Disclaimer: This story is the result of a bored author and her imagination. This is merely just a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Special thanks to WhiteAngel83 for betareading for me. Another special thanks to tumblr and omegle, where I retrieved the ocean and cemetery puns from.
We were at a stalemate with the offenders. There were hostages to rescue and a bomb to deactivate. If we didn't act soon, it would be checkmate in the other side's favour.
"Suzuna. Hinata. Do you guys have a strategy?"
They shook her heads, prompting Misaki to sigh.
"Dammit. If we don't hurry the bomb might go off. Saving hostages has never been my strong point."
BOOM. A bullet whizzed through the air and grazed Hinata's arm.
Misaki moved quickly from the wall and pulled the trigger. A figure collapsed. She reloaded her gun and gritted her teeth.
"At this point, we'll be shot before we even rescue the hostages."
Suzuna thought for a while. "How about we send half of the SPF to find the bomb?"
Misaki smiled grimly. "If there even is a bomb. There could be traps around, and we don't need any more casualties."
A voice chimed in. "Or you know, we could shoot all the bad guys, secure the area to ensure there are no traps and rescue the hostages."
Misaki grinned. "Great idea-Hang on. That voice sounds familiar." She turned around to see a person EEvclad in black from head-to-toe and wearing an expression that a certain pervert used. "What are you doing here?" She exclaimed.
Usui grinned. "Making sure you don't get killed."
Her eyes narrowed. "Well I'll have you know that I am a superintendent who is capable of taking care of herself."
Usui chuckled. "And I'll have you know that I can be of assistance. So what do you say?"
Misaki glanced at Hinata and Suzuna. They gave her a thumbs up in return. She looked back at the sneaky bastard and sighed. "All right. Just wondering, how can you take out all of those guys?"
"I was waiting for you to asking that." He grinned and took out a bag of shurikens.
Misaki folded her hands across her chest. "You are not doing that. What if you hit one of the ho-"
Another bullet came whizzing by. Misaki leapt into the air and dodged. She spun her gun and clicked it. "You bastards think you can shoot me?" She yelled as she pulled the trigger repeatedly. Several more figures collapsed. Misaki turned to look back at Usui.
"You are not using those-" She was greeted by a black figure leaping onto the trees and waving at her. She fumed. "That bas-"
"Try not to miss me, Missa-Chan." He winked and laughed at his own pun. (Hahaha Misa-Chan, "Miss"a-Chan. Geddit?) After spotting several enemies drawing nearby his area, he threw the shruiken in a fluid motion. They dropped like flies.
Suzuna smirked. How like you to do that, Isu. He jumped to another tree and repeated his actions several times. He was in the middle of completing another round when he saw a gun aimed at him.
"Shit," he whispered. He snorted at his words and aimed a shuriken at the man, ready to deflect the bullet. No sooner had he aimed, the man collapsed, with a bullet to his shoulder. Usui smirked and looked at the police officer who had just shot the man.
"Fuck off!" Misaki yelled. "Only I can aim at the pervert!" The ninja-like attacker and superintendent worked together to vanquish the rest of their enemies. That left rescuing the hostages and deactivating the bomb.
The comrades were in the middle of arguing what to do first when Misaki turned to Usui. "What should we do?" She asked him. "You guys rescue the hostages, I'll deactivate the bomb."
"Be careful." Misaki said as she walked past him. Usui laughed.
"Don't worry, I'll get back in one piece." He laughed at his own pun. Misaki raised her eyebrows.
"One Piece?"
"Well there's the manga+anime and the beach clothing onepiece." Usui smiled. "Anyways, catch you later!" He ran off.
They successfully completed their missions and returned to their designated meeting place.
"So Misa-Chan," Usui began.
"What?"
"Misa-Chan, you're so cruel! Aren't you supposed to be thanking me?"
Misaki snorted. "Don't flatter yourself. Shintani, Suzuna, let's go."
"Wait! What's your number?"
Misaki winked and walked away. "I'll tell you next time I see you."
She drove away in her car. Usui smirked. "Well arigatou, Misa-Chan."
The Next Day
Misaki winced as she placed the frilly pink uniform on. "Do I really have to wear this?"
Erika grinned at her discomfort. "Yep. It's all part of our disguise."
Satsuki whispered. "Guys, that man seems suspicious. He's been sitting here for two bloody hours. And doing what? Looking at the workers. We shou-"
She was interrupted by a voice. "Hello ladies. Mind if I talk to Misa-Chan?" He winked.
"No, go ahead!" Satsuki piped as flowers began falling.
"So…Misa-Chan what's your number?"
Misaki deadpanned. "It's GO-AWAY-USUI. You just have to substitute the letters with numbers."
Usui pouted. "You're so cruel Misa-Chan."
A screech rang out. "MOEEEEEEEEEE!"
Misaki folded her arms against her chest. "Well then beat it, because we have a criminal to catch."
