Acknowledgements: CookieKrisp (my sis), angelofdeath1119 (who named five Sue-ish things that I used in this section), -X-Takoyaki-X- (who mentioned something that I forgot to put in the first section), KiGaMi (who gave me a bunch of situations) and everyone who reviewed~ ^^
Cookie Krisp and Cursed Bunny's Mary Sue Guide(Part 1.2)
Alright, I know I said I would include the Mary Sue test in this part of the guide (Yes, I lied) , but I have some other things I want to say first.
Mary Sues are Mary Sues because they are unrealistic and because of the way people think of them. If everyone loves them, everybody keeps talking about their beauty/power/intelligence, and everybody instantly forgives them for whatever they might have done wrong, then they are most definitely a Mary Sue. In most cases, the few characters who have the nerve to insult Alexandria May Raven Trinity already are, or become, mean, terrible, horrible people. Keep that in mind as you read this section.
I don't know about you, but when I read a story, there are several moments during which I automatically think, "Oh man, this character is a Mary Sue…"
1.One of them is if the character's beauty is described within the first few paragraphs of the first chapter. But even if it isn't so early within a story, certain descriptions automatically cause people to think "Mary Sue."
For example…
As Alexandria May Raven Trinitywalked through the crowd, people couldn't help but stare. Her sapphire blue orbs dazzled when she smiled, and her raven black hair cascaded over her shoulders.Natural streaks of red only accented the already beautiful sheen of her locks. She could easily have been a model with her unblemished ivory skin and perfect curves.
Or maybe…
Alexandria May Raven Trinity had never been sure if herbeauty was a blessing or a curse. From the day of her birth, she had beenthe victim of attempted kidnap 72 times, been stalked by 21 people, and asked out by 290! Her striking eyes of emerald were second to no one's, and her voluminous platinum blonde hair tumbled down her back.Even when she was crying she was still gorgeous.
The bolded words all scream Sue-ness. I am not saying that you can't use them, but they tend to be associated with Sues. Just don't use too many all at once. The underlined portions are particularly Mary Sue-ish.
2.Another way to automatically make me think your character is a Mary Sue is to using an extremely clichéd situation. Even if your character is not a Sue, certain clichés can make her seem like one. Some clichés do so more than others.
Some examples of clichéd situations that create a lot of Sue-ness:
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is in a hurry. She runs around the corner and bumps into Edward Cullen! Oh my god he's the most gorgeous man she's ever met! Edward Cullen helps her up, her heart races, and they meet again shortly thereafter. (And guess what: he fell in love with her at first sight.)
Why it creates Sue-ness: Coincidence is a great thing but too much coincidence is no longer a coincidence. Furthermore, this is one of the first things that come to mind when people think of a romance story.
When she was little, Alexandria May Raven Trinity met a boy. He was her best friend, and he was always there for her. But one day, he moved away. To this day, she still loves him. And guess what? He just transferred into her class at school.
Why it creates Sue-ness: Again, there is a lot of coincidence involved in this situation. Also, the "transfer student" probably deserves to be in the top 10 clichéd situations of all time.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity wakes up late. Oh my god, Professor Oak will have already handed out all the good Pokémon! She screams at her alarm clock, eats waffles/pancakes/toast/bacon, and dashes out the door. (She may then proceed to bump into Edward Cullen).
Why it creates Sue-ness: Although this situation is most commonly found in the Pokémon fandom (hence the example), it's not rare anywhere else either. This situation is simply too cliché.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity was the girl who was never noticed. She sat in the back of the classroom by the window, always by herself. But that was before the most handsome guy in the school, Edward Cullen, came along and changed everything for her. Now, everybody knows her. By the way, they all love her too.
Why it creates Sue-ness: It's not realistic. If Edward Cullen is the most handsome guy in the school, people will not like her. Instead, they will be very jealous. However, they will notbe so jealous that they are an angry mob. That's not realistic either.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is in a pinch! She's surrounded by a group of guys who all want to molest her because she's so beautiful! But Edward Cullen comes by and saves the day.
Why it creates Sue-ness: It's way too cliché.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity was just going about her normal business when all of a sudden, something happened and she found out she was the Chosen One! It was her job to save the world!
Why it creates Sue-ness: It starts out the story by putting Alexandria May Raven Trinity in the spotlight. At this point, she has often already stolen the spotlight (or is at least sharing it) with the original main character.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is super powerful! She can beat almost any enemy that the heroes are faced with, and she can still fight after she's stabbed through the stomach. But now she's sprained her ankle, so Edward Cullen has to carry her home.
