Chapter One:
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
She groggily stirred from her sleep, squinting through her heavy lids and glancing at the alarm clock in annoyance to see just what ungodly hour it was for her phone to be uncharacteristically ringing. Its red letters blared into her vision, almost blinding her momentarily before she reached across the expanse of her bed and retrieved her phone from the night stand next to her clock.
1:47 AM
It was entirely too late for anyone with half a mind to be calling her and she wanted nothing more than to give the caller a piece of hers, seeing as she had to be at work the next morning. Sighing, she reluctantly pressed the call button and quickly swallowed her anger before answering in a falsely cheerful voice, "Hello?"
"Mrs. Davies?" The person on the other end replied, a woman whom she immediately recognized as the friendly woman, Kat, from the dive bar on the other side of town. However, as good as it always was to hear her well-mannered voice, she slung her head in frustration as she knew what this call was going to be about.
"What did she do now?" She knowingly asked, cutting straight to the point. Standing from her bed, she reached over and flicked the light switch, illuminating the room in a soft, warm glow as she made her way to retrieve her pants from the floor, pulling them up and over her hips as she waited for the answer she knew would come.
"I cut her off like thirty minutes ago, but she's since got herself into a bit of a brawl," Kat replied with a bit of sympathy. "Mikey and Will have her handcuffed to a chair in the back room. She's pretty banged up."
"Ash…" she groaned out with a scrunched brow and tightly closed eyes, knowing just how bad this could've been for her. She brought her hand up to rub at the bridge of her nose in exhaustion, unsure of whether she was ready to deal with such a situation.
"Don't worry though," Kat offered before continuing. "I kept them from calling the cops and besides it was the other guys that started it this time."
"Guys?" She asked in shock, before traipsing through the house to retrieve her keys and jacket from the living room. "You mean there was more than one?"
"Yeah… she held her own for a while too… before taking a bottle to the head," she said with a bit of a grimace at the thought of how much it must've hurt. "She'll probably need a good stitching up…"
"Oooff," she winced as she brought her hand to her head, running out of her front door, across the lawn and towards the neighbor's front porch. "I'll be right there. Thanks Kat."
"No problem," she replied with sincerity and a smile. "But you better get here fast before those guys come back. I can't say I'll be inclined to hold her off them again. Bastards."
"Alright," she said with a chuckle, her lips curling up into a smile as her hand rose to knock before hanging up the call.
It only took her three attempts before the door gave way to an older couple standing on the other side. A woman with short gray curls was clutching her robe tightly to her chest to ward off the threat of the cool wind while a tall lanky man with a mustache and glasses perched on his nose held onto the knob; Mr. and Mrs. Lindquist, the kindest neighbors she could've ever asked for.
"Why Dear," the missus asked as she joined her on the front porch. "What are you doing outside at this hour?"
"I really hate to bother you both so late but," she wasted no time in apologizing before continuing with the reason she had awakened them in the first place. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sitting at my house for a few minutes. I need to make a run across town."
"To pick up that no good Ashley I bet…" The man said with a disapproving nod, pushing his oversized glasses further up his nose. "Surely she can't afford to be causing any more trouble. Why, the last time she was at your house at this time of night…"
"Wilfred, that's enough," his wife interrupted with a light slap to the shoulder, in turn causing him to shrug and retreat back inside. "I wouldn't mind at all dear." You could hear the kindness lacing each and every syllable as she smiled in genuine concern. "Let me just grab my shoes."
"Thank you so much Nanette," she graciously replied before handing over her spare house key. "I would walk you in, but I really need to go."
"Think nothing of it dear," she insisted as she pulled the front door shut and they both walked towards the drive that separated their two properties. "Besides, that's what a good neighbor is for."
"Aw, well you're both the best I could have asked for," she stated as she climbed into the driver's seat of her car, starting the engine immediately. "Thanks again," she said once more as she pulled her door shut and Nanette just smiled in return, waving as she entered the house.
