Chapter 2:
Imperfections, Jealousy, Anger, Betrayal
-x-
If the title sounds familiar to you, make a guess where I actually got that from and you win a cookie. (I'll FedEx it to you)
-x-
Levi wakes up in an utter very, very different feeling.
He blinks as he sees the ceiling of the infirmary, realizing where he was in. He can't move his body, he feels numb all over and very heavy, and incomplete, as though something is wrong within him.
He tried to move his hands and feet, and realized that is what made him feel so incomplete. He lost half of his left arm and three-fourths of his right leg. They were all covered in thick bandages and even some part of his body is.
This can't be happening.
He's the World's Strongest Soldier, but the fuck that just happened?
All of a sudden, like a gust of fast wind and of lightning during that night, he remembered. When he was trying to prepare himself to fight the horde of titans coming, under that fucking heavy rain, he heard a gurgling voice still coming from the fallen and sinking wagon. Realizing what it was, he immediately went to save the kid underneath it, not realizing a few titans coming from the other side was already lurking and immediately grabbed him after he was able to pull the kid out. But the rain made him unable to move, just too slippery to properly balance himself and even had some of the watered soil turn into thick mud. There were four fucking titans about to eat them alive and as he moved too poor and running out of time, the giant flesh eaters were able to lunge on him, grab him and bit his arm and leg just even before someone was able to kill those titans as his flesh was slowly being pulled out from his very body, bones crushing, tear painfully as he screamed in pure pain and agony. He did recalled shouting in horrible pain, the very worse pain that he ever felt in his entire life and most of all, it's all too slow, too hard to endure.
"Hey…"
It was Hanji, and her eyes were very red from crying. She managed to change her clothes into a plain shirt and some pants. She's shaking as she opened the door, trembling like she was the world's saddest woman. Levi suddenly found himself having a hard time to breathe; he never wanted to witness Hanji crying, most especially if he is the reason why she's crying.
She approached him, as he can't say anything, no words coming out from his slightly opened mouth. His breathing hard, nostrils flared.
"Levi…." She muttered as she approached him, crawled on top of him, careful not to hurt him or even put her whole weight on him. She looked into his eyes, tears falling and she immediately wiped them as she tried to put on a smile, making her feel like some scary lunatic whose mouth is shaky and is about to put on a horrible laugh.
"You look like a total shit, Hanji" and then her forceful smile was gone and was changed by dam of tears as she hugged Levi carefully by the neck, feeling like he is some kind of huge teddy bear being wrestled by Hanji as she settled carefully on top of him.
Her hug was a huge thing for him, feeling alive now and complete once again, a feeling that she alone can only give to him. It bothered him to see her cry like hell again though.
"I was so scared Levi…" she whispered onto his ear, not letting go of him.
"I thought I'd never see you again." Hanji caressed his hair as her nose nuzzled his face. Levi moved his head and gave her a small, weak kiss on the cheek.
"That's the most inaccurate hypothesis of yours that I've ever heard." Hanji let out a small laugh and took another light kiss from his mouth.
"You're blood were spilling so fast I thought you'll die of blood loss." She managed to smile, but tears were still in her eyes. And then he remembered the time that he was so scared when Hanji was flown through the air by a deviant titan, sending her and Moblit into some rocky grounds as she hit her head and scratch her face badly by the rocks. Levi's heart was beating so fast that time that he thought he was already having a palpitation. He knows that what Hanji is feeling right now too.
"Well, I didn't." He wanted to hold her waist and pull her closer to him for another hug for a tighter one but only had his right arm clung into her waist as the left managed to only land on it, not being able to hold her waist entirely. Levi felt stupid and awkward that he frowned and tried again. He wanted to pull her close to him so bad.
Realizing what he wanted to do, Hanji smiled, let his still perfect right hand hold her left waist as she hold his severely damaged left arm by her right hand and smiled to him.
"Nothing will change Levi, nothing will change" she murmurs to him as she played her fingers on hhis hair as she hugs him lightly, making them both feel a little better.
Seeing how she held his left, incomplete arm and his right hand on her waist made him shudder. It looks fucking disturbing and just wrong. He can't believe that it happened to him.
"Yeah, and I thought that this is some shitty dream." Hanji kissed his cheek and continued to caress his arms, tracing them like she always does.
"You lost one third of your entire blood Levi" her voice changed from the sudden cheeriness into a dead and low one. "I feared you might never make it" she whispered in his ear again, hugging him sweetly tighter.
That just happened to me? He never thought such a thing could possibly happen to him too. He didn't said anything anymore since he knew perfectly that Hanji told him that he is still human and capable of getting ripped apart by a titan, that she was right about being kept reminded. He looked at her eyes, grabbed her hair by his right hand as ahe pulled him closer, having her forehead glued to his and shut his eyes.
"I thought I won't be able to stuck my tongue into your mouth again" A small smile crept onto Hanji's face as Levi whispered that to her ear, sending shivers into her spine. She knew what he means more than just that.
"Are you sure? Or you just might missed being inside me all over?" she said in a seductive tone as she brushed her nose to his.
"I just can't imagine though. We might look shit when we do some fucking time together" he smirked, can't believe that she still sees him as a whole and not as a dysfunctional husband.
"Wanna try it right now?" Hanji started to kiss his neck, making him feel like bursting and hard, wanting to torture her with kisses and hard pumping, actually too scared of being taken away or break away from her this very moment.
"Hanj" he muttered. He thought that he'll never be able to say that new nickname that he uses for her, which Hanji finds really adorable and sweet of him.
"Hmm?' her breath on his neck made him tremble as her whisper made him want to kiss her harder and start working on it at this very moment.
"…you're making me feel hard" they stared at each other for a few seconds and Levi started again. "It's not fucking okay Hanj"
"Why?"
