A/N: No, I am not on crack. Thank you.
DISCLAIMER: If I owned KH and KHII, then… then it'd be redeemably messed up. Wait, wtf? I typed REEEEALLY. But Word changed it to redeemably… HAHA that's funny xDD Yeah. Oh, we know I don't own KH and KHII so let's move on!
Quest for the WoWa
A KH/KHII Crackfic
Chapter Two: The First Task
Axel and Xemnas stayed up all night preparing for the Quest. Well, technically it was a challenge, but quest sounds so much better even if that's not technically what it is. Anyways, a little bit of what happened that night…
Xemnas was in charge of writing down the plans and stages and challenges and whatnot. Axel's job was to do the thinking part, which could potentially make his brain explode if pushed too far. But, given the situation, Xemnas had not the ability to think beyond his own understanding and this task paralleled that. Wait, what?
"Axel." Xemnas said blankly, as if he'd just screwed something up. Or was about to ask a stupid question. Given the situation… it was probably both.
"How do you spell WoWa?" Yeah… it was the second choice.
Axel let out a deep, exasperated sigh. "W-O-W-A. Got it memorized?"
This caused an argument, which lasted for 40 days and 40 nights--wait, no, that was the flood in Noah's Ark. Not this. Yeah, that's right, the argument lasted 40 MINUTES. Okay, yeah, moving on.
Anyways… They fell asleep, having sweet dreams of becoming the WoWa of Castle Oblivion! The fangirlage… the control… the free CHEESE. OH YES.
That morning, they woke up, refreshed and ready--No, wait.
"Xemnas! What's taking you so long!" Axel shouted as he banged on Xemnas' chamber door.
"Uh… JUST A MOMEN--OW!" he shouted as he stabbed himself in the eye with his silver eyeliner. Oh well, nothing a glass eye couldn't fix.
A few hours later, they descended down the stairs to… THE ARENA OF THE WOWA! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYeah.
TASK NUMBER ONE: MUSCLE FLEXES.
Yes, the first task of the Quest for the WoWa was, indeed, muscle flexing. This was to win the support of the fangirls--afterall, you can't exactly become the WoWa without FANGIRLS to support, feed, massage, etc. you, now can you? I should think not!
"YOU GOIN' DOWN XEMNAS!" Axel began the trash talk at the very moment the task was announced. He then pounded his fist into his chest of steel, as if to provoke the "manly" Xemnas.
It worked. Very well, in fact. "Oh, yeah! Well…! YOU'RE A BIG MEANIE WITH SPIKY RED HAIR THAT ISN'T EVEN PRETTY AND FLOWY LIKE MINE! So… SO NYEH!" Too bad Xemnas was an idiot.
Anyways, in order to establish who would go first, they flipped a coin. Axel chose heads, Xemnas chose butts--or, rather, tails as we know it. It landed on tails but, since Xemnas was an idiot and managed to trip on a tiny piece of DRYER LINT, he had to take a timeout. So, Axel went first.
Axel threw off his cloak in such a seductively MORONIC way, and began to flex his non-existent muscles. He did a few flame tricks, which got the attention of the fangirls that weren't already foaming at the mouth by his bare-chested-ness.
He scored an 8 on the manly scale. Out of 10. Simply because fangirls freak out over half naked bishies like that. But, for good reason.
It was now Xemnas' turn. He managed to recover quickly from his… ahem, 'sudden encounter with fate,' and it was now his turn to flex the Xemnas muscles of steel. …Or lack thereof.
Xemnas stepped up onto the arena-stage-thing. The fangirls swooned at his "manliness" as he began to flex his muscles.
They cheered, they fainted, they pissed themselves with laughter. "I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT, TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT, SO SEXY IT HURTS." He sang with such seriousness. Yeah… I DID mention that Xemnas was serious, right?
He scored a 10 out of 10 on the manly scale, for the sheer fact that he won over the attention of every fangirl. Either by laughing or swooning.
So, Xemnas won the first task. He gloated, he teased, he flexed his manly muscles of GOLD. However, it was not over yet. Four more tasks still remained in order to become… TEH WOWA OF CASTLE OBLIVION!