Twenty Minutes later saw her entering the local dive bar, known as the Foxy Den that staked its claim on the edge of town right off the only major highway within fifty miles. As she walked through the double saloon style doors, heads turned in her direction and she continued on without making any sort of eye contact. It was no telling what kind of frequenters this place saw at this hour and she rolled her eyes as she thought of Ashley as being one of them. When was she ever going to grow up? Tucking her hair behind her ears, she ventured further towards the area of the bar where she saw a figure hunched over behind it, presumably grabbing something from the lower shelf.
Sighing, she stood in front and waited for the tender to stand back upright before slightly yelling over the music emanating from the speakers, "I'm here; so where's she at?"
"Oh, hey there," Kat greeted in an abnormally cheerful tone. She surmised that it was the only thing keeping her sane as she refilled the drinks of the local men who came in here looking for that kind of a good time. It must get old for her to be repeatedly hit on and propositioned. "Follow me. She's in the back."
"Thanks," she replied with forced appreciation as she would much rather be at home and lost in her dreams.
Kat led her through another set of double doors, but in this case they reached their way down to the floor, sweeping the rug as they pivoted on their hinges. After walking through what seemed like the narrowest hallway she'd ever been in, one that might've even been unlevel, they came to stand just outside a door labeled Employees Only. With a swish of the contents in the pocket of her jeans, Kat pulled a bundle of keys out and proceeded to fish through them for the one to the room that housed the reason for tonight's disturbance. With a turn of her wrist, the door popped open and they entered slowly, Kat looking toward Mikey while she prepared herself for the sight of Ashley handcuffed to a chair.
"It's about time someone showed up to get her," Mikey said in a joking manner. "I was half tempted to cut her loose again. Maybe she could help me chase out those good for nothing thugs that keep steeling all the cue balls."
She could only smile a soft one in gratitude as she glanced down to the hunched figure leaning forward with her brown curls in complete disarray, her left had cuffed to the crossbar of the chair between her own two feet. It didn't look very comfortable and she wondered just how long a person could stay like that. She could hear her slow, heavy breathing as she was probably attempting to keep her liquor down, her head hanging forward and bloody drool spilling from the side of her mouth into the floor. Her eyes traveled down the heavily tattooed sinewy arm until they reached a rather raw wrist, bound by the metal that contained her.
"You can let her go now guys," she said in a stern voice as Ashley's head suddenly glanced up, realization finally dawning that she had more company. "Hey Ash…" She could see the blood that was beginning to dry itself to the side of her face, accompanied by a bloodied nose and what would probably be a black eye tomorrow. "Or should I say Rocky?"
"Spencerrr…" she slurred through a half dazed smile as she stared up into disappointed eyes. She could tell through her drunkenness that the woman was neither pleased nor at the very least alright with her current state. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh gee Ash," she said with harsh tones. "Let me think for a minute…" She then proceeded to touch her finger to her chin. "Ummm… I certainly didn't come for the men or the food. What the hell went through your mind? Did you have a death wish?"
"They shouldn't have called you," she regrettably said, sobering up quite quickly now that she had someone she cared for looking and speaking with that tone of voice.
"No," she momentarily agreed with a shake of her head. "They shouldn't have had a reason to."
"I'm really sorry." Her hand was then released from its shackle as she brought it up to lightly rub with her other.
"Look," she shook her head as her eyes closed and she forced herself to remain calm. "I'm here now and you're obviously in no shape to drive your bike home… So, let's go. I left the girls with the neighbor lady."
Upon hearing just how much of a burden she'd become, Ashley fought the distinct pounding in her head to get her legs to function properly, slowly propelling herself to a standing position as they wobbled a bit in return. She swallowed the taste of blood in her mouth as she brought her hands up to run slender fingers through her hair, knowing just how dumb she'd been to fight back. Her eyes blinked a few times in pain before closing entirely to block out the swirling images around her which had only served to further her headache. Her legs then began to give a bit as her body swayed to maintain its balance. Just as she was about to fall back into the chair, an arm jutted out to grab hold of her shoulder and steady her on her feet.
"My head feels like it was hit by a cement mixer…"
"I'm sure," Spencer replied with a faint smile. She felt bad of course, but she couldn't help but feel like it was all deserved. You make dumb decisions, you should bear the consequences. "It doesn't look so good either." Turning to their audience of three, she then stated, "It's okay guys, I can take it from here. Thanks again for your help."
