1I do not own any of the twilight character, Stephenie Meyer does. I just own these parodies with lots of random silliness! :P

During twilight when James is making the video in the ballet studio:

Bella is sat down on the floor when James pulls out a video camera.

He opens it an turns it so he's filming himself. "Hello whoever is watching this, I promise you that everything in this video is 100% true. Unless you're a police officer, then it's not true. And if you hear anything about vampires or things that happened a few centuries ago no matter who you are that's not true. Unless you are a vampire like me- I mean wanna be, cause we all know their not real-"

"James!" Bella interrupts.

"Hey! I wasn't done with the opening credits yet. Oh well I can just cut that out when I do the editing process. . ."

"JAMES! THE CAMERA ISN'T ON!"

"Damn! Now I have to start all over again."

During new moon when Mike, Bella and Jacob are at the movie theatre.

The dude in the movie yells "I'm gonna blow your frikin head off!"

"Woo!" Jacob yells as he jumps out of his seat "take that you biatch!"

The usher dude goes and makes Jacob leave so Mike and Bella are together in the movie theatre. . . .alone. . .with just each other. . .in a movie. . .alone. . .

"Yea we get it Chelsea!" (A/N that's me ;) !) Bella yells and is soon kicked out of the theatre with Jacob.

"Yay Bella! Your kicked out too!" Jacob yells, hugging her so tight she turns blue and passes out on the floor.

Mike runs out of the theatre at that exact moment and throws up in a trash can.

Paramedics come to take both Mike and Bella to see CARLISLE! The super sexy vampire doctor.

"Hey wait Chelsea" one of the paramedics says "I think you forgot that Carlisle-"

"The super sexy vampire doctor." (A/N Team Carlisle!)

"Uh, yea well he and his family are gone away remember?"

"What!" Bella yells, suddenly completely fine "you mean their gone! Edward I love you! What! Wait a second here-" the paramedics begin loading her into the ambulance. "I'm fine! Where are you taking me! Nooooooo!"

Jacob looks around the now very empty theatre lobby. "Damn!" he mutters under his breath, "now whose gonna give me a ride home?"

During eclipse with Jacob kisses Bella (for the first time)

Jacob leans in and kisses Bella verrry slowwlllyyyy and then checks for her reaction.

Bella is stumbling around like she`s drunk and those cartoon stars are flying around her head. "God is that you?" she asks before falling to the ground. "Ow! I broke my hand!"

"Want me to kiss it better?" Jacob asks, kneeling down beside her.

"No it's fine. Kiss me on the lips." she gives him a slightly disturbing smile.

"What about Edward?"

"Screw him, I'll lie and say that you kissed me, I punched your wikkid awesome sexy werewolf hotso-"

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" I, the narrator interrupts "I'm not allowed to go on forever about stuff but you are?"

"Apparently" Jacob says, looking almost as hot as Carlisle. "But FYI, you're the one writing this- wait-ALMOST!"

"Anyway. . " Bella so rudely interrupts.

"Again you're the one writing the story."

Jacob rides his motorcycle off a cliff. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Yea Chelsea" Bella says "why'd ya do that?

And they all lived happily ever after.

"Wait! You can't leave yet! I didn't get my close up-"

*imaginary curtains close and Bella is pulled away with one of those canes they use in old cartoons*

During breaking dawn when Bella wakes up from her vampire transformation:

Bella gets up and looks at the ceiling light. "Oooo shiiiinnnyyy!" and she smiles at the light and tries to catch it in her hand.

Carlisle steps forward and says 'it is a bit distracting at first but you'll get used to it."

Alice starts jumping up and down and says "Oh! Oh! Oh! I'll go get a mirror so you can see what you look like". She runs out of the room at vampire speed.

"So did the transformation hurt?" Carlisle asks Bella, taking out a notepad and going into doctor mode.

Bella opens her mouth to answer but gets interrupted by a huge crash coming from Alice's room.

"Noooooo! My huge mirror! Carlisle! Shelia's dead!" Alice yells and breaks out into dry sobs.

"Who's Shelia?" Bella asks in a childish voice then goes to walk out of the room. She takes a look at Jasper's face, shrieks at an octave so high that it's barely audible even to the vampires and jumps up clinging to the ceiling. "Edward! Jasper's all scary looking! Help me!"

"No Edward!, Help me!" Alice yells from the other room. There was the sound of a gun cocking. "Or else. . . ."

"Get your husband to help! And what's a gun gonna do to me?"

"There's a silver bullet in it"

"That's for werewolves, dear" Jasper says "and Bella I am not scary!"

"If you think it's your scars that scare me, it's not." Bella says, taking a look up Esme's nose. "I just looked at your face, it's always freaked me out but it's so much more scarier with- OMG THAT PIECE OF DUST LOOKS LIKE A LADYBUG!"

At that moment Alice comes in the room with a box of shattered glass labelled 'Shelia'.

"LET ME SEE! LET ME SEE!" she yells, throwing the box of Shelia's broken pieces at Jasper, who drops it and glass bits go flying everywhere.

"No wait, that's a freckle on Edward's arm" Bella says, already distracted by something else. All while Carlisle is writing furiously on his notepad about everything that she's doing.

"Jacob imprinted on Reneesmee" Emmett says, not wanting to beat around the bush any longer.

Bella stops poking Edward's chest and looks up at him "OMG THAT SON OF A MUT DIDN'T!"

"OH YES I DI-ID!" Jacob yells from downstairs.

Bella holds her hand out to Alice "give me that gun." Alice willingly gives the gun over, already knowing what she was gonna do.

Bella takes the gun and goes downstairs. There's a loud bang, a shriek and she comes back upstairs and hands the gun back to Alice.

And that was the end of Jacob Black.

(Haha! Just kidding, Bella missed and killed a dove. Poor dove :'( )