Summary: Who betrayed who? Takasugi justifies himself for selling out Katsura and Gintoki to the Harusame during the Benizakura Arc.

A/N: The idea that Takasugi enjoys Katsura's dark looks is from Lecidre. Thanks Metamorcy for her advice on editing. Beta'ed by xquisittexabie. :)

AU: I invented the fact that Katsura comes from the aristocracy and had a gorgeous fiancé to emphasize his "perfection".

---+

DECAY HEAT CHAPTER 2 : FIGHTING

---+

FLASHBACK

For a long time, I considered myself lucky. As a member of the noble Katsura family, my fiancé was chosen for me when I was 3 years old. Everyone thought we made a perfect couple. I was tall, gentlemanly and refined. She was pure, graceful and submissive. When we displayed our wedding portrait in our ancestral mansion, it looked picture perfect. A week later, I left home to fight in the Joi War. That's when I realized what was missing in my perfect relationship.

I couldn't fight with her.

If I couldn't fight with her, then I couldn't feel close to her. And If I didn't feel close to her, then I couldn't fall in love with her.

This may have something to do with Takasugi Shinsuke.

My childhood had been spent sparring with him, arguing with him and protecting my juniors from being bullied by him. Maybe it wasn't "bullying", because he never picked on the small and weak. He preferred to fight against bigger, stronger guys who seemed almost impossible to beat. He said he fought in "retaliation", and I could usually see a reason for his anger, but his viciousness went too far, even inspiring his gang of "subordinates" into worse stuff. Sometimes I wondered just how sensitive he must be to be easily angered like that, and I felt like giving him a big hug. But as a member of the nobility, I had very strong views on obedience and zero tolerance for anarchy. That's why I always ended up clashing with him. And no one emerges unscathed from a fight with Takasugi.

He always fought like it was "do" or "die". He didn't just want to defeat his opponent but to crucify him. Only the thought of protecting my friends enabled me to forget my fear and stand up to Takasugi. One day, when we were 12, I scolded Takasugi. His face turned dark red and he stood frozen as silent tears rolled down his face. I didn't mean to hurt you, I felt like saying. But you went too far, someone had to stop you…at the same time I was shivering in fear and I realized I couldn't disrespect his feelings without dangerous repercussions. Soon afterwards, he "retaliated" on me, tearing apart all my long-cherished ideals. I ran a high fever, too humiliated to go to class for 3 days while I replayed his attack in my mind. Was I really an opinionated, stuck-up snob like he accused? Who was he to say? I was the one who respected people and followed the rules of society. In contrast, Takasugi just did whatever felt right to him. When other people talked behind his back he didn't seem to care. But when it came from my lips he crucified me.

I finally concluded: Justice for me meant fairness. Justice for Takasugi meant an eye for an eye. Seems similar, doesn't it? But this slight difference sent us irrevocably down different paths. For me, everyone was equal before the law. For Takasugi, only the select few mattered and everyone else could go to hell. He wasn't dubbed the "Black Beast of Edo" for nothing.

In the end though, the more we clashed, the closer we got. The closer we got, the more I liked him – No! scratch that…I never liked Takasugi. How could I be friends with such an egomaniac?! It was only because I became so used to fighting him that if a single week passed without any disturbance, I would get an odd feeling of sadness, as if my best friend had started ignoring me…That night after Takasugi sold me out to the Harusame, I had not been able to sleep. It was as if the fire he intended to unleash on Edo began burning me instead. Worst of all, I had already seen it coming for the past 5 years. I knew about him secretly training an army in the countryside of Kyoto, I knew about the assassinations he carried out through the Kiheitai and his underground deals with the Amanto. I should have blocked him, but I was in denial. I didn't believe he would hold his personal need for revenge above the welfare of Japan.

But I was wrong.

That day on the bridge, just before the festival started, we argued again. There was a pause in our conversation. When I looked at him again, I caught his eye a second time. They were softer now, as if he was thinking about our past. Beneath the intensity, there gleamed a hint of pain. I felt like reaching out and holding his shoulder. Then I flushed slightly, wondering what had gotten into me. Takasugi gave me a cold stare and walked away. And he knows how I feel. Instead of confronting each other, we could be working together to rebuild Edo. He just likes to see the expression on my face when he frustrates my dreams.For two nights after my betrayal during the Benizakura Battle, I couldn't sleep. I felt like crying, killing someone or just going insane. I summoned a general meeting and commanded that if Takasugi assassinated me, then so be it. Our energies were better spent fighting the Bakufu Dogs, not other Joi Factions. The sake of my country took precedence over my life."Is that clear?""Hai…" my men grumbled. I read doubt on their faces. I wondered if they could really rein in their pain and grief if I died. Heck, if it was so easy to act reasonably, then I wouldn't be going insane from my murderous urge to destroy Takasugi. I really wasn't myself. I was becoming a black beast, torn apart by a tsunami the color of crude oil…set on fire. I want to kill him, I realized. But I forced the thought away, shaking my head.

