Part 2 of 2 : Never Been Marcused
If you told him that morning that by the end of the day he would have lost all hope for his family's situation to get better—which he had been studiously avoiding all summer, or if you told him that the situation with his father would make him turn down such a desperate path, he probably wouldn't have paid any attention.
He was good at coasting through life and not really absorbing much of what was going on around him. He knew that, and he didn't really mind. The life he was born into made him that way. For the longest time, he didn't have to worry about anything of too much importance. Everything was just handed to him. It wasn't that he expected it be; he was just so used to it that he began to take everything for granted.
So when something happened that was out of the ordinary, his first response wasn't always the right one: disbelief, anger, laughter, and sometimes, mostly…
… indifference.
Which is where the day began….
He was ready to go back to the city, anxious to meet up with Chuck. Chuck had decided to stay long enough for the White Party, but was getting out of dodge that morning. And that was all well and good with Nate.
The Mercer was located in the heart of Soho. Obviously Catherine's intent was to return to the city by the end of the week. He'd just be arriving a little ahead of time. He was fine with that because it wasn't like he'd be able to spend time with Catherine in the Hampton's now that her husband had returned.
He was just pleased that his ploy to make Catherine jealous had worked. His little summer fling wasn't ending as soon as he thought it would.
…which is why he was high on life that morning and not at all prepared for the little bomb his mother dropped.
"The federal prosecutor has taken your father's leaving town as an admission of guilt. They want us to forfeit our assets, as restitution."
"What, they want to take our money?" Nate asked, completely confused, which was why he had to spell it out in his own words to make sure he was following the conversation properly.
He didn't think it was possible for anything like that to happen. He'd never thought through the consequences for his father's actions… why should he? They weren't his actions.
"Not yet," Anne said quickly. "But they have frozen our accounts, and now they're making an inventory of everything we own."
It was all getting to be a little too much for him to follow. He didn't understand what it all meant and he honestly was so confused and just… everything was so out of left field. Apparently ignoring a problem didn't make it go away… but he still didn't quite understand that yet.
"I asked your Granddad for help," his mother continued.
"Wait, you told Grandpa?" he asked, beyond flabbergasted. He hadn't seen his grandfather in quite a while. After the shit had hit the fan over his father's embezzlement and fraud charges, he'd been too concerned with helping his family get through the mess than to spend his time with a man who would only put his father down in his presence.
"As you can imagine, he's not very happy with my role in your father's departure. For the time being, at least, I've been cut off," she finished.
"I can't believe you knew all this and you didn't say anything," he said, the flush he'd been feeling from the shock was becoming deeper as his frustration and anger at the situation grew: his frustration at not knowing what to do to help and his anger at, once again, being treated like a child and left in the dark on the important matters.
"All summer I kept hoping I could make it go away," she explained. "And maybe I still can," she insisted, "which is why I need you to keep your chin up and trust that your mother's got this handled."
Nate shook his head. "When he left, Dad told me to take care of you!" he remembered that part, which was why he'd let her drag him to the stupid Book Club to begin with… though he hadn't really been spending a lot of time with his mother since he met Catherine, but he also hadn't known what was brewing beneath the surface.
"And, you are!" Anne said quickly, smiling reassuringly. "Nate, let's not fight about this please…."
He didn't want to fight about it either. In fact, he just wanted to forget about it. She said that it might be possible for her to fix it. He would focus on that for now.
When his phone rang, he almost smirked at the irony. There she was—his escape from all his family problems, the one thing his mind had been focused on for most of the summer so that he didn't have to think about his father's trouble with the law: Catherine.
His distraction wanted attention in the middle of the mess. Wait—no. It wasn't fair to call her a distraction. He cared about Catherine and loved spending time with her.
But it was the worst time for her to call… and it was the first time all summer that he didn't want to answer the phone immediately when she called…
He felt as though he'd only been fooling himself all summer, with Catherine, and with his father. And now reality needed to be faced in both situations.
But, he couldn't face reality without taking a breather…
So, he ignored everything and met Chuck for a ride into the city.
When you spend your life not having to worry about anything, you pretty much figure that everything will work itself out. So you put it out of your mind.
Or, at least, try to.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Being around Chuck made life so much easier, even if he was still spouting off about Blair. Nate didn't mind listening this time though. In some ways, talking about Blair reminded him of a time when life didn't present so many hard decisions for him… because she had always made them for him.
So, instead of taking the perfect opportunity to tell his best friend all about the latest situation his mother had just explained to him, he said nothing. Just like he had never said a word about his secret relationship with Catherine.
Being with Chuck and talking about his problems instead—for once—was actually a blessed relief.
