Mordred

Characters: Mordred (mentions of various characters)

Summary: Poor Mordred, in this version he never even knew the part he was fated to play. That is the spirit of how I have written this piece, on a compulsive but sadly tragic figure.

In the end he realised it had all been a naive dream. But while it had lasted Mordred had dared to live it. There were even times when he could believe it as well. When he came back from the latest quest with his fellow Knights, enjoying the smiles that the people gave them as they galloped passed, Mordred lived the part.

But once he arrived back it was then that the feelings of doubt began to gather. Though he joined in the jokes, deep down he knew he was different. His secret blew around his mind, like a leaf in a storm. At times he longed to release the torment, but who would understand?

None of his fellow Knights knew what it was like to be an outsider, like he was. To be feared and treated with distain when all you truly wanted was to be a face amongst the crowd, to fit into a society that treated everybody the same. Why was it that he had been born different? He wondered if it was true that he was indeed cursed, like the whispers that he would hear as a child.

Yet as he grew into a young man, he felt differently. Yes the isolation still hurt, but in part that was now down to him. To put his magic aside was to him a release. It was a chance to discover himself as he truly was, without the magic weighing him down. In his younger years he'd been used and abused by those that saw his magic and power as an opportunity for themselves.

So he decided to go on a journey. A journey to discover who he was. It was during that trip that he'd heard Morgana's name mentioned, and suddenly he remembered the beautiful girl who all those years ago had taken care of him, and made sure he had escaped his imprisonment in Camelot.

Suddenly he had a desire to see her again, to actually thank her for the opportunity she'd given in. He knew he owed Arthur his life, yet he also knew Morgana was the person who'd insisted that they'd smuggled the frightened child out of Camelot. He had met her twice after that, but he was still a boy, and too young to appreciate just what he owed her.

But once he'd met her he had the shock of his life. The young woman who had showed him such compassion and caring, had developed into a demonic High Priestess who spat on about vengeance and revenge. She had truly shocked him, where was the woman who had showed him such pity, all those years ago. What had happened to make her like this he wondered.

When the warning bell had struck the look on her face told him everything he needed to know. Though he had made his mind up before then, he knew there was only one thing he could do. So he stabbed Morgana and saved Arthur, the other person that he owed so much too.

There was the problem though, at times Mordred felt like a child caught between two warring parents. Each would pull at him making him feel wretched about the other one that he had rejected. In siding with Arthur and becoming a Knight he felt honoured but he could still not forget Morgana.

Whenever he met her she was so full of hate, too much hate for him to be comfortable with. But then suddenly it all changed, when his love re-entered his life. Even thinking about her now, Mordred could feel a huge sense of loss and hopelessness. From the moment Kara re-entered his world his life changed direction. She was always someone who would challenge him, and that's exactly what she did. She could not understand why he'd become a Knight. You don't belong here she had said, and he then realised she wasn't telling him anything he didn't already know. It was just that he kept the doubts hidden, just like he'd kept his magic hidden the last few years.

The one beacon of life though was Arthur. A man who had accepted Mordred into a world he could belong to. Even when Kara was arrested he wasn't unduly alarmed. He felt sure he could get through to Arthur. He was so sure he'd understand when he begged for Kara's life. Wasn't Camelot built on second chances after all, wasn't Arthur himself the prove of that statement? Not for one moment had he expected Arthur to turn him down, when he begged for Kara's life.

When Arthur did just that, Mordred could feel the his life was caving in. Suddenly nothing made any sense any longer. Instead of looking into the face of Arthur his friend, he looked into the face of a stranger. As he blinked back his tears and left the room he knew he could only do one thing.

Escaping with Kara had only proved a false dawn, suddenly they were back in Camelot locked in the cells and awaiting their fate. For a second Mordred felt his life turn full circle. Back in Camelot facing possible execution, and still he had no idea who he truly was.

Briefly he thought of Merlin, the one person whom he felt would understand, but in truth he never did. From the first day they had met, Merlin wore the look of distrust on his face. The distrust had grown since Mordred had become a Knight. He realised they had never had a chance, and yet he still didn't know why.

As he held Kara's hand that night taking in her eyes and the face that was so dear to him, he could only hope the end would come fast. If this was to be his last night he just hoped he would find some peace, after the unending search for fulfilment in his wretched life.