A/N: If you don't know much about Japanese New Year traditions, you might want to look it up first. It'll be easier than making/checking footnotes.

Relevant to the story and fairly brief:

h*t*t*p*:*/*/*j*a*n*m*s*t*o*r*e*.*c*o*m*/*o*s*h*o*g*a*t*s*u*.*h*t*m*l

h*t*t*p*:*/*/*w*w*w*.*j*a*p*a*n*-*g*u*i*d*e*.*c*o*m*/*e*/*e*2*0*6*4*.*h*t*m*l

h*t*t*p*:*/*/*e*n*.*w*i*k*i*p*e*d*i*a*.*o*r*g*/*w*i*k*i*/*H*a*t*s*u*y*u*m*e

Also, iroha-garuta is a card game and sugoroku is a board game. Look them up if you're curious.

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"Sometimes the slightest things change the directions of our lives, the merest breath of a circumstance, a random moment that connects like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark."

― Bryce Courtenay

x§x§x CHAPTER TWO: SEA-CHANGE x§x§x

Tōshirō woke in stages. He blearily stared at the wall opposite him and thought it was wrong somehow. It took a few minutes for him to wake up enough to process that it wasn't the whitewashed wall of his tiny room in the dormitory. He slowly realized that it was the wall of his childhood home. When that sank in, his eyes flew wide and he sat up quickly. He looked around him in a panic. He had had difficulty falling asleep, worried that his newly acquired and imperfect control of his reiatsu would be insufficient and he would hurt Granny again. He searched around him for ice, heart in his throat. All he found was some light frost on his own futon. He blew out the breath he had been holding and flopped back on the futon, relief sapping him of his energy. He laid and stared lazily at the ceiling, absently noting that he had begun to find the cold somewhat comfortable. He began to doze off again.

His sister's face suddenly appeared before him, upside-down and way too awake and cheerful for so early in the morning. "Shiro-chan, it's almost lunch time. You need to get up."

Tōshirō groaned rather petulantly but rubbed his eyes and pulled himself up. He dragged himself through his morning routine. He was still drowsy but more coherent when he sat down to lunch with his family.

"Good morning, Granny." He stifled a yawn and blinked at the old woman.

Granny smiled, her face crinkling with laugh lines. "Good afternoon, Tōshirō-chan." Her eyes shone with amusement. "My, my, all that hard work at the Academy must have worn you out. Momo-chan tells me you are doing very well at your studies. Second in your class! I'm very proud of you."

Tōshirō's face went pink. His heart soared at her praise. He fidgeted bashfully. "Thank you, Granny."

The old woman turned to her granddaughter. "Momo-chan, how are you doing in your Division?"

Momo paused mid-bite of onigiri, surprised. She swallowed. "Oh, I love it!" she gushed. "Everyone is very nice. Captain Aizen won't stand for people being mean to new recruits so we have a pretty easy time of it to start with. He makes sure the seated officers teach us how to do different things so we can work together better and find out what we're good at. I'm learning a lot! Right now I'm assigned to help Tenth Seat Adai sort the mission reports and requisitions so they go to the right people. We also write down who's turned in what so we can ask people who are late to turn in their reports. Renji-kun thinks it's kind of boring but I think it's fun. It's like a little puzzle."

Granny beamed and looked a bit misty-eyed. "I'm so glad you're happy. And I'm proud of you, too. Ah, both of my grandchildren have grown to be such wonderful, hard-working people. You bring this old woman so much joy."

Said grandchildren blushed and looked both flustered and quite pleased with themselves.

The old woman sat back and finished her tea. "You two will have to tell me more over dinner. Right now we need to get started on the osoji while we have daylight."

Tōshirō nodded and casually munched on his last onigiri. Momo raised both hands in a cheer. "We're going to have the cleanest house in Junrinan!"

"My, my, so energetic!" Granny laughed.