Kat winked in acknowledgement before ushering her bouncers from the room.
"Let's get you to the sink over there," Spencer said with concern, her voice taking on its instinctive motherly tone. "We need to rinse out your cuts and see that there's no glass in it." Though she was only a CNA by this point in her training, she knew well enough what to do in situations like that and cleansing the wound was first on the checklist. "Besides, I'm sure the cold water will sober you up a bit."
Ashley allowed herself to be pulled blindly from her spot in the middle of the break room to the small bathroom that sat adjacent to it. In no time at all, soft hands pulled her hair from her face and guided her head down to reach the water she could hear loudly spilling from the faucet. A low hiss left her lips as the icy cool water trickled its way into the various gashes on the side of her face, the blood slowly dissolving and fading from her skin.
"Hmm, you're quite lucky," Spencer said in genuine observation as her eyes surveyed the tattered skin. "The bottle only managed to cut you in a few small places. I doubt stitches are even necessary."
"Can we please not tell Kyla about this?" Ashley's gruff voice pleaded as her hands rubbed through her hair, soaking it in the cold water and relishing in the waning of her headache. It was truly helping and she was glad of it. "She'll be so pissed that you were dragged out here in the middle of the night to clean up my mess again."
Ignoring the request, Spencer's face scrunched in confusion before she asked, "Why didn't they call Jessica to come get you?"
"That's kind of why I'm here," she replied flatly as her pale boney hand reached up to turn the cold knob back into the off position, thin fingers with a letter tattooed on each above the largest knuckles spelling out Live on one hand and Fast on the other. Spencer could only shake her head as she thought of how Ashley was bearing the consequences of such a lifestyle. "She kicked me out earlier today. I guess you could say that I came here looking to get my ass kicked." She sat back on the toilet as Spencer handed her a towel, drying her face and streaking her curly locks back. "I wait four fucking years for her and I managed to screw it up in barely three weeks."
As the towel was dropped from her face, Spencer noticed just how awful the woman before her looked with her baggy eyes, one with a bruise forming over it, and her sunken cheeks, probably the result of a beer and cigarette diet… and possibly other substances as well. Kyla had warned her of Ashley's certain fondness for anything that could take her mind off of life. She surmised that it must be nice to forget for a while until you've sobered up to the point of looking like death. The whole left side of her face jutted out in a puffy, discolored mess of cuts as opposed to the right which she must've shielded during the fight.
"You almost look like Tommy Lee Jones in Batman Forever… It doesn't suit you," she gave a lame attempt at humor, knowing that neither of them would laugh very much in that moment. "Why do you do this to yourself? You're lucky they didn't call Sherriff Langley this time. Your parole officer would've surely heard about it then… and you would've ended up right back in jail. Is that what you want? You've barely been out a month."
"Would it even matter?"
"Of course it matters!" She tried ardently to maintain her cool and not raise her voice in that moment as Ashley sat unmoving in front of her, engaged in another self-pity party. "Look, Kyla cannot keep bailing you out forever and I cannot keep getting up in the middle of the night to come pick you up at bars. Something's gotta give Ash! I get that you feel like you're alone since Kyla left again and since falling out with your Dad, but you do have people that care about you and you keep throwing it right back in our faces." She was trying with all of her might to keep from blowing a gasket at Ashley, as Kyla would be completely upset if that were to happen, but it was as though Ashley was intentionally trying to burn all of her bridges.
Standing up with a sigh and exponentially more sober now due to the rude awakening, Ashley made her way around Spencer as she softly ignored the previous statement, muttering instead, "We better go. You need to get home to the girls."
"And where do you plan to go?" She asked with an air of skepticism. Surely Ashley didn't expect her to just let her waltz on out of the bar, grab her bike and leave. Kyla would be heartbroken if something happened to her sister.
"Well… Josie's working tonight at the inn down the street. She might sneak me into a room for the night," Ashley replied hoarsely as she grabbed her leather jacket from the table of which Mikey had tossed it onto. She hastily flung it around her shoulders, covering her tattoo-sleeved arms, leaving only traces of ink showing around her wrists, hands, and on the sides of her neck.