No, I really wasn't myself, haven't been myself for days.

Why not think of something light-hearted? I left the Joi hideout and disappeared down Kabuki-cho. My footsteps unconsciously led me to Mademoiselle Saigo's okama club, where I had once worked as a hostess. I grinned wryly as I remembered the sense of freedom I felt during those days. I wouldn't mind doing it again… I needed the distraction.I sat down at the bar, still angry. "Give me anything with alcohol, wait…beer would do, I'm lousy at holding my sake… what kind of beer? Anything! Whatever, I don't care." I saw a mug of dark foamy liquid being placed before me. I frowned at its foul black color. To add fuel to fire, the radio suddenly started playing a rendition of the classic shamisen track Tsugaru Jongara Bushi. The music brought a wave of unwanted memories.

"What the hell is this?" I demanded rudely and the bartender cringed.

"G-Guinness...sir."

I tasted it and it wasn't just bad. It was heavy, dark and bitter. Heavy, dark and bitter like my hate for Takasugi. I couldn't help it. I slammed my fist on the table making the mug and bartender jump. Then I blurted out, "Freak!" I was physically dragged up by the collar and suspended in the air by a muscular warrior. "M-Mademoiselle Saigo!" I squeaked, hoping he was still my friend. "Oh, its you, Katsura. You and Gintoki did us a huge favor last time, but nobody, I mean nobody gets away with being rude in my club. Have you forgotten your punishment or are you looking for an encore performance as Zurako?"

Perfect idea.

"Yes." The club was a great place to escape both from the Shinsengumi heat and from…myself. While my men recuperated from their physical wounds, I hoped to rid myself of my own…wild mood swing. Mademoiselle Saigo looked concerned. "What's the matter, Katsura? You look awful. Girlfriend just broke up with you?"

I could only stare at him in pain. I really wasn't myself at all.

I wanted to kill Takasugi.

---+

THE PRESENT

"Put that kaiken away, Zura. You're making me feel… betrayed."

"How dare you say that, when you're the one who betrayed Gintoki and I?"

Takasugi smirked. "Don't expect me to apologize for selling you out. I did that on purpose, to punish you and your faction for slacking off on the Joi movement."

"You…!"

"Zura…" He drawled out my name teasingly. "Don't forget that we're in the middle of the Inland Sea. It's also 2 against 1. If you attack me, you'll never get home alive. Now that would be such a waste, wouldn't it?" He shifted his posture casually, bringing the pipe close to his lips again. "Considering a large number of your comrades recently sacrificed their lives to rescue you?"

Damn you, Takasugi! His question almost brought tears to my eyes. I was still grieving for the death of 33 of my comrades and it took all my self-control to maintain my cool front. As if reading my mind, he calmly added, "By the way, how many casualties did you suffer?"

"Both of us took equal – and equally needless – damage." I stared at him in hatred.

"No, not equal. For the Kiheitai to suffer a draw like that counts as an embarrassing defeat. I underestimated the fanaticism of your troops, they fought like demons to rescue you…"

My heart twisted. "I never wanted them to come. I already knew how foolish it was to try and persuade you."

"You already knew that?" Takasugi voice was barely audible and he lifted his chin, lips parting with a satisfied curl.

"I've always known that. Your opinions will never change." How could I not know that? Takasugi smiled, he liked hearing that.

"But you still came to seek me out….alone."

I shrugged. "Acting alone was simply the most efficient route."

"Really? So how come you still split from your troops after they rescued you? That made me wonder …did you expect something special to occur if we met…alone?"

Anger flared. "If we were alone, Takasugi, I expected that you'd be able to drop your damnable pride, just for one moment, and listen to reason!"

"Reason? What did you think would give me a reason to change…?You?"

I gritted my teeth. "I never asked you to change. Who am I to say? But there are limits to everything in this world. And that includes you. If you can't set limits to your own ambition, then I will set them for you. I will never allow you to hurt the ordinary people of Edo in your urge to destroy the Bakufu."

"Ordinary people, Zura? And how many of these ordinary people have you killed in the name of terrorist bombings?"

