Warning(s): Adult language, blatant abuse of cool, magic powers, suggestions of violence
Word count: 1,002
Note(s): This happens sometime before "Look at What You Did" and Four Swords Adventures, while Vaati is still sealed inside the Four Sword. This also follows the idea that most if not all Zelda villains end up in some weird villain limbo while they're sealed away between conquests. For the entire scene, Vaati is in his Vaati Reborn form, because I adore the concept of Vaati realizing all the other villains are taller and scarier than him, and only using his Reborn and Wrath forms around them to make him toler and scarrier.
Slightly broken chandeliers lit up the ballroom, exposing hundreds of moblins, stalfos, and so on. The fragrant sound of a dozen violins was muffled by the idle chatter of the guests. At the very back laid a mahogany table, at which sat the most loyal and high-ranking of the Demon King's minions. This was where the sorcerer had lurked at the beginning of the evening, but now, two hours later, he found himself basking in the dimness of the second floor balconies, a punch bowl full of bonbons in one hand, a spell charging in the other.
Bored, red eyes flickered over the scene below, eventually settling on a busty, blue-skinned woman talking to the Lord of Darkness himself. While their interactions had been brief and uneventful to say the least, something about the younger witch had always rubbed him the wrong way, so the irate and malevolent loner took delight in targeting her. With a wave of his hand, the glass in hers burst, spilling iced tea all over her new dress. The Gerudo beside her gawked for a moment, then looked for someone to yell at, a hot, steaming rant on his tongue. It didn't take him long to find the culprit, his deadliest glare met with naught but lavender eyebrows raising in faux-innocence as pale claws popped another stolen treat between his lips.
Said culprit had to withhold a snicker as the king stormed off. He mindlessly played with the goods until he heard heavy, boot clad feet ascend. He didn't even flinch when the other came to stand next to him, despite his lingering expectation of disaster.
He was discomforted by the dark chuckle that replaced the usual shouted death threats. "Who would have thought the great and powerful wind mage would resort to pulling childish pranks on his fellow villains for entertainment?"
He took his time before speaking. "In some cultures, it is considered polite to bring the host a gift in return for their generosity. Consider the amusement brought by my 'childish pranks' your gift."
"Some gift," he growled. "You caused the other shit to happen, didn't you? The servers tripping on nothing, Zant and General Onox's plates getting switched, the ice sculpture of me melting?"
The grin on the accused's face was evidence enough. "Did you like the keese?"
"Goddesses, don't get me started on the keese." A gauntlet met the green of his face. "Why did you have to put them in the kitchen? Couldn't you have just, I don't know, let them fly around the ballroom? The staff are going to be cleaning out the cupboards for days- no, weeks!"
"Aw, but if I didn't do that, how were you going to remember me in the weeks to come?" Even the eye on his chest scrunched in only half-serious affection. "Here, I'll make it up to you. Have a chocolate for your troubles." He casually tossed a candy at the king's face, hitting his cheek. A single golden oculus twitched.
"Speaking of the chocolates, is there a reason you took all of them?"
"Yes, and a very good one at that."
"Oh really?"
The grin spread wider. "Collateral. If you never invite me to one of your 'Villain Conferences' again, I'll stop ruining your party."
The gracious host of the evening glared up at the sorcerer. "Vaati."
His only responses were a titled eyebrow and a mocking echo, "Ganon."
Ganondorf Dragmire sighed, "Why do you hate these so much?"
Vaati the wind mage observed the continuing dance with no little contempt. "It's a waste of time and energy. I could be plotting my revenge against that blasted hero, yet here I am, stealing candy and taking my frustrations out on the most pathetic excuses for evil I have had the displeasure of meeting. I accepted your invitation, as I have every other year, for the sole purpose of appearances." He rolled his eyes. "After all, no one says no to the King of Evil, Lord of Darkness, Champion of the Damned, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Ugh." He bit into another chocolate.
"You're salty because you don't have any friends to spend the night with." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.
He nearly spat the chocolate back out. But, instead, he hastily finished it before turning to scowl at Ganondorf. "E-Excuse you?"
The night's victim of unwarranted wrath was rather indifferent to his situation. "You rarely talk to the other villains, and when you do, your interactions are less than polite. You spend all your time holing yourself up in the Limbo Palace of Winds and never have guests. I only invite you to things because you're powerful and useful. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother. I know 'Prideful' is your middle name, but face it. You don't have friends."
The victim turned victimizer punctuated the end of his speech by taking a handful of candies. Vaati just watched him, eyebrows furrowed, jaw dropped. He snapped,
"I have friends!"
"Alright, name them."
He answered, hesitant, "There's Shadow Link, sort of, and-"
Ganondorf gave him a firm look.
Vaati averted his gaze with a pained expression. "-And that's it."
"What, you're not even friends with me?"
"You're not a friend." He swiped a few more candies, chewing them bitterly. "You're the asshole I sometimes work with because I have no other choice."
"... Good to know."
For a few beats, they observed the ball in silence. They stopped when tremendous screams floated up from below. Vaati casually remarked, "Looks like they found the bombchus."
Face an infinitely darker green than normal, Ganondorf raised a pointed finger at him, mouth wide and scowling, only to hold back whatever tangent he'd prepared as the west wing of the dark palace exploded. He stormed away from the balcony's edge, then quickly shouted a "This isn't over!" before disappearing down the stairs. Vaati just sat back and relished in his fellow schemers' distress. He huffed, drowning his loneliness in stolen chocolates.
Who needs friends when you have magic?