Spencer mentally rolled her eyes at the thought of Ashley spending thousands on them but not having enough money to actually rent the room, which in a small town such as theirs only rented for twenty-seven a night. She then guessed that she must have done favors for them, quickly shaking her head and extinguishing her mind of the possibilities.
"You can stay with us tonight," Spencer offered as they made their way out of the room and down the hallway, Ashley's boots thumping the whole way. She barely had time to let her eyes travel up from them to the ripped up pockets, a chain hanging from one side, before Ashley spoke again.
Glancing up from her work at the head of the bar, Kat watched as the two women made their way to the front door, offering only a small smile at Spencer's mouthed 'Thank you.'
"I don't think Kyla would like that very much," Ashley objected before adding with a sullen expression as they exited, making it a point to open and hold the door for Spencer. "I know she loves me, but I don't think she'd want me around the girls like that."
"Kyla's not home right now and I'm only offering one night. Besides, as long as your gone before the girls wake up, no harm no foul," she maintained her stance as they reached her car, watching as Ashley glanced over towards her bike. "You can get it in the morning, Ash. Kyla would kill me if I let you drive it right now."
Nodding reluctantly, Ashley relented and joined Spencer inside the hatchback, sighing and glancing out the side window as they pulled away from the dive.
"So how long will she be gone this time?" Ashley asked as she quietly closed the front door behind Mrs. Lindquist. Though she had received a less than pleasing look from the older woman, she had just shrugged it off.
"I'm hoping it's only for the six months they initially said," Spencer answered as she flipped on the light beside the couch, turning around for a moment before crossing the room towards the hallway closet that housed the bedding she would need to get Ashley set up in the living room with. "But who knows? Last time it was four months longer than what they had said."
"Is it hard?" Ashley randomly asked in a husky voice barely above a whisper as she watched with rapt attention as Spencer made up a place for her on the couch, smoothing and tucking the cool green sheets before fluffing two pillows.
"Is what hard?" Spencer asked in confusion, not bothering to turn away from her task at hand.
"Being away from your wife for so long?" She clarified as she stripped her feet of her scuffed black boots, stretching and cracking her toes once they were freed.
Ashley watched as Spencer momentarily glanced down to her hands, twirling the rings on her finger, her two plus Kyla's band. She always kept it safely there every time Kyla was away on active duty. Shrugging herself of her faraway thoughts, Spencer then returned to work on fixing up a place for her sister-in-law to sleep.
"It used to be very hard," she answered as she turned and sat down on the newly dressed couch, signaling for Ashley to join her. "I used to cry a lot once she would leave, knowing it would be months before I'd see her again, but then it got easier as time went on, and especially after the girls came into the picture. I suddenly had somewhere else to focus my attention."
It was such a foreign concept for Ashley to wrap her mind around, the idea of being in love and longing for that person while they were away. She had never quite believed in such a thing, but she guessed it was because she had yet to be lucky enough to experience it, true love. She guessed when she did, it would consume her and she would become a better person for it. Yes, she had loved Jessica Baker for a long time; it had hurt her enough when it ended for her to do what she had done that night, but she figured that if it was so easy for her to throw it all away then it must not have been the real deal to begin with.
"I thought you had to be at work early?" Ashley questioned as she sat down, wondering why Spencer was seemingly okay with staying up for a chat.
"I'll call in," Spencer simply shrugged with her answer. "You look like you could use some pancakes anyway."
"You don't have to do that."
"I don't mind," she said sincerely with a small smile. "Besides I don't think either of us is ready to turn in." She then looked away with a fraction of a frown on her lips, her mind running with thoughts of her big lonely house, save for three small beings. It was, however, the lack of adults that made her so willing to stay up with Ashley for even just the fewest of minutes for an adult conversation.
"Thanks, you know, for tonight," Ashley managed to force out shyly as she nervously played with her tongue ring. Being grateful and voicing it had to be one of her biggest weaknesses; that and her fondness for getting into trouble. Not that she really enjoyed that; it just always seemed to follow her around. "I always end up doing something stupid whenever Jes and I have a fight."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Spencer asked hesitantly, unsure if Ashley was the opening up type. She'd never really spent any alone time, such as this, with her to know for sure.
