"Renji," Byakuya said in that maddeningly tranquil voice, "Even when he cannot see us or sense us anymore…even then, the ties that bind us will still be there."

The words should have calmed him, should have made him stop and catch his breath, but Renji couldn't be calm anymore…couldn't sit quietly and just accept everything as it came. And he couldn't stand it anymore that Byakuya could.

"What the fuck would you know about our connections!" he hissed angrily, "You don't know a damned thing about 'ties that bind…"

"Renji…"

"No…you sit in your pretty manor with servants who do whatever you say. You have everything you want handed to you…a squad of men whose job it is to lay down their lives to protect you, but you don't have those connections! You're not close to Rukia. You barely look at her. You don't look at anyone, Taichou…not even me. You lead your clan, your squad, and you tell the people around you what to do…but when you lie down at night, you lie down alone. Because you don't have those connections. You only ever did once…and when she died…it's like that part of you that could love died with her! So don't fucking look me in the eyes and pretend like you understand! You don't understand SHIT!"

He knew, even as he said the words he didn't mean them. No one knew better than Renji did about the person Byakuya concealed from everyone. And though he had thought that loosing some of his anger would help ease his pain, it only worsened as he caught barest flash of hurt in those carefully controlled eyes. It was gone in an instant as Byakuya's emotional defenses closed around him with an almost audible snap, and he lifted his hand from Renji's shoulder.

He said nothing, but only walked to his desk and picked up a stack of papers, then turned towards his private quarters.

"T-taichou," Renji said in a choked voice, "Taichou, I didn't mean that."

"I will be in my quarters. You may go to the manor if you wish."

Renji watched in silence as Byakuya walked into his quarters and closed the door behind him, then collapsed into a miserable heap on his desk. He tried to work to ease the dark emotion that spun around him, but somewhere between his feelings about Ichigo and the guilt he felt over what he'd said to Byakuya, he had lost his control over himself almost entirely. He finally left the office and stomped into his quarters, slamming the door behind him. He dropped down on his bed, not realizing that the door had not closed properly and had opened a crack.

As he dissolved into nearly silent tears, he didn't see the door across the hallway open, or hear the soft steps that approached his doorway. He didn't see the quiet gray eyes that observed him for several long minutes, before a pale hand pushed the door open and Byakuya entered the room. He closed the door behind him and the sound startled Renji out of his tears and made him look up.

Byakuya stood, silent and ghostly pale against the door, his expression still calm but his eyes uncertain. He waited for Renji to yell at him to get out, to throw something at him, or to say something even more horrid than what he'd said before, but all Renji could do was stare. He stared in silence at Byakuya, stunned at seeing him there, and even more shocked at seeing him dressed in a yukata, with his white throat bared and vulnerable, and his long, sleek, black hair free of the kenseiken and falling unrestrained around his face and shoulders. His hands looked oddly naked without the white fingerless gloves and he couldn't remember ever having seen Byakuya's feet bare.

"My apologies for intruding," he said softly, "but…"

He paused, as though lost for words.

"It's okay," Renji said, sniffing and rubbing his eyes, "I'm kinda used to looking pathetic and weak next to you…you know? You take everything so calmly and I just can't contain myself."

Byakuya remained frozen and silent by the door. Renji noticed suddenly that he was holding a tray with tea and two cups on it.

"Oh," he said, rubbing his eyes again and blinking, "Thanks, Taichou. You didn't have to do that."

Byakuya took a breath and seemed to recover himself. He walked to Renji's bedside and set the tea down, then poured a cup. Renji's eyes widened as he took a bottle that had been concealed behind the tea and added a measure of sake to the cup. He handed the cup to Renji and prepared a second cup the same way for himself. Renji sipped at the sake-laden tea, enjoying the blend of warmth and comfort. He was oddly fascinated at seeing Byakuya drink something besides tea. It finally distracted him enough that the pain in his heart eased, at least enough that he could address the stupid, thoughtless things he'd said before.

"Taichou," he said, looking up and meeting Byakuya's tired eyes, "Look, I'm really sorry about what I said before."

"Forget it."

Anyone else would have missed the very soft catch in his voice and the glimmer of pain that touched his eyes fleetingly, then disappeared.

"No, it was wrong for me to say that…especially me. I know better."

"Let it go," the noble said, closing his eyes and drinking more deeply.

He watched as Renji finished the tea, then refilled it in the same manner as before, and filled his own again. After the second cup, Renji felt numb and empty, and after the third, he could barely keep his eyes open. Byakuya picked up the tray and cups and started to stand. As he moved, a rough, calloused hand wrapped around one slender wrist. Byakuya looked down at Renji's hand, then into the redhead's hazed and tormented eyes.