Usui perked up. "If I catch this criminal, will you give me you-"
Misaki rolled her eyes. "Deal. Except you can't use shurikens."
Usui laughed. "Shurikens aren't my only weapon, you know. But I'll take you right up on your offer." He began walking towards the man. "Be right back-"
Misaki grabbed his tie and pulled him back towards her. "What are you doing?" She hissed. "You don't just walk up to a suspect and-"
Usui grinned. "I know you love me and all, but I can handle myself perf-"
Misaki flicked his forehead. "Shut up you idiot. We need a team plan. We-"
"No. I need you to trust me. Do you?" He peered at her face. Her golden eyes were riddled with worry. Ah, you worry too much, Misa.
Misaki glared at him. "Fine."
"Love you too." He laughed.
Usui walked up to the man and greeted him. "Yo whaddup dawg." They brofisted each other.
"Been a long time since I last saw you, Sui. You been hiding from me?"
Usui laughed. "Nah man. I've been livin' a good life. So what are you doing right now?"
The man laughed. "Sending some shit to Igarashi. Man he's harsh."
"He is, isn't he?"
"How's your mission with that gi-"
An ominous shadow loomed over the man. Misaki held him at gunpoint. "Put your hands up, now!" She yelled.
The man smirked. "What are you going to do, girly? Seduce me into doing that?"
Misaki gritted her teeth. "No-"
The man grabbed his belongings and dashed for the door. Her face was livid with rage as she dived after him. "Prepare to die, you bastard!" She grabbed his leg. The man looked back. "I didn't want to hurt you, girlie, but seems like I hav-" He was interrupted with a handcuff to his hands and a murderous glare to his face. "Get him in the car." Erika and Satsuki nodded and obeyed her instructions.
"Oi Misaki!" She turned around to see a face laden with kiss marks. She secretly laughed.
"You know, you could had waited for me."
Misaki smirked. "Well if you're going to be spending three hours with my sister prior, I'll pass."
Hinata turned a beetroot shade of red. Misaki smiled. A hand snaked around her waist, and pulled her back. She turned to see the green-eyed pervert.
Hinata looked at him. "You again?"
Usui smirked. "Yep."
He looked at Misaki. "So, how did I do?"
She clicked her tongue. "Not bad."
3 Hours Later
The gang have planned to meet up at a restaurant named Aoi-roma. And you guessed it, it's run by Aoi. My puns are great. Aroma, Aoiroma geddit? HAHA xD
Misaki sighed. She had been waiting for 20 minutes for the idiots to turn up. After all, going to Aoi's restaurant required a fair amount of effort. She had actually bothered to try and make herself look presentable. Her hair was in a loose bun, and lipstick was a velvety red. She had paired this look with a red dress that had a slit down her thigh, and charcoal flats. Misaki tapped her watch impatiently.
"Well, you look nice." She looked up to see Usui. He looked sharp and dapper in a tuxedo and black bow-and-tie, but she wasn't going to admit that.
Misaki smirked. "Well you look average." She was about to comment further, but was interrupted by a squeal she knew so well.
"MOEEEEEE!" Satsuki took out her camera and flashing sounds were heard. She looked cute in her poofy pink dress, but Erika looked downright fierce. Her brown eyes were highlighted by the smoky cat-eye makeup and her hair was down. Erika wore a purple dress that clung to her body. Hinata, on the other hand, looked anything but fierce.
Misaki's thoughts were interrupted by a whisper in her ear.
"Phone number?"
"YOU-PER-VERT. I repeat, it's y-o-u-p-e-r-v-e-r-t." She smirked as she saw Usui's reaction. "Well, since everyone's here, let's go in!" Misaki added quickly as she stormed into the building.
Usui was chuckling when he saw the man who controlled him give him a thumbs up. Usui chuckled and nodded.
Misaki was confused. "Do you know him, Usui?" Usui secretly laughed at her naivety. "Yeah, he's an acquaintance of mine. In the background, Hinata raised his eyebrows.
A waiter approached their table and asked for orders. Misaki flipped open the menu. Her eyes lit up in pure happiness. In it were pictures of delicious, expensive food. She skimmed through the menu and plopped it down quickly.
"May I take your order, miss?" The waiter asked.
Misaki smiled. "I'll have the chicken fettuccine alfredo."
"And I'll have the Penne Mushroom and Bacon Carbonara." Usui smiled.
Erika laughed. "I'll have the smoked fennel salmon with dill croquettes. Do you think you can give me a discount?" She winked at the waiter. He blushed.
"U-Um sure."
Erika blew a kiss at the waiter. "Thanks honey."
He blushed even more than before.
Satsuki closed her menu. "I'll have the lamb rack with glazed fennel and jus."
The waiter turned to Hinata. "And you, sir?"
"I'll have the barbecued rump steak with potato wedges and green peppercorn."
The waiter nodded and left.
Usui poked Misaki's cheek. "What do you want?" She hissed at him.
"Plateaus are the highest form of flattery." He deadpanned.