"Nah, you know what…" Ashley shook her head as she closed her eyes in an attempt to just forget the night altogether. "I think that was our last one. She threw all of my clothes out into the lawn and then locked me out. Luckily for me it was only like two outfits, so it all fit in my saddlebags... Thanks for letting me stay tonight."
"Don't mention it," she replied with a stern shake of her head.
"But don't worry Spencer; I'll be gone before they wake up."
"I was serious about the pancakes," Spencer nudged her shoulder before continuing. "Besides I don't think that seeing their Aunt Ashley would be the worst thing that could happen to them."
"Nah, then you would just have to explain to them who I am and that would just be awkward," Ashley protested with a shaking head as she thought of how much she had lost and missed out on during her four year stay in the women's correctional facility. She'd completely missed the birth of the youngest one, but that didn't stop her from hanging onto the pictures that Kyla had given her while she was locked away in there. Two photos now stayed in her wallet actually and she didn't miss a day without glancing at them in adoration.
"They know who you are Ashley," Spencer smirked in amusement. "Kyla's told them plenty about you… the good parts at least. Not so much the part about you holding up a convenient store with a realistic looking water gun."
"Yeah, that was stupid…" she chastised herself in almost a whisper, more for her own benefit than Spencer's, as she glanced down at her hands in embarrassment, noticing the bruises forming along her knuckles.
"At least you recognize that now," Spencer offered as she saw what Ashley had noticed, not having seen them before now. Her hands were bruising at the knuckles from all of the punches she had surely thrown earlier that night. "I better get you some ice for that."
"Nah, don't worry about it," she said as she caught Spencer's arm, preventing her from moving towards the kitchen. "It's nothing they haven't been through before."
"Well, let me at least feel them to make sure nothing's broken," she said in a motherly tone as she grabbed Ashley's hand that had momentarily rested on her arm, moving her fingertips lightly across each knuckle, almost massaging the boney hand as she went.
Ashley watched with a hesitant breath as Spencer's fingers glided across her skin, becoming increasingly uncomfortable… or perhaps too comfortable. She wasted no time in pulling her hand away and standing to her feet.
"Uhh… we should probably get some sleep now," she said while avoiding eye contact. "It's almost 3:30 in the morning.
"You're right," Spencer said as a yawn escaped her and she stood as well, making her way for the stairs. "If you need anything, feel free to make yourself at home."
"Thanks," she said with a small closed mouth smile as she watched Spencer retreat up the stairs, thinking to herself how Kyla had gotten it right the first time, and here she was, still making stupid mistakes. How had their lives ended up so very differently when they had started out exactly the same?
"Is she dead?" A tiny voice whispered as eyes widened.
"Looks like it…"Another, similar voice replied with a conclusive tone.
"Maybe you should poke her and see," the first voice suggested with borderline excitement. It wasn't often they had company, and surely never company with strange pictures all over their skin.
"I'm not poking her. Are you crazy?" The seemingly wiser one almost shrieked in anxiety before backing away momentarily, fearful of the stranger.
"Well how else will we know if she's dead or not?" A valid question if she'd ever asked one before in her young life.
"Uhh… maybe if we just check her eyes…" Her sister replied before bringing a small shaky hand up to nervously lift a darkened, cold eyelid.
Ashley had awakened moments before to hear their entire exchange and was at a loss of how to handle the situation exactly, deciding to just feign sleep and pray they just left. It wasn't every day that children were in her presence and she was a rookie at interacting with them to say the least. Instead, she remained unmoving as her eyelid was hesitantly raised, forcing her blurry vision to make out two small blonde haired figures hunching over her curiously. Slowly, she rolled her exposed eyeball around to focus in on the one presently frozen in fear as the tiny hand remained on her eyelid.
"Boo," her deep, husky voice said calmly.
A shriek was echoed throughout the room as the hand immediately retreated and the twin girls took off running in the opposite direction, squealing in amusement and reminding Ashley of herself and Kyla when they were that age, always curiously looking for an adventure. It brought a small smile to her face as she slowly adjusted herself into a sitting position on the couch, yawning and stretching herself awake. The pounding in her head immediately washed over her and she brought her hand up to rub at her temple, wincing when it connected with the swollen bruise outlining her left eye. She then remembered the events of last night and where she was exactly, her heart pounding in stark realization. Those were her nieces and she was in her sister's house.
