Disclaimers: I wish.

Summary: While Kate struggles to recover from baby Jack's birth, Castle reflects on the events that have led them to this point.

Chapter 2: Waiting and Remembering

January (Present)

"Can we go somewhere and talk?"

Those six words sent a chill down Castle's spine. He reluctantly relinquished custody of his son to one of the nurses and followed Dr. Caldwell from the nursery and to a nearby waiting room. "Is Kate all right?"

"There was a problem with her placenta that caused her to start hemorrhaging. We were able to control the bleeding, but Kate lost a lot of blood."

"But, she's okay?" He asked hopefully.

"She's stable, but her condition is very precarious. The next 48 to 72 hours are going to be critical. And I don't know what this is going to mean if you're planning on having any more children in the future. This is something that you and Kate might need to discuss."

"Doctor, I have three healthy children. Right now, future children are the furthest thing from my mind."

"Rick, I know that you feel that way, but Kate might feel quite differently. She's still a young woman. Like I said, this is something that you'll need to discuss with her."

"Can I see her?"

"She's still in recovery. She'll be moved to a room in about 45 minutes. I'll come and get you when you can see her. Why don't you go tell the family about your son?" She smiled at him kindly.

His first stop was to the men's room where he splashed water over his face. 'She's going to be okay,' he kept telling himself. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. The man staring back at him looked terrified. He took some deep breaths to calm himself before leaving to go talk to his family.

The family all leaped to their feet when Rick came into the waiting area. "Is everything all right, Richard? Are Kate and the baby all right?"

"Jack's great," he smiled and pulled out his cell phone to show them the video the nurse had shot of Jack in the nursery.

"Rick, what about Katie?" Jim asked, wondering what they weren't being told.

"There was a problem," he began as the family visibly paled. "She started hemorrhaging. She's stable now, but Dr. Caldwell said the next few days are going to be critical. She's going to come and get me when I can see her."

"He's so cute, daddy," Alexis smiled at her father before she hugged him. "Kate's going to be so happy that he's here okay."

"He looks exactly like you when you were born," Martha remembered, embracing her son.

Alexis turned when she saw Jim walk over to the window. She walked over and stood at his side. "Kate's going to be all right."

"I hope so, Alexis," he reached out and embraced her. "I can't bear to lose her on the anniversary of her mother's death. How damn cruel would that be?"

"Maybe we could go up to the nursery and see Jack for the first time?" She suggested as the older man nodded. She then walked back over to the others. "Brian, Jim and I are going to go up to the nursery to see the baby. Would anybody care to join us?"

"I would love to," Martha said.

"I'll go," Brian added. "Mr. Castle?"

"No, I'm going to wait to go and see Kate. You guys go."

***CCC***

"Katie? Katie Bug?"

She was so warm, so much warmer than she'd been earlier. Earlier she'd been cold, horribly, bone crushing cold. "Mom?" She tried to open her eyes, but they were so heavy.

"He's a beautiful boy, Katie. He's just as beautiful as his sister. I knew that you'd have beautiful babies."

"You've seen Jack? Is he okay? Castle and I have been so scared for so long just trying to get him here. Please tell me he's okay."

"He's perfect, Katie. You had to know that I'd get you through this. It wasn't your time when you got shot in that cemetery, so it's certainly not your time now. Get out of here and love your babies, Katie. Go home and love Rick. He looks at you the way that your father always looked at me. I always wanted that for you."

"I'm not sure he can forgive me, mom. I messed up so badly this time. I almost cost us our son's life."

"He's a forgiving man, Katie. Tell your dad how much I love and miss him."

"Mom? No mom, don't leave. I have so much to tell you. Mom!"

"Kate? Kate, Jack's here and he's perfect. I was just with him in the nursery. He's ruggedly handsome just like his old man," Castle's voice caught on a sob as he held Kate's cold hand in his. "You need to wake up so that you can see him and hold him. He needs his mommy."

She wanted to wake up and answer him; really she did. But her eyes were just so heavy. The last time she'd felt this incredible heaviness was after a sniper had shot her in the chest. She could feel Castle holding her hand; she could hear what he was telling her about Jackson. About their son. Just the thought of the words sent a rush of warmth through her.

She wanted to wake up and tell Rick that she was sorry. She was sorry that she'd pushed so hard that she'd almost cost them her son's life. She wanted to tell him that she'd been wrong not to listen to the warnings that were telling her that she needed to stop.