Misaki stared at him. "Did you just-You what-YOUR PUNS SUCK!"
Usui pouted. "Can you do better?"
Misaki smirked. "Sure. Do you know why hunting eagles would be a stupid idea?"
Usui shrugged. "Nope."
"Because it's ill-eagle. Hey Usui, what did the Pacific Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?"
He grinned. "Nothing. They waved at each other."
"Are you shore that they did?" Misaki winked.
Usui facepalmed. "You're so bad."
"No need to be a beach about it. Did you sea what I did there? Geez, water you think you're doing?" Misaki laughed.
Usui smirked. "I just whaled at your bad puns."
"I didn't put too much pier pressure on you did I?"
"No. Just stop being so shellfish and putting 3 puns in your turn."
"Well, sorry. I hope you're not drowning in the ocean-load of puns."
Usui glared at her. "That's not fair. Hey I've picked up a book that I thought had a great cemetery plot. I guess you could say that I made a grave error."
"Sorry, what did you say just then? I couldn't hear because I was coffin."
A voice chimed in. "Well, I guess that's the end of the line. No more puns, you two, or you're both grounded." The waiter was handing out the dishes and smiling. Misaki thanked him.
"I'm very sorry for my puns. I swear, I'll apologise tombmorrow."
Usui smirked. "That's a huge undertaking for someone like you, Misaki. But of corpse it would be."
"Good one, Usui. You've urned my respect and a laugh from me. Hey, don't laugh, I'm being dead serious. What? It's not like I'm being cryptic or anything!"
Usui facepalmed. Misaki chuckled. "I guess I've won this war. But I've got to warn you, this isn't the last time. This was fun, so tanks for this session, I guess."
"Be right back, Misaki, I need to take this phone call."
Misaki pouted. "You're so callous and this sounds so phoney, but go ahead."
Usui jogged outside and greeted Tora.
"Any new orders for me boss?"
Tora smirked. "Nope. By the way, good job. That girl is falling for you hard. Do what you want with her. At the end of the day, what matters is that she's in my hands." He took a puff from his cigarette. "You're dismissed, Isu."
Meanwhile In Aoi-Roma
"Misaki, be careful. That Usui guy is too dodgy for my liking."
Misaki folded her hands against her chest. "Are you trying to get me to stay away from him?"
Hinata sighed. "No, I'm telling you to be careful. Misaki, I'm just trying to look out for you."
She bunched her hands into fists. "First, you tell me to trust people, and when I do trust them, you tell me to push them away. What type of logic is that?"
Hinata's eyes hardened. "Do what you want with him, but don't come running crying to me if he hurts you."
Misaki's eyes softened. "You-kun, I know you're trying to protect me, and believe me, I'm grateful for that. Oh this sounds so cheese-y, but just let me be free for a while, okay?"
Hinata looked worriedly at her. "Alright then."
Usui sat down. "Yo Misaki!" He chirped.
"Yeah?"
"On a scale of 1-10, you're a hot 9 and I'm the one you need." He winked.
Misaki cringed. "I'm a 10, not a 9."
Usui smiled. "Nein."
"YOU DID NOT-"
"Are you related to Yoda? Because you're Yodalicious."
"Usui-"
"I would offer you a cigarette, but you're already smoking hot."
"Can-"
"Hey Misaki."
She looked at him. "Hm?"
"Do you..uh…maybe..possibly wanttogoonapicnicdatetomorrow?"
She laughed. "I didn't catch that."
"Picnic date tomorrow?"
Misaki smirked. "Maybe." Seeing the look on Usui's face, she backpedalled quickly. "Jokes. I'd like to go." She said quietly.
Usui smiled. "Well I'll pick you up. What's your address?"
Misaki stared at him. "You st-"
"Jokes. Where do you want to meet?"
"Um… in front of the SPF?"
Usui ruffled her hair and smiled. "See you there!"
So the 5 amigos ate their dinner in peace and paid for their meals. Erika received the waiter's number. The 5 amigos are leaving the restaurant.
Usui looked at Misaki. "So what's your number?"
"0248374634. I'm not guaranteeing that it's the real one though." She said with a smile.
"Well, bye!"
"Where are you going?" She asked him.
Usui chuckled. "Home. Don't be late for our date. 10:00am. Chu~" He placed a light kiss on her cheek.
"You basta-!" She shouted.
"Bye Misa-Chan!" He waved and ran off in the cool spring air.
Misaki touched her cheek. She blushed in the dim light of the moon, but her face hardened when she remembered her mother's words. Misaki hurried to her friends who were chatting animatedly. Suzuna glanced at Misaki and smiled.
I hope you didn't cringe too much at the puns J Reviews would be kindly appreciated, and I'm fine with flames, constructive criticism etc. Because if you're here to spark debate and your review is ablaze with flames, then I can handle the heat. I hope I'm not inflaming you with these puns.
What did you think of this chapter and its puns? Tell me in the reviews!