"Shit," she muttered quietly before scrambling to pull her boots on and adjusting the nest that had become of her curly hair, needing to make herself a bit more presentable in the clear light of day before she made a lame excuse to leave.
"Girls, you better not be bothering Aunt Ashley just yet," she heard Spencer's voice ring out from the direction of the kitchen, suddenly noticing the scent of blueberry pancakes wafting through the air. "She probably doesn't feel too good."
"I know Mommy," one of them replied before continuing enthusiastically. "We checked her eye and it looked at us!"
"Yeah," the other one added. "She said 'Boo'… that's why we ran back in here!"
"But she is alive, so we won't need to dig a hole in the yard," the former maintained before Ashley noticed them both slowly peeking around the corner to look at her from their position in the hallway, trying their best to remain inconspicuous.
"You girls are something else," Spencer laughed amusedly with a shake of her head as she flipped the pancake in the pan. "Ashley? Are you okay in there?"
"That would be a big hole too, a lot bigger than Sheldon's," the slightly shorter one said to the other as they both smiled goofily before walking towards Ashley, who was still seated on the couch, momentarily frozen in awkwardness.
"Uhh… yeah, I… I'm fine… Head hurts a bit though," she answered loud enough for Spencer to hear from in the kitchen as the girls came to stand in front of her.
"Just how big are you anyways?" The taller one questioned with squinted eyes, much in the manner of an interrogation, her hands perched menacingly on her hips.
"Big enough," Ashley replied stoically, arching her brow as the other bravely lifted her large right hand in two tiny ones. "Who's Sheldon?"
"Mama's dog that got hit by a car," she answered somberly as the shorter one looked over Ashley's arm in fascination, turning it around to see the inside as well as her eyes raked over the images of waves and words of her lower sleeve. Ashley almost felt like Gulliver. "She doesn't know yet. It only happened last week."
"What are all of these on your arms?" The fascinated one asked curiously as Ashley allowed her to examine them with close consideration.
"My artwork," she again answered with an even expression before allowing a hint of a smile to grace her lips. This was quite possibly the first time she had ever touched one of her nieces and it was sending warm fuzzy tingles up her arm and igniting every nerve. "So what are your names?" It wasn't like she didn't already know the twins' names; she just didn't know which was which.
"I'm Avery," the taller and tomboyish one said before proudly stating, "And I'm three minutes and twelve seconds older."
"And I'm Allie," the more innocent looking of the two answered before clarifying, "But my whole name is Allison Jean Davies."
"Jean huh?" Ashley felt her heart flutter as she heard of this, her voice cutting out. "That's my middle name too."
"I know," she said confidently. "Mama says I'm named after you."
"I didn't know that…" She said softly as she glanced down at their still conjoined hands, completely at a loss for words to describe the feelings she was currently having. Someone had found her worthy of naming a child after… That was possibly the most profound experience of her life up to that point.
"What happened to your face?" Allie asked in a tiny shy voice, unsure of what to think of this person called her aunt.
"I got in a fight," Ashley replied in an unimpressed way before remembering who she was talking to and adding, "Uhh… not that you should get in fights or anything…"
"So why did you never come to see us before?" Avery's scrunched brows let on to the skepticism she was harboring for this supposed aunt of hers.
"Uh… I've been away…"
"Okay, I think that's enough questions for Ashley today," Spencer's welcomed interruption came, saving Ashley from what would surely have been a stuttering slew of unintelligible words that would have been her desperate attempt at excusing her absence in their lives throughout the last five or so years. "Why don't the two of you go in and sit at the table and wait for Mommy to get your pancakes ready?"
"Okay…" Avery trailed off in a disappointed tone as the two of them retreated towards the kitchen in obedience. As she watched, Ashley could tell that they were two very mindful and well-mannered girls and Spencer had certainly done an excellent job of raising them so far.
"I'm sorry," she apologized as she then handed Ashley a glass of water and two aspirin. "They're at that age where everything is suddenly up for questioning."
Gulping down the pills gladly, Ashley then shook her head before replying, "No, it's okay. I don't mind at all."