The first warning had come at 20 weeks. She'd received two more warnings, at 24 and 29 weeks. The last warning had gotten her a stern warning from both her doctor and Castle. After that, her activity had been confined to the loft, except for brief excursions to the doctor for checkups. Going back to the courthouse for Bracken's trial had been out of the question. By that time, she didn't care. The only thing she cared about was bringing Castle's son into the world safely. Nothing else mattered, not even justice for her mom.

Castle sat there, just watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. Even as difficult as the pregnancy had been, Dr. Caldwell had assured both of them that the delivery would probably go as planned. Nothing could've been further from the truth. He couldn't remember the last time that he hadn't been desperately worried about her and the baby.

***CCC***

July (previous summer)

Kate's POV

The Hamptons had been Kate's idea. She wanted one last relaxing weekend before Bracken's trial started that Monday. The trial had actually started over a month before, but with jury selections and motions, there hadn't been any actual testimony. That would start on Monday. They had been arguing for weeks about her attending the trial.

Kate had learned that she was pregnant again right before Alexis' wedding in May. Along with suffering from horrendous morning sickness that some days lasted for hours, she'd fainted several times. All that Rick wanted was for her to take care of herself. Sitting everyday in a courtroom listening to testimony regarding the man who'd ordered her mother's murder wasn't taking care of herself.

They'd had some of the most explosive arguments since their marriage over what he deemed to be her stubbornness and unwillingness to back down. "Kate, this isn't just about you!" He told her one afternoon during one of their fights. "How can you not think about this baby? You're the one who's been pushing for another baby since Ariel was just a few months old!"

"So, now you're saying that you don't want another baby?"

"No," he rubbed his face. "That's not what I meant. I just don't see why you feel this insane need to be inside of the courthouse every day. The trial is going to go on whether you're there or not."

"I have to see this through, Castle."

"I can't believe that you're being so damn selfish!"

He'd turned and stormed out of the house, slamming the French doors behind him. Kate was just glad that Martha had taken Ari into town for the day. They'd fought one night and had awakened her up from a sound sleep. She'd sworn that they'd never do that again. So, now their arguments were carefully orchestrated events for when their daughter was out of the house.

She took out her cell phone and called her second best friend in the world. The one person who had always set her straight in the past. "Hey girl, how's the beach?" Lanie's familiar voice came over the line.

"Right now it sucks. Castle and I are fighting."

"About the trial?"

"What else?" Kate sighed. "He just accused me of being selfish. Why doesn't he understand that I have to do this for my mom?"

"Girl, I know how long you've wanted this. But I have to admit that maybe Castle has a point. I don't think he'd be digging his heels in so hard if it was just you. Hell, he'd probably be going to court with you. But, you're having a baby, Kate. A baby that you've been trying to have for a long time. He's seen what Bracken has done to you over the years. He just doesn't want you or his child getting hurt."

"It's just morning sickness, Lanie. It'll pass," Kate sighed.

"What if it doesn't? Some women have it for the whole pregnancy. Why would you willingly put your precious baby through day after day of stress like that? And don't tell me that you're not going to be stressed. You're already stressed and the trial hasn't even started yet."

Kate heard the door open. "Hold on," she told her friend as Martha and Ari walked into the living room. "I have to go, Lanie. I'll talk to you next week."

"Where's Richard?" Martha asked.

"He, uh, he went for a walk on the beach," Kate then turned her attention to Ari. "Hi, chunky monkey. Did you have fun with gram?"

"We had cookies. Can we go swimming?"

"Yeah. Why don't we go get your suit on and we'll get in the pool?"

Martha came out to the pool a short time later and watched as Ariel splashed around the pool wearing her water wings on her arms. "Both of you are too stubborn for your own good," she said as she sat in a lounge chair.

"He doesn't understand," Kate stated flatly as she played with Ari.

"That's where you're wrong. Is there any reason why you have to be in that courtroom every day? Does it matter if you're there one day or five?"

"No, I guess that it doesn't. Only I know that my father will be sitting there every day, and I owe him something, too."

"Katherine," Martha said in a stern voice as Kate looked at her, "your first loyalty is to that child that you're carrying. I'm sure that your father understands that. You and Rick need to reach a compromise. Or these awful fights are just going to continue. And believe me, sooner or later, your arguments are going to start affecting A-R-I-E-L."

With that, Martha got up and went back into the house. "Why is gram mad?" Ari asked.

"Oh sweetie, she's not mad. How about we go inside and watch 'The Lion King?'"

"Will my daddy be home?"

"In a little while. Come on."

***CCC***

Rick's POV

He didn't know how long he'd been walking, but he knew that sooner or later his walk would lead him here. The bluff behind the house that overlooked the Atlantic. He'd brought Kate up here. They'd made love up here on more than one occasion. She was the only person besides him who knew that this place even existed.

