Chapter 2
At first, I feel nothing but relief. I blame the biological part of me. It would go against everything evolutionary not to react the way I did when I was in the situation I was. Losing the ability to have children, and against my will at that, goes against the very fundamental thing that makes up a person. I convince myself this because it is easier to argue like this rather than accept the alternative that would mean that I actually want children. I have never allowed myself to think like this before, and it's a scaring thought.
"Wh- I don't understand what's happening." I say because that is the truth. One minute I was Unpairable and on my way to get sterilized. Now, just seconds before the blue haired doctor was about to destroy the very thing that makes me a woman, they've found me a match. My heart sinks in my chest, like an anchor of lead tossed into the ocean, as I think of this. There is no way that my new partner is from District 12, I realize. It wouldn't have taken them this long to find him if he was. The relief I felt earlier dies down and is replaced by a suffocating dread.
The doctor looks at me with an unreadable expression, almost to the point where I could've figured her emotions out easier if she had worn a mask like the Peacekeeper does. "It seems that there was an," She stops, considering her next words carefully,"...incident which left a paired female unable to consummate with her partner. This leaves a male that is genetically compatible to you unpaired, which is why he'll pair with you." I can't help but wonder why I wasn't paired with him from the beginning but as I am about to ask her, the Peacekeeper in the room motions for me to stand up. I do so hastily, totally forgetting about my state of undress. My face flushes red immediately as I scramble for my white underwear and tan pants. My toe gets stuck in a hole on my knee and in my hurry to pull them up, I rip the fabric even more. I curse under my breath as I finally manage to get my pants on, and is not given even a momentarily pause to catch my breath as the Peacekeeper grabs my arm and leads me out of the room. I see two other women outside the doctor's chamber of horror and shudder at what is about to happen to them. I doubt there will be any timely matches for them.
The Peacekeeper does not answer me when I ask it where I'm going, but my heart gets stuck in my throat as I hear the train whistle in the distant. The only time a train arrives in Twelve is when a new squad of Peacekeepers arrive. It used to arrive a train on Reaping day, but that is supposedly history now.
I begin to panic as we approach the station. I am not ready for this. I haven't even said goodbye to my family. They weren't home when the guards came knocking on my door and must be out of their minds worried by now. The white clad figure beside me tighten its grip on my arm as I struggle.
"Stop." It's a female voice. At least they had the decency to position a female guard in the doctor's office. I don't stop. I am nothing if not persistent.
"My family. I need to see them." I say through gritted teeth, eyes blazing furiously. The wind is growing colder by the minute, as the sky becomes gradually darker. The coldness brings painful goosebumps to my arms, but the chills does nothing to stop the fire within me. I need to see my family. I know I have no choice when it comes to leaving, knowing that the Capitol will hurt them if I resist, but I need to say goodbye.
The Peacekeeper says nothing, only drags me onto the platform, where I can see a train approach in the distant. Suddenly I hear a familiar voice.
"Katniss!" I turn just as the short blonde hugs me forcefully.
"Prim." I say hoarsely, tears threatening to spill. She looks up at me with mothers blue eyes, questioningly. Behind her I see mother, standing unsurely by a torn bench. If one could even call it that anymore. It looks more like a pile of splintered wood.
"Katniss what is happening?" Prim asks me. She looks worried and as if she knows that nothing good is coming. I look away from her gaze.
"I have to go. They've found me a match." I say. She starts to cry immediately and I struggle not to join her.
"Where?"
"I don't know." I tell her truthfully. My mother looks at me with a painful gaze from behind Prim. I haven't truly forgiven her for when she abandoned us all those years ago, but in this moment I only see the mother that I will miss. The mother that existed when my father was alive.
"You cannot leave her again." My voice is a force, knocking down everything in its path. "She can't survive without you. You need to be strong for her." She looks at me with ashamed eyes. I know that she is sorry, and maybe I do forgive her in this moment, but I need to know that she'll be there for Prim when I cannot. They'll have to survive off mother's healing alone, and maybe with some help from Gale. My best friend. I hurts me that he isn't here but he probably doesn't even know that I'm leaving. It's painful. The whole situation is. I don't want to leave, but a small part of me is thankful that they didn't sterilize me. Still, it hurts; more than anything ever has. Knowing that life in Twelve will continue onward without me makes my heart ache.
