He's Not My Brother, He's My Enemy…
A TMI One-shot by ChronicLegCramp-Since'99
*Disclaimer: The Mortal Instruments and all its characters belong to Cassandra Clare, respectively*
Clary sighed drowsily, rolling onto her back and kicking the stifling blanket to the end of her bed. No, that wasn't strictly correct- her bed was at home, at Luke's place. This was merely a spare in her late father's apartment. She'd been here far too long. She cracked her eyes open, focusing on a familiar face gazing down at her, his irises panels of glass painted black and melding with the pupils. She went still, her muscles tensing and her fingers curling into her palms.
"Good morning, Sister," he said so softly a noose of apprehension and anxiety seemed to close around her throat.
"What are you doing?" she asked in a deadly quiet voice as if trying not to wake the beast. Sebastian smiled angelically, resting his hand on her stomach just heavily enough that ignoring it was impossible.
"I'd like to spend the day with you," he told her with a bittersweet quirk of his lips, tucking a wild red curl behind her ear. "Now, I know Jace can be a tad possessive-"
"You're one to talk," Clary interrupted, her emerald eyes cold and severe.
"But you are my sister and I am entitled to a certain amount of your time," Sebastian finished; ivory hair fell across his forehead and into his eyes, but still the black holes sucked her in, inducing a fierce wave of vertigo.
"You're not entitled to anything when it comes to me." she returned, anger and fear flitting across her freckled face.
"I am also entitled to familial affection, as are you," her warped brother went on easily, as if she hadn't spoken.
"What you feel isn't familial." The redhead said, tasting disgust and iron in her mouth. Sebastian's eyes widened infinitesimally, the whites clean, unclouded.
"What I feel? I was under the impression you thought I was incapable of feeling," Clary bit the inside of her cheek, turning her face away from the entertainment dancing on his marble features. "Slip of the tongue?"
"Where d'you wanna go- do?" she humoured him, wanting him away from her, out of the room- where he couldn't make her stomach roll with his corrupted touch.
"Shopping, lunch and home for dinner," he said, appearing pleased as if she'd had a choice; saying no would've assured grazed knees and maybe even broken limbs. She paused, momentarily surprised. Does he really think of this place as home? Homes aren't unique to humans alone but…
Clary shook her head and the thought away, realising belatedly that her brother had climbed off the bed and was slinking towards the door, sleek as a panther.
"Hang on-" she struggled into a sitting position, her blanket tangled around her lower legs and feet.
"Be ready downstairs in forty minutes," Sebastian instructed before sending her a wink and left the room, smirking arrogantly all the while.
They were in London, weaving in and out of shops and making their way up to Marble Arch- or so Sebastian told her. They had yet to actually buy something, although Clary wasn't too bothered as long as her brother's attention remained elsewhere rather than on her.
He seemed to be looking for something; by the powers of deduction, she'd come to the conclusion that he was in search of a dress, a red one to be precise and more worryingly, in her size.
"I already have one," he murmured, seeming mildly exasperated as she trailed after him out of another shop. "But I want you to have your own, untainted by ghosts belonging to them,"
"What for...?" she asked carefully, stopping beside him as they came to a crossing.
"You'll see," he replied simply, distracted. The redhead released a muted sigh, wondering if she'd be able to come back here with Jace before they moved on again. "Come on," she snapped out of her daze as the lights changed and they briskly crossed the road, sandwiched amongst dozens of people, hot and sweaty from the polluted air around them.
She shuffled along, falling behind a little as she stared up at the cumbersome arch they passed by. She remembered Jace saying once that he had British heritage. Her curiosity piqued as she thought about the London Institute; did it look anything like the one back home, in New York? Were there many Shadowhunters residing there?
She stumbled into something and reluctantly drew her gaze from the impressive landmark, making a noise of protest.
"Are we done shopping now?" she asked, moving past her brother who stood regarding her thoughtfully.
"Yes. Mundane clothes just don't match up to traditional Shadowhunter wear," he told her with a look of disappointment on his face. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen him look disappointed- other than when he'd been pretending to be Sebastian Verlac. It seemed strange that he would be upset about a dress, but the thought that he was putting it on just for her benefit was stranger still, considering she'd rather he bought her nothing at all and he knew it. "...have to wear that woman's hand-me-down." Clary glanced up at the distaste in her brother's tone, realising he'd still been talking as they stopped at another traffic light.
"What woman?"
"Mother, dearest." Sebastian scowled, crossing his arms tightly over his chest so that she could make out curls and flicks here and there of the runes engraved upon his skin beneath his grey t-shirt.
"She gave birth to you," Clary reminded him half-heartedly as they headed across the road, coming to the entrance of a park. "She gave you life,"
"Originally," the ivory haired boy allowed impassively, continuing into the park, the redhead trying to keep up with his stride. "But the boy she gave birth to died and was reborn; I am not the same person I was."