They split up into various household cleaning tasks. Tōshirō noticed that while his grandmother had visibly recovered in his absence, she was still frailer than she had been before Momo left for Seireitei. He hadn't known it was possible to feel happy and heartbroken at the same time. He threw himself into his tasks, intending to do more work so his grandmother would have less to do herself. He aimed to do as much as he could in the time it took Granny to carefully take apart and sort her sewing supplies, clean their storage area, and neatly reorganize them. As usual, Tōshirō was surprised by just how much dust and grime could accumulate in a house with so few occupants.

When the daylight began to dim, Granny cooked dinner while Tōshirō and Momo finished what they could before dark. They finally sat down to an early dinner, tired and happy.

"Now, Tōshirō-chan, tell me about the Academy. Momo-chan said you will graduate from sixth year soon. How is that possible?"

Tōshirō shifted awkwardly. "Well, uh, I wanted to learn as much as I could so I just started reading ahead and watching some of the older students do practicals. Then one of my teachers caught me being bored in class and tried to embarrass me by asking a question from a chapter he hadn't assigned yet but I answered correctly. The teachers must talk together because they all started watching me after that. Then they started testing me and pushing me harder in practicals. Then one day Ōnabara-sensei called me to his office and had me do the standard first year final exam. Then they put me in second year. It just kept going like that." He shuffled in place and looked down guiltily. "I'm sorry I didn't come home for summer break. I was finishing up fourth year work on my own so I could start with the fifth years when the fall term started."

Granny smiled softly at him. "Don't worry, Tōshirō-chan. I understand."

Momo stared wide-eyed. "Wow, Shiro-chan, I knew you had to have been going fast but that's amazing! You must be as smart as Lieutenant Ichimaru."

He blinked as he took another bite of ramen. "Oh. I think Ōnabara-sensei mentioned him a couple times. He went through the Academy fast, too, right? And also... something Shiba?" He screwed up his face and stared at the ceiling for a moment in an attempt to remember. He grimaced and gave up. "Ugh, I'm tired and there are too many Shibas."

Momo giggled. "I think you mean Kaien Shiba. He's Lieutenant of Thirteenth. I heard he graduated from the Academy after only two years."

He nodded absently. "Yeah, that's the guy."

Granny raised her eyebrows. "Oh? Tōshirō-chan, people have been comparing you to lieutenants?"

Tōshirō paused and stared at her for a moment before picking up more noodles. "Um... yes?" He chewed and eyed his grandmother strangely. She didn't exactly sound thrilled. He wondered where she was going with this.

Granny looked at him seriously. Her concerned eyes searched his face. Quietly, she asked, "Tōshirō-chan, are they pressing you to move faster than you want to? It seems like they have very high expectations of you. Are you under too much pressure?"

Tōshirō's eyes went wide. He stared at her, taken aback. Momo joined Granny in looking concerned.

"I hadn't thought of it that way. Shiro-chan, do-"

"No!" he snapped defensively.

The siblings stared at each other for a moment. Tōshirō looked away first, embarrassed. He continued rather sulkily. "No, they're not pressuring me... Well, I guess they are, but I don't really notice it too much. I want to learn as much as I can as fast as I can. If they have some kind of expectations for me then they just have the same end goal as I do. So it doesn't matter."

Granny searched his eyes keenly. "And what is that end goal?"

After a long moment, he replied with a quiet earnestness. "To fully control my reiatsu as soon as I can."

Granny stared at him searchingly for several moments.

Momo frowned. "Shiro-chan, there's no hurry. A lot of unseated shinigami don't have total control of their reiatsu. I still don't. I just learned Tobiume's name a couple months ago. I'm still learning."

Tōshirō scowled stubbornly. "Well, I want to learn it faster."

Momo pouted. "But why?"

Granny interrupted them with a quiet, "I understand." Both siblings whirled to stare at her, startled.

Tōshirō got the impression that his grandmother actually did understand his motive. Now that he could look back without the filter of immediate panic, he thought he was silly to believe his grandmother didn't know that he had been conjuring ice in his sleep. She had woken up for the day before him. He never found ice or dampness when he woke later in the morning. Granny had to have known- must have cleaned it up. For how long? Why hadn't she said anything?

