Kurt's head was heavy, his mouth was dry, and his stomach hurt. He reached out and searched his nightstand for a glass of water to quench his extreme thirst, but his hand came up empty. It seemed he didn't have the foresight to bring a glass of water with him when he stumbled into bed earlier that morning. Neither did he close his curtains. The sun was already high in the sky and filled Kurt's room with a warm, bright light. Too bright. Kurt groaned and hid under his pillow.
His head throbbed. It was like someone was banging their knuckles hard against the inside of his skull in short, rapid repetitions. It stopped momentarily and gave Kurt a few brief seconds of relief, before it picked up again. Kurt groaned and pressed the pillow harder against his ears to mitigate the pain and the noise. But it didn't stop and soon it was followed by a shrill, "Kurt, I know you're in there. Open up!"
It took Kurt a few seconds too long to realize that the awful sound wasn't coming from something inside his head, but rather from Rachel banging on his door. He searched the nightstand again. This time for his phone to check the time. Surely it must be too early for a visit. His hand came up empty this time too, and panic started to rise before Kurt vaguely remembered giving his phone to Rachel.
Wrapped in his cover, Kurt opened the door to let her in. The moment he did, a phone was shoved into his face.
"You have a text from Blaine!" Rachel chirped. "He wants to see you tonight, to celebrate! Celebrate what, Kurt? Have you already told him? What did he say? Is that what you're celebrating?"
Rachel was too chipper and spoke with too many words and Kurt had no idea what she's talking about.
"What are you doing here?" Kurt whimpered. "What time is it?" He retreated into his living room and slumped down on the couch, curling himself into a ball.
"It's noon, Kurt," Rachel explained as though she was talking to a child who should know better. "You look like shit. How long did you stay out last night?"
Kurt was pretty sure the sun was about to rise when he made his way home, but he didn't tell Rachel that. Instead he shrugged, but immediately winced because of the pain that shot through his head.
If Rachel felt any pity for Kurt and his hangover, she didn't let on. "I wanted to let you know that you have a missed text from Blaine." She held out his phone for him to see again. This time Kurt snatched it from her and hid it under the cover. He was never giving his phone to Rachel ever again.
"You've read my texts?" he asked glaring at her. At least as much as he could without it increasing his headache.
"It buzzed and I thought maybe it was you asking me to return your phone."
"Why would I text myself? And how?" If Kurt hadn't thought rolling his eyes at her would make him even more nauseated he would. Instead he focused on not getting frustrated.
Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. But aren't you going to answer him?"
Kurt glanced down at his phone, almost scared of reading whatever Blaine had written. He did it anyway, his curiosity was greater. Do you have plans for tonight? Feel like celebrating? The text ended with a colorful drink emoji. Kurt stomach turned at the idea more alcohol.
"So?" Rachel prompted.
"Can you get me a glass of water?"
Rachel grunted disapprovingly but disappeared into the kitchen anyway, which gave Kurt time to think. There was no way he could have drinks with Blaine tonight. He felt like shit and didn't have any desire or energy to take a single step outside of his apartment. There was no way he'd let Blaine see him like this.
A minute later Rachel returned and handed him the glass. He swallowed its cool content with greedy gulps, feeling slightly better when it was empty. Rachel took the glass from him and put it on the table, then she sat down on the couch next to him.
"Will you see him tonight?" she asked softly with genuine interest. Something had changed in her attitude during her brief visit to the kitchen and this side of her reminded Kurt of why she was still his best friend.
He shook his head and Rachel looked as though she understood.
"What is it about him that you like? I mean aside from his hot body and unbelievable skills in bed," Rachel said mimicking his words from last night.
Kurt hadn't really thought about what it was in Blaine that attracted him, beside the physical, but when Rachel asked it was quite easy to make a list.
"He makes me smile. When I'm with him he makes me feel like I'm the only other person in the room. Most of the time I am, but even when we actually do something outside the walls of our apartments it's like he sees me and not through me. He has the kindest eyes, it's like you can tell he's one of the good guys by just looking into his eyes. I like the way he views the world, with optimism and passion. He smells really nice and he's a great kisser."
The last two were spoken in a rushed voice, because they felt shallow, but it didn't mean they were any less true. Blaine always smelled nice, like raspberries and sex and a thousand new mornings. Sometimes, when Blaine had left Kurt's apartment after a desperate text brought him there, his scent lingered in Kurt's bed and Kurt could just lie there and smell it. Before he didn't think of the reason why he liked to smell Blaine after he'd left, but now he knew. Sometimes Blaine's kisses left him breathless. He used to think it was the heat of the moment, the lust and the heat pooling low in his belly, but maybe the reason was something completely different.
Rachel looked at him with something tender in her eyes. "You've really fallen deep, haven't you?"
Kurt nodded. Sometimes words were superfluous.
"You have to tell him how you feel, Kurt," Rachel repeated.