Why it creates Sue-ness: That makes no sense and thus creates a plothole (although it's tolerable). She's so strong, but she's got such terrible pain tolerance that she can't stand to walk on a sprained ankle?
Alexandria May Raven Trinity has a disease that prevents her from accomplishing her goals! Oh well, too bad! She's going to accomplish them anyways.
Why it creates Sue-ness: Although this situation is cliché, its cliché-ness is tolerable. The biggest problem with it is that most of the time the author of the story fails to correctly portray the effects of the disease, as well as the treatment the character must go through because of it.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity has a terrible sense of direction. One day when she is lost, she meets Edward Cullen! Edward Cullen then leads her to her destination.
Why it creates Sue-ness: Random people on the street are not that helpful, making this situation unrealistic. And if they actually were, then Edward Cullen would probably not have been the first person to help her, in which case he wouldn't be special anymore. Yes, people will often give you directions, but they usually won't go out of their way to take you there.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is the princess of Planet Mary Sue. But she hates being a princess, so she changes her look, runs away from home, and pretends to be a commoner. On her journey, she meets Edward Cullen, and they fall in love.
Why it creates Sue-ness: Surely you have read about this situation at least once before. AT LEAST. Furthermore, it is unrealistic that people wouldn't recognize her just because she cut her hair and changed her clothes. You still recognize your friends after they get a haircut don't you? So the people of Planet Mary Sue will still recognize Alexandria May Raven Trinity too.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity always wears a cloak to prevent her real identity from being discovered! Maybe that's why nobody discovered she was the princess of Planet Mary Sue. But in any case, she has continued her journey and traveled to Planet Gary Stu! One night, she decides to take off her cloak and dance. Her hair and dress billow in the wind, and Edward Cullen, in all his stalkerness, is watching her from the bushes. She doesn't realize he's there, but he is only thinking about how gorgeous she is.
Why it creates Sue-ness: It's too cliché, and many of the things necessary to make this scene are also Mary Sue-ish. Particularly the cloak, the dancing, and the beauty.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is alone on the roof singing. Edward Cullen, hearing her beautiful voice, runs around searching for her. He is convinced that the owner of this angelic voice is the girl of his dreams.
Why it creates Sue-ness: Is her voice really that loud that Edward Cullen can hear it from wherever he is(which usually isn't that close)? Not only that, but singing is a Mary Sue trait.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is going to hang out with her old friend, Bob the Builder. They're only going to hang out for one day, but Edward Cullen and the rest of the crew are so terribly jealous that they must stalk poorAlexandria May Raven Trinity and Bob the Builder.
Why it creates Sue-ness: Oh my god, isn't that being just a TINY BIT overprotective? Just a tiny bit? If I were Alexandria May Raven Trinity, I would be totally creeped out...
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is part of a love triangle! Yesterday, she met Edward Cullen at the school dance, and today she met Romeo Montague! Now, Edward Cullen and Romeo Montague can do nothing but fight because they both loveAlexandria May Raven Trinity even though they've known her for less than 24 hours!
Why it creates Sue-ness: Edward Cullen and Romeo Montague seem to be terribly shallow in this situation, especially since in most cases, they have fallen for her because she is just so gorgeous.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is kissed by Romeo Montague because Romeo wanted her to stop teasing him about what Edward Cullen said! She a) is terribly surprised and doesn't know what to do, b) slaps Romeo, c) starts crying and runs away, d) any combination of the three previous choices
Why it creates Sue-ness: Normally, you would think Alexandria May Raven Trinity's reflexes would be fast enough to stop Romeo Montague (especially since she is most likely also a powerful warrior). But no, of course not. She can catch any punch, but she can't stop a kiss. Well, I suppose the biggest problem with this situation is more that it's incredibly cliché though.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity accidentally gets a hold of some alcohol! Naturally, she didn't know it was alcohol (or she wouldn't have drank it) because otherwise she might actually have a flaw! But because she's never drank alcohol before, she has no tolerance. She then proceeds to faint in the arms of Edward Cullen, who is then tempted to kiss her.
Why it creates Sue-ness: It's awfully convenient that she manages to fall into his arms isn't it? I mean, she could just as easily fallen face first off a cliff.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity doesn't want her identity to be discovered (Probably because she is the princess of Planet Mary Sue)! Since cutting her hair and changing her clothes isn't a good enough disguise, she decides that she should also dress as a guy. Surely people won't recognize her now.
