I don't know if I'll continue to have ideas for this story while in the process of finishing my other two stories. I'm enjoying writing this story so I hope I continue to get ideas. If I get enough positive feedback it should feed my motivation. I hope you enjoy. Please review. :)

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyers

Bella Pov

Confession # 2: I'm lonely

Flasbacks before my closed eyes, they play out like a movie. Memories of us...memories we can never share, because we were never meant to be. If I hadn't met Alice, I would have never met him, and his marriage would be great.

He says that there's no way that I can know that, and that everything happens for a reason. We didn't meet by chance. We didn't fall in love by chance. We fell in love because we were made to love eachother. It was predestined.

Was I predestined to be this weak?

I am so weak, but I want to be strong. Strong enough to leave? Strong enough to utter the words, 'I'm too good for you'. Strong enough to not look back?

Is that really what I want? He'll ask me that question. I know us so well. He'll ask the question, I won't have an answer for him, and he'll leave. He'll make the choice for me if he thinks that's really what I want.

I close my diary once again, weeks after my last entry on New Years Day. He left, leaving me with a kiss that I will never forget. I haven't seen him since.

I close my eyes getting into flashback mode, better known as my happy place. I think back to one of our encounters at Alice's house for her birthday.

October 23, 2014

I close my eyes and try to catch my breath as I lean against the wall, momentarily in shock. His wife is here. Of course she's here. She's Alice's sister in law. I hold back tears trying to keep calm because what reason do I have for crying?

When I open my eyes, green eyes are staring back at me and I jump.

I didn't even hear foot steps approaching. He walks towards me slowly, every so often he looks at my lips. He slowly places his hands at my hips.

I stop all movement, and revil in the feeling of his hands on my body. He leans down to speak into my ear. "Stop running away from me.", I shake my head and push at his arms that have my hips in a death grip. He grinds his center into mines and hisses. "Do you feel how hard I am for you".He says in that lustfilled voice that makes me drip. I silently curse my body for responding to him so eagerly. So much need, so much desperation. I loose all self control. He lifts my dress, and with his eyes on my face, he pushes my panties aside, and shoves two fingers into my hot wet center. I moan.

He growls, removing his fingers. "Fuck...I have to have you", He whispers in my ear and I visibly shiver, panting heavily. I haven't been with him in a few days so my body is longing for his touch. He kisses my lips, my chin, my jaw, my neck, I hiss running my hands through his hair and down his back. He forcefully moves my panties to the side. He unfastens his belt, and pushes them slightly down. I pant in anticipation.

He leans down and kisses me before grabbing me by my thighs and lifting me. I wrap my legs around his waist, as he enters me with a deep thrust upward. My head lulls back hitting the wall with a thud. He fucks me hard and fast against that wall.

"Fuck", I try to whisper, not wanting the people on the other side of this wall to hear. I grip onto his hair as he leans his head to my shoulders muttering obscenities.

At any moment someone can round that corner and catch us in the act, but even with that knowledge we continue. We are only human with human desires, and my desire for him has never been more ablaze.

I'm heated with jealousy that I'm not supposed to feel, causing me to act primal. I almost mark him. He stops me from sinking my teeth into his shoulder with one word. "Bella", He groans.

He continues to fuck me, and I hold on to his shoulders shuddering as I cum. He's so close to his release, so I encourage him. "Cum for me baby", I whisper, and he growls lowly taking a strong hold of my hips as he fucks me. "Fuck me, yes...", I seductively say in his ear.

He stills. "Ahh", He reaches his release, putting his forhead to my shoulders, and releasing my thighs. My feet fall to the ground with the clink of my heels. He kisses my chest. "You look beautiful baby", He says as he steps away from me, fixing his clothes up as he looks me up and down.

Because I'm feeling bitter, even after a mind blowing quickie, I reply. "Did you tell your wife the same thing", I say as I look down not wanting to see the look on his face.

"Don't concern yourself with what I tell my wife, Isabella", He says causing me to look up at him as rage overtakes me. How dare you?

"Are you fucking kidding me, Edward", I shout and watch as his face turns dark. He takes a step to me and I stand up straighter suddenly feeling threatened. I don't back down though, or let him know that he is intimidating me. I hate being treated like an errant child.

He slowly raises his hand, running the back of his fingers across my cheek. "Bella, why can't you be understanding", His eyes squint shut as he holds a bemused facial expression.

"Understanding? You want me to be understanding", I take a step to him glaring at him.

"Yes, more understanding.", He puts a hand his pocket, turning his body as if it would help me to understand.

"Of what?", I say with a slight raise in my tone and he looks away, but I can see his face. He looks like a bewildered little boy. It breaks my heart. "Of what Edward", I say softer than before.

