Author's note: We want to apologize for those of you who reviewed and did not get a duck. We will send your money and- well we keep your- but we'll send you a nice note. XD Enjoy chapter 2 of Sweeney Todd: New and Improvised.
Love,
Skippy and Doom
Disclaimer: Just go look at our page XD
All four of them walk into the old barber shop. Mrs. Lovett opens a secret compartment in the floor.
Doom: Ooooo.
She takes out Sweeney's box of razors/
Sweeney: Yes! The precious! strokes razor
Mrs. Lovett: wishes she was a razor Should we go now?
Sweeney: Leave me.
Mrs. Lovett: Fine! mumbles angrily under her breath
Skippy: crying That razor has the most beautiful voice.
Skippy and Doom follow Mrs. Lovett into the pie shop.
Skippy: crying That razor, has the most beautiful voice!
Mrs. Lovett: Why are you still here?
Doom: We want a job.
Mrs. Lovett: What can you do?
Skippy: I rock hard on the triangle! ding Oh yeah.
Doom: She can sweep. And I can bake.
Mrs. Lovett: You're hired!
XXX
The story switches to Anthony who is wandering aimlessly in the street, holding a map upside down in his hands.
Anthony: I have no idea where I'm going but I'm gonna look good doing it!
He looks up to see Joanna singing to her birds.
Anthony: gasp: That girl's hair is almost as nice as mine! The window is closed and I can't hear her but I'm sure she sounds great!
He walks into the middle of the road, still watching Joanna. He doesn't notice the carriage heading straight for him. It is being driven by none other than Doom and Skippy.
Doom: Woohoo!
Skippy: Weee!
They crash into Anthony and the carriage goes flying down the street. Skippy and Doom crawl out of the wreckage.
Skippy: Must've hit a reef.
Anthony: My hair!
Doom: No matter, carry on!
They take off down the street. Turpin opens his front door and looks over at Anthony.
Turpin: You! Boy who just got run over!
Anthony: Me?
Turpin: Do you see anyone else who just got run over?
Anthony? No.
Turpin: Then yes you!
He invites Anthony into his house.
Turpin: Behold! My library of porn!
The Beadle comes out with a trumpet and plays a dramatic tune.
Anthony: O.o I feel awkward. My mommy says I'm not allowed to look at that kind of stuff.
Turpin: You must embrace the porn! You must eat, sleep and breathe the porn! Porn. Is. Life!
Anthony: I'm sorry but I already have an obsession. tosses hair You're just jealous. Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.
Turpin: Noo! Porn is life! rips off jacket to show a Life is Good T-shirt that says Life is Porn
Anthony: Noo!
Turpin: Beadle!
Beadle: Yes milord, I'm coming milord, here I am milord!
Turpin: Remove the non believer!
Beadle: Did you show him the chart?
Tupin: He doesn't believe!
Beadle: Oh, milord, k, milord!
Anthony: What a sad, strange little man.
5 seconds later Anthony goes flying out the door
Anthony: Ahhh! hits ground I'm okay!
Beadle: I'm worthy to kick your ass but I need to go take care of Turpin.
Anthony: I feel you-
Doom: Kick his ass!
Skippy and Doom beat up Anthony.
In St. Dunstan's Market
Sweeney: Where have you two been?
Doom: Oh, you know, just hanging around.
Skippy: We went to ummm Cleveland!
Doom: Africa!
Sweeney: Really?
Doom: No. That would've been cool though.
Mrs. Lovett: We're here to see the I-talian. All the rage he is.
Fangirls: We love you Pirelli!
Doom: knocks them out Die fan girls!
Skippy: Good police work officer Doom.
Sweeney: You're police?
Doom: No. Doom and Skippy put on sunglasses Look into the light. click
Sweeney: What happened? Where am I?!
Mrs. Lovett: Anyway, They call him Pirelli.
Doom: So what's his real name?
Mrs. Lovett: It's Pirelli. I've gotta stop using that phrase.
Beadle walks by
Doom: My God that man is wearing an iguana!
Sweeney: The only thing I hate more than a false accuser is an iguana killer!
Mrs. Lovett: No! Not here! There are too many witnesses!
Toby: banging on drum
Doom: checks watch Can we hurry this along?
Toby: Fine, God. passes bottle of elixir around
Sweeney: What is this?
Mrs. Lovett: too busy staring at Sweeney
Doom: sigh Smells like- ew.
Skippy: Pardon me sir-
Person: I'm a woman!
Skippy. Uuuugly!
Doom: Ouch.
Skippy: Pardon me mam what's that awful stench- Oh, it's you.
Pirelli comes out in his blue spandex suit and cape. Toby holds a fan up for a dramatic effect.
Pirelli: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Doom: checks watch
Pirelli: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Sweeney: looks around awkwardly
Pirelli: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Skippy: Where does he keep all that air?
Pirelli: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII takes deep breath Am Adolfo Pirelli. The king of da barbers. Da barber of kings. I blow you a kiss.
Skippy & Doom: Duck!
Sweeney: Where?
Fangirls: Ahhhh! We love you Pirelli! faint
Pirelli: Who says my elixir is piss?
Sweeney: I did. It's Todd. Sweeney Todd.
Skippy: So sexy! faints on Doom
Doom: falls over Help me!
Pirelli: There's only one way to settle this. We have to get up in this stage and river dance.
Mrs. Lovett: Careful Sweeney! He's a champion river dancer from Italy!
Sweeney: Will the Beadle be the judge?
Beadle: Ok! I love a good river dance!
Pirelli: And what makes you qualified to judge a river dance-off?
Beadle: I have a whistle.
Pirelli: Ah, but you don't have a feather in your hat.
Toby: gets out bagpipes On the downbeat!
Doom: gets violin I hope I can play this.
Sweeney and Pirelli begin river dancing to the music.
Pirelli: Ow! falls over
Toby: That's what ya get for river dancing in a thong!
Beadle: The winner is Todd!
Sweeney: keeps dancing
Skippy: jumps on stage and joins him I'm Skippy, Lord of the Dance! dramatic ending pose
Pirelli: pays Sweeney and then limps off stage