[ II ] – Second Blood / Old Soldier
I see.
So that is how it is, huh? This is how things turn out in the end?
This is my loss, then.
Even though everything around me grows dark, I feel strangely calm and at peace with myself. I find it easy to reminisce on my past, evaluate my life, see if I gave myself meaning and if that ultimately satisfied me…
…is this what they mean by "having your life flash before your eyes," because I can think of no other way to describe it?
What was the life of Dan Blackmore like?
The life of a soldier…
The life of a knight…
And the life that was before any of that…
It seems as if I could not possibly reconcile any of those identities with conflicting ideologies and priorities of mine in time. And that, is why I lost.
I fought with the intentions of a decorated knight – one who values honor and grace – when I should have approached warwith the mind of a soldier, all for the sake of regaining what I had lost those many years ago when I was but a man in love.
Love…
Oh love…
As I look back on it, I realize that what I wanted was to just reclaim the past that I adored so much. It… was just a selfish, petty, trifling little wish. But there was a beauty in that simple wish. At least, that is how I surely thought.
It is nothing to boast about, it is nothing to be proud of, even. Perhaps my wish was disrespectful to the "real" desires of the other participants because of its inelegant simplicity.
But still – I thought there was beauty in it because of that.
In the end, it was not enough. I did not have the drive necessary to see my wish granted; when I lost myself in my stubborn ways I too lost sight of my own goal. I had no desire to change the world. I did not fight for the glory of my lineage. I did not fight for the power to control others. I fought not for a reputation or money or for my country or for the sake of an ideal, nor did I even fight for truths that would allow me to rediscover myself.
I did not devote myself enough.
For my wish…was weak.
Though I had experience, strength means nothing without motivation. I was so steadfast on maintaining a sense of honor throughout this War when it should have been obvious to me that honor of my kind has no place in War. My self handicaps were my own undoing, and they were the reason my pitiful goals came apart at the seams like a worn doll.
Archer, do forgive me for my actions. On the battlefield it is far too easy to forget that soldiers are still human beings with their own methods, their own hopes and dreams. Though you said otherwise at the end, I truly am sorry for what I did to you.
The irony that I have missed the forest for the trees is certainly not lost on me.
But – I still thought that there was beauty in that little wish.
…such is the delusion of an old soldier.
It is quite dark and cold now, but I feel oddly bright and warm in spite of everything.
And what I see before me now…
…is just a simple garden.
…
…
…
HEAVEN'S FEEL SCENARIO REPLICATION PROGRAM HAS FINISHED PROCESSING DATA:
~PLAYER RELIEVED OF [MASTER] STATUS~
COMMAND EXECUTED...
"Anne…"