"Of us", He whispers. "This is all we have", He looks like he doesn't even know what he's saying. What does he even mean by that? Love is confused.

I stand back straight, not sure how to take his words. "Maybe this isn't all that I want. I want more out of our relationship",I almost fold my arms and stomp my feet.

With the same bewildered look, creased eyebrows, he looks around, running a hand down his chin. "More?", He scuffs.

"Yes, Edward. I want more. I deserve more", His head falls and I tilt my head down in attempt to catch his gaze.

"I can't offer you that right now Bella", He shakes his head with lowered eyebrows.

"Then let me go",I say without thinking. I want so much more from him. I want all of him.

"I can't", He whispers lowly each word filled with anguish. I tell him that he can, and he cuts me off. "Bella, I can't", He says a little louder.

"And why not", I ask him quickly.

"Because...", He starts, rubbing the back of his head. "Because every time that I see you. I can't help myself", He breathes the words out across my face, and I close my eyes inhaling his words, letting them touch deep inside of me. "I can't be without you"

After that day, I told myself that I would just enjoy what we have and live in the moment. Just being near him is enough.

Today is Edwards sons birthday. I told myself that I would be okay not seeing him today. He hasn't been in Seattle since New Years and having him so close without having him close enough will be hard, but I'm convinced that I'm just strong enough to do it. He is a parent first. I wouldn't come between that.

He did call me last night. He told me all of the dirty things that he wanted to do to me as soon as he can get his hands on me. I smile from ear to ear, letting his words caress my body, caress my mind. The flirty way in which he enunciated his words made me reach between my legs to pleasure myself. I listened as his words dripped with sex pushing me over the edge.

When our conversation was over I was spent. I laid there across my bed with a smile spread across my face hoping to see him soon. He never tells me when he can see me. Love doesn't want to disappoint.

Today was no different. He didn't say that he could see me later today after his son's birthday party. I have no reason to feel disappointed, except that that is exactly how I feel. Disappointed that he can have amazing phone sex with me last night, but then ignore me today.

I texted him 'goodmorning handsome', which he did not respond to. I asked how his sons birthday party was going, trying to be polite, and show interest in something other than his penis. I received no reply. At six his sons party should have been over. It's nine now, and still no reply.

I don't know rather to be worried or pissed. I decide to be pissed. I text him furiously.

No reply? How mature! -B

I smile down at my phone re-reading my text. Why wont you answer me? I miss you.

Ding. It's him.

Who is this? -E

Excuse me? My heart drops.

Did he change his number and not tell me? Should I ask Alice? I'm worried about him.

I dial her number quickly, not thinking straight. "Bells, I promise that I'll be home tomorrow.", She answers on the second ring.

"Hey Ali, do you think you can text me Edwards number", I ask her unsure if this is an okay thing to do.

"Yea sure Bells. Why do you need my brothers number", She asked in a high pitched tone, her voice full of skepticism. My eyes widen, feeling caught. I have to think of something, and quick.

"Edward mentioned me tutoring his son, so I was just getting his number so we can get started.", I say quickly, hoping that she doesn't catch my lie.

"Hmm?", She starts. "Had no idea Mason was struggling in school. Sure I'll text it when the party is over"

"So his party is still going on", I ask quickly. He's not ignoring me.

"Yea, Edward refused to start the party without Laurens parents there. They were running late, as usual. I'm surprised they even showed", she sighs and I don't know how to feel about what she said. "Well, I'll send you his number, and I'll see you tomorrow",

We say goodbye, I hang up quickly, sighing in relief that he's okay, and that he's not ignoring me. He's just really busy. I understand that. Love is understanding. I can be understanding.

Morning comes and I'm restless. Edward didn't show, he didn't call, and he didn't even text. So I didn't sleep. I waited until three in the morning, and finally fell asleep. Too bad it wasn't peaceful sleep.

I glared at my phone, telling myself that if he dare call I would give him a piece of my mind. I look at my alarm clock. Looks like I slept in. Its after 1.

Ding. I snatch my phone up. Angry, but hoping, only to be disappointed. It's not him.

Bells, are you coming out with us tonight? -Jake

Out where? -B

Out to this new club skye. Everyone is going to be there. -J

I rather do that then sit around waiting for Edward to possibly show.

When -B

When I get off. Just be ready. We'll come by -J

I decide to get up and get dressed before spending a quiet day reading a book. I told myself that I wasn't waiting at the house hoping Edward still showed. I told myself that I'd rather be alone. I'm obviously in denial.

I begin to read Jane Eyre, because I'm obsessed with the book, but my mind keeps wondering off to Edward. Why the hell hasn't he called?

Around five I get up to eat, hating the fact that once again I'm stuck in my apartment all alone. All of my friends have a life, and they are living theirs. My life is passing me by because I've become centered around pleasing one person. I've been anchored around all things Edward.