"Because I still feel pain allover"
"Oh! Did I hurt you at all? You should've told me earlier!" Hanji thought that she was already placing her weight on himtoo hard that he's already having a hard time keeping her on top of him and moved quickly away from his body when she was stopped by his sudden right hand, gripping on her wrist, not letting her go. She find it amusing that he still have that strength, to think he almost lost all of his blood.
"My broken parts hurts, yeah, but not the other." He gave her a smirk, reassuring her that everything is still okay.
"Alright," she started with her flirtatious voice again, touching his arm down to his leg, making him twitch in such seductive torture of his wife, missing her, fearing he might never kiss or hug her again, enjoy everything and-
Erwin suddenly bursted into the room, opening widely for the other Recon Corps members to see that Hanji is on top of Levi, caressing him.
"Ahhhh." Erwin was so surprised but said it calmly as he gave them a smile, happy to see that Levi is now awake and Hanji already stopped crying. "Sorry about that, Danchou" Erwin gave them a warm smile before closing the door once again at them.
Levi smirked as Hanji returned to nuzzle at her beloved husband's cheek, "What can you say about a cup of tea, heichou?" Levi fixed the way that he was sitting, letting Hanji adjust on top of him and gave her a warm quick kiss on the lips.
"That would be nice, Danchou" and smiled despite some pain that he can feel in some parts of his newly torned body.
-x-
Levi was very beyond happy to feel that his wife sees him as who he still is, and makes him feel that he is not a burden to her and to their marriage life. No matter, even if Hanji succeeds to not making him feel that way, he can still sense and see it. She lost weight and seemed more stressed out, and he can't even help her. From being the new Danchou, her duties doubled as even becoming his wife, her duties to him doubled as swell. He knows perfectly that she can still manage to handle everything but the way he sees her being too tired and shit, he can't feel but even more badly guilty.
From the moment she wakes up, she would prepare their breakfast for tehm both and have it prepared by their bedside table so Levi can have an access to it. She would take a bath, fix a couple of things before leaving since Levi can no longer clean the house and whether he won't say it, she knew that letting their house go unclean irritates him. Just placing a few things back to its place or folding a few clothes or even dusting and sweeping the floor lightens them up, him most especially.
If he is already awake, he would watch how his wife roam around their tiny house, trying not to stress out, giving her best to give him a smile and assuring him that she is and everything is alright. Hanji forbids him to say it but it sure sucks not to move and help around, feeling helpless at all cost. Hanji would share breakfast with him, feeding him as she place a spoon on his mouth rather fast since she is quite in a hurry but still wanted to attend to him.
"I can eat on my own you know," he once told her, "My right arm is still fucking perfect" waving his hand in front of her face.
"Yeah but I have to make sure that you really ate and properly well, you short sexy butt" giving him a quick kiss on the lips as she took their plates and bowls to the sink and wash it up. Hanji still has the sanity to pull a few names on him as it never failed to make both of their lips curl into a smile to guarantee that they are still in their normal days and to somehow make him feel okay and less worried about her.
Once everything was already okay, she would leave, as she completes wearing her uniform.
"I'll be back tonight okay?" and gives him a long sweet kiss on the mouth, making his heart ache since he would be alone again once she steps out.
I love you he wished saying to her but would softly say to himself every time, just to show her some gratitude over her eternal love for him even if it's causing her to get tired a lot but he still can't, not even if they're already married. The words makes him feel sick, even if Hanji says it most of the times. Not that he didn't wanted her to hear him say it or he doesn't want her to hear it coming from him or some other shit, something just bothers him that if he says it to her again, she would get tired of him saying it to her or be reminded of how much he loves her, and he didn't want that to happen.
He did said it before, once actually, when he proposed and softly told her those three sweet tortuing words and he swear that it took all of his strength to say it to her. Not that she doesn't deserved to be bestowed by those three words by him but he fiind those words rather precious and needs to be yearned for and not be mentioned all of the time. She'll just might get tired of hearing it always too. Words are just a bitch. Actions are better for his taste.
But deep inside his very heart, it beats only for her, telling her with every heartbeat that he lives for her, telling her with every heartbeat how much he loves her.
"I promise not to be that late." And waves at him. She was also already cutting her time just to attend him at night once they got married but even have to cut her time at her duties even earlier when he lost his arm and leg. He knows she shouldn't so she can finish more things but she insist, telling him that she can continue it at their home but she never really does since she takes care of him rather than continuing her papers and research. She's sacrificing too much for him when he doesn't seem to have offered anything to her at all.
Seeing his wife getting all stressed out and messy makes him urges to heal his self-up quick and as soon as possible so he could attend his wife's needs and assist her. Even if he doesn't know how exactly since he lost three fourths of his left arm and right leg. The doctors had said that he still can't practice walking or help himself lift up since his wounds are still open and not yet recovering and that if he forces his self to stand up, the wounds just might open again which is not a very nice idea at all.
Levi is not totally left at home all alone since Hanji had assigned some rookies, alternately attending to the late captain and assisting him all around, mostly males so he won't have a hard time if he needs to go to the bathroom.
It was tough shit for him, struggling with his left leg as his right arm balances his upper body. He looks and feels strange, as he can't afford to make a step on his own without any help from anyone, since he can't even take a couple of steps since he only have one foot to do so. Some really fucked up shit he have to endure and he can't even guarantee if he can go back to being normal again.
When he and some attendant were alone in the house, he would sleep like hell as the attendant will help clean the house, most especially if Hanji could no longer clean before leaving and then prepare him some food. Levi would usually ask about how Hanji was doing and the Recon Corps as well but the poor rookies were still too scared to answer him properly even if he looks like an incomplete gingerbread man.
When the night time falls, he would be torn between happiness and worriness since Hanji is about to arrive.
