Misguided Silver Linings

Chapter Two – Staying Under The Rader

As the truck rolled to a stop in the school parking lot I knew staying under the radar would be impossible, for some reason everyone in the school chose to hang out in the car park before school, so my big orange truck definitely made a scene. I felt every eye on me as I passed the parade of faces. Slamming the door of the car only added to the obvious show I was doing for everyone in the lot, I prayed to every God that would listen that I wouldn't fall as I made my way up to the admin building.

Walking through the main office door I was expecting to see more students but a greying lady seldom sat behind her desk sipping coffee as she typed away aimlessly on her computer. When her eyes landed on me she smiled showing a full set of coffee stained teeth, "You must be Isabella Dywer." Vomit rose in my throat, how could my name be associated with his, I wasn't his daughter and I'd never be, he made that much clear.
"It's actually Swan." I correct hoping not to betray too much information.
"But your mother and father came in," Oh God, the town was so small it had never heard of a child's last name being different from the parents, maybe I should have just driven away when I had the chance.
"Ah, it's my mother and step-father. I kept my last name."
"Oh well give me a second while I change this." Five minutes later, I'm pretty sure I watch the receptionist gain three more grey hairs as she tried to work me out.

"Here you go Isabella, your map, schedule, semester plan and attendance form, you need all your teachers to sign this and then return it to me."
"Don't you think I'll go to all my classes?" I asked indignantly
"Well your father."
"Step-father,"
"Gave us reason to believe you were not so good at attending you last school."
"Ofcause he would, no problem." Yeah under the radar wasn't going to work and today couldn't have gotten worse.

Before she could say anything more I exited through to the hall, there was a large rush of students heading to first period, grabbing the map I tried to be discrete as I could trying to find the right room. I hoped that maybe I could make it to the class and hide in the back, remaining invisible. But all my hope was in vein when a blonde boy with far too much gel seemed to lock onto me like a heat seeking missile. "Hello, you have to be Isabella Dywer?"
"It's actually Bella Swan". I said walking around him trying to avoid eye contact.
"Well I am Mike Newton and I shall be your buddy today,"
"Thank you but no thank you, I can find my way around and I don't want to impose plus all my classes are in the same area," I said politely brushing him off.

People didn't know how to understand me so I avoided trying to make friends, why should I when they only led to more pain. Boyfriends were even more out of the question. "Well you can at least sit with me at lunch and I am not taking no for an answer see you there." Mike persisted then left before I had a chance to protest.

"Oh great my day is getting better with every second." I said to myself sarcasm thick in my voice. As I got to my first class, Creative Writing, I was greeted by a curious woman, her name was Mrs. Maud. She has her long hair tied back in a massy ponytail, her glasses were very large and round and I think she was still a hippy. She welcomed me in, handing me a book while letting me sit at the back of the class. She also didn't get me to go out the front and introduce myself – thank God – I hated the first day ritual of getting up in front of the class and saying who I am excreta.

The class began and thankfully I seemed to be getting ignored. That was all I asked of life right now, to be ignored. I used to hate being ignored; I thought it was a great insult. When I had a normal life I was the school newspaper photographer, head debater and ironically also on the cheer squad. Now I just want to fade in the background and be numb so maybe I could figure out what the hell to do with this life I was given. 'Stop thinking about everything Bella, focus on school!' I told myself and I disengaged my mind from its current thought processors just in time to catch the teacher instructing the class that we were to complete a short creative story on what we see around us and after thirty minutes we would read them out –oh this was going to be great.

I opened the book the teacher gave me to find notes already inside of it, the writing was so beautiful and perfect, like old fashion calligraphy. I raised my hand and Mrs Maud came over.
"What's the trouble dear?" Normally I would debate the fact that I didn't have antlers coming out of my head so therefore how could I be a dear but because of my new state I just let it slide.
"I have someone else's book? There must have been a mistake."
"There are no such things as mistakes, that book is now yours, the last person who had it has left this class and why waste a perfectly good book, just start where he left off." She walked away,- great my teacher was not just a hippy but she was also insane – I opened the book once again to a new page and began writing – well I tried to write – my mind was completely blocked.

'Write down the truth,' the thought boomed through my mind. I placed my pen to the paper and began writing, What is around me? A group of boring people who will never be anything more to me then human beings, a town that was filled with small town insipid people. Then there was me, broken and lost Bella, another unimportant unnoticed person in this little town. All I was doing was polluting the atmosphere with carbon dioxide. 'Stop it Bella! Get your mind off it and write down what you see!' I told myself but I had nothing productive to write. I flipped through the first couple of pages that were already filled. I stumbled across a title that intrigued me, 'What is surrounding me,' the title was exactly what we were doing in class, having trouble with my ideas I decided to read his and steal some of what he said.

'I am currently surrounded by life, yet I am stuck in a world that feels dead. The world is constantly moving on yet I am standing still. Everything around me is unimportant; there is nothing to live for, especially not in this little town.' I didn't need to read anymore to know that the words were almost on the same wavelength as mine. Then I got inspiration, I flipped back to the page I was on and began to write.

After the thirty minutes the teacher started to call out names of those who would read theirs out. Most were vivid descriptions into the environment surrounding the classroom and a couple where vivid descriptions of the class room itself and those inside of it.

I thought I was going to be safe but then the teacher said two words that I wish she didn't. 'Isabella Swan,' – oh great she called me, seems like I will be getting the first day humiliation of standing in front of the class – I looked down at my page and began to read.