"Let me see your face," Spencer said with concern as her gentle fingers slowly guided Ashley's chin to allow her a better view of the left side of her face, several small cuts accenting a rather bruised and swollen area. "We should probably get you some ice for that."
"Oh, no… It's okay I'm…"
"Really, it's not any trouble," she interrupted firmly before Ashley could further object, pulling her towards the kitchen by her arm. "I have an ice pack already prepared for you in the freezer. Let me just wrap it in a towel," she finished as they entered the kitchen to stop in front of the refrigerator. Spencer's hand let go of Ashley's arm to grab the towel on the counter as her other opened the freezer door and retrieved the pack from within, wrapping it up as the door then closed.
"Here you go," she said warmly as she held the pack up to Ashley's battered face, allowing her to grab the pack herself.
"Thanks," Ashley said as the doorbell suddenly echoed through the house.
"I'll get it," Avery proclaimed as she tore off in the direction of the door, her blonde curls bouncing wildly, eager to be able to do something very grown up. Allie only watched in curiosity as the minutes ticked by.
"Mommy," Avery's voice shouted back as Spencer began to make her way towards the front door, rolling her eyes with a smile towards Ashley. "There's two guys here with uniforms like Mama's…"
At that moment, both Spencer and Ashley could feel their nerves flutter as their hearts began to hammer away at their chest walls in anticipation as the possible reasons for this visit from the uniformed men ran through their minds. There really was only one, and they were both hoping against all logic that it would be anything else entirely.
Ashley slowly followed Spencer from the kitchen, but paused to watch the exchange through the front bay window as the storm door closed, echoing through the foyer loudly as Spencer addressed the two officers on the front porch. Their expressions were hardened and she knew in the very pit of her stomach that this visit was an unwelcomed one.
Suddenly, she felt two tiny hands grip onto her torn pant legs from either side as the three of them watched in curiosity, waiting for any sign that it was going to be okay. She could make out lips moving and time began to slow to an almost complete halt as her heart made its way into her head, pounding loudly and drowning out any and all sounds until she was left with the emptiest feeling in her chest. Her heart seemingly exploded inside of her as she saw Spencer slump into the officer's chest, crying out in disbelief and clutching his uniform as if it were the only ounce of consolation she would ever be able to find.
A thumping sound broke her from her thoughts as she glanced down and realized that her hand had slackened its grip and automatically dropped the ice pack to the floor in front of her, landing with a corner propped up on her booted foot. Her mouth opened as the dryness seeped in, threatening to strangle the life from her; but she needed to speak, to say anything to the small beings that were scrunching their brows in confusion. The two girls had no idea of the heartbreak in front of them. It took all of her might, but she finally managed to swallow the knot that had formed in her throat before kneeling down and turning them towards her.
Shakily, her voice made its way from her lips as she gripped their shoulders gently, forcing herself to remain calm and collected in front of them while uttering a small request, "Girls… why do… why don't you go upstairs and check on your baby sister? I'm sure she would love it… if… if you sang her a song right now."
"But what about Mommy?" Avery asked in a protective manner.
"Who are those guys?" Shyness and worry seeped from Allie's lips.
"Please," Ashley whispered calmly without ever once blinking her eyes as her bottom jaw began to quiver in fear. "Just go upstairs now."
"Oh alright," Avery pouted in her usual disappointment before grabbing her sister's hand and pulling her along. "Come on Allie, this is grown up stuff."
She then stood once more as her body began to tremble slightly, forcing her feet to move from their anchored position. She desperately needed to be on that porch at that moment, if only to be there for her sister-in-law. With one step and then two, she began inching her way closer to the front door as the trek felt like impossible miles, her clammy hands clenching in fists at her sides as she reached for the handle, turning and exiting the small foyer.
On the porch, Spencer's guttural sobs registered as the first sounds she'd heard since her heart had started its rhythm in her ears. Tears wasted no time in forming in her eyes as she forced her throat to gulp down its nerves. Walking the few steps out the door, she leaned back against the railing as her heart sank into the pit of her stomach, the look on the unoccupied officer's face informing her of the severity of the situation. Without much thought at all and feeling desperate to shake herself of the emptiness she'd been consumed by, she opened her shaky mouth to ask a question that was completely unnecessary by that point.