"Jace died and was bought back," Clary pointed out almost inaudibly. "He's still the same-"
"Is he?" Sebastian's voice dripped heavy sarcasm as his steps slowed and he turned to face her. "Though I admire your attempt to fight lies with lies, have you never heard the phrase 'never kid a kidder'?" the redhead looked down, kicking at the path.
"Jace was the same-"
"But now you think of him as an empty shell- at times a puppet, to which I pull the strings," he stepped closer to her, his body radiating pent up heat, from the sun or want, Clary couldn't tell. "And that is exactly what he is. And exactly what he'll remain,"
"Only after you bound him to you," Sebastian placed the crook of his finger under her chin, coaxing her face up towards his. However, she spoke before he could open his mouth. "Would you let Jace go...if I took his place...?" her brother's eyes smouldered as they imprisoned hers, his expression darkening and his mouth twisting into a predatory smirk.
"Well, that is a sinfully tempting proposition, little Sister," time seemed to halt all around them, Clary imagining the sand of an hourglass suspended in motion and holding her breath as her brother considered.
And then her phone beeped, vibrating in her jeans pocket and startling her half to death. In her minds eye, time unwound again, a pigeon continuing its course of landing, a man reaching the destination of a nearby bin where he discarded his newspaper, a mother finishing swooping a crying toddler up into her arms. Clary exhaled.
"It's Jace," she murmured, scanning the screen of her mobile. Sebastian withdrew from her personal space, a look of infinite patience on his face; sunshine was beating down on his snowy complexion where they stood in the open, his long lashes casting shadows and the light causing the rosy tinge of his lips to stand out. Valentine's mouth had looked thin and coarse like sandpaper but Sebastian's was like hers, reminiscent of their mother. Her phone started ringing in her hand, flashing up at her persistently. "What do I tell him?"
"Why not the truth?" her brother all but purred, glancing at her from the corner of his eye.
"You really want him to gate-crash our precious family outing?" she bristled, biting her lip as she stared down at her boyfriends name on the screen.
"Don't you?" Sebastian countered, quirking an eyebrow, his black eyes challenging her. The redhead continued chewing on her bottom lip, hesitating; her brother plucked the phone from her hand with an exaggerated roll of his eyes and answered it. "Hello...? I sold Clary to a local whore house- hope you don't mind," the person in question snatched her mobile back, glaring at her brother who merely chuckled and ruffled her fiery hair.
"We're just shopping," she said into the phone, turning away from the intensity of her brothers gaze. "There's no point, we'll be back soon. Okay...bye," she flipped her phone shut and slid it back into her pocket, ignoring the triumphant smirk on her brothers face.
"You didn't invite Jace to join us," Sebastian stated, feigning surprise.
"Shut up," the redhead responded faintly, hugging her elbows. "I cant be around you two at the same time,"
"Whatever do you mean?" Sebastian said in a deliberate tone, snaking an arm around her waist as they began walking again.
There were other people in the park, scattered across the wide expanses of grass framed by trees; some were reclining on picnic blankets, others were propped up against tree-trunks, reading. Despite how spacious the park was and the fact that nobody here could possibly know or tell that she and Sebastian were siblings, she recoiled, pulling away from the sickeningly intimate gesture.
"...It's exhausting," she answered finally, slowing to tie her curls up in the elastic band on her wrist, the nape of her neck beaded with perspiration.
"Funny, that," Sebastian commented, his eyes lingering on her neck, leaving her unnerved and worried he was going to lick away her sweat.
"What?"
"You never ceased to surprise me," he admitted in a silky voice. "You don't like being alone with me; I assumed you preferred it when Jace was with us,"
"Well, you cant touch me in broad daylight in public, can you?" the redhead returned, flatly. Her brother made an elaborate show of reaching out to twist a loose curl around his finger. "You know what I mean."
"Do you know what I think?"
"Everything you think is all in your head. Pure fantasy." Clary replied dead-pan, suppressing a yawn before tripping slightly as Sebastian stepped into her path.
"I've seen you retreat into your thoughts numerous times. Another trait we have in common," he chuckled low and husky as she scowled, pouting a little as she did. "I was going to say that you're getting used to me. Becoming more comfortable in my presence,"
"I guess I can hide my emotions better than I thought,"
"Your heartbeat is steady, you've maintained eye-contact for more than a few minutes now," he carried on without preamble. "Your face may be as closed as our father's, but your body talks volumes. You don't fear me as you once did."
"I'm not afraid of you," Clary told him with more confidence than she felt. "I'm afraid of what you're planning to do,"
"And what is that?" Sebastian inquired, studying her face calmly, but too close for comfort.
"To destroy the world-"
"If that was all, I would have done it by now," he said flippantly, cutting her off.
She held his gaze with rusted steel in her emerald gems. "You really don't care about anything or anyone."
"That's not true, my Sister," he said, not sounding nearly as mocking as she would've expected.
"You don't care about me," Clary shot back in frustration. Was he really this sociopathic or was he utterly deluded as well? The latter, she suspected.
"However, a word of advice: I would be more wary of someone who doesn't care at all than someone who cares too well," he brushed his knuckles over her cheek as if bestowing kindness.