He knew that she was stubborn. He'd known that almost from the first. He also knew that she never backed down. It was one of the things that he'd always loved about her. But he didn't know how he could make her understand that it wasn't about her, anymore. There were other people involved now. Him, Alexis, his mother, her father, Ariel, and now the new baby. They'd both been beyond thrilled that day in the bathroom at the loft when she'd pressed that plastic stick into his hand. The stick with the '+' sign on it.

But since then there'd been little cause for elation. Kate's morning sickness had been awful this time around. Some days she could barely function. They'd attended the jury selection for Bracken's trial. A jury selection that had taken weeks. Weeks where Kate barely slept and had awakened him in the night several times with nightmares. After the jury selection, there had been motions passed back and forth, which meant no one was getting on the witness stand. The D.A. had already warned them that the trial could last several months. Castle kept praying that the smug asshole would just plead guilty, so that they could go home and get ready for the birth of their second child.

"Castle? Rick?" He looked up when he heard his name being called. He smiled when he saw Kate approaching him. "I knew that I'd find you up here."

"Is my mom home with Ariel?"

"Yeah, I parked her in front of the TV watching 'The Lion King.' She probably doesn't even know that I'm gone."

"I hate it when we fight, Kate."

"I know," she sat on the warm, soft grass and reached for his hand. "I hate it when we fight, too."

"I know why you need to be there. But, he's on trial, Kate. Your mom is going to get justice whether you're sitting there or you're at home with our daughter."

"I know. But I need to be there for my dad."

"But, do you have to be there every day? What do you think your dad would tell you?"

"To take care of Ari and this baby."

"So, you have to ask yourself if you really need to go to court every day for him or for yourself."

"Okay, I agree that I don't need to be there every day, but I have to be there when that recording is played, Castle. I won't budge on that."

"Not even if what you hear sends you back down that rabbit hole?"

"That's a chance that I have to take. I'll attend two days a week."

"I'd prefer one, but I can live with two. Not consecutive days either, Kate."

"No, not consecutive days."

"Let's not fight anymore about it," she kissed his neck.

***CCC***

January (Present)

"Katie Bug?"

"Good, you came back," Kate whispered. "I have a question."

"What's your question, Bug?"

"Why does Ari see you and I don't? She told me that you're at her tea parties. I want to talk to you. I believe her, mom. She knows things. Things that I've never told her. How is that?"

"Because she's a child, Katie. Children are closer to God that adults are. They're also not as skeptical. If I appeared to you or Rick, would either of you really believe it was real?"

"Rick probably would," Kate smiled.

"Yes, you're probably right. Speaking of Rick, you need to start waking up. He's scared, Katie. You need to let him know that you're going to be all right. Just like the last time."

"Mom? No, don't leave again."

"Kate?" She fought to open her eyes, smiling as she looked into the blue eyes of the ruggedly handsome man at her bedside. "Hi, sleeping beauty."

"Tell me about our son," her voice was still raspy from anesthesia.

"He's a tank," he smiled as he pulled out his phone and showed her the pictures Alexis had taken and sent to him.

"I can't wait to see him and hold him. So, he's really okay?"

"Yeah, he's perfect," he kissed her on the forehead. "Let me go let someone know that you're awake."

"No, not yet," she stopped him. "What happened? Why am I so weak?"

"Dr. Caldwell said that she'd talk to you as soon as you woke up. How do you feel about seeing Jack?"

"I'd love to," she smiled.

"Let me go get the doctor and then I'll go and get our son."

"Our son," she smiled. "I love the way those words sound."

She closed her eyes, only meaning to shut them for a few seconds. But when she woke up, both Castle and Dr. Caldwell were standing there. She looked first at Castle, who was holding a bundle wrapped in a blue blanket in his arms. "Let me raise the bed a little," he reached for the remote and raised the bed up a couple of inches. He then sat on the edge of her bed and helped her as she held their son for the first time.

"Oh my god, Castle, he looks exactly like you," she smiled. "Even more than Ari does. Tell me about him."

"He weighs seven pounds, nine ounces, and he's 22 inches long. Like I said, he's a tank."

"But, he's really okay?" She looked at her doctor for confirmation.

"Except for being stubborn and not wanting to leave the womb, he's terrific," the doctor smiled. "Kate, why don't you let Rick take him so I can check you over real quick?"

She looked sad as Rick took the baby and left the room. "Am I okay?"

"You're lucky," the doctor snapped on a pair of gloves as she examined Kate's incision. "You started hemorrhaging. You came to within seconds of bleeding to death. You're going to recover, but it's going to be a slow process."