Granny must have read something in his face. She smiled a bit sadly. "I had hoped you could have a longer childhood. But your power is growing and you are growing with it." She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Tōshirō-chan, don't let your power swallow you up. It's perfectly fine that you want to control it but don't let that desire crowd out everything else in your life. If you center everything you do around controlling your power, if that's your only goal, what will you do when you achieve it? And what else will you have left besides your power?" He gaped at her in shock. She smiled again and patted his hand. "Something for you to think about."

Granny continued calmly eating as though their conversation hadn't just veered off into existential crisis prevention. Momo looked a bit lost. Tōshirō just sat dumbfounded for several minutes.

It had been several weeks since his conversation with Sōjirō that had prompted him to consider more long-term goals. He had become distracted by exam preparation, but now the topic was dragged to the forefront again. The uncertainty made his mind whirl. It didn't help that he was already tired. What did he want to do? What would make him happy? What-?

"Tōshirō-chan, you don't have to think about it right this second." Granny smiled warmly at him when he snapped back to reality. "Take your time."

Tōshirō blushed and settled down to eat again. Conversation stalled as they ate and quietly enjoyed each other's company.

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The next day, Tōshirō and Momo woke before their grandmother and fumbled their way through cooking a simple breakfast. When Granny sat to eat she beamed as proudly as if they had presented her with a sumptuous feast. They plotted their day over the meal.

Tōshirō frowned doubtfully. "I think we should just air out and beat the futons. If we actually wash them they'll never dry in time for us to sleep on them tonight. They'll freeze solid."

Momo smiled smugly. "No, they won't. Captain Aizen has someone from the Kidō Corps come and run a little tutoring class on kidō once a week since we can't master everything in the Academy. I learned a really neat trick you can do with Shakkahō. If you limit how much reiatsu you use you can hold it in your hand and use it as a light or a warmer. So I can dry the futons myself! Maybe I can teach you, too!"

He hummed in thought. "I don't think that would be wise. I still have trouble with overpowering my kidō. I don't want to incinerate the futons."

"Awww. Well, then, you can watch me do it and I'll tell you about it and you can practice on the kidō range when you go back to the Academy. Okay?"

Tōshirō smiled slightly. "Yeah, that sounds good."

They spent the morning systematically beating each of the futons, warming water, and washing them. It was tedious work. Momo proudly played teacher and lectured Tōshirō about how she manipulated the usually-destructive kidō to dry them. Tōshirō was fascinated and vowed to tell Sōjirō about it and practice it.

After lunch, Momo ran off to the market to get supplies for the various New Year foods they would make. Tōshirō spent his afternoon checking on the house's weatherproofing. He filled a couple cracks in the window sills and used shunpō to climb on the roof to find and fix some gaps in the thatch. He cleaned the track of the front door and made sure it closed snugly. All the manual labor gave him time to think.

He carefully considered his grandmother's words the night before. Had he let his desire to control his reiatsu consume him? He looked back at the past year more objectively and decided that yes, actually, he had. From the moment he learned of his power and its implications, he let the desire to control it control him in turn. He hurried to enroll in Shin'ō Academy before he could even speak to his grandmother about it. Once enrolled, he spent every waking moment studying, researching, practicing. He largely ignored his classmates, creating an inversion of the solitude he had endured in Junrinan. Instead of connecting with the other students who could have been in the same boat as him, he surrounded himself with books and scrolls, holed up in the library or practice rooms or his own little room in the dormitory. There had been absolutely nothing anywhere near as important as learning to control his reiatsu. There were times he only ate because meals were built into the school's schedule. He had locked himself in a cell of his own making. Sōjirō had been right to call it obsession.