As much as he wanted to tell her that she should spend more time at the lab or on her office, they knew perfectly well that he needs her even more. He waited the entire day without basically doing anything at all just to feel her long embraces, her soft and sweet kisses and heartwarming cuddles. On the opposite side, despite of flashing tons of smiles at him once she gets home, he would still unfortunately witness how troubled and stressed she is from her duties in the Recon Corps, handling meetings, thinking of new strategies and shit for their missions outside the walls, signing papers, checking her men, think about her experiments and research and then, be a full time wife for him. It crushes his heart to see her sweating and panting and trying to wipe it with her bare hands as she opens the door to their room and hugs and kisses him right after. He wished to be more greedy but he can't, he's not the only who needs her but a lot more people as well too.
He loves her too much and he never asked this to happen to him and their marriage too.
"Hey Levi" it was almost nine that she got home and she still need to make dinner for them as she quickly thanked the rookie looking after Levi and sends him off nicely.
"How was your day?" she asked kissing him on the lips and them making her way to the kitchen, not even bothering to remove her uniform.
"Sleep as usual." He replied as his eyes, never leaving her busy form.
"Hmmm."
"How was yours?"
"Well, it's tiring. I just attended to the new members of the Recon Corps from the latest set of trainees and then had a short meeting for the King"
"About what?"
"About our plans for this year with the new recruits" she smiled at him as she looked at him by her shoulder.
It was amazing how she never lose the will to fight and live, even if her husband just got bitten by some oversized freaks, and Levi blurted it out accidentally.
"Why?" Hanji turned around, looking at him as she finishes cooking their dinner. Levi suddenly blurted out his thoughts, and he regrets it. He has never known someone capable of such massive love, most especially towards him.
"Why what?"
"Why do you still attend to my needs when you can just ask the rookie to cook and feed me?"
Hanji's smile grew weak. "Because having dinner with my husband is something I couldn't just remove in my schedule and craved for the entire afternoon." He smiled. She's too thoughtful when she can just do whatever it is that she wants and leave him be. Besides, they've had other people to assist him but no. "I always busied myself thinking of what good menu I can cook for you every dinner" and continues with her cooking.
"You're stupid. You know you shouldn't anymore and work is more important." He can't believe that he is saying that but it's the truth, most especially that she is the new Danchou, but not being with her also torments him like hell. But he knew perfectly that she must do her duty before attending to him yet she never did once considered the thought of no longer attending to his needs.
"Aren't you getting tired at all?"
She stopped and approached him slowly when she saw concern and worry is written across his face, seeing that he removed his eyes on her made her come to conclusions that he is feeling guilty about his sudden accident, that he is like another burden for her.
She caressed his cheek and smoothened his hair as she lovingly smiled at him and pressed her nose to his. "No, never. I'll never get tired of you"
"Tch." He shuddered his nose away and looked at the other side where she's not there. How can she even take doing such a thing? "Why, Hanji?" he meets her eyes once again.
"Because you are my husband, you might be forgetting that, Levi. And you alone is my dwarf, sexy butt husband, and even if there'll be thousands of duties I needed to attend to, my duty for you will never be left undone." She stood up and took a last trace on his face. She didn't want it to sound cheesy but that's how she feels and believes in, and there's no other words or way how to tell it to him.
He slowly took her hand and pressed it on his cheek, wanted to be reminded of the warmth that she never fails to give. She's right, he might be forgetting the fact that he is her husband, not just someone who she can easily ignore and forget.
He smiled at her, "dinner might get burned, Four Eyed Wife." And he pulled her down to kiss her lips.
Even if he looks like some man who was just eaten by some jungle freaks, making him feel the most unfortunate man in the world, he just can't seem to think of the unfortunate event with her by his side. Having an awesome and dedicated wife like her still makes him feel that he is blessed more than anyone else.
-x-
It was not long after a few months and Hanji decided that she would need to replace Levi for the mean time in the Corps. She did not had a hard time though since a newbie came in just in time for her replacing her husband's place in the Recon for the while. The idea was not really comforting to her, most especially that she sees that Levi is the only Strongest Soldier on earth.
Recently, Levi has been practicing how to balance with only his left foot as his right hand tries to balance his entire self entirely along the walls or whatever furniture he might get a grab a hold on to. He's doing great about it but he still can't get the feeling of looking ridicoulously funny out of his mind, most especially if a rookie who is in charge to look after him is in charge to help him learn to balance his self out. When Hanji has a few times to spare, most especially on Sundays, she would pick him up, have his arm attached to her and help him walk again as he balance by his still perfect hand. Instead of feeling funny to himself, he feels oddly excited, like a child amazed in the wonders of walking as he is being guided by Hanji. She doesn't complain nor give him odd looks but laughs over small things like when he suddenly accidentally trips over or loses balances and he ended up grabbing her breast until she managed to pull him up again.
Sometimes, he would accidentally pull her along with him everytime that he would fall, having her land on top of him. They would look to each other in the eyes and then she would roll with him on the ground, as they ended up having Levi on top of hers. It'll make them laugh so hard and tired that Hanji will then fall asleep into his arms.
A man named Chris was promoted to Levi's place, showing high results and records that Moblit was able to gather and have Hanji see. Not long after he was promoted, he was successful enough to perform his exquisite and accurately sharp moves, killing more than ten titans in the hour of their mission. Hanji was beyond happy to have acquired someone like him which would be a very great help for the sudden accident of Levi, but somehow, still not yet rest assured of the guy.
He is not Levi.
Second, Levi is a better leader than him, no doubt about it. It took only a couple of months and Hanji has been hearing that in the field, this Chris guy is like a kid who wanted all of the ants to be killed all to himself. Hanji even heard from his team that he always sound too high and mighty and that he ask them to do a lot of things and boss around. Too much courage and fighting spirit, she guesses? But she can't do anything about it, he's the only one who seemed perfect for the job and instead talked to him nicely about treating his squad properly, carefully not mentioning his squad's feedback about him.