Chuck kept going on about how the 'Princeton' boy had turned out to be a lord, heir to a Dukedom. Nate pointed out the flaws with Chuck's decision to break up Lord Marky-Mark and Blair. It wasn't that he didn't think Chuck was as good as the lord, but part of him knew that Blair was probably infatuated with the title. And there was no way Chuck could compete with that…unless he managed to get the Queen of England to knight him… which, if Chuck put his mind to it… but, no, a knight still wasn't a lord.
And another part of him… as much as he hated to admit it because he wanted Chuck to be happy, was that he didn't want Chuck and Blair to be together. Not out of some misguided sense of jealousy for Blair, but because Chuck was his.
It was like, if he and Blair really had gotten a divorce and had to split all their possessions? Chuck should and would be going with him.
Of course, Chuck was not an inanimate object… and he was the reason for the second "divorce" anyway (if he continued with that analogy) so, Chuck technically belonged to Blair now…
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
It wasn't until Chuck dropped him off and he walked into his house that he fully understood that there was no more running away.
Everything was thrown in his face with such clarity, complete with some sexual innuendo the asshole officer made about getting to know his mother, that he knew there was no way he could ignore this anymore.
There were people invading their house, going through all their personal things, putting a price tag on everything in their lives. Admittedly, most of it was just stuff and didn't really have any meaning, but he still felt dirty and wanted to tear a few heads off.
That was when he decided to go see Chuck again. On some level, he wanted to continue avoiding the issue, but on another level, he thought he might actually take the opportunity to tell Chuck what was going on.
Chuck was too busy for him. Nate couldn't believe Chuck was taking his advice about Victrola versus royalty. Chuck had never done anything that transparent before. Obviously Chuck really did belong to Blair now. And that turned Nate off a little, made him back away immediately and not try to get Chuck alone to explain everything… of course Chuck all but pushed him out of the penthouse before he could say anything else.
The penthouse was a little weird for him anyway.
He'd always been able to go to Chuck's to escape family problems, smoke a joint, play some cards, toss back a few drinks, sleep on his couch. How was that going to be possible now that Chuck had moved into Casa van der Woodsen?
So, he left, but he decided to call the one person who had always been there for him since he first met her. If anyone would be willing to listen and not push him away, it would be her. As long as their mutual, amiable, breakup before summer started didn't color that.
He should have known it wouldn't.
Vanessa was a breath of fresh air. It was easier to explain everything to her because she didn't come from money. She wouldn't take the news about his family's monetary problems as something ghastly and embarrassing. She offered advice for ways to make due without all the money. She was supportive, as always.
He realized he really had missed her during the summer, and he couldn't quite figure out why they had decided to end things in the first place.
Of course his mother decided to call and dropped an even bigger bomb on him.
Chuck wasn't liquidating his shares in his most prized business venture for Blair; he was doing it for him.
That wouldn't do at all.
He couldn't understand why Chuck would do that for him. Sure, he'd do anything he could to help Chuck if the situation was reversed, but his pride wouldn't allow Chuck to do it…. And maybe he felt as though letting Chuck handle things meant that Nate wasn't keeping his promise to his father to handle things himself. Maybe he was partly disgruntled that Chuck was taking care of another woman in his life without Nate's knowledge or agreement. That was a warped way of looking at things, for sure.
And he felt as though Chuck was treating him the same way his mother and father had—like a child who needed to be kept in the dark.
Plus… he wondered if maybe Chuck was doing this for him because he still felt guilty about things with Blair last year. He didn't want Chuck to do it out of some misguided sense that he still had to make things up to him.
He'd figure something else out, on his own!
That was it. That was the heart of the problem with Chuck helping.
Nate wasn't doing things on his own. He wasn't taking care of his family. He was relying on other people. Part of the problem with his relationship with Blair was her ordering him around and him doing it. Part of the problem with his relationship with his father—before he was arrested—was him telling him where to go to college and what career to pursue. Nate wanted to figure everything out on his own. He wanted to be independent.
He wanted to stop being indifferent to everything going on around him and take control of his own life.
Chuck was hindering that.
So he told Chuck to forget about the money. He basically threw Chuck's offer back in his face. He yelled at him for lying to him, and told him that he would handle it.
And he would… he just didn't know how yet…
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
The end of summer meant many things. The end of the heat, the end of the scorching sun, the end of lazy days spent doing whatever you wanted until school started again in the fall… and the end of summer flings.
Except he didn't know about the summer flings clause. How could he? Every summer for the past… however many years… he'd been in a relationship with Blair. That didn't present itself well to a summer fling. And he didn't get the chance to witness the summer fling rule because his best friend didn't lend himself to summer flings either. For Chuck, every girl he met was susceptible to a short fling—usually of the one night variety—and then he was on his merry way.
No one ever informed Nate of the unwritten rule that summer flings needed to end when the summer ended. He really wished they had, because he might not have found himself in the situation he was in now.