"Don't worry, I get that," Clary bit out, knocking his hand away like it was deceased.
"Do you?"
"Val- our father was driven by his negative emotions- he let them rule him. And now he's dead. But you- you don't feel anything. You're driven by something else..." Sebastian nodded, looking down as a wry smile quirked one corner of his lovely mouth up.
"Father was weak and it showed, in the end," he said with a faux-melancholic lilt to his voice. "I am not like him. I'm different,"
"He was Dr. Frankenstein and you're his monster," Clary responded in a bleak but firm voice.
"You're unnatural too. You and Jace," he retorted as if he were displeased with her behaviour and needed to put her in her place.
"But we can love," the redhead said, her green eyes trying to eat away the onyx layers of his, like acid. "You'll never know what that feels like,"
"But I know its absence. You will never know that, you are blessed." he spoke the word 'blessed' as though it left an acrid aftertaste on his tongue, but there was no hate or anger on his face; his delicate skin looked tight over his sharp cheekbones.
"And you're not, so you'll destroy everything and everyone?" her voice was harsh and strained but her expression crumbled into misery, looking into her brothers black eyes.
"You'll just have to wait and see," he replied, his tone serious for a change, almost sincere.
"What about me?" the redhead demanded weakly, as if she were running repeatedly into a brick wall. "You force me to watch the world die and then you kill me?" she could only hope.
"No. You're my sister and I'll protect you," he gathered her up in his arms as the first tear trickled down her face, making shushing noises that only repulsed her further. She felt him press his lips into her hair, his fingers stroking the back of her neck; she wanted to throw up.
"Can you protect me from yourself?" she sniffed, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the feeling of his arms around her. He smelled like Lynx Instinct and clean sweat and something else- so immediately and dizzyingly familiar to her senses that an unwanted feeling of safety quelled the storm within her. The whole scene was diabolically wrong to her mind, but her body disobeyed her thought-processes and sagged against him, sobbing silently.
"You will love me by the end, Clarissa. You will," her brother whispered into her ear, rocking her from side to side in a soothing rhythm. He was unexpectedly good at it- consolation- for someone whose only human-contact for the majority of his life had come from an abusive, megalomaniac of a father. She supposed it must have been part of the training. "And maybe I'll love you back,"
"...I doubt it, Jonathan."
Sebastian decided to cut the day short after that, announcing that he had things to do and that they should return to Valentine's portable house. Clary had turned her phone on silent and felt it buzz in her pocket as they exited the park. She wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk let alone deal with a Jace who wasn't really her Jace, a shadow who danced to her brothers every tune, morbidly reminding her of the fey music that enticed you to dance until you died.
"This isn't the entrance we came in through," she spoke up suddenly, glancing up and down the long road before them. There was a bus stop to their right, where a number 148 bus was pulling in.
"Wait here," Sebastian ordered, his sights on a petrol station across the road. "Don't move a muscle," he added in a warning tone, before setting out to ask for directions; he waited for a lull in the traffic before jogging over to the strip of grassy island that divided the lanes, jumping the black-barred barrier.
Clary watched him cross the second bit of road, a lump in her throat as she sensed her phone ringing again. She took it out, staring glumly down at it, deliberating over whether she was going to answer or not. She wasn't sure if her brother had been quick or she'd lost all track of time, until she noticed that her mobile was still now.
She put it away, glancing up to see Sebastian standing on the island in the middle of the road, signalling for her to come to him. Without thinking, she stepped out into the road, jolting to a stop only when she heard the screech of breaks and urgent honking of a horn. It felt as though she were in slow-motion as she turned her head to see the incoming taxi and then she was shoved back and upwards.
For a moment, she thought she was floating in mid-air, but then her eyes adjusted, taking in a livid pale face and she registered the iron-like hold around her torso.
"For the love of Raziel, Clarissa!" her brother growled fiercely, hectic blotches of colour high on his cheekbones; at this proximity she could make out the thin blue veins that ran like rivulets beneath the skin of his face.
"Sorry..." she mumbled, flushing deeply in embarrassment of her stupidity. Sebastian's heart was hammering between their chests and his breath was coming fast in and out of his flared nose; the redhead felt herself gulp. "You can put me down now..."
"Is that safe?" he muttered as if to himself. When Clary's emerald eyes met his, she noticed that there was a silvery ring separating his pupils from the iris. "Don't make me have to hold your hand crossing the road," he looked annoyed now, his posture rigid as he set her on her feet, like she'd made him do something against his will.
"That's what big brothers do..." she murmured so low she didn't think he'd hear her; he looked down at her with the most enigmatic expression she'd ever received. She felt the impulse to use his eyes as ports to dive inside his mind and find out once and for all, what was really going on in there. Although she probably wouldn't like what she found. "Lets just go home," she sighed, wanting very much just to crawl into bed and stay there forever. She didn't realise her mistake in calling Valentine's bachelor pad home, but Sebastian did and he duly noted it.
Sorry if theres any spelling mistakes etc.
The title is a reference to the song Can I Run? by L7- it reminded me of these two :)