Out of the corner of my eye I see the modern train approach the station and panic fills me. I pull Prim to me, crushing her in the tightest hug possible. I try to remember her, every detail of her. This most likely the last time I will ever see her.
"Katniss, please don't go." She says through her tears. I push my own tears down, forcing myself to be strong for her.
"I have to, little duck." My voice wavers at her nickname. She grips me tighter but is forced to let go as the train stops at the station and the Peacekeeper drags me onboard. It's a smart move, I wouldn't have come otherwise.
My heart breaks when the door closes behind me and I watch Prim cry outside the window. I try to make eye contact with her but the guard forces me to continue inside the train. I gasp at the interior. Colors I didn't even know existed stains the furniture of the train cart and it's more luxurious than anything I have ever seen before. Dark walls, blue circular chairs and a table filled with food. The Peacekeeper does not have to force me any further, I continue forward on my own, stroking the blue chairs as I do. They feel incredibly soft. I'm about to sit down but the Peacekeeper stops me.
"Not here." Is all she says and I look up at her questioningly but continue forward all the same. We enter a hallway with two doors. I see signs on them and at first I cannot see what they say as someone has tried to scratch the text off the golden surface. They haven't succeeded though as I can tell what it says once I try.
Female Tribute, D12.
I feel sick. Though I should've know. This train is far to fancy to be anything but a deceiving product of the Captiol, made to fool the former tributes that the Capitol is nice and 'forgiving'.
I plant my gaze on the maroon carpet beneath me. I do not want to see anymore of this train. I don't want to be enthralled by it's beauty. Once we enter the second, or maybe third, cart a stench of alcohol immediately hits me, so forceful I almost topple over. Once I look up from the floor I understand why. Inside sits the sole Victor of District 12. Haymitch Abernathy. His drunken state is what defines him other than his statues as a Victor so once I recognize him I am not surprised to see him drunk. I am surprised that he is here at all though.
"Sweetheart, how nice of you to join me." He says and I frown at the nickname. He snickers as he pours himself another drink. The stench makes me gag.
"Not like I had a choice." I say. His eyes widen for a millisecond before he recovers and take a sip from his glass.
"Feisty." Is all he says. After a while he motions at the blue chair opposite of him. "Well, are you going to stand there the whole journey or are you going to sit down?" He asks. When I make no move towards the chair, nor say anything, he continues. "Suit yourself. It's a long way to District 2."
"District 2?" Is that were I'm going? To a career district? Pictures of men built like statues, with swords in their hands and malicious grins on their faces fills my mind. I shudder. The tributes from Two was always the worst, the most brutal. They killed for fun, for the games. Citizens of District know how to play the game and so they are the most favored district by the Capitol. The Capitol lapdogs.
"Yes. Isn't that the dream Sweetheart? You're going to be career!" He laughs loudly at his own words, as if he just said the most amazing joke ever. I glare at him. Obviously I know that I'm not going to be a career in the literal sense but I feel sick all the same. There is not any place I could think of worse than District 2. Well maybe the Capitol but it is impossible to end up there since they don't have to participate in this new ordeal.
My mind fills with anxious thoughts of my future. Surely the man I am paired to will be like the monsters on the television. I cannot imagine touching such a creature, any less have children with one. At the thought of children, an image of my future children fighting dummies with swords hits me like a powerful punch from a career. The air in my lungs gets stuck momentarily and I feel dizzy. I sit down on the chair Haymitch motioned to earlier. He must see my panicked expression because for a moment he looks at me with clear eyes, no trace of alcohol in them.
"Just do what you're told. Try to fit in. Two is nothing like Twelve and you need to realize that right now." He says. I stare at him and try to comprehend his words. I have only seen one part of District two and that is their white marble Justice Building on the television when there used to be Reapings or when the tribute from Two won. It looked more expensive than the whole of District Twelve together. Nothing like the concrete Justice Building in our district.
"I can't fit in. I am not a coldblooded murderer like them. I did not celebrate nor enjoy the Games." Haymitch's grey eyes stare at me harshly. They seem angered, or maybe scared, by my words. I am about to continue but he stops me.
"Listen, Katniss," My name sounds strange coming out if his mouth. "You cannot talk that way, ever. You're on your way to the most Capitol-loyal district out of them all and if you speak that way once you're there, they will have you hung for treason." He runs a hand through his greasy hair. "Hell, you cannot even speak like this in front of your future husband. Not if you want to live."