"I don't know…" What if it ended what they had now? They'd both said they weren't looking for anything serious, so what were the odds Blaine would want to see him again if he found out? Wasn't what they had now better than nothing? Kurt wasn't sure he could survive nothing.
"Will you at least think about it?"
Kurt nodded, though he was pretty sure thinking about it wouldn't bring him to a different conclusion.
"Thank you for stopping me from calling Blaine," he said. He found Rachel incredibly irritating the night before, but today he was grateful for her meddling skills. Calling Blaine last night would have ended in disaster one way or another, of that Kurt was sure now that he was sort of sober.
"That's what friends are for," Rachel smiled.
She left shortly after and Kurt was left with his phone and a text from Blaine he had to answer. His heart ached to see him, but he wasn't sure it could handle being close to him, not tonight. His head and body certainly couldn't. The nausea was still there and the stomach ache and oh…! Kurt rushed to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Gulping down a full glass of water probably wasn't the best idea.
Weakened he returned to his couch, pulled the cover up close and picked up the phone that had landed on the floor after his sudden rush. He stared at the screen for he didn't know how long before typing out a reply.
My plans for tonight include me, my bed and lots of water. Went out with some friends last night, not really feeling my best today. Another time?
Blaine's reply came quick. Sorry to hear, hope it's not too bad. Why don't you come over on Sunday and I'll make you dinner. We can watch Netflix and chill…
Kurt smiled at Blaine's choice of words. He knew, of course, exactly what they meant. Maybe he should say no, he had other plans. Maybe he should wait a week or more before he saw Blaine again. It would be the smart thing to do. Let the intensity of his feelings cool down. Yet, his answer was not no.
"Why are you crying?"
Kurt was in Blaine's kitchen, standing close to him, watching as tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He'd never been in there, not like that, only to get some water afterwards. Now he noticed how big and bright it was, not at all what he would have expected from a Lower East Side apartment. There was a kitchen island with pots and pans hanging from a rack in the ceiling above it. It had drawers with sharp knives and wooden spoons, and cupboards with bowls and chopping boards and every item needed to prepare delicious dinners. In the window facing the street there were potted herbs and on the wooden counter by the sink a bouquet of big, purple Alliums decorated the kitchen.
"I'm not, it's a physical reaction when you-" Blaine tried to justify his tears, but Kurt only laughed and bumped his shoulder. He knew the reason, he was only teasing.
Blaine was slicing onions for their dinner and Kurt, next to him, was cutting coriander into smaller pieces. Blaine's lips twisted into an adorable smile and Kurt's heart fluttered with a new intensity. It was nice, being there, but Kurt's body was full of jitters. Being with Blaine was familiar, but also completely new. Every time their hands brushed against each other or their shoulders bumped, his skin felt hot and he had to control himself to not reach out and touch on purpose. His feelings were right there, just under his skin, making it impossible for him to relax completely.
"I thought you were making me dinner," Kurt continued in his light, teasing voice, "so why am I doing all this work?" He laid the knife on the chopping board and swiped his fingers on the black and white apron Blaine had lent him to get rid of a few leaves of coriander that had stuck to them.
"Okay, Princess, why don't you have a seat," Blaine said and gestured to one of the two barstools by the end of the kitchen island, "and I'll make you dinner as promised."
With a comment like that Kurt had no choice but to pick up the knife again. He liked it though. Liked being close to Blaine and work alongside him. He allowed himself to dream of nights just like this in his future, and of mornings next to Blaine on one of the barstools, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Just for a few seconds before he put the dreams out of his mind. It would never be anything more than that, dreams.
Together they made a Thai chicken stir fry and talked about places they'd like to travel (Thailand being one of them). When the dinner was ready they moved into the living room and Blaine poured them each a glass of the Chardonnay Kurt had brought.
"Are you still upset about missing out on that promotion?" Kurt asked when they were sitting opposite each other at the designer wooden dining table for four.
"A little bit," Blaine admitted. "I was feeling kind of low yesterday, but then I thought about what you said, that I was in the running, and that's pretty great, too."
"It's their loss, you know. I'm sure you would have done a million times better job than that Hunter Clarion."
"Clarington," Blaine corrected with a low chuckle. "And I'm sure I wouldn't. If I'm honest, I knew he would get it but I was still hoping." He looked a bit crestfallen as he confessed.
"Well, in my book you win over Mr. Clarion any day." The smile twitching at the corner of Blaine's mouth at Kurt's new name to his competition had Kurt feeling all fuzzy inside. He didn't like to see Blaine sad, and he would do pretty much anything to make him smile.
"To you," Kurt said and raised his glass. Blaine's face lit up as he brought his glass to clink Kurt's, and Blaine was so gorgeous it made Kurt's knees week and his face hot.
Kurt focused on the food in front of him, hoping it would get the blush to disappear. When the first fork of food connected with his tongue, Kurt couldn't help the moan escaping his lips. "Oh my God! This is… wow, this is so good, Blaine! I didn't know you were such a master chef."
