For goodness sakes – he scolded himself – as he banged his palms against his head and cursed his very being, hoping in some way it would cease his growing thoughts. It never did. Once Jane caught him in the same position, but she simply shook her head and passed it off as him being drunk which sounded like a swell idea.
Perhaps it was his fault. After all, he could stop going to Bruce's' room and focus on more important things like restoring the team to its former glory. Though whenever he tried, he'd find himself in front of that familiar room again, just.. watching.
Sometimes he'd sleep on his right, other times on his left but most times he'd be on his stomach and he'd seem more relaxed like that. Tony would hear a heavy groan and wonder what kind of thoughts infiltrated his companion's subconscious at the time of night – wondering if he ever crossed it. But then Bruce's eyebrows would shift downwards, he'd begin to shake, and Tony knew at that point what he was thinking about, but sadly could do nothing about it. Fear of getting caught was more like it.
Sometimes Tony would hold his hand close to his and wonder how they would feel wrapped around each other. Was his hand more gritty and rough like the big-green machine? Was it warm like a plugged in computer or cool like a soft breeze in a summers wind? Did it make a difference?
This was becoming more like an obsession – okay, perhaps it went further than that, but you couldn't blame him. He had needs like everyone else. Needs that wouldn't cease till he got what he wanted. If Pepper was still there, the urge would probably be less. He decided she was the one partly to blame for this.. for these feelings. For breaking up with him. For wanting more out of the relationship.
One day, curled up in bed; the topic of children came up and it really wasn't a conversation he wanted in that predicament.
He shrugged the comment off, but she became increasingly angry. As hot as she was when she was mad(and was she ever), he knew it was time to lay off especially since such a sensitive spot was exposed, "Why?"
She was, more or less, a target for anyone who wanted to use her against him.
"I can take care of myself!"
Their children would be also. As much as he wanted them, he wanted to wait until he was better. Stronger.
Why then, she asked, couldn't he just give up Iron man?
"People need me." He replied.
"They have Shield and Captain America, they don't need you now." Pepper said, "I need you."
"Where is this coming from?"
Once he noted her expression, he had decided that it probably didn't even have to do with children at all.
"Give up being Iron man, Tony."
He didn't reply and she broke up with him right away. Perhaps she thought he'd change his mind, but the reality set in when he didn't call her back, when he didn't come to the couch to check up on her, when he pretended nothing was wrong the next day when she offered him coffee and he said yes.
It was totally her fault he was in this predicament now but the large pang of guilt in his stomach told him otherwise.
In the weeks ahead, they were on and off. They would sleep together, but it was never the same. The last time he saw her was six months ago when the team moved in and she hugged them goodbye. He still got phone calls from her, mostly voicemails, of her newfound love for a man she met at her job in Portugal. His name was Walter and he was "fast and handsome and just the most amazing man I've ever met."
He totally wasn't jealous.
Surprisingly, in the coming months, he began thinking of her less and less. And since she was gone, it wasn't like they couldn't see other people. Scratch that, he was free to see who he wanted.
But the scientist – could God really play him like that? It wasn't a problem with his sexuality. He already established that he was bisexual. Being gay and straight were practically the same to him though there was nothing in Bruce's file that even pointed to curiosity, only to that fact that he was human. Somewhat human. Something.
He shook his head, he had to push these thoughts out if he didn't want to ruin his relationship with one of the best scientists he'd ever met. And he was, so smart and beautiful, and his personality was simply amazing aside from that one quirk which Tony was actually very used to by now.
He was missing the point here. He and Bruce Banner were nothing more than just friend's. And he was only interested in the concept of him. Not as a love interest, not as a potential bed mate... No Stark, bad!
But as a colleague, as a member of this team.
He had to see him.
His legs moved on their own, sending a glance to the old grandfather clock that ticked 2 in the morning - up the stairs and to that room. He opened the door slowly and peered inside, expecting to see the younger scientist laying on the bed with the sheets covering most of him. The sheets were in a pile, though folded neatly to the side and instead - to his horror and surprise - he was introduced to absolutely no life-form whatsoever.
Panicked, he looked around to see if he was missing anything. He threw the bed sheets on the ground, and glanced out the open window that emitted a night breeze. He doubted the younger scientist even went that way if he didn't want a death wish (didn't he?). Of course, being the Hulk was an advantage, but he didn't hear a scream that night from any surrounding neighbours nor cars crashing nor something breaking.
Did he leave? He wondered, for good? For a few minutes? How long had he been gone? He felt momentary panic course within him. What if someone took him?
He had to find him to make sure he was safe. He had too..
He turned to the door that creaked open - looking like a deer caught in the head lights. The sudden horrific thoughts, dying, in place of something new. There was Bruce Banner, the scientist, in all his glory dressed up in a red hoodie which covered most of his face, and his hands were shoved in his baggy jeans pocket. He looked up to take note of his room, and when his eyes fell to Tony, a flicker of surprise flickered over his face. Tony, himself, had to resist the urge to stare at his magnificent brown orbs and turned away before the man would observe him further and find out his dirty little secret.
He wondered whether it was worth jumping out the third-story window to avoid being questioned by the man. The room was eeringly silent, before Bruce moved passed him and went straight for the bed.
"Where were you?" Tony asked after his initial shock. Bruce sat down to take off his socks.
"I was out." Bruce replied, "We were craving a rice plate or four, so I jogged up to 39th street for some late night shawarma. We've been out since 11."
"Someone was with you?" Tony asked, which made Bruce pause to look up at him.
Oh. Ever since Tony's talk with Bruce in the helicarrier, Bruce began to slowly recognize the monster's existence. Well, he always did, but this time more so as something that he was apart of and was apart of him. Something that can help human kind for the better. Because, as Tony reminded him, he wasn't going anywhere.