"Could you…stay?" he asked softly, "I just don't feel like being alone."

I don't want to be alone anymore either.

"I'm sorry. I know you have other things to do."

I'm tired of burying myself in my responsibilities to head off the pain…

"But could you just stay until I fall asleep?"

Yes…

"Renji, I…"

"It won't be long. It will just be easier to drift off if I'm not alone."

I want to.

"So…will you stay?"

"As you wish Renji," Byakuya said, eyes and voice carefully composed.

It took little time at all for him to fall asleep, but Byakuya lingered in the room, studying Renji's sleeping face in the darkness. He tried not to think about Renji's words from before. He knew even when Renji said them that he didn't mean them. But they echoed in his drink-dulled mind and stung him repeatedly. He might have eventually succumbed to the temptation to shed a few tears, but Renji moved uncomfortably in his sleep and startled him out of the indulgence. He looked down at Renji, frowning as the redhead quivered in his sleep and gave a frightened sounding moan. His sword hand clenched and he tossed and turned, mumbling unintelligibly. Then, his eyes flew open and he sat up suddenly.

"Ichigo!" he yelled, grabbing Byakuya tightly, and pulling him close.

The stunned noble froze in Renji's arms as the redhead blinked several times and seemed to realize what he was doing.

"S-sorry," he said in a trembling voice, "Bad dream."

He started to let go, then realized that Byakuya's arms were wrapped around him and not letting go. He met the noble's dark eyes for a long, breathless moment, then felt a hard jolt of disbelief as Byakuya leaned forward and brought their lips together.

The kiss was light and tentative and Byakuya remained composed as he offered it, but suddenly, Renji felt starved for that closeness, and he kissed back, tightening his hands again and tugging on the noble until he fell down onto Renji, still kissing him. Renji's legs wrapped around him, hanging on as tightly as his arms did, as their kissing deepened and suddenly didn't feel like it was enough. He wanted to feel the other man's soft skin against his, to something besides calm in those gray eyes, to just for once, see him lose control.

His hands tore away their clothing, then slid down Byakuya's body, rubbing, caressing and touching everywhere he could reach. And although the noble's dark eyes remained tranquil, he felt the rise of the other man's reiatsu and the obvious signs of intense arousal. He stopped kissing Byakuya and looked into his eyes, then without warning, he turned and pushed the noble down on the bed and climbed on top of him. His hand found Byakuya's swollen member and held it in place as he positioned himself over it, then forced himself down. He froze for a moment at the pain that shot through him, registering even through his drunkenness. Byakuya grabbed his hips and held him still, kissing him and saying something that Renji couldn't seem to hear or maybe he just couldn't understand.

There was emotion in Byakuya's eyes now, but Renji couldn't see it anymore. He lifted himself and began thrusting, hard and fast, his chest heaving and sweat beads forming on his skin. For a moment, he was able to forget everything, shutting out his pain over the friend he was slowly losing, his frustration about feeling helpless…stupid…lesser…weak. He threw his strength into the motion of his body, ignoring the emotions he felt, not seeing the sudden discomfort and concern in the noble's staring eyes. Byakuya's soft sounds of distress at the hands that clenched too hard and the too heavy thrust against his body were lost in Renji's own cries of pain. Finally, the noble's hands grabbed him and pulled him down, holding onto his hips as climaxed. The sudden heat that filled him inside struck Renji's senses and carried over and into oblivion. He felt hot seed splash onto their skin and relaxed on top of Byakuya, enjoying, for a moment, the rush of completion, then falling away into blessed senselessness.

He woke several hours later to find himself alone with just the lingering traces of sweet sakura. He couldn't be upset with Byakuya for leaving. He was surprised the noble had stayed in the first place. And he knew better than to hope that what had happened would ever happen again. Byakuya would be more wary now…and would never let down his guard that much again.

But even so, the man had comforted him…had lowered himself and let himself be used. Just that much, coming from Byakuya, was more than he could have asked. So he climbed out of bed and went to shower, his fingers lingering on the sticky places where their seed had landed. He touched the place where Byakuya's essence had run onto his inner thigh and caught some on his fingertips, enchanted that a part of the noble still stayed with him. He stood under the hot spray, breathing slowly and deeply, his spinning mind recalling flashes of their unplanned coupling. He felt sad inside that they'd had to be drunk to be together like that.

But that was Byakuya…unable to show anything, and only very rarely able to be taken off guard. And Renji was content with just that much. It hurt too much to consider what would happen if they actually fell in love.

Renji turned off the shower and dressed slowly. He left his room and walked out into the office to find Byakuya back in uniform and working quietly. He neither looked up nor spoke as Renji sat down. And neither mentioned what had happened. Each man worked steadily until work hours were over, then each went his way with the usual "Good night."