He pondered the idea of goals. He thought of Granny's indirect warning that he could lose everything- let his relationships wither and die in neglect- if he focused only on his power. He felt fresh guilt for not visiting his grandmother over summer break. Instead, he had indulged- no, drowned in- his obsession. But he also still felt he had protected her by staying away. He frowned and picked that apart some more. It occurred to him that while he had rationalized the avoidance as protection- and perhaps rightly so, in part- that was a euphemism that tiptoed around the core fact that he had been afraid. Terrified. Afraid of his power, afraid for his grandmother, afraid of himself in general. Even if he set aside the anxiety over directly being near his grandmother and harming her with his very presence, most of his actions had been dictated by fear. Even after he had begun to understand what his reiatsu was and how it worked, it frightened him. The more he came to realize just how much reiatsu he had, the more the thought of actually controlling it intimidated him. He had been trying to claw his way to a point where his power no longer scared him. His motivation boiled down to fear. He had attacked the curriculum not out of ambition or any positive goal but desperation to not be- not be-

He swallowed hard. His lips trembled; he made them form a tight line and forced himself to complete the thought: To not be the the cold curse the people of Junrinan had seen him as. To not be something that made all their behavior toward him legitimate. To not be someone who could only be accepted by people to whom he would be a danger. To not be someone who truly deserved to be alone.

Yet he had immediately created more loneliness for himself. In retrospect, it was absurd. He had become so obsessed with gathering knowledge to arm himself against his fear and shame that he had instead hobbled himself. Rather than searching out ways to actively use his power for some concrete goal, he had sought ways to minimize and contain it. In a way, to deny it. In his mind, having power had become synonymous with being shunned. He hadn't wanted it, hadn't wanted to be a shinigami. He had learned that his dreams of the magnificent ice dragon were most likely his zanpakutō spirit reaching out to him. The sheer enormity of the dragon that represented his power made him doubt he could ever master something so big and fierce. So he ran from it, toed the line of utterly rejecting it, ended up desperately stifling it. With his attitude toward his power, it was now no wonder that his dreams had been filled with a building frustration and yearning and lacked the voice he had heard before the lieutenant of the Tenth Division had found him.

At least, until he had befriended Sōjirō. Or rather, until Sōjirō befriended him. His friend's enthusiasm for the ideal of shinigami as protectors had gradually chipped away at his fear. He had slowly begun to see his power as a tool that opened up opportunities for him instead of as a shameful thing to be suppressed and hidden. He had started to share Sōjirō's wonder at what his power could allow him to do- things he had never thought possible for him. He had yet to truly master his fear, but he liked to think he had made good progress. The biggest uncertainty adding to the fear was that while he knew what he did not want to do with his power, he was adrift with no idea what exactly he wanted to do with his power once he could use it properly.

Tōshirō had seen plenty of shinigami pass by in his lifetime, since Junrinan served as Seireitei's gate to the rest of West Rukongai. He had never really thought about them and what they did. They were like part of the scenery. He had even glossed over the lauded heroes in his history classes as dry facts. Then Sōjirō came along and started telling him random stories about the shinigami he met on his journey to Seireitei. The little things struck him: The patrolling shinigami who had saved the little town in North 44th from a hungry Hollow; the shinigami in North 38th who had flared his reiatsu to scare off some highway robbers who had targeted Sōjirō; the shinigami in North 29th who had given him an onigiri from his ration pack when he saw how exhausted and hungry Sōjirō was; the shinigami he encountered at an inn in North 13th who passed the time sheltering from a major storm by telling Sōjirō what he could expect at the Academy. Then he thought of the only shinigami he had interacted with himself before he went to Seireitei: the lieutenant of Tenth Division, who had taken offense on his behalf and chastised the rude shopkeeper, then followed up to warn him when she really didn't have to. It seemed a fair amount of shinigami were generally decent people who found ways to protect and help people who had less power than them. He knew there were exceptions- even Sōjirō with his largely idealistic views had told him of a couple instances of meeting callous shinigami- but he wondered if it might be a good goal to aim to be one of those decent, helpful shinigami. That goal seemed to make Sōjirō happy. He hadn't really thought of it consciously, but he had been caught in the wake of Sōjirō's optimism. Perhaps he should consciously swim with its flow. Fighting the tide of his power for fear of drowning had only exhausted him.