"I bought some extra for you guys. I put it in the fridge for tomorrow, maybe Hank can make a good salad with it or something."
Tony nodded. Antman, right.
"I'm going to change. Is there something else you wanted?"
Here it goes. He could feel his throat tense. He swallowed, and wondered how large his eyes must have looked at that moment.
"Tony. Why are you in here?"
The voice was firm and questioning. Something he had been fearing for a while. He tried not to sound too guilty as he said,
"Oh nothing, I was just checking in on everyone to see what they were doing. A little tipsy, yeah, and kind of high too. Huge bad of weed - want some?" He croaked as he was given a strange look, before Bruce rolled his eyes at him.
"I know you're not intoxicated, Tony. I can barely smell any drinks on you."
"Touché, Banner. Did you really only go out for late night shawarma, or something other?"
Curious and accusing stares were thrown at each other. No one said a word. Finally, having enough of the foolishness, Bruce sighed and waited for him to get out.
And everything just came out.
He expected him to get angry. He expected him to be disbelieved and disgusted. He expected his exact words to be, "You've been what? You've been watching me? Damnit Tony, I thought you knew me more than anyone else. I was wrong. I guess all you see is that green-monster too."
He would flinch and go on his knees and tell him to calm down if he didn't want this "green-monster" to break out by force, but in actuality, desperately wanted the conversation to be over.
"Where's the camera? Is Jarvis in on this too? Do you have my own little cell placed in your room so you can watch me like a trophy?"
No, he would yell, stop.
"I'm going back to India."
Heartbreak, devastation, punch - all in one, at least he felt it, evident on his face. But as he opened his eyes and looked upon his companion, he realized that the man was neither disgusted nor upset, rather he seemed patient and a little tired.
Tony had to remind himself that it was only a replay of a nightmare he had nights before, and Bruce was still here and not threatening to leave.
Yet.
"Since we're being honest here, I guess I can tell you too. I've known... what you've been doing. You know it takes a while for me to fall asleep and if I do, I pride myself as somewhat of a light sleeper. I often smelled alcohol. Who else, in this house, would drink that much? Certainly not Jane. And I don't even think Captain America knows what whisky is."
Tony stared.
"I was waiting for you to say something, but you never did. Though, there was something about it which was comforting. Weird, right? You basically had your hand up my neck, and yet I wasn't scared at all."
Tony looked down.
"Do you feel better now, Tony?"
He swallowed, nodded and looked at him. Bruce was smiling now. Damn him.
"Thanks Banner."
"Don't mention it. Now.."
Tony turned to the door and moved to give him some privacy, but paused at the door as he heard his name being called .
"Though now that we're talking about it, why do you come in here anyway?" He turned to give him a look of awe, feeling his muscles tense. He faked a smile.
"And before you lie to me, don't... "
He blinked and cursed the gods. Cursed Thor, cursed Pepper, cursed Steven Rodgers. Damn that scientist!
"Come here, Tony."
Tony relented, he had no choice. He moved over to the bed and sat in front of him on his knees and gave him a desperate look.
"You're my best friend. I won't judge you and I promise I won't be mad. But I want to know the reason why you're so scared to leave me alone."
Don't look at me like that, Tony thought to himself.
"It started on that day when we were all on the helicarrier. We were all shouting at each other, remember?" Noticing his expression which fell slightly told him that he did, "And you looked at Fury and said, "Where? You rented my room?""
"The cell was just in case you needed-"
"To kill me, but you can't. I know, I tried." Steve and Tony stopped glaring at each other to turn and glance at them - at him - in surprise. Bruce paused to look at everyone realizing what he just said out loud. He was the center of the party now and they were waiting for him to go on.
"I got low, I didn't see an end so.. I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out."
It took everything in Tony's power not to go over there and hug him. They had only met recently after all (although Tony had been asking about him a lot longer) He wanted to tell Bruce that everything was okay, and thank the Hulk for saving the one he had come to know as a brilliant scientist.
"So I moved on, I focused on helping other people. I was good, until you drove me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk. You wanna know my secret Agent Romanoff, you wanna know how I stay calm?"
"Just.. thinking about it scares me. That one day I'll come into your room and you won't be here. That one day you'll stop breathing all together. I'm glad that you told us, but I also loath that you did because I'm so paranoid. And I've been blaming it on the drinks for so long, but.. It's not.."
He refrained from telling him after a while – that those thoughts somewhat morphed into something more, and just watching him became even more of an enjoyment for him. A need.
"You remember that day in wide detail, don't you?" Bruce hummed sounding indifferent, which didn't help Tony's mood, "Yes, I tried to kill myself, but Tony.. I told you guys that I didn't see an end, and that's why I did it."
"And now?" He hated that he sounded like such a love-sick puppy, but he needed to know.
"Now.." Bruce paused to recollect his sentence, "My life.. is the best it has ever been in a long while. I'm... happy that you brought me here, that I became a member of this team, have a... role in this world."
Tony stared.
"And I have you guys to thank for that, especially you Tony."
He felt a lump in his throat, but didn't wither. Didn't turn away, his eyes solely on the man whose eyes rested upon his with solemn, with gratitude.
"I - uh - I should probably go.." He whispered with his head down and started for the door.
"Wait-" He heard and turned to him immediately. Bruce was watching him with a relaxed smile on his face.
Tony looked upon him with question in his eyes.
"Would you like to wait here until I fall asleep?"
He felt his jaw drop slightly, and his arc reactor was possibly glowing from inside his shirt. Jarvis was probably watching and trying to hide his laughter. Romanoff and Clint probably had a few cameras buried deep in the room somewhere. Those assholes.
"You have no idea." He responded with a sudden wide adorning his face grin. Bruce laughed and waited, ".. - After you dress, right."