"When can I nurse my son?"

"Why don't we wait and see how you're feeling in the morning?"

"Can I at least hold him some more?"

"Yes, but I also want you to rest. I'm serious, Kate. You almost died."

She closed her eyes again after the doctor left but opened them when she heard the door open and Castle re-entered with the baby. Her fingers itched to hold him, to examine every inch of him as she'd done after Ari's birth. But everything felt so different this time. Her abdomen throbbed, her breasts felt enormous, but she just felt different this time. It wasn't something that was easily explained. Once again Castle sat on the edge of the bed, which irritated her for some reason. "Castle, I don't need your help holding him."

She propped her legs up, letting out a hiss of pain at the movement. She then placed the blanket wrapped bundle on her legs and unwrapped him like he was the greatest Christmas present ever. Everything was right where it was supposed to be and in the right amount. "I understand that taking care of a baby boy is a lot different than taking care of a girl," Castle told her.

"We'll figure it out," she smiled. "I can't get over how perfect he is. How quiet."

"He's not exactly quiet at mealtime." He noticed that she looked crestfallen by that bit of information. "Hey, you're going to get to nurse him before you know it. Until then, we've got it under control."

"What time is it?"

"Almost eight. Why?"

"Do you think Ari's still awake? I want to talk to her, Castle. I haven't seen or talked to her in almost two days."

"I'll call Ryan," he pulled out his phone and dialed. "Hey, Kevin. Yeah, everything's good. Kate's a little tired and sore right now, but she wants to talk to Ariel. Is she still awake? Hi, sweet pea. What're you doing? Mommy's fine. She's sitting right next to me with your little brother. Do you want to talk to her?"

Kate took the phone from Castle while she kept her other hand on the baby. "Hi, chunky monkey. Are you being a good girl? No, I can't come home tonight. I know, sweetie. Ari? Ari, please don't cry. I know that you miss me. I miss you, too. Maybe daddy can pick you up in a little while. I'll be home in a few days. I love you."

Castle took the phone back and talked to Ryan for a little while longer before hanging up. Seeing that Kate was tiring, he carefully removed the baby from her. "I'm going to take him back to the nursery. Your dad's outside. Do you want to see him?" He asked as she nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Kate fought to keep her eyes opened as she waited for her father. He walked in carrying a vase of roses. "Hi, Bug," he walked over and kissed her on the forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. What do you think of your grandson?"

"Oh, I think he's a keeper. Just like his sister and his mom."

"I just talked to Ari and she sounds so . . . scared. She asked me when I was coming home. I miss her. I felt like I haven't been a mom to her in so long."

"But, you can make all of that up to her now. If you want, I can pick her up at the Ryan's and take her home with me."

"No, I'm going to have Rick pick her up. I don't need him staying up here all night hovering."

"Kate—"

"No, I get it. I almost died. But, right now, I'm just tired and I want to sleep."

"Do you know how long you're going to be here?"

"No, not yet. I expect three or four days, at least. He's angry with me, dad. It's written all over his face. He's been angry with me for months and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to fix us."

"You're going to figure it out, Katie. And I don't think Rick's angry. I think that he's scared. I've been down that road, Katie. Only I lost in the end. I didn't get my wife back."

"I keep seeing her when I go to sleep," she smiled. "I asked her how Ari can see her when I can't."

"I don't understand that either, Katie, but we both believe it."

"How is it that she knows things that I know I've never told her? I've barely told her anything about mom. I haven't taken her to the cemetery since she was a baby. It's a phenomenon that I don't understand."

"I don't think we're meant to. I'm going to let you rest and I'll come back in the morning."

Walking out of the room, Jim almost ran into Rick. "She thinks that I'm hovering?"

"She just needs time, Rick. Time to process everything that she's been through in the last two days. Go tell her goodnight and then go get your daughter. Ariel needs you, too."

He took a deep breath before going back into the room. "I'm going to let you get some rest before they throw me out of here. Do you want me to bring you anything from home in the morning when I come back?"

"Something to read. Rick?" He looked at her. "I know that you're scared, but you can relax. He's here now. And we're both going to be okay."

"I know. I'll see you in the morning," he kissed her softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

A/N #1: See? I told you that Kate was going to be okay.

A/N #2: A friend of mine lost a child. At the time they had a small child who'd never met her sister. One day, she said that she was downstairs and she heard her little girl yelling at somebody to 'Stop talking to me.' She then told her parents that 'that girl' wouldn't leave her alone. I'm going to explore Ariel's chats with her grandmother in future chapters.

I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960.