He was still tentative, though. He decided to let his introspection stew for a bit. He didn't want to rush into a decision as he had when that lieutenant had warned him of his power. Running hard in the other direction could work out just as badly.

Finished with his work, Tōshirō sat on the peak of the roof and stared out into the clear winter sky, thinking, thinking, thinking.

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That evening and the entire next day had passed in a whirlwind of cooking. Granny assigned them each certain tasks for completing the multiple dishes to be packed for the osechi-ryōri they would eat in the first days of the New Year. When darkness fell they set everything neatly aside and ate a light dinner. They spent the evening relaxing and enjoying each other's company over tea and snacks. The siblings told stories about the past year in Seireitei. Momo enthusiastically gushed about the misadventures of her trio of friends in Fifth Division and waxed poetic about how wonderful her captain was. Tōshirō spoke of Sōjirō shyly and sparingly at first but was soon coaxed into telling them about what they had done. He ended up relaying some of Sōjirō's stories from his journey. Momo was fascinated and recounted some of the things Renji had told her about his and Rukia's trip from Inuzuri. Tōshirō mentioned the ridiculous game of shiritori he and Sōjirō had played the night before their exams. The family then spontaneously played the game themselves. The evening was full of laughter. When the hour was quite late, the family ate toshi-koshi soba together. They finished as midnight approached.

Momo cheerfully asked, "Shiro-chan, think we can stay up for the first sunrise?"

Tōshirō assumed a haughty air. "Of course we can. We've survived exams for the advanced classes at Shin'ō. All-nighters are nothing."

Momo laughed brightly. "It's true, it's true!"

Thus began the quest to distract themselves into staying awake. They raided their old toy box. Momo dug out her old iroha-garuta set. Granny officiated a couple rounds before excusing herself for the night. She had chuckled softly as she announced that she simply didn't have the energy they did anymore and asked them to wake her so they could watch the dawn together. It was more difficult to find ways to stay awake while being quiet. At some point Tōshirō utterly demolished Momo at spinning tops. They ended up huddled in a corner playing multiple games of sugoroku and whispering to each other. Tōshirō couldn't remember the last time he had been so relaxed and happy.

They woke Granny when the sky outside began to lighten. She brewed a large pot of tea. Soon the little family was standing outside with some other families. They looked to the east, huddling together and warding off the predawn chill with steaming hot tea. Daybreak was lovely. The winter sky had been awash in violets and roses and the palest of yellows. The frost on all the plants and houses glittered like tiny jewels.

Tōshirō felt deeply peaceful. Everything just seemed brighter and more hopeful in the newborn sunshine. He looked at his grandmother and sister, looked at their happy smiles in the face of such a promising new year and thought, This. I want to protect this. This is what I can fight for- what I will fight for. I won't let fear hold me back anymore. I will move forward. I will learn to use my power not because I fear it but because I want to use it properly to protect them. To protect people like them. I've wondered so many times why I had to bear the curse of so much power. This is the reason. I should have seen that power as a blessing. It will help me be strong enough to protect them.

Granny turned to look at her grandson. He was looking at her and Momo, eyes distant but face openly affectionate and determined. She smiled. Perhaps she wouldn't have to worry about him quite as much after all.

As soon as the sun was fully up, Tōshirō and Momo yawned simultaneously. Granny chuckled and ushered them indoors. They barely managed to get themselves changed and to the right part of the house before they practically fell into bed. Happily exhausted, they slept the morning away.

Tōshirō dreamed.

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The dream began as it often did: A crescent moon glowed brightly high above a frozen plain, a vast open area enclosed by nothing save open sky. There was more snow on the ground and the few bare, dormant trees than there had been months before. Sleet still blew through the air, but it was not as thick and turbulent as it had once been. His breath condensed into small clouds before him, the air so cold it almost hurt to breathe. Once again he felt the sudden sense of something powerful approaching, as though raw power was rushing down from the moon above. The power struck the plain before him like the brightest of blue-white lightning. The blast kicked up ice and snow. The lightning bolt's flash revealed an enormous dragon made entirely out of ice. Tōshirō's breath caught in his throat. It was beautiful and terrible. Long streams of pale blue light poured off the dragon's body and flowed in all directions, carrying snow in the rivers of power. Tōshirō braced himself against the waves of reiatsu. His heart hammered and he knew he was still afraid. The icy avatar of his power dwarfed him. He took deep, gasping breaths and forced the fear back with great effort.