"You helped, too," Blaine said and though he was being modest, Kurt noticed the proud little smile twitching at the corner of his lips. A smile that turned mischievous as Kurt was watching. "But if I'd known it would make you make that sound, I'd invited you over to dinner sooner."
"You now know all the ways to make me moan," Kurt said biting his lip, not meaning for the conversation to turn sexual but at the same time, he was unable to hold back his response.
Blaine chuckled softly, and was that a blush to his cheeks? Kurt took a sip of his wine and when he sat down his glass and looked at Blaine again, there was no sign of it anymore and maybe Kurt imagined it all.
"Is that so?" Blaine said like it was a challenge. He held Kurt's eyes and Kurt held his breath, mesmerized by the intensity in Blaine's eyes. "Good to know. It is a beautiful sound after all." Blaine looked away, down at his food and Kurt exhaled.
"Well, when you make me food like this or make me feel like that, can you really blame me for sounding like I just did?"
"I'm not blaming you for anything," Blaine said, his foot accidentally brushing against Kurt's shin under the table. The contact caused Kurt's cock to twitch, and he quickly tucked his feet under his chair. Kurt's whole body was on the edge, reacting to everything Blaine said and did, trying to read between the lines.
"But now I'm trying to figure out more ways to elicit that sound from you," Blaine continued, tilting his head as though he was actually thinking of other ways.
It felt too much like flirting. It was dangerous, the way they looked at each other, the way Kurt's belly swooped at the sound of Blaine's sweet, bubbly laughter and the way his heart pounded in his chest when Blaine blushed at his comments. He had to stop or he'd fool himself into believing it actually was.
"Sorry, those are the only ways," Kurt said with a voice that came out more clipped than he meant it to. Blaine's eyes on him were curious and Kurt cleared his throat and took another forkful of food. He needed to change the subject. "So, what have you been up to today?"
Blaine told Kurt about his day and from there they continued with less flirtatious topics and Kurt was almost able to relax. Almost. Because now there were feelings that refused to be ignored. Kurt wanted to ask about Eli, about what Blaine found attractive in a guy, but he didn't want to be too obvious. It scared him that Blaine would figure him out and there would be this awkward atmosphere between them. It was the last thing he wanted.
When the plates were empty, Blaine carried them to the kitchen, instructing Kurt to select a movie. Blaine refilled their glasses when he returned and brought them to the couch. He handed one to Kurt and sat the other down on the table, proceeding to light some candles before sitting down.
Kurt occupied one end of the couch, leaning against a throw pillow that was propped against the armrest. Blaine didn't sit down by the other end, instead he sat down next to Kurt. Not so close their bodies were touching, but close enough for Kurt to feel the heat from his body.
When Blaine pressed play on the movie, an almost panicky feeling crept over Kurt. The whole situation felt too much like something Kurt knew in his mind it wasn't. Dinner and a movie. And then sex, because there was no doubt in Kurt's mind that was how the night would end. This was the first time they spent time like this. Usually it was sex first and then, when they've gotten their desperate need for release out of the way, they could hang out like friends. They always went out though, to a bar for a drink or a neighborhood restaurant for something to eat. They never stayed in either of their apartments.
But it wasn't a date, even if Blaine was sitting so close Kurt's skin tingled. They were still just two friends who fucked each other occasionally. Just because Blaine had made him dinner tonight, it didn't change anything, no matter how much Kurt wished it did. And it was that, that had him sitting on needles throughout the movie. That made him jump every time Blaine lent forward to pick up his glass.
When, by the time the credits started to roll, Blaine's fingers slid through Kurt's, feather light and gentle, Kurt's breath caught and his stomach swooped and clenched. Would it be different to have sex with Blaine now when there were feelings involved? Would he be different? Would it be making love? Was he about to make love to Blaine? It was with that last thought that Kurt knew Rachel was right.
Kurt untangled his fingers from Blaine, stretched his arms above his head and yawned loudly. "I'm kind of beaten," he said. "I think I'm gonna head home. I have an early meeting tomorrow."
He didn't, but he couldn't tell Blaine. He wasn't ready. His feelings were still too fresh, he wasn't entirely used to them himself, and the risk of having all of this swept away was too scary.
The disappointment in Blaine's eyes was unmistakable. He wanted to take Kurt to his bedroom, it was what they did, and now Kurt was bailing on their unspoken promise for the night. They should just have stuck to their normal routine and started out in the bedroom and maybe Kurt would have gotten over himself. Now he'd likely never have sex with Blaine again. How could he?
"Yes, of course," Blaine said brightly, doing his best to hide the disappointment Kurt knew was there. "I'm actually quite tired, too. I kind of forgot it's Monday tomorrow."
Blaine doing his best to not make the moment awkward, had Kurt falling even deeper. It was so unfair that Blaine was so perfect when Kurt was such a mess.
"I'll see you around the office," Kurt said before he awkwardly leaned in to give Blaine a hug. He inhaled the scent of Blaine through his nostrils, not sure when he'd be this close to Blaine again. It felt like much more than merely goodbye for the night.