Kaidan Alenko had learned the hard way that he couldn't be surprised anymore.

First there was that moment, where the Normandy was attacked, and while he was able to make it to the escape pod, he was told Jennifer Shepard didn't. She had gotten spaced, and that was that. The Normandy was gone, and the woman he loved went with it.

It took two years to move on, and he didn't do that successfully.

Second, there was that moment on Horizon, where he watched from behind a building as Shepard attacked the collectors, with Garrus and a brunette woman he didn't recognize. She was alive. Shepard was alive and the mix of emotions were too much for him - and the fact that she was with Cerberus was even worse. She wasn't who he thought she was.

Third, there was the moment on Mars, where he found himself chasing after a dammed AI, and soon he was slammed into the ground. Blacked out. Woke up in Huerta Memorial Hospital and found that Shepard wasn't there. But things changed, and she came back, she was still around. She still cared. It was enough to keep going.

Fourth, well that was when the war ended. When Shepard didn't return. When all those promises were broken, as he got pulled back from the battle field by James, dragging him into the Normandy. When they crashed landed on a garden planet, it didn't surprise Kaidan at all.

When they held the memorial on the ship, it didn't surprise him.

When he didn't put Shepard's name up right away, it surprised no one.

But when he finally placed that plaque up there, underneath Admiral Anderson's name? That shocked everyone.

So by now, Kaidan Alenko knew that when someone had something to tell you, you had to be cautious and you had to be suspicious. You had to be on the top of your game, because at any moment the world could come crashing down around you.

This had happened to Kaidan twice in his lifetime, and he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it the second time around. This time, at least there were others dealing with the same loss he had, but it had gotten tiresome after a while to have everyone tell you to "cheer up" and that everything would be fine. Liara had mentioned in passing once that he had to just move on with his life, because that was what Shepard would have wanted.

But it wasn't about what Shepard wanted, because Shepard wasn't here. It had to be about what Kaidan wanted, and he had no idea what that was anymore.

After the war ended and the Citadel was being rebuilt, Kaidan struggled to find his place in the world. With the Reapers gone, and most synthetic life gone as well, there were changes that needed to be made. The struggle to get technology back up and running was a large one, but if Humanity and the other races had done it before, they could do it again.

It still didn't mean that Kaidan wasn't lonely. He was. Miserably so. Not to say that he didn't try to move on. He did. But failed. Again, miserably so. There had been a moment with a stalker but...well, that wasn't important now.

What remained of Shepard's crew would get together once a week, talk about the good days, drink, play cards, and did anything they could to keep the topic off the horrible moments. After a while, the crew started to go their own ways, and Kaidan found the only ones really left around him were Joker, James, and Jack. The others, well they left one by one, trying to make their lives outside of the Citadel. After a while, even he could get all those that were left confused, just slurring "Hey J!" and waiting to see who turned around so he could bug them for another drink.

He had fallen into a routine of drinking and gambling, and he was slowly losing his mind for it.

It had been recently that he started to receive messages from Miranda Lawson. She seemed to be looking to make contact with the old crew again, having never gone to the weekly meetings before, and wanted to know how he was. Eventually, the brunette that Kaidan looked at with a raised eyebrow on Horizon became a good friend. They got to know each other more largely through the extranet, and that was fine with him.

Their little written exchange had become one Kaidan didn't actually mind looking forward to, until she requested that they meet for dinner one night at the Sushi place on the strip.

He couldn't blame her for being so blunt when she asked him to meet her. Miranda was to the point, beautiful and deadly, but he supposed that was what perfect genetics gave you. Meeting up with Miranda, well it wasn't something that they hadn't done before. They had checked in, though never at the Citadel, never in person.

This felt different. It felt almost wrong.

He was suspicious.

Kaidan supposed it could also be the timing of Miranda's message, and her request. It had almost been a year since the war ended, since Shepard died again (and this time for good), and the wound wasn't healing. He had gotten past Shepard before, he should have been an old pro by now. But last time, Shepard was alive.

Kaidan kept hoping Shepard was still alive until he gave up hope, and no longer believed that she was. He couldn't let himself think that anymore, because living in her apartment was too painful. He lived in her apartment now, because of Liara. Because Liara demanded he do it, becauseKaidan, no one can take care of the memories like you can, and how could he tell the Shadow Broker no? He didn't want to meet an Asari firing squad, if he remembered correctly no one survived those.

Or so Liara said.

Moving into the apartment twelve months ago was a struggle, and living there practically alone was worse at first. The ghosts of Anderson and Shepard seemed to be everywhere, and Kaidan could hardly deal with the apartment when he was sober, and it was even worse when he was drunk and potentially seeing things.

It was then that the suggestion for a roommate came to play, and Samantha Traynor came running into the apartment. Pretty soon, they both shared the same space. Kind of. They were never around when the other person was and hardly spoke now thanks to Samantha's new relationship, but knowing that someone else was there, and that someone wasn't a ghost? Well it kept the sanity in check.

Twelve months later after things changed, after the war ended, Kaidan was sitting in that exact apartment, staring at his Omni Tool and wondering how he would respond to Miranda. Did he want to meet her? Did he want to bring up the past? Did he want to be reminded of the past? The answer to that was no, but since he seemed to be living in the shadow of the greatest Commander who ever lived, and lived now (or hardly existed) in her apartment, well he didn't have a choice. He wasn't allowed to give up the past. No one would let him.

After an hour of debating, Kaidan finally gave in. He sent a quick message that he would meet her, and she responded instantly with the time and place. Today. Sushi. Dress nice.. What was this? A date?

That thought made Kaidan sick to his stomach, and he swallowed it down with a shot of Peruvian Whiskey. This was just going to be catching up, a quick dinner, and that was that.

So he dressed, and left the apartment, making his way to the sushi place. It was a good one, before Shepard had ruined it once, and well, it was weird coming back. Was there going to be another clone? Was there going to be another struggle? Dear god, was there going to be another Brooks?

There were too many memories going through his mind as he walked down those long stairs, as he was waved in by the door man. Spectre status had it's perks, even if he didn't even do that job anymore. Or tried not to do that job anymore.

Still, there she was. Miranda Lawson, always on time (or maybe Kaidan was just always late these days), waiting at a table in the back of the room. He smiled as he saw her, nodding a hello before he took the open seat next to her. He leaned forward a bit, his hands clasping each other over the table, "Well, Miranda, you wanted to see me, and...so, yeah. Here I am."

Whatever this was, couldn't be said over the extranet, and that was the real reason why he was suspicious. The last time this happened...his life changed. He didn't know if he could deal with that again. At least, not while sober, and dammit it took biotics longer to get drunk than normal.

This had the potential to be a very long night.