He could feel it, hot and heavy against his thigh, but he left it there, ignored it, did his best to forget it. Of course, it made it the only thing he could think about.

The crystal refracted the light, the small rainbow skittering across the rough oak of the bar. The water of the ice melted and mixed with the amber scotch, eddying about like wisps. He snarled at it, and slammed the drink back into his throat and swallowed harshly. "Just past two AM." He answered after sucking in a cool breath to chase the heat of the drink.

Winter was quiet, she was always quiet between questions. Each moment felt like it was stretching out, each pulse hammering a moment after it should have. His breath stuttered, his hands shook.

He held two fingers up at the barkeep. A moment later their glasses were refilled, the first drink hit, and things began to still. Time, began to still. "Was she…"

"She was already dead by the time I got there. Nothing I could have done." He wished he could believe himself. He wondered if she did. He wondered if she blamed him. She should. Maybe if he had gotten there a few minutes earlier, if only he had…

"I'm sorry," She whispered, he barked out a laugh.

"What the fuck for?" This is my fault.

"I've seen my share of death, any Specialist has… "

"You going to tell me it gets easier?"

"I wouldn't lie to you. It's like getting hit in the stomach over and over with a hammer every time."

"Been there before… It was better than this." Jaune muttered under his breath.

"I'd take waterboarding training over this any day." Winter agreed, before looking up from her drink and over at him with those eyes. Those glacial blue eyes, just like hers. "But you get used to it. The pain."

"You're talking like I haven't been through this before."

"Have you?" Even behind the haze of nicotine and boos, her eyes were sharp. Clear. Just like Weiss' always were. "Friends are the hardest to watch go."

"Yeah… Friends." It was the ghost of a memory long since forgotten, of pale skin and crimson lips, of soft touches and the hard crashing of lips.

He squeezed his eyes shut, fought down the catch in his throat, failed, and burned it in the fiery liquid he so desperately sought. Maybe he couldn't beat it, maybe he could drown it out.

"She… spoke of you sometimes. You two were close, after Beacon, weren't you? Even as the others went their own ways."

"Pyrrha and I live in Vale, Weiss laid her head to rest each night in Atlas. I guess we were as close as two people half a world away could be."

"But you always came to see her, didn't you? When you were in town?"

He picked the glass up, swirled the ice around. Raised his hand for another. "Not always," The admission made him want to rip himself apart. "I hadn't seen her for… too long."

He could smell the tobacco on her breath, the hint of it underneath volatile alcohol that stained her lips. Alcohol to numb the pain. "Oh," And she drank. "She never mentioned… She talked about you as if you still kept in touch. I remember she told me once about a night you two went to the CCT, after hours, when no one else was around. Just sat and watched the stars…"

The wind gusted strongly, so high above the ground, but they were shielded from the rest of the world, a thousand feet above it all. A few thick blankets all that stood between their skin and the stars.

"It was a good night," He smiled, he couldn't help it, and then it vanished, and there was nothing but the taste of ash in his mouth.

I'm sorry, he whispered, wanting to hold her, wanting to tell her just how sorry he was, wanting her to know that if he could go back, not do, never do it, he would in a heartbeat. Put his touch was poison, he hurt anyone near him. He'd give anything to go back. But how… How...

So he had to watch her body heave and wrack as she sobbed…

"I'm glad you were still friends, that at least she had someone." Winter was growing quiet. Maybe it was the booze, maybe she was tired, maybe the buzz was wearing off. Jaune didn't answer. He couldn't. After a while, she stood. "I'll see you in the morning, rest tonight, Jaune Arc. It's an open casket."

Ice white face, blank eyes staring at him without seeing, scarlet dripping down and mixing and spreading through the water splashed all over-

Her heels clacked as she walked away. Jaune couldn't watch her go, it was too familiar. He stared down at his glass instead, trying to ignore the weight in his pocket, the slight pressure and tug at it.

"Another one, sir?" The bartender asked.

Jaune could feel his head already starting to spin, he could feel his thoughts slowing, he could feel his mind degenerating as the alcohol drowned it out. The slight tingle in his fingers fading to a fat, clumsy numbness. It couldn't spread fast enough. "Keep 'em coming." He decided.

It was six drinks and an hour later when he finally worked up the courage to pull the scroll out and check the screen. He hadn't unlocked it in days. Two days. And there it was, a banner. Unlike most, there was no picture of who had tried to get in touch with him. It was just a grey icon, same as it had been for… too long. The was just a name and a description.

One missed call.

Two days ago.

From Weiss Schnee.

a/n:

Here are the chapter titles:

One missed call

One apology

One mistake

One goodbye

This is how this happened

Gonna try and finish it up within a week. Seems like it won't be too popular, but that's to be expected as I'm getting back into it. Once this story is done, I'll get working on Letters and First Date again. Got a few chapters mostly done, but I want to make sure that i've got my writing legs back before setting , we're going to be doing time skips in this one because keeping things short.

Please, tear me to shreds. I need to get at least halfway gud again.

Cheers,

Unjax