when you fall, you drop like a stone
There is something about Teddy Lupin that draws you in like a bee to a flower. There is something about his majestic blue eyes and his ever changing hair that fascinates you, yet it also scares you at the same time. It scares you because you have always looked up to him, you've always confided in him and to suddenly feel feelings for him that aren't younger brotherly scares the living daylights out of you.
Because oh yes, you do feel differently for the older boy, you feel like your heart is being tugged from your chest and it aches so much when he's around Victoire that you want to fall to the ground and beg for him to fix you.
It's wrong to feel this way for him, you know this all too well. He's your older brother, your best mate, the one that you spent every waking moment with growing up, plotting which adult you could prank next. Falling for him would be like falling for Lily, or even worse, Albus. But even through all of this you know that Teddy Lupin is not your brother, nor is he your cousin and loving him was easier because of that.
You can't tell him though. You know that your brother and sister would shun you for who you loved, your parents would look at you differently when they found out that you liked boys, your cousins would skirt around you and Teddy like you had a disease. You can take that kind of ridicule, you're resilient, but you can't do that to Teddy.
It's mid-August and you escape the Weasley-Potter-Lupin family get together to sit outside. Fred has come down with the Flu and isn't feeling up to pranking anyone. You're fine with this but you know that without pranking people your mood will go downhill and you'll be focussed on Teddy, who sits with his arm draped around Victoire without a care in the world. You can't bring yourself to watch it, it makes you feel ill.
You slip silently outside, knowing that nobody will miss you for a while, and run around the side of the house to the rungs that you know will take you up onto the roof of the Burrow. You and Teddy used to come up here a lot when you were younger. Mostly to evade the adults as they tried to make you clean up after the dinners.
You dangle your legs over the edge of the roof, noticing how close it was to the ground. You could jump off and land safely without a second thought. You remember how dangerous and high it felt when Teddy brought you up here as a seven year old. Now almost ten years later, it hits you just how much things have changed, and just how much you didn't want them to.
You want Teddy back in your life, not Teddy and Victoire, just Teddy with his low laugh and wide grin. You want the boy that you played with as a child, not the man who you know today.
Tears stream down your face as you read the letter from Teddy and your heart breaks into pieces slowly, like the torture is being drawn out as long as it possibly can, and you don't think it'll ever stop.
James,
I'm sorry that you've had to keep this all bottled up for such a long time, but thanks for telling me. I do love you James, but you're my brother, and I love you as a brother. I'm here for you if you need help with anything, mate.
Teddy.
The worst part was, he was so nice about it. It would've been better if he had yelled at you, screamed abuse at you or just not answered you at all and given you cold looks at family get-togethers. Anything was better than this. You feel hollow and empty, you feel as if you're falling deeper and deeper into the void; spiralling dangerously close to insanity as you hold the letter in your hands and draw your knees up to your chest.
You had poured out your heart to him, and he had let you down so gently that it hurts more than if he had dropped you from a height of fifty-thousand feet. But the reason why it hurts so much is because all of your expectations about telling him, all of your fears and concerns were blown away when he sent you that reply, because he didn't judge you in the slightest and you know that at least a small part of the tears rolling down your face are happy ones.
WORD COUNT: 787
Nayla again, ALLIE WHY ARE WORD COUNTS A THING?
Again for the Big/Lil sis competition with the prompts: tears, insanity and empty and the pairing James II/Teddy
I'd really appreciate it if you could leave me a review with what you thought!
DFTBA,
Best Wishes
Nayla xx