I stare at him in silence, not fully comprehending my situation. Of course I know that every sentence uttered against the Capitol and our regime is an act of treason but no one in Twelve ever cared. Not even the Peacekeepers.
"Outside of Twelve, the walls have eyes. Never forget that." Haymitch adds before breaking his gaze to look outside the window of the moving train. I couldn't even tell it was moving.
"What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act?" My questions are quiet and uncharacteristically vulnerable. I have a hard time looking at the drunk man in front of me as I ask it.
He simply stares at me for a long time, silently regarding me and judging me. After an eternity he speaks. "Don't act like yourself. Do the opposite of what Katniss Everdeen would do in every situation. Twelve is very different from Two and what is honorable here is frowned upon there." I swallow audibly. The thought, simply the thought, of having to live somewhere for the rest of my existence as someone other than myself is painful. It makes every nerve in my body sting in emotional agony. "To put it simply, stay alive." Haymitch adds sarcastically to which I simply answer with a glare. I have neither the will nor the strength to answer with words right now.
The rest of the journey I only gaze out the window as Haymitch drinks opposite of me. I have many questions, like why I wasn't paired to my partner earlier and why Haymitch is here at all. But I am to tired to ask any of them, or maybe I don't want to hear the answer. Still, a rebellious part of me asks them just as the first flakes of snow hits the window of the train.
"Since there are no more games, the job of mentoring the tributes is history. Of course the Capitol can't have their Victors doing nothing so one of our new jobs is to escort future brides and grooms to their new happy homes." The sarcasm is dripping from his mouth as he answers my two questions.
"The Capitol wants the citizens of the poorer districts to stay there, and in your case you and a girl from One was equally compatible to a boy from Two. Though the girl from One had one other pairing that she was compatible with, she was chosen to pair with the boy from Two. They'd rather have pairs from elite districts only match with each other." This angers me, and it confuses me. If they're doing this to repopulate the country, shouldn't they do just that? By reasoning the way they do, they'll end up making a lot of fertile people Unpairable and unable to contribute simply because of something like where one is born. "Of course the Pairing between One and Two never happened and now, here we are."
"Why?" I cannot help but ask, though I doubt I want to hear the answer. The gaze he give me confirms it even before he says it.
"She killed herself."
"Wh-" I choke on my words. He seems to understand what I'm trying to say though.
"No one knows. The report only said that she jumped in front of a moving car the same day of their pairing." The sudden urge to puke hits me and I have to grip the chair tightly to force the urge to stay an urge. I do not want to meet my future partner. It seems like I've been paired to a monster. I can't help but to imagine a brutal man with sharpened teeth (like an earlier Victor) and bloodied fists. Horrible pictures float inside my head and I shudder. I'm off to a great start, I think bitterly. Afraid of my new partner before I've even met him. I know I shouldn't judge before I've even seen him but I cannot help it. His original partner killed herself, so I am allowed to feel frightened.
The stray snowflakes outside becomes many, until I am able to see nothing but white through the window. I get up from my chair and walk towards it, pressing both of my palms towards the surface. It's a cold, but welcome chill. As I stand here the train starts to slow down and as it does, my heart picks up its pace. Haymitch comes to stand next to me but he doesn't speak until we can see the train station in the distant. Even from this distance and even through the snow, I can still see that it is more extravagant than anything I have ever seen in real life. I imagine the inside of the station to even more beautiful than the interior of this train.
"Just stay alive Sweetheart." Haymitch finally says as the train comes to a halt. My gaze breaks from the white marble building accented in gold outside, and onto the torn man besides me. I stare at him in horror, but then I school my face into my usual impassive farce. Nodding once, I start walking the way I came with the same Peacekeeper as earlier hack on my heels. I see no one outside the window as I head for the exit and it's first when I step outside that I realize why. It's freezing. Not just because I'm not wearing a jacket (thanks to the hurry of the awful guard behind me). It is truly the coldest weather I've ever experienced. I immediately hate this place.