I bowed my head in shame, for I too, was once guilty of the same violent strategies that Takasugi preferred. It wasn't a personal thing. Creating chaos, spreading terror and inciting hate was just part of a terrorist's job. I mean, how else do you expect to bring about the death throes of a corrupt ruling system? At that time, I believed that the sacrifice of a small number of innocents for the greater good was…acceptable. Not anymore though. "Yes, I admit it. But that was before…I was so driven I could see nothing at all…"

"So we're alike."

"No. Not anymore. I can't do it anymore. It's not right."

"What's not right?"

"It doesn't feel right."

"You? Feel…" he laughed menacingly.

"The war is over, Takasugi. It's over!" I sheathed my kaiken and replaced it into my kimono, feeling the cold metal against my breast, trying to make a point, but simultaneously wondering how soon I might have to point it at him again."Things were different when we fought the Amanto. If we fell in battle, we don't expect anyone to come to our rescue. Those days, we would sacrifice a battalion so that another could gain victory. Those days…" I felt emotional as I looked at Takasugi's bandage. I saw his lips press into a thin line and he looked away from me into the sea. The sky was a darker blue and the waves seemed rougher than an hour ago. Above the horizon, the clouds clumped together like mountains, waiting for the storm to break.

After all, Takasugi sacrificed his eye for those days. Our group served as the decoy to allow the army to gain the greater victory. Many comrades were killed, but without our sacrifice, the tide of the battle would never have turned, and everyone would have died. The man who thought of that desperate strategy and volunteered to lead it was Takasugi. No matter how cruel he seemed, he had nobility and courage to carry out jobs too ruthless for others to do, yet had to be done. That was something I can never erase from my heart.

"So you gave up the fight."

"Never! But there are many options for a Joi who wants to reform Edo."

Takasugi casually walked into the cabin and sat crossed-legged at the table. "Go on, Zura," he said, looking at me expectantly. He liked listening to others, to find out what they were thinking without revealing his own thoughts.

"Some of which are peaceful…" I continued, watching him from my standpoint. I folded my arms.

Takasugi rubbed his face musingly with one hand and chuckled. "You're just like them, all of them. Gone to the other side. So there's only me left, and I'm the bad guy. Okay, go your own way…" He made a sweeping gesture. "Bear with another thousand years of injustice. Or we can change the world together." He held out his palm like a blade. "Right here, right now. Not to suffer in silence for another hundred years, but to change everything within our lifetime. In 5-no, 3 years…we can recreate Edo." His outstretched fingers clenched into a fist and his tone intensified with passionate determination. I shivered. Takasugi could be compellingly charismatic when he spoke about war. On some level I believed in it too. After all, I was a samurai by profession.

"But think about it, Shinsuke, who created the Bakufu? Look at the bigger picture, and you'll see that all of us are guilty. If we don't change ourselves, we'll just replace the Bakufu with another tyrannical structure. That's why you should consider what everyone wants, not just yourself."

Takasugi reached forward and picked up the sake saucer with his right hand, raising up his right leg and rested his elbow on it. The movement made the lower flap of his yukata ride up his thigh, revealing the pale skin of his bare leg disappearing into the shadows. Not wanting to see what was hidden underneath, I averted my eyes. Takasugi didn't catch my look, as he had lowered his head to sip from the saucer. "Well, I used to think we were a part of a group. Not a big group, since so many of us are dead now, but we were comrades, you, me, Gintoki, Sakamoto…I don't think it's necessary to name the others. But you betrayed me."

"No one betrayed you, Shinsuke." I stated softly.

Takasugi's deep voice was stern with conviction. "Edo could have been ours by now, if we had stuck together and attacked the Bakufu right after the surrender, just like I suggested. But fine, everyone wanted to go home. Ok, now five years later, I'm ready to attack again, and you and Gintoki block my way. If that's not betrayal, then what is?"

"Don't reject us, because we believe in a different path from yours." I frowned, patience being tested. We seemed to be talking in circles.

"What?! Remember we said we're not stopping until the Bakufu burns in hell? You guys deserted me!"

"Okay, Takasugi…." I warned seriously. "Stop wasting my time. If you want to hurt the people of Edo, then I have only one answer for you." I pulled out my dagger again and pointed it at him. Takasugi's face lit up, delighted. He stood up and headed towards me. Danger brought out the best in him or should I say, black beast within him. He continued moving closer, but I refused to back down. Will this be our end? Comrades killing comrades? Since the first moment I fell into Takasugi's trap, I had prepared to die. I wasn't afraid to wake up the next day in Jetavana Grove or the Pure Western Land or wherever the Shinto Scriptures suggested. I didn't believe in them the way I believed in calculus…especially this equation right here, right now.