Third, there is something bothering about him. The way he looks, touches and even talks to Hanji was different. Most especially the way he smiles at her, it gives her the creeps. She didn't want to tell Levi about it, fearing he might ask Moblit to do something to protect her, or even better, have the guy killed. Levi can be pretty nasty and unpredictable once he gets jealous.
It was a Sunday and everyone has a day off from the Corps, and Hanji was happy enough to spend that day with Levi entirely. She made fruit juice and some little pasta with little chicken chunks for their lunch. It was a very fine day, and they had it a picnic outside.
Levi was already great progress in his recovery, having his cuts and major injuries recovered, including his cut arm and leg heal its open wound, and now needed everyday clean change of its bandages. Hanji was more than willing to do it for him every single morning before she goes to work, even giving him massages as she change his bandages because sitting in bed all day makes his muscles ache for no good damn reason. Another duty for her too, he sighs.
Hanji hugged Levi by his back, tracing his still hard chest by her fingers, making him shiver all around as he leaned on her chest, his head by her neck his right hand is caressing her hair as well.
They could only go outside together very, very less than before they could have. If they only knew that Levi would end tragically like a human biscuit, then they should have spent outside together, just caressing and holding each other like this.
"Levi…"
"Hmm?" her tone changed suddenly, not knowing why wherein they were just talking some minutes ago about funny stuffs that the rookies had done in the Corps, making them both stir some laughter.
"You'll be back into a perfect shape, I promise." Her voice was too serious for him to crack something up.
"How can we be sure about that?"
"I just know" She whispered into his ears.
"Look, I don't want to break it up to you or anything, I know your vision may be a bit blurry but I know you're not blind that I have been torn literally, having incomplete parts of my body and I don't have any single idea how I can be back to perfect shape." Levi should help her accept the reality that he would no longer get his missing parts back, but hearing her talk like this all the time will not help them accept the reality of what had happened and might even spark an argument between them more than they might expect it. So before that happens, he should do something to have accept the reality.
"Han"
"Hm?"
"Stop worrying about me most of the time. Worry about yourself even once in a while" now it's his turn to have his voice become serious.
"Why is that?"
"You're too busy thinking of the Recon Corps and taking care of me that you forget to take care of yourself" Levi squirmed under her embrace, angled his self carefully so he can hold her face, even if the other hand fails to do so, and face her. "I can't take care of you like before, most espcially if you'll get sick, and I can never forgive myself if you do happen to get sick".
A small smile crept on her face and intertwined her fingers to his perfect hand as her other hand hanged on to his other crippled hand. "I'll be okay Levi, as long as you stay by my side and tell me how shitty I am" and she giggles.
Levi didn't know what else to reply so he kissed her softly and lovingly into her mouth, his lips caressing hers, as his tongue explored and battled hers. He misses her; miss having this kind of things between them because no matter, even if every night and morning they'll be with each other, they won't be able to do something extraordinary or fun at all since she was too tired already. She may deny it but Levi is not stupid to not see and feel it.
"You know I love you right?" she asks, cupping his face.
He hugged her, capturing her in soft and securing embrace. "You don't need to remind me that, I know it by my fucking heart." He felt her trembling under his embrace, wondering why.
He pulled her a bit away so he can look at her through her eyes again. "Something wrong?"
She didn't respond right away, her eyes turning to somewhere else, keeping away from locking eyes with him. He didn't take this as a good sign, even just her delayed response.
"Well, it's about this Chris guy"
Levi's right eye twitched involuntarily, suddenly changing his soft touch to her into a little bit more intense.
"What did he do?"
"Nothing really. He just, gives me the creeps, that's all" she tried to smile but seeing her husband was not happy about the news, it quickly dissolved in her face.
"You looked bothered by it. How does he give that creepy feeling to you?" lifting her chin so she would forcefully look at him.
She choked. "His approaches towards me are different than the way he does towards the other girls around."
"How'd you say that?"
"He has a habit of touching my arm, caressing it then he would whisper to my ear of his concers." Levi didn't moved, feeling surprised and wanting to kick the guy, even if he only intends to tell her something that is related to their work.
"I know it's nothing but it still creeps me out, to think he knows that I am already married."
"I'll cut his arms and legs once I see him" he was not looking at her, his voice flat and monotone, breathing her scent as he rest his face onto hers.
She giggled, embracing him back. "I won't stop you if you'll do that."
"Good." And he kissed her forehead.
Somehow, without him by her side seventy percent of their everydays, he is confident that Moblit would take care of her for him and watch over was able to call for Moblit the following day after hearing Hanji's words. He was happy to hear that Moblit does drive the Chris guy away but he still manages to seduce Hanji if he's not around.
"I will keep a closer eye on him" Moblit finally says.
"Good." The only thing that Levi managed to say after sipping his cup of tea, prolonging an awkward silence between them.
"Tell me Moblit, how is my wife doing aside from being harassed by that asshole?" his boring in his.
Moblit knew of every plan and things that Hanji does and tells him that "she's been busy with lots of things, Heichou"
"I know that. Does she still eat lunch?"
Moblit stood still. "Sometimes, but mostly, she'll complain that she's not hungry and that she needs to finish whatever it is that she needed to finish"
"How about when you're outside the walls?" Levi felt a sudden tug in his heart. Whenever they are to go outside the walls, Levi can't help himself but feel overly concern and scared for Hanji. What if something went wrong and she might get in trouble? What if she gets injured or left alone? He can't stop the questions in his mind, but he tries to calm himself thinking that since she is the Danchou, she will be still highly protected with their soldiers.
He can't imagine losing her there, without even fully do everything with her just yet. He just can't lose her, and it rips him apart whenever he have to wait for long fucking days without even having to touch her hair or even just kiss her quickly by the lips. He'll never forgive his self if something bad happened to her.