He had managed to figure out a way to help his family, on his own.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
But when Catherine handed him that envelope and asked him "are we good?" all he wanted to do was toss it back in her face.
He didn't know why he was so bothered now… maybe it was because he'd gotten a cold dose of reality when he'd arrived at Blair's little impromptu shindig in search of Chuck and discovered that Catherine was at the party… and that she was the mother of the lord he'd been hearing so much about from Chuck… the mother of Blair's new boyfriend. Well, step-mother, but still…
He was actually disgusted with himself for the first time since he started sleeping with Catherine. For the first time, he wondered exactly how old she was… and behold the awkwardness!
The awkwardness that just got worse when his ex discovered them on the floor of the library after he accepted Catherine's offer of money in exchange for the same thing he'd been doing for free all summer… he was already disgusted enough with himself, he didn't need to see the disgust on Blair's face too.
He'd left after biting back at her "I don't need to explain myself to you!" throwing the same words in her face that she had proclaimed to him when she came for her pin two days ago.
And now, here he was.
He had just hung up the phone with the only girl in all of New York that he very much wanted to be with at that moment.
When did life become this… hell? When had yearning to be independent and taking care of his family on his own require him to sacrifice himself?
Because that's what he felt like: a sacrificial lamb, but instead of being slaughtered for his blood, he was being pimped out to a woman almost old enough to be his mother.
Sex.
It was the downfall of everything.
From his relationship with Blair, to his friendship with Chuck, to his own dignity: sex had ruined everything.
Wasn't sex supposed to be something awesome and hot? Why couldn't he seem to just have sex and enjoy it the same way Chuck did? Why couldn't he just have a one night stand and be on his "merry way" like Chuck did? No complications.
The limo was on the move now and he was staring out the window, trying his best not to tear his hand away from hers.
All he could think was that life had to be better than this.
All the times he had argued with his father, or fought with him… it was all because he wanted something better for his life than what his father imagined for him.
Everyone had been lining up for the longest time to tell him what was best for him… and look what he'd done.
He didn't want to go down this road.
He was better than this.
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
He didn't have to do this. There were plenty of other things he could do. And he would do something else.
His relationship with Catherine was over—if you could even call it a relationship. It had been fizzling out quickly in the past forty eight hours, but now it was definitely over.
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
"Stop the car," he said, sitting up straight and pulling away from Catherine's wondering hand.
"What?" Catherine said, halfway between surprise and annoyance.
"Stop the car," he said again before he reached over and pressed the limo divider himself. "Stop the car, now," he commanded the driver.
"Darling, what are you doing?" Catherine asked, thoroughly perplexed.
Nate sighed when the car came to a stop. "Here," he said, shoving the envelope back into her hands. "I can't do this. I'm sorry."
"Nate," Catherine said, quick to paste on a flirtation smile, "honey, what's wrong? Everything was fine five minutes ago. You need the money, just take it."
She tried to give it back to him, but his hand was already on the door handle. He pulled it and the door started to open. "I don't want it, not like this," he shook his head. "See you around, Catherine."
Her mouth dropped open as he got out of the car and pushed the door to shut.
She leaped forward and grabbed the door before it closed. "Nate! If you don't want the money, it's okay. Come back to the car."
"Catherine, it's all over, okay?" Nate said, turning back but ready to spring away if she came for him. She was starting to creep him out a little. "Thank you for the offer and everything… but… just go. Be with your husband and your son, and just forget about me. This was just a summer fling, nothing more. And now it's over."
"Nate, come on, you know you don't want to—"
"No!" he stifled a shout, not wanting to be come off too angry. "I'm tired of people trying to tell me how to live my life! I will help my mother, but I am not going to do it this way. It may not seem like it, but things will work themselves out, and you know what? This will only make it worse."
"Nate…"
"So, goodbye, Catherine," Nate said with as much finality in his voice as he could muster. "Just… goodbye." And with that, he turned and he was gone.
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
Of course, now he just needed to figure out which options he had left.
The most pressing dilemma, however, was being currently stranded in the middle of the city. Well, he could catch a taxi, but he hadn't bothered to snag any cash from anywhere… and he'd just plopped quite a few bucks down on Catherine's lap…
And he needed some friendly advice, so…
"Well, later came faster than I thought it would."
"Vanessa, could you… pick me up?" he asked, holding his cell phone tightly, feeling like an even bigger dolt after blowing her off minutes ago.
"Uh… sure, but… what's wrong? Is everything okay?" she asked, concerned.
"I'll explain when you get here," he said, rattling off his location.
"Hungry?" she decided to ask. She had just finished blowing out all the candles and putting all the food away, clearing away all vestiges of her impromptu romantic evening with Nate that had just gotten shot to hell.