'What surrounds me is a question I am always asking myself and one I never can quite answer. There is so much yet at the same time so little. Nothing holds importance, it is just there. The world is alive, moving, growing and changing. Yet everything surrounding me doesn't move, it is lifeless, soulless. Every sound comes together to create silence, every sight comes together to form darkness and I am stuck in the middle, unmoving, unchanging. Life is unimportant; it just has to be bared.'

After I finished I looked up to see every single mouth on the floor and I felt my cheek start to burn. 'Well done Isabella, you have captured what is truly around you, class pay attention, this is amazing writing.' Mrs Maud stated, I just ignored her and slowly went back to my seat. Just as I sat down the bell rang and I quickly grabbed my bag and made a swift exit.

My English class was next door and I didn't know if that was a good thing, a walk would have given me a chance to think and get some fresh air not having to walk far meant my mind didn't have a massive chance to wonder. Though it still did, my thoughts returned to the page in my book, who was this boy? The bell rang and I was able to escape my current thoughts. Mr. Connor was my English teacher; he was one of those intolerable teachers who made me stand at the front. 'Hello, my name is Isabella Swan but I prefer Bella, I am sixteen,' I mumbled with my eyes plastered on the floor. The teacher then thankfully let me go down to my seat. I had to sit next to someone in this class, which I didn't mind because she seemed to be as quiet as I was, well as quiet as I tried to seem to be. She smiled at me and the look in her eyes was one of understanding, she seemed different then most of the girls I had met, if I ever wanted a friend, I think she would be a good one.

Class went quickly, the class just started studying Romeo and Juliet. It had to be one of my favourite books, it was a place I could escape to, instead of my normal hard, mundane, insipid, numb life. Gosh that was a hell of a lot of negative adjectives yet all seemed and felt needed. I grabbed my bags and for the first time the girl beside me spoke.
"Hello Bella, I am Angela." She smiled at me - I could tell she was very shy -.
"Hi Angela, how are you?" I was trying to be overly nice though I kind of felt as though I was setting myself up for a fail. "I am good thank you, I was thinking, you probably don't know many people why don't you come and sit with me and my friends,"
"I would love to but I already got asked by Mike Newton," I replied very sadly, truly I was happy I could sneak into the cafeteria grab a water and escape to the library.
"Well it's ok cause he sits with us," Angela replied not knowing my true feelings and just like that my plan to escape to the security of the library was taken away and I would be forced to fend for myself in the cafeteria.

We walked together only speaking about light topics like the weather – which I found out was always cloudy and wet, I didn't mind I liked the cold and the wet, well for now - Angela and I walked over to the lunch line. She ordered a vegetarian salad and I got a bottled of water, my stomach was doing flips, all I wanted to do was run and hide.

Angela walked me over to the table where all her friends including Mike were.
"Hey Isabella, I thought I was going to have to come and find you," Mike nearly yelled as his greeting, I just tried to smile. "Hi Isabella, I am Jessica," a short pretty brunette said from under Mikes arm.
"I prefer Bella just Bella," I replied trying to be cordial but I wasn't really comfortable.
"Awesome, I am Eric!" The boy introduced himself as he came to Angela and wrapped his arms around her. Although they all seemed welcoming the only genuine one was angela, Jessica looked at me with contempt because Mike looked at me with obvious lust. Eric was being polite but I could tell he didn't really care whether I was there or not. I didn't want to stay.

I need to think of an excuse to get out of there, another two couples were walking over I recognized two from other classes it was Tyler and Lauren with another two I had never met. This was getting bad it was dating central. I hated love, my parents bragged enough about it at home I didn't need it here.

"I have to go back to the office and hand in some more forms," I lied doing all I could to get out of there.
"I could walk you over there," Mike offered, I had a feeling Jessica resented me more because of Mikes latest statement, "No thank you, I know the way," I finished the death stare from Jessica when I stated that.
"Well hurry back," Angela called as I made my way swiftly out the door.

Now that I was finally out of that situation I had to think of something else to do to preoccupy my mind so it didn't wander to places it shouldn't go again. My feet took me to the outdoor quad, it was like a sanctuary for me, no noise, not a lot of people and all the space I could ever dream for. It was perfect, a perfect escape from the mundane, insipid life I was forced to live.

Pulling out my camera from my bag I began to snap some photos of the panorama around me, the cross between the buildings and the forest, the grey of the clouds with the green of the grass. There was a slight fall of rain but nothing to perturb me too much. I decided to wander through the empty walk ways while everyone was inside eating. The school didn't seem so scary while it was empty, it almost felt cathartic to walk alone through the emptiness as if I was walking my own life journey. Without realising it I had walked straight to the library.

I found a corner on the top level of the library I pushed my bag off my shoulder and rested my back against the wall and slid down and opened the copy of Romeo and Juliet I was given in English. It was always one of my favourite books and I found it timeless. As my mind left the world I was living in I found myself on the beautiful streets of Verona, walking around soaking up the Tuscan sun. When I was reading I was young fair Juliet, naive and untroubled, until my love would come and turn the world upside down. My eyes continued reading the pages and I continued to fall deeper in the world I longed to be in. I could see it all and most importantly I could feel it all. I was lost in the book; no I was drowning in the book. As I finally got up to where Romeo was seeing the alchemist, I was forcefully taken out of the book. Black written words covered and distorted the page, the writing was oddly familiar. I knew exactly where I had seen it before; the question was how did I end up getting this same guy's books over again. Maybe Mrs Maud was right, maybe mistakes didn't happen. Though mind you what would you say my life was?

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