But after waiting for their mission to finish, she would get back first to him, just to reassure him that she is fine that she too is also longing for his embrace and kisses but needed to go quickly to her office to submit and check all the information of what had happened in their recent mission, much to Levi's dismay. Sometimes, he just wished time to stop time even for a while just so he can spend more time with her without worrying over a single shit to be done.
"well," Moblit started, getting Levi back into reality. "She's doing alright outside, the same as usual. Fighting courageously, keeping a close look over everyone"
He remembered the times when Levi was still alright, that they see themselves like Hanji is the mother of the Recon Corps as Levi is the father, making sure their 'kids' are all okay. He would then grab and bend her, kisses her long enough so that even if they don't get to see each other during the mission, they are confident that they'll return home towards each other eventually. The brats may see them do that before they separate going outside the walls, but they can't help but smile over such lovely scene.
"Okay, just make sure she won't die" he added, his throat going dry by the last word. He can't help but worry about her in there, even if he trust him big time that she can actually defend herself. But she is still human and accidents could happen, just like what had happened to him.
"Of course Heichou" and Moblit left the man as he sleeps, waiting for night time to come just to be with his wife.
-x-
"Danchou, you look tired." A seductive voice of Chris came into Hanji's ears as his hands crept on her face, removing all the hair had spattered in her forehead and into her face. His touch was eerily gentle for her to feel, and it made her feel molested in odd number of ways.
"No no, I am alright" Hanji mumbles as she shoved his hand away from her face. She fixed her hair and brushed her eyes before cleaning her glasses. She was suddenly stopped from what she was doing when a hand tugged into her hair.
Such action was very important to her since it was only Levi who does that to her, and it was his notable gesture to her, only his, only Levi's. He wondered how many minutes was Chris already inside her office and where in the world Moblit was.
She stood up and walked away from Chris and faced the mirror, her hair falling above her shoulders and fixed it herself. She didn't like the way of how he approached her, feeling quite too close to her. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she turned to face him, fixing her hair.
He does look charming, taller than her with hair black with a little shade of brown.
"I just came to ask you something, Danchou" his voice was cold and a bit flirty, taking a sit on a nearby chair.
"Hurry and ask it out. I would be in a meeting with the Military Police"
"That's nice"
"I am serious" Hanji was getting pissed. She doesn't have time to entertain some conversation with a no-good-flirty-recon-member at the moment.
"I heard something."
Hanji frozed, her back still on Chris, not facing him.
"Heard what?"
Chris chuckled before letting out a deep, long sigh under his nose. He approached Hanji and held her by her shoulders with both of his hands, massaging them as they give her a shiver along her spine. She could completely feel him behind her, his chest glued to her back and she could swear that his pants is pressed too hard onto her ass.
He nuzzled on to her cheek, smelled her scent as his nose hit her ears. He was looking at their reflection on the mirror and the way Hanji sees it gave her an angry feeling and her blood run wildly along her veins. "I heard your husband fucked Petra before he even gets to propose to yah" and smirked devilishly in their reflection by the mirror. He loved teasing her and see her act how uncomfortable she is when he is doing that. Some bastard he was.
Hanji freaked out. In a heartbeat, he slapped Chris right in the face too hard that she feared that her hand's skin turned to red immediately. It stung Chris' face as his hand immediately fell on his now warmed and pained cheek, feeling it slowly underneath his touch. He did not maintained a far distance from Hanji, and the moment he tries to focus on harassing her, she had a knife under his chin.
"What the fuck are you saying, captain?" Her eyes were sharp, looking at him directly in the eyes, tensed but tears were already starting to form in her eyes. He didn't know where it came from but he sure is that it will kill him sooner.
Chris grinned at her. "You heard me, Danchou." He could completely tell that she is really bothered about what he had just said.
"So you want to know eh?" His voice is still flirty, as though he is not scared of dying under her hands.
Hanji glared at him, threatening him with her knife, making its way towards his neck.
"Ask Olou. He knows what and how to tell you." He delivered it flatly on her face, and hoped she will do what he just said.
He turned his back on her and left her office as Hanji didn't run after him to stab him right in the ass but remained standing, her knife still clutched under hand, her breathing starting to become slow but she can feel tense within and her heart starting to beat fast, in contrast of her slow, shallow breathing.
She stared at the sun, still up in the middle of the day, it's light nor heat not helping to her feel any better.
"Levi..." the only thing she was able to mutter under breath.
What was Chris saying? How in the world could he have heard such thing? Was it true?
It couldn't be. Levi will never ever do such a thing towards her and their relationship, even if they were still not married before, he just can't. She clung on the edge of the table and tried to pull her shit up together. She better steadies herself and prepare for the meeting but she can't get the feeling and thought away. Why was she feeling even feeling scared even if she knew it was not true?
She blinked rapidly, wiped all the sweats on her forehead and laughed to herself of such foolish thought. Levi loves her, and she is sure of that. There will be no way for him to do such a thing towards her.
"Danchou, we need to go to the meeting" Moblit knocked and entered her room; some papers were on his hand.
She tried to smile at him, but her smile was too shaky that Moblit didn't even miss to witness it.
"Are you alright Danchou?" he asked.
"I am. Let's go before we even arrive there late." He nodded, but he could swear that something is bothering her and that she is not telling.
Hanji had sworn that right after this meeting, she will ask Moblit to tell Olou to come to her office.
-x-
Olou told her everything he knew, feeling she deserved to know and feel the same thing that he had when he first found out about Petra and Levi's scandalous night. Olou was very sorry but also in pain when told Hanji and find it difficult to finish everything that he needed to say. He had a hard time trying to keep it from her, but he's got no other choice when Hanji took a hold of his harness and pulled him up, almost killing him out of his breath.