"Starved," he said, realizing that he hadn't eaten anything since that morning, and it had been a very long day.
"Ever eaten Chinese out of a box in a van before?" she said, rolling her eyes at her attempt at humor.
"No… but there is a first time for everything," he said, sighing, already feeling more relaxed just by having called her.
"True," she said. She almost laughed but she felt as though something was really wrong. "I'll be there in ten minutes."
"Hot meals on wheels," she laughed and nodded toward the bag in the middle of the seats. "Well, it's sort of hot now."
"It's perfect," he said with a rueful smile as he poked his way through the bag, dragging out some fried rice.
"So, where we going?" Vanessa asked with a smile, still double parked, waiting for his instruction.
Nate pushed around the rice with a fork for a second before he sighed and looked at her. "Before we go any further, I need to tell you… I almost did something stupid tonight… to get the money my family needed, but I didn't… but, er—," he didn't quite know how to explain everything. He didn't even know if she would understand why he'd almost done what he did…
"Nate, just spit it out," Vanessa said reassuringly, with that look that let him know he was being an idiot again because he really could tell her anything. "Whatever it is, it's okay."
He nodded, still pushing the rice around, trying to find the words to explain.
"Were you going to rob a bank?" She teased with a laugh when she realized he was still having a little problem telling her.
He almost snorted with laughter himself at that. He needed to be careful because he really didn't want a nose full of rice.
He shook his head, "No."
"Sell a kidney? Donate sperm? Enter a high stakes poker game and cheat your ass off?"
Now, why hadn't he thought of that before? He even knew someone who could teach him how to cheat…
But, no, that wouldn't solve his problems and it might very possibly get him killed.
"Nate, it doesn't really matter what it was because you didn't do it," Vanessa explained. "So, either tell me or don't. It only matters if you want to tell me. Otherwise, just tell me where we're going because people are getting a little ticked." She indicated the cars behind her that were trying to get into the next lane but having problems due to the traffic.
"Oh, oh, right," Nate said and rattled off the address.
They traveled in silence for a little while. He was trying to decide what to say, whether he should just give her the full details or not. It was all very confusing.
"So… does this mean you figured out an alternative to poverty? Or have you finally accepted that there is just more to life than money and you'll be just fine without it?" Vanessa finally broke the silence.
"Definitely the first," he said with some derision. There was no way his mother would be able to adjust to life without money… and honestly? He had no idea if he would be able to either…
"Well, we're here," she said as she parallel parked smoothly.
He closed the rice box and put it back in the bag with the fork. "Thanks for dinner, and thanks for the ride…"
"So, do you want me to go in with you or… is that it then?" she asked hesitantly and awkwardly, speaking volumes with her question.
He reached out for her hand. She let him drag it across the seats, and he squeezed her palm for a moment. "This is definitely not it," he said. "This will never be it." He looked at her pointedly. He wanted to go in alone, but he wanted to make sure she understood that things were definitely not over between them, not by a long shot.
She tried to contain the joy she felt at his words. They were so simple, but said everything.
"I'll call you later, Abrams," he said. "This might not work, but I've got to give it a shot. Anything's better than where I've been tonight."
"Everything will work out," she reassured. "It'll all get better in time."
"I'm counting on it," he said, squeezing her hand once more before he turned and looked at the big imposing building. To say that he was slightly intimidated would be the understatement of the year.
He didn't say anything else to Vanessa, just looked at her once more before he opened the van door. She gave him another reassuring smile which he accepted with a nod. He let go of her hand and then he left.
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too,
It'll all get better in time.
Nate waited anxiously in the luxurious study, knowing that he'd arrived a little late in the evening and would be lucky if the occupants were still awake.
He hoped like hell that this would work; his coming here and asking for help face-to-face.
And, of course, if it didn't, he'd just swallow his damn pride and call Chuck again. It had only been a few hours since he spurned his offer; even Chuck Bass couldn't spend that much money in that amount of time.
But he was really hoping it wouldn't get that far.
"Well, Nathaniel," came a gravelly voice from the doorway. "Should I ask why you're here at this time of night, or can I already hazard a guess?"
"Mother and I, we need your help," Nate said, standing and looking the man dead in the eyes. "You may not approve of anything my father has done, or anything my mother has done to help him. But we are a family, through thick and thin. Families love and protect each other. Or they should..."
"And I'm here to remind you that you are a part of this family. I'll do whatever it takes," he'd already almost done more than he should have.
Nate forced himself to look into the eyes of the man across from him. The man could be very intimidating when he wanted to be, Nate knew this, but he was also done with backing down. If he was going to save his mother, this was what it was going to take.
"Will you, Grandpa?"
Finished.
SONG: "Better In Time" Leona Lewis