BOY!

The dragon's booming voice sounded muffled, as though he was shouting from a great distance. It was the first time in quite awhile that Tōshirō heard the dragon speak.

MY NAME IS-!

The howling wind swallowed the dragon's words. He wondered if the dragon had not spoken in the past months or if he had simply refused to hear him. Something told him it was the latter. He felt sick. Had he been smothering his power- this majestic dragon- that harshly?

HEAR ME! The voice took on a tone of frustrated desperation.

Tōshirō screwed up his courage and answered for the first time in months. "I'm trying!"

The great dragon shifted, flared his wings, and settled back on his serpentine coils. Somehow, Tōshirō got a sense of surprise and cautious hope. YOU ARE W- TO LISTEN? FINA- HEED MY CALL?

Tōshirō's face fell in dismay. "I'm trying, I swear! But I'm having trouble hearing you!"

A long silence stretched between them, broken only by the gale. Finally the dragon tilted his head to one side. Glowing red eyes regarded him searchingly. -FEAR ME. WHY?

Tōshirō's breath hitched. The strong voice held a deep undercurrent of sadness. He thought he would choke on the ambient sense of loneliness that filled his inner world. It was as if the loneliness he had felt in the waking world- in Junrinan, at Shin'ō- had been concentrated and turned within. He realized anew just how badly his obsession had reinforced his loneliness. He had even ostracized a portion of his own soul.

A tear streaked down his cheek. "I'm so sorry!" He gasped for air and tried not to cry. "You're just- you're just so- so huge and strong, and- and-" He wilted. "I'm just a kid. How am I supposed to control so much power? When I can't control it I hurt people. I don't want that. I'm so afraid of that. The books all say that connecting with your zanpakutō makes you get even stronger. If I can barely control my power now, how can I keep from hurting people if I accept all of your power, too? But-! I know- I mean-" He floundered, fighting shame. "I know now that pushing you away isn't going to solve anything. I'm not protecting anyone, I'm running away." He swallowed hard then shouted, "I don't want to be afraid anymore!" Somehow, he no longer minded if the dragon saw him cry.

The dragon was silent for awhile. He slowly bowed his head. His voice was gentle but firm when he finally said, YOU HAVE NOTHI- FEAR FR- ME. –NOT FEAR MY POWER. RESPECT-. – -OWER IS ONLY WILD BECA- -U REJEC-. ACCEPT M- -ND I WILL EVER- BY YOUR SIDE. -WILL PROTEC- WHAT Y- -ECT. LET US FLY TOGETH-

Tōshirō wiped his face with his arm and looked up at the dragon, his expression determined. "I want that! I do! So I'm trying! I promise to try harder! I want to use your power to protect people!" He drew a ragged breath, fighting against the weight of the loneliness that he had caused. "I won't leave you alone in here anymore!"

The dragon raised himself again. He settled back on his coils. Tōshirō picked up on a sense of satisfied relief. GOOD. I AM PROUD- OVERCOME– FEAR. I –DERSTAND IT WILL- TIME. FIND- OWN STRENGTH AN- LEND YOU MINE. He beat his wings for emphasis. -LOOK FORWAR- THE DAY YOU- MY NAME.

The wind picked up again. Tōshirō felt a great rushing, a sense of floating along in a river. The dragon reared up and shattered. The glittering shards spiraled up to the crescent moon from whence it came, carried by streamers of icy blue reiatsu. Then the current carried him off into peaceful, dreamless sleep.

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Next time: Kusaka needs a hug and I gleefully exploit more crossover characters instead of coming up with OCs. Because I can. :D

Let me know what you think. Con/crit welcome.