"Petra told me everything because I asked her to." Tears were forming into his eyes when he started, "She did not like telling it to me but I told her that I'll understand because I am her husband. I can't just let her say that 'I have a secret to hide from you but I don't want to tell it to you because it'll break your heart'" He tells her, as Hanji can hear her heart, beating wildly inside her chest, starting to feel pain.
"It happened in the HQ when everyone was not around after having some drinking at Erwin's birthday party and then they bumped into each other. They ended up doing it inside some storage room far deep within the HQ castle that even I didn't hear after some teasing." Tears were also starting to build in Olou's eyes as well, no longer caring if Hanji is present in front of him. "But a kid named Mark was able to witness everything." Hanji was surprised by what he had said, not knowing there was still someone else involved and he didn't even told her about it.
"He was able to see and even hear everything that night, but Levi was successful enough to have this kid shut his mouth the entire time." He choked, feeling pain again in his chest. He and Petra just started dating that time and imagining her doing that to him is just a pure pain in the heart.
After pulling her shit together, she managed to flash him a very quick smile, thanks him for telling her what he knows and left. Hanji asked for Moblit to call for this kid and be at her laboratory at that same night since she didn't went home that night, crying furiously in her lab after hearing Mark's story at the HQ, sending Armin out to look after Levi instead. She's sure he'll understand (and he doesn't have any other choice either) and promised him that she'll explain right after.
Right after the meeting, Hanji already had Moblit call for that Mark kid and had Armin sent out to watch over Levi for tonight for she will be surely go home late. The moment she laid eyes on the poor trembling kid, she felt more determined to find out the truth, and this kid right before her eyes is the very answer to her huge question mark on her head. She asked what he had witnessed first and told him how she found out. The kid understands her, since she is Levi's wife and she too, deserves to know. Whatever the decision may be, he would still end up as a pulp. If he told Hanji, he's surely dead to Levi but if he didn't, then he would be slithered by Hanji. No good options anyway and he has no other choice that he is now in front of her.
"Heichou licked her breasts, and she was even wearing a black bra too. They didn't even notice me that somebody locked me in that huge storage room of 3DMGs that I was able to witness everything that had happened and just saw me after they're done." The kid explains as he starts to shiver in front of her.
"How did it start?" Hanji's eyes were starting to tear up again, but not yet ready to flow down across her cheeks. "Tell me everything" The kid's expression changed into a concerned one, feeling that he is resisting now. "It's okay" she managed to smile and swipe the tears away. "That's an order" she added, and that seemed to change the thought of the kid, straightening up, being reminded that the person on front of him is his Danchou.
"Well, after licking her entire body, he then massaged her ahm, breasts and then, they just kissed each other like some animal until they ahm, shook the entire room" The poor kid wasn't able to meet his leader's eyes, not wanting himself to get involved in such a commotion between married couples.
"And how did they shook the entire room, you say?" Damn it, the kid thought, she wanted to know each and every part of it! And he is left to no choice but to say it.
"Well, Heichou carried her and trapped her on the wall as they did it there and went behind her, and did it there too. He was all over her back too as she bends her body" His voice was low and hard, as well as his eyes meet the floor every fucking second, feeling weird and awkward as he says such a thing to his leader.
"Oh." Hanji said as she tried to maintain her serious, flat tone. "Did he say anything throughout the process?"
The kid tried to think, looking from the things on her table to the chairs present, trying to think of anything.
"It's alright okay? And I'll make sure that you won't get harmed or anything by telling this to me, I promise." Hanji encouraged, just wanting to know the entire truth.
The kid sighed, his fist curled into a ball. "He did said that she has better breasts and body" he paused checking his leader, and she seems to be tearing the table underneath her as she holds on it firmly in her grasp. "And that she is too tight and does better" she didn't blink. She is sure that she is hearing the right thing, and that this kid right here is just telling the truth. There would be no reason for him to lie or make that up. Besides, Petra already did confessed to Olou and Levi can no longer deny such fucking thing to her.
The kid was trembling in his every word, even if he tries to be careful, he is sure his words will slash Hanji anyway. "And that you're not that good in bed and can't offer anything good." His eyes were closed as he said that, feeling sorry for himself and for Hanji most especially.
The kid felt sorry as Moblit's eyes grew big, wanting to protect his leader over something unexplainable.
"Thank you" she let out a deep inhale before letting the kid go.
"I am so sorry Danchou, I never wanted to b-"
Hanji hold his shoulders, looking at him, trying to smile. "Don't be." And she allowed him to go right away, not letting him see the tears dripping off on her porcelain cheeks.
-x-
Moblit was the one to witness every little thing that Hanji does that night as she cried while doing her endless works. She was in deep pain, crying her heart out at him as she hugged him, continuously asking him 'why would Levi do such a thing' and if she's not much a great wife.
This time, she focused on about her researches and finished a couple of paper works to be submitted within the week, looking for some sponsorship from the upper classes so the Corps won't lack out of money for their everyday needs and support their experimentations and other kinds of shit.
She did manage to focus all night but she didn't manage to get her mind off from Levi and his fucking time with Petra before. She tried to imagine it but she couldn't, knowing that it will rip her heart out of her fucking chest all over again. The way she perfectly knows how he fucks and to know that it is Petra, she can imagine it with no hard concentration. She wished she'd just had a hard and find imagining difficult but she has a high functioning brain and it's tearing her apart.
It took her four consecutive days to accomplish everything, from her researches to experimentation, asking help from the others on how they would be able to successfully capture more titans and study them without losing or sacrificing a huge number of members, holding meetings, talking to the higher ups, and communicating and giving feedback to the king. She even managed to give a talk to the people within the walls, to persuade them that the Recon Corps is doing magnificently and is bound to go out for more successful missions and that they are not to fear anything anymore, especially as she visited the homes of her dead men. She was also able to talk over most of her members, from the rookies to the oldies, she managed to take some time to talk to them and encourage them and uplift their spirits. She was almost absent minded but was able to pull her shit all together so just she would accomplish a lot of important things. She was happy to attain such accomplishment in a minimum number of days, as she can still feel her heart twitch in a pain every second.