The Peacekeeper cares nothing of my rattling teeth and painful goosebumps, she only pushes me forward. I almost stumble as I'm forced inside the station and I would've turned and glared at her had it not been because I was right earlier when I made the assumption that this station would be glamours. White, spotless floors and walls cover the surface. Golden chandeliers casts a warm light over the room that reflects in the shiny floors. But even though the light is warm I can't help but to feel as if the hall is...cold. There is something about this building that sends as much chills up my spine as the weather outside. My attention soon shifts though, as my gaze falls on the suit clad man leaning against one of the marble pillars. He looks up right as I notice him and my breath hitches in my throat. As much as I hate to admit it, he is the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Never before have I thought of any man that way, but that is truly the only way to describe him. Sure, I've seen Gale when he swims in the lake back home and Peeta when he carries heavy sacks of flour halfway across town. Gale is handsome, and Peeta is pretty but neither holds a candle to the man I'm heading towards now. His face is perfectly chiseled with a strong jaw and nose, and with icy blue eyes that are watching me equally coldly. I suddenly feel self-conscious by his gaze. The way he's looking at me makes me feel unworthy, so for reasons that are unfathomable to the strong Katniss of District 12, I avert my gaze back to the floor. I tell myself that I am only following Haymitch's advise. Stay alive.
"Well?" His voice is deep and exactly everything one would expect coming form someone that looks like him. I look back up at him questioningly. "Aren't you going to introduce yourself?" I frown at the condescending tone he has, but do not comment. Stay alive.
"Don't you already know my name from the letter?" I assume he got one, even though I didn't. I presume he had the time for one to arrive, unlike me. His gaze is unreadable as he regards me. Then he shrugs uncaringly, as if to say: "I don't really care."
"Katniss Everdeen, sixteen years. From the very slums of Panem." He says the last bit with a sneer on his luscious lips. My frown grows.
"Still better than being from a Career district." I say before I can stop myself. I want to clamp my hand on my mouth as soon as the words spill from my lips. They came before I could stop them. As if they were spoken by instinct. My frightened eyes travel to meet his gaze and it's a struggle to keep it there. His eyes are on fire. My body's instinctual reaction to this seems to be to put my chin out and raise my head higher. What happened to stay alive?
"To bad you're a citizen of one now then." He, this man whose name I have yet to learn, sneers before he turns his attention to the guard behind me. "We're good here." He tells her with an authority I envy. I'm about to tell him that she won't listen, but I never have the time to since she's already walking away. My gaze stares questioningly at the handsome man in front of me. Why would she listen to him?
If he understands my silent question, he doesn't acknowledge it. Instead he simply turns on his heel and heads in the opposite direction from which I arrived. My marginally shorter legs than his struggle to keep up with his pace and I almost have to run which makes me walk straight into his broad back when he stops suddenly. He casts me an, what I can only describe as incredibly irritated, stare. I shrug back, as if to say: "Not my fault."
"Don't you have a jacket?" He asks me condescendingly as we're about to step outside. I roll my eyes but regret it when I see his angry stare. I mentally slap myself. What happened to stay alive?
"Of course I have one, back ho-," I say but stop. Home. I was going to say home. "Back in Twelve." My pride does not allow for me to meet his mocking stare as I correct myself.
"And you didn't think of bringing it with you to the coldest District in Panem?" He laughs mockingly. "Are you both poor and stupid?" Fire blaze in my orbits as he insults me. This man that I've known for barely ten minutes is already treating me like dirt under his shoe, and I am supposed to be his future wife. I can't help but to think of the girl from One, and one small part of me understands her. Though I would never kill myself because my survival instinct is so high, I know that a life with this man won't be happy.
"You know nothing about me. You have known me for what, ten minutes? And you already insult me." Not one part of my being cares if I anger him right now. To hell with Haymitch's advise. I'll never subject to this kind of treatment, even if it'll mean the end of me. "You have absolutely no knowledge of who I am, or of what I've lived through." My voice cracks on the last word but I pay no mind, far to angry at this blonde man in front of me to care if I embarrass myself.
"And I have no will to either." His voice is smug, like he enjoys my frustration. He probably does. He strikes me as the kind of person that enjoys other people's suffering.
"No, of course you don't. To you I'm nothing more than a breeding machine to impregnate and be done with, right?" He looks a me with disgust, his eyes traveling up and down my body several times.
"I wish you weren't even that." What happens next seems to move in slow motion. My hand reaches up to slap him before I've even had the chance to think the thought. The palm of my hand never connects with his face though. Instead I feel his fingers incircle my wrist in a stone grip. His eyes are blazing as much as the touch of his hand on my wrist is. I can't describe the feeling because it is unlike anything I've felt before. Painful, yet electric. When I meet his eyes though, I wish I hadn't.
Whatever the fuck happened to stay alive?