Why it creates Sue-ness: Bandages cannot completely hide breasts (unless they are quite small, which usually isn't the case because Alexandria May Raven Trinity usually has a gigantic chest). Her voice will also be too high (unless she is small enough to pretend to be a little boy). Her speech patterns and natural behavior will also be different because she is a girl. Basically, her disguise should be easily seen through, and it is also very cliché.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is fighting when her gender is revealed to Edward Cullen and Romeo Montague! What will they think of her now?
Why it creates Sue-ness: Edward Cullen and Romeo Montague have probably already fallen for Alexandria May Raven Trinity before they knew she was a girl. As such, they're both bisexual and really wouldn't care less what her gender was.
Alexandria May Raven Trinity is fighting when her super long impractical hair gets cut! Well, she needed a new look anyways.
Why this creates Sue-ness: It's just way too cliché, and it usually only happens because the author was tired of her current appearance.
Although I am stating that these are very commonly used situations, I am not saying you can't put them in your story. Just don't use them too often, and you should be fine.
3.Mary Sue Outfits: An OC should be dressed in some practicality for their world. It wouldn't make any sense if Alexandria May Raven Trinity was on a ninja mission while wearing a frilly pink dress. It would just get in her way. This also applies to most other trendy outfits. Unless your character is known for his/her impracticality, then he/she probably will not be dressing like this. Furthermore, excessive description of clothing may also seem Mary Sue. Unless Alexandria May Raven Trinity's clothes are important to the storyline, they don't need to be described in enormous amounts of detail.
4. If your OC is able to pick up skills faster than is normally possible, it is a warning sign that your character may be a Mary Sue. Yes, okay, maybe Alexandria May Raven Trinity is talented in drawing. Her skills are exceptional. Alright, that's fine. However, she should not also be equally outstanding in writing, singing, cooking, fighting, magic, math, science, history, sports, and whatever else. People are not instantly able to learn how to do things. It takes time. The same principle applies to beauty and love. Celebrities are not instantly gorgeous. They work hard to be what they are. As for love, sure, some people may believe in "love at first sight", but in most cases, love is developed over a long period of time. If people are falling in love at first sight with your OC, then there is a very high chance that she is a) Mary Sue or b) secretly a succubus. I seriously doubt though that she is a succubus.
5.From time to time, an OC may come along and cause the author to bash a certain canon character. This is quite frequent among Mary Sues whose love interest is already popular among the girls.
Example: In the original story, Katie was a kind and caring girl, even though she had a huge crush on Edward Cullen. But then, Alexandria May Raven Trinity came along! Now, Katie is a mean, terrible bitch and is doing nothing but trying to sabotage Alexandria May Raven Trinity!
6. Over the course of the story, everything works just the way Alexandria May Raven Trinity wants it to! She never loses a battle, she can figure out all the mysteries, and she gets the man of her dreams. Of course, her story will, on the rare occasion, end tragically, and she will die. In such a case, she will be greatly mourned for by the rest of the characters and often become a legend.
7. Even when Alexandria May Raven Trinity is not present and has no importance at all, she must be mentioned at some point during the scene because her beauty, perfection, or depression is all people ever have on the brain.
8. The OC is blaming him/herself for things that are clearly not her fault and that he/she had no control over the outcome of. Usually, this is a feeble excuse for making the OC do something "wrong". This is caused by the author being extremely reluctant to let Alexandria May Raven Trinity do anything bad.
Example: If only Alexandria May Raven Trinity had never been born… She didn't know what to do. If she hadn't been there, then maybe Jessica wouldn't have been injured so badly…
9. As mentioned in the previous section, names are a big issue. The name doesn't have to be as long and annoying as Alexandria May Raven Trinity to have the same effect. If it is in any way the person's ID/pen name, then the name tends to automatically leave a Mary Sue impression unless it's "Jane Doe".