But one thing is for sure, that even if she achieved a lot in those four days, she failed to fix her broken heart everytime that Levi will cross her mind, of everything that they've done and had together. It hurt her too much that she feels like her heart is going to explode due to extreme pain any time soon. She remembers everything that they have done together, and realizing of what he had done, does he really love her at all?
She felt disrespected. As much as she thought of him all the time, pleasing him, loving and caring for him, respecting him in all aspect, and here it is, finding out that he can't return the same thing to her?
She didn't have a choice but to return to her home with Levi eventually and as her right foot touches the door step, Levi immediately raised his voice, looking to her with great concern but a bit of anguish.
"Where the hell have you been Shitty Glasses! You don't know how shitty I was while waiting for you here!" He wanted to go grab her, hug her until she falls asleep, and tell her that she overworked again and that he'll stay by her side as she sleeps. If only he could cook for her or even walk towards her, he might even carry her as she is succumb into a very tight embrace under his arms. She doesn't have any idea how excited he was to see her finally and that he's dying to know what had happened to her, stepping the anger aside for not telling him. But he can't. He always fails to deliver those kind of feelings to her, most especially now that he can't even bring to throw himself at her.
What surprised him was how Hanji looked as she enters their home.
Her eyes were blank, she was looking at the floor as she walks, her cheery aura was not felt, she looks even more tired and she lost weight. What caught his attention the most was that she entered the house as if he wasn't there—no 'hi', or 'hey' or 'I miss you' nor 'how's my husband?' nothing came out from her mouth and she didn't even looked at him.
"Hey Shitty Glasses" she didn't respond but quickly made her way at the kitchen.
"Hanj! Just in case you're forgetting something, I'm fucking here." Levi's tone was desperate, reaching out in the depths of hers, longing for her after leaving him at home with Armin for four fucking days without any idea of what or why she's not going back home yet.
She finally stops on what she is doing and slowly looked at him.
"Oh, hey." She murmurs and went back to make some soup for Levi.
Levi was surprised, he doesn't know what was happening and most especially that he just saw how puffy and red her eyes were.
"Hanj. What's wrong?" He's feeling that there is definitely, something is wrong that is bothering her. It's breaking his heart to see her acting like this. He asked gently, trying to find out if it will make her change her bad mood.
"I'm making you some potato soup." Was her only reply, grabbing a few bread from the counter to serve to him as well. It's a good thing that Armin was already gone, or else someone will witness this thing that they're about to have.
Once she have settled his food by his side, she immediately sit in opposite direction of him, staring at him blankly.
"You're not going to eat dinner with me?" he asked bluntly.
She swayed her head, and adjusted herself in her seat. Not even a tiny smile or the same vibrant eyes of her shone brightly to his.
"Something's wrong." He started, feeling nervous. "What is it about Hanj?"
"Eat first." She knew perfectly well that he won't be able to eat if she blurted things out immediately to him. She didn't blink at first as he eats the soup she had prepared and tried with all her might not to cry. She's done crying her heart out to Moblit and to the very inch of her office.
When he was done, she took the bowl and glass away, still not looking at him.
She settled herself first comfortably in her seat then slowly, voice shallow and shaky said that "I found out"
"Found out what?"
"Found out how you fucked Petra in the HQ storage room." Levi didn't move a muscle. Who the fuck would have told her about it? He had made sure that Mark kid will never say a word to anyone, but what the fuck?
He can't meet her gaze. With all the love, support and shit that she gave him, this is what he's going to give to her in return? To think that he is the one who fails to strengthen their marriage, failing to show an affectionate or caring husband to her?
"You should have told me that time. I'll understand it better, and I'll accept it gladly if you have been honest with me before." Her tone was still blank; it's as if Levi is talking to a dead person. "You don't know how painful it was to hear it coming from another person" sounding like someone who just came out of an asylum, tone and stares blank, looking over nothing. Physically present but mentally absent.
"Hanj"
"You could've explained it to me"
"Hanji"
"You didn't had any idea how it hurt me and Olou."
Was Olou the one who told her? Levi doesn't have any idea what to do now. It's breaking apart, and it's his fault.
"Hanji"
This time, despite her strong efforts not to cry, the fucking dam breaks. Her tear glands are on the work again, and it won't stop. Her hands crushed into her eyes and stayed there, as the tears made its way towards her hands as well. It was too much already but it still won't stop.
The sight of Hanji weeping, crying quietly in front of him makes him mad, mad to himself and his shittiness that is. He wanted to hug her, to embrace her with kisses and give her the tightest hug in the world but what she told him was even more painful for him to register onto his ears. What's more painful was that he remembers every bit of those words, which he did, indeed said them.
"That I was not good in bed Levi? I'm not too tight anymore?" She was sobbing hard, crying like a kid. She's having a hard time to talk due to her sobs.
"To think that you're the first one to get inside me and I am still not good enough for you?" she stood up, her hands wiping her eyes, making them red again.
"Olou and Petra's marriage is at stake. He asked permission from me to stop working for a while, and they needed to rekindle and talk a lot regarding their marriage. Most especially that they have a child now." Her tone was back to being serious, as she didn't moved in her seat.
"Levi, was I not enough?" she continued.
Levi didn't know what to say or do. He was just in there, looking at his hands, breathing heavily, feeling guilty of what he had done. His heart is breaking as he looked at her, he wanted to be punished for putting Hanji in to such a horrible state. He doesn't know what else to do but let Hanji stab him anywhere so they can call it quits but no. It was hard, real hard. How could he have do and keep such a thing from her when they were still in a relationship that time?