Takasugi x Katsura equals to WAR.

Takasugi stopped two inches from my blade. I could feel, underneath his cool air of superiority, the body heat radiating hot and smoldering. I smelled his strong, earthly scent which reminded me of a field of grass basking under the noonday sun. It was too heavy for my taste, yet I felt oddly comforted, even magnetized. In the dim candlelight, his complexion was smooth and his lips were moist. The flush in his pale skin bloomed against the whiteness of the bandage, awakening me to the fact that we were both young men despite the way the Joi War matured our minds. I thought about the 12 year old Shinsuke. I remembered how the color of his eyes were dark brown, almost black. They stared at me with a steady intensity I had never seen in anyone else's eyes...like two dark stars.

But his words made me blush in surprise. He chuckled under his breath and said, "How I missed that look on your face when you argue with me. Your cheeks turn red, your voice grows all emotional, your face looks like you're about to cry. It's so pretty…"

"S-shut up!" I cursed hotly to cover up my nervousness. I glared at him and found a fearless, attentive look pinned on me.

"Truce? Just for one hour? I've broken up with the Harusame, so I don't have a reason to attack you…should you stay out of my way." He said gently.

"Only if you promise not to hurt the ordinary people of Edo." I commanded.

"Done." Takasugi promised. His eye was serious like a deep, dark pool reflecting brilliant light. My eyes widened. "Takasugi!.." I couldn't believe how he agreed so easily! Was this a strategic lie? Or did he have another plan to destroy the Bakufu from within? "Why?" I asked. His response was evilly velvety. "I don't have to explain myself.""No you don't." I admitted, folding my arms and looking at him with a cold expression. Takasugi liked that. His eye crinkled at the corner and he pleasantly tilted his head. "You must already know how certain people are drawn to me like a moth to a flame...including a few members of the Shinsengumi."

"I already knew that." My face betrayed my bitterness. Takasugi's lips widened sadistically and his eye gleamed overly brightly. "You still can't trust me, can you? You're hurting from my betrayal, isn't it? Good." He chuckled cruelly. Without showing any fear of my kaiken, he grabbed the lapel of my kimono like a schoolyard bully. Then snarled. "That's exactly where I want you to be…to feel it…feel the pain I felt when you rejected me. Now how do you like it? To feel the way I do…to feel the burning hate…"

Grrrrr! If only you knew how crazy I've felt this past week!

"Let go of me," I warned icily, pressing the tip of the dagger into his bare chest. No way in hell would I permit a mid-level samurai to be so rude to me. With a sadistic urge I advanced one step closer, whispering words to pierce his sensitive pride. "I don't believe it…you mean the black beast of Edo actually felt… rejected?" Takasugi's eye was pinned stoically on me, his expression did not change, but I felt my collar being jerked forward, pulling my body towards his.

My kaiken!!

I frantically whipped my weapon away just in the nick of time. What the hell was he thinking? I could have killed him! Everything went black and cold sweat poured down my panicked body. I heard a metallic clack as the dagger dropped from my nerveless grasp and skated on its enamel handle. When I could breathe again, I found myself clinging to his body, with his arms tightly wrapped around my waist.

"You're insane!" I angrily removed my hands and shoved at his chest with both hands. But his grip around my waist was tighter than that; I didn't push him hard enough and remained stuck against him, thighs touching. He gripped my chin coolly, squeezing it with between thumb and forefinger, something we had done as kids, but took on a totally different meaning as adults. His thumb lightly brushed my lower lip with deliberate sensuality. What the-?! My mind spaced out at the sensation and I gave an involuntary gasp. I heard Takasugi's deep voice whisper in my ears, "Don't get too hot-headed, Zura…" and felt his finger now sweep over both lips, which I had parted. The second touch made me snap back to reality and I didn't hesitate to hurl a punch at the pervert. Takasugi stepped aside, brilliant eye observing me quietly and attentively.

He mockingly continued. "If you kill me, then Bansai will kill you. Your faction will attack us, then we'll kill each other…and then the Bakufu will win." He hesitated when he saw the weird look on my face. ''Does that make sense?"

"Hai." I mumbled angrily, turning my back on him. But I really meant was: Hell no…my mind was too busy remembering the warm sensation of his body to think of anything else…

To be continued...

---+

Please review because they motivate me. ^^