Examples: Destiny, Sephiria, Safira/Saphira, Ruby, Desiree, Serena, Rose/Roze, Rosalina/Rozalina, Hikari, Sakura, Neko, Ookami, Tori, Alexis, Midnight, Shadow, Savanna, Cynthia, Trinity, Sky/Skye, Azure, Snow, Arabella, Evangeline, Clarity, Estella, Sora, Luna, Taryn, Yoko, Celina/Selina/Serina, Xylia, Azura, Victoria, Mina, Nikki, Jennifer, Jenny, Aurora, Angelica, Angelina, Harmony, Jasmine, Ava, Lorelei, Haruka, Kari, Ziri, Kairi/Kyrie, Ivory, Riley, Amy, Tide/Tyde, Hetalia, Miranda/Myranda, Twilight, Heart, Zeke, Sugar, Alice, Nezumi, Neru, Kaze, anything elemental based (Ex. Raine/Rain/Rayne, Yuki, Snow, Cloud/Cloude, Aqua, Storm/Storme), anything named after the character's powers, anything overused, anything that means pretty/beautiful, anything that IS pretty/beautiful (Crystal/Krystal, Sparkle, Star, Hoshi, etc) [and is commonly associated with that. Ex. Any gems (Sapphire, Emerald/Emeralde, etc)], almost anything that was once a normal name but is now spelled fancifully (Ex. Jayde instead of Jade, Alyx instead of Alex ), anything that was another author's original name (Ex. Arwen, Azmaria, etc), Angel, Robin, Elizabeth any name that is associated with a particularly famous celebrity, any name that is associated with a particularly famous anime/movie/book (Ex. Names from Naruto or Twilight), any name that has been converted from another language (like English) to Romaji, any random conglomeration of Japanese syllables or English letters that isn't a real name (unless that is acceptable in the world of your story because the original author has created many characters with such names), any name with a pronunciation that must be explained to the reader (Ex. Linnae is pronounced Li-nay), anything seasonal (Ex. Autumn, Winter), anything monthly (April, October, November, etc), any color (Rouge, Amber, Blue, etc), a combination of names from two different languages (Ex. Kyouko Smith).
… That was certainly a long list. Some of the names on the list because they simply tend to belong to Mary Sues, some because they are just ridiculous names to begin with, some because they aren't real names, and others because they are overused.
That doesnotmean that they are absolutely forbidden to be used. Feel free to use them, but you probably shouldn't put more than one in the same name. Certain names, while they may sound cool to you, may be a bit overdone (Ex. Emeralde Clarity, Star Hope, Alexandria May Raven Trinity).
Now those are some signs that the readers look for.
What about the author? What should the author look for in his/her OC that will signal Mary Sue-ness?
In many cases, the Mary Sue is everything the author wishes he/she could be… beautiful, strong, and smart. The author admires Alexandria May Raven Trinity, and therefore assumes that so will everyone else. The problem here though is that the readers look for a character they can relate to. The readers will find themselves unable to relate to such a perfect character.That is one of the main reasons why Mary Sues tend to be disliked.
On a side note that is completely off topic and has nothing to do with Mary Sues:
I often find myself irritated when reading incorrect dialogue format in a story. Dialogue should always have double quotes. For those of you who are struggling with dialogue format, here is the proper format:
When the punctuation at the end of the quotation would normally be a period and the speaker is given after the quote, it becomes a comma.
Example: "Jack ate apples," a little girl said.
When the speaker is not given after the quote, the punctuation remains a period.
Example 1: "Jack ate apples."
Example 2: The little girl said, "Jack ate apples."
When the punctuation is anything else, it also remains the same.
Example: "Does Jack like apples?" the little girl asked.
Even when the quotation does not start the sentence, the first letter in the quotation is, in most cases, capitalized. There is also a comma before the quotation begins.
Example: The little girl shouted, "Apples are tasty!"
However, if there are two quotes in the same sentence, then the second quote doesn't need to have its first letter capitalized.
Example: "I really like apples," the girl said thoughtfully, "...but peaches are actually my favorites!"
When the speaker is given at the end of the statement, it should be treated as part of the same sentence as the quote.
Example: "Apples are red. Bananas are yellow. And I don't like bananas," the little girl said.
"the" was not capitalized because it was not the start of a new sentence.
When there is a new speaker, there should be a new paragraph.
Example:
"What about you Jack? Do you like bananas?" the little girl asked.
"No," Jack replied.
This is why you need commas:
"Let's eat Grandpa!"
"Let's eat, Grandpa!"
Wow, you just saved someone's life with grammar. (My sis found that on someone's profile).
The next part of this guide should include the character profile and the test. (Unless I come across a huge amount of things that I didn't yet cover about Mary Sues in the first two parts)
Why a character profile, you ask?
Because it should help the author get to know their character better, realize how Mary Sue his/her character is/isn't, and it may help with the test.
Anyways, do review with questions, comments, criticisms, etc~ xD
Thanks for reading =3