"You have news of my sister?" Her voice cracked as the emotions built up within her, already knowing the impending answer but still holding onto to the small sliver of hope that it would all be okay.
"We're very sorry to inform you, Ms. Davies," he began as he edged his way closer to lay a comforting hand upon her shoulder. "But Sgt. Kyla Davies' bunker was struck with a hand grenade. I'm afraid we couldn't get to her in time."
Sighing out the breath she'd been holding since her voice uttered its last word, Ashley felt everything inside of her collapse as the news of her only sister, her best friend in the entire world, her protector registered in her mind. From the corner of her eye she could see Spencer collapse even further into the officer from the weight of the heartbreak that had landed itself unjustly in her life, her cries echoing across the porch and hitting Ashley full force, causing her knees to buckle and her composure to be lost.
"No…" she whispered, barely audible to anyone else as she leaned back against the railing, drawing her knees to her chin and clutching tightly at her twisted curls, knowing that she was now alone in this world. Her sister, her lifelong savior and kindred spirit would never return to her. She would now be forced to move through this world unguided and alone, knowing there would be no one else to ever care as much for her and love her unconditionally. Everyone else despised her and saw her for what she was at heart, a bad seed. Kyla had been the only one to ever truly look past it all and see into her very soul, loving her in spite of her flaws. The only person in this world that loved her was gone.
Spencer barely managed to compose herself enough to release the officer and nod them off, watching them leave as their apologies fell on deaf ears. Like Ashley, she immediately dropped to her knees as the pain was much too heavy to stand under, her hand coming up to muffle the sobs of unmitigated power and wipe at her endless tears.
The echo of a sob tore its way through Ashley's thoughts, breaking her from her trance as she registered just how much pain had been laced within it. It was then that she averted her eyes towards its source, having been unable to form any kind of emotion other than shock by that point. Her wide eyes gazed upon the broken woman across the porch from her, hunched over and clutching her stomach with dirty blonde hair spilling out from a loose bun. Tears were falling freely, crashing to the wooden floor as her breathing became erratic and strained. It was the look of pure and utter heartbreak. She could feel her own heart break for her sister's family in that moment and suddenly something was much more important than her own grief. Ashley wasted no time in putting her own pain on the backburner and, for the first time in her life, putting someone else's needs ahead of her own.
She couldn't explain it.
Quickly she crossed the porch on her hands and knees, desperately needing to console the broken woman before her. She had just received news of losing her sister; but Spencer had lost her wife, the woman she had intended to spend the rest of her life with, her soul mate and the mother of her children. She reckoned that Spencer's pain was running much deeper than hers at the moment and would hurt much greater in the long run. She was completely unsure of how she was even able to rationalize this at a moment as hard as this one, but it felt in her heart to be the right thing to do. She could cry and mourn her sister after she made sure that sister's family would be okay. It was the least she could do after all Kyla had done for her. She would make it her prerogative to be there for them first and foremost.
In only a matter of mere seconds, Ashley's arms were sliding around the crouched woman, softly cradling her to her chest as her shaky hands smoothed over her hair, her mind searching for anything to do or say. But what was there to say? What could possibly make this moment hurt any less for her? She was so horrible at being there for anyone emotionally. She'd never really had to. All of her life she had remained at an arm's length to people, never really allowing them to get close with the exception of Kyla.
"She's…" Soft broken words left her lips as she shook in Ashley's surprisingly steady arms. "I… She…"
She could barely get her mind to form a coherent thought as her breathing increased and her pants became ragged and shallow, her head spinning from dizziness as she averted her gaze from one spot to the next, completely unsure of what to think or say. All she could do was lean into the warm envelope Ashley had created for her.
"I know… I know…" Ashley softly muttered with jagged breaths in response as a lone tear fell from her eye, her hands running their paths down a trembling back, hoping to transfer any kind of strength she could muster. She clenched her jaw and steeled herself, needing to remain strong for this family in their time of hardship. Kyla would want that of her. She would want her to make sure that Spencer was okay. To Kyla, her wife and family was everything; and Kyla had been everything to her.