"We were fucking drunk Hanji! I didn't kno-"
"You may be drunk, but what you said is unbearable Levi."
"Hanji! You know it's not tru-"
"I know. I'm not stupid. Are you aware that a person can spill out everything that he cannot honestly say in front of anyone? And what you said back there is what you cannot tell in front of me, what you hid within yourself all along and instead of telling it to me, you ended up fucking one of our comrades and telling her how you find me unpleasing in bed." She sniffed and coughed, loosing enough air to inhale.
"We're already in a relationship that time, as Olou and Petra were already engaged. Me and Olou suddenly thought that if you could do that while still being in a relationship, what more when you get married where you are sure that your partners will never leave you, even if you do such nasty shit?"
She doesn't have any idea how apologetic he is, but he knew perfectly that no matter how many sorry it is that he says, it still won't do a shit to change nor lessen the anger that she was feeling. He tried to get up, succeeding in trying to balance himself but Hanji was on her way to the bathroom. He knew sorry is not enough to get her back but he doesn't know what else to say and he can't even think or do or shit.
She stopped and looked at him, giving him a cold and dead glare, "I never should have married you." Levi was caught off guard by those painful words. It hit him like lightning, too fast before he prepares his heart from crashing. It was very painful to hear, most probably the most painful thing to enter his ears. He tried to persuade himself that she was just saying that and it's not really real but fuck. What the hell did he just do to their marriage?
-x-
Once Hanji was out of the bathroom, which seemed like a whole millennia was spent there, she immediately wore her clothes and fixed a few things in bag. Levi's eyes was not leaving her as she moved.
"I'll stay in the HQ for now. Moblit is going to take care of you from now on."
He couldn't do a shit to stop her, he just couldn't do anything. He is hopeless and beyond helpless already, and he doesn't have any clue on what to do fix things up. "Please stay." He whimpers as she stopped and turned to look at him.
"For what?"
"Let's talk." He asked, his eyes, almost coming to have tears too. "Please."
After a few seconds of not moving, she went to her previous seat looking at him with serious sad eyes. And Levi can no longer bear to see her like that.
"What do you want to say?" she asked as she crossed her arms on her chest, her voice very low almost like a whisper.
Levi really didn't know what to say or how to actually start apologizing correctly. And it's driving him off the edge. "I don't want to waste my time"
"It was a mistake." He started, feeling his hands shaking.
"The what? Our marriage? Of course it is!" She laughed, looking like she's some kind of a maniac who just had loads of tears just a few moments ago and now laughing her shit out. She's already breaking down. She's losing her mind.
"No. Marrying you was not a mistake." His right fist in now turning into a hard ball.
"Because you knew that I'll never leave you once I married you? And that you can do whatever shit because you know I will never leave you anyway?"
"I love you." He said in a low whimper where sadness can be pretty much felt as he pronounced each word slowly, hoping it will reach her, wake and remind her that he really does. His eyes softened, blinking rapidly than his usual, trying to control the tears that is threatening to fall anytime soon and join her wife in crying. He just can't take another fight, another argument like this with her. This is not something he yearned for before, and it's making him sick.
There was a pause, an awkward silence and then she laughed again.
"You sure do are funny Levi. I already knew that! That you loving me is a mistake! No need to remind me that!" She held on to her stomach, laughing hysterically. Levi scrambles to his sit, wanting to touch her and calm her down, to tell her that she's just saying the very wrong that he could feel about her.
"I am serious here, Hanji. I do love you."
Hanji didn't stop laughing, and Levi feels he is already losing his mind trying to persuade her of what he really feels. It pains him to see her this way, absurd and insane.
"You didn't know how hard it was for me" trying to sound convincing as he could. When it happened, he really didn't know how and what to say to Hanji. Now, he finds himself struggling with the very same problem.
"Really? Hard? For you? To what? Fuck someone as tight as her!"
"I didn-"
"Shut the fuck up Levi!" she stood up, crying again, this time, she let the tears rolled in her cheeks, her hands no longer stopping them as they fall, letting Levi see every single drop and he could swear he can count every bit of it too and he hated every drop of it.
"I didn't know what I have done to you to treat me like this. I thought what we had been real. I did everything that I can for you, for us" her voice was shaky the entire time as Levi is also shaky, trying to balance himself but can't walk towards her.
"Hanji, please don't leave me" it was a voice of utter deception and humiliation. He's facing the floor, not having the balls to look at her. "I don't know what I needed to do for you to fix this and for you to forgive me, I know it's already done and it's pointless to bring it up and have it fixed or be forgotten but please Hanji, I am begging you, give me another chance. Please Hanj." He shut his eyes as few tears were already making their way out of eyes. Hanji was surprised to see Levi starting to cry but she was too full of anger to even hug him, even if it's really tempting.
"I love you" was all he can mutter, hoping he would trigger any kind of positive emotion from her.
She didn't moved. It may hurt leaving him but she can't live with him under a single roof for a number of days. She will need to learn how to accept what had happened and then move on completely. Then, slowly, she turned her head to meet him. "Loving someone is taking care of them, not breaking their hearts." She turned around, grabbed her things and left the crippled man standing on his own, trying to keep his balance, a tear falling on his cheek, heart shattering into pieces.
She stopped by the door and before she even lift a foot going outside, she did not even looked over him to even take a final glance and saying her last words of goodbye.
"Loving you was a complete lie and shit. Marrying you was the worst failure that I had ever made." She walked quickly, no more turning backs as Levi's heart was ripped from his chest and felt like about to die of bleeding.
It was the most painful words Hanji had ever told him, and he can't stop the quiet sobbing as she walks away in anger, away from their home, away from him, away from their marriage.
-x-
Author's Note:
I hope I didn't made it too emotional or some shit.
Happy reading and see you on the next chapter.