I'm near the end of the book by nine thirty pleased once again by how well written my favorite story is.

I yawn, closing my book, I get up and get dressed. My usual low cut red shirt with my black peacoat, black tights that make my ass look great, paired with wedge heel ankle boots. It's cold outside. Too cold to dress sexy?

Not that the weather will stop any other girls. I'm different though. I tell myself that I'm taken. I'm spoken for. I don't need to dress sexy because I have a guy that tells me that I'm beautiful. It's a lie, but it gives me an excuse not to try so hard.

At eleven my phone dings. I get excited, but then I hear a knock at the door. It can't be him.

He never knocks. I open the door and force a smile to my face. Its Jake.

"Bells!", He lifts me into a hug. "Where's Angela", He asks as he sets me back on my feet.

"Out with Ben", I answer him and watch his face scrunch up. "That guy?", He asks. "She's still dating him", He asks and I nod laughing at his facial expression. "I hoped that you had invited her"

I shake my head no. "I haven't spoken to her since yesterday.", I say and he nods.

"Welp you ready to go? The gang is in the car", He asks pointing a thumb back.

"Yea, just let me grab my phone", I turn and walk to the coffee table bending to grab my phone. I feel eyes on me. I roll my eyes. "Jake your eyes had better not be on my ass", I turn quickly to see him rubbing his hands together, looking everywhere but at me.

"You shouldn't wear such appealing clothes Bella. You're begging me to look at your ass", He says in a duh voice, blaming me. I wore this outfit thinking it was the least sexiest thing in my closet.

I roll my eyes again and walk out of my door, he follows. Ding. Its my phone again. I'll read it when I get in the car.

I lock up and walk to his car, hopping in quickly. I see Paul, Seth, Leah, and Emily stuffed in the back seat, so I sit passanger.

We listen to the music, passing around a joint on our way to the club. We wait in line for close to an hour just to pay our money.

We eventually get in and immediately I go to the bar with the ultimate goal of getting shitfaced. I toss back glass after glass, Jake buys me a shot, I even toss that back. I'm feeling the affects of my quick alcohol consumption. I talk to strangers, I dance around, I laugh, I cry, and I never leave the bar. Love is drunk.

I'm in the middle of finishing off a glass, and trying to swirl around in my chair with one foot when Jake approaches. "I'm taking you home Bella, you're drunk"

He reaches for me, I swat his hands. "I'm not fucking drunk", I giggle, slapping at his chest. "No, no, no Jacob Black! You are the one that is drunk mister",

"Okay, up you go", He helps me stand. I almost slip, but someone catches my other side. I look over and see Seth.

They carry me to the car, helping me in.

Ding.

I hear my phone, but I have no energy to reach for it. My stomach lurches. "Jake I'm gonna-", I say before emptying my stomach on the floor of his car.

"Oh no, Bella!", He touches the back of his head, looking where I threw up. "Are you okay"

I nod, because words fail me. I'm embarrassed.

We pull up to my apartment, he helps me out, helping me up the stairs. That's when I see him.

Edward.

He sees me too, and he does not look happy. "Edward?", I call to him. His face doesn't change.

"Bells, you know this guy",Jake ask me. Edward walks up to us.

"I'll take it from here, thank you", Edward reaches for me, but Jake doesn't quite release me, which amgers Edward more.

"I'm okay Jake. I'll see you later", I say and Jake nods his head, releasing me.

"Call me Bells.", He says as he leaves.

Awkward silence passing between Edward and I as I unlock the door, and fall out on my couch. I rest my heavy lids, only to be awaken by Edward. "Bella?", My eyes open. "You're drunk"

"Yes, thank you Captain obvious",I say as I sit up on the couch to look at him.

"Where were you tonight", He asks, and I frown. You're not allowed to ask me about my whereabouts.

"At a club", I answer shortly not quite able to relift my head.

"I have been texting you", He says and it pisses me off because I know that he hasn't. I've waited all day to hear from him.

"No you haven't", I say sharply.

"Check your phone", He says folding his arms. I find the strength to get up and grab the phone. Fuck he did text. He texted four times, and called twice.

"Okay, so you did call, but Edward...", I trail off. "Everything can't be on your time. I waited for you",

"Yes, and I'm sorry. I got held up", He says and I understand. I always do.

Then a thought crosses my mind. "Look at this", I show him my phone. "Did you send this"

Edward lppks at the text with simple words,'who is this', He looks uncontrollably angry. "Lauren sent this", Is all he says. "I didn't find my phone until this morning. She had it", He sneers.

"Does this mean that we are caught?", I ask him, worried about him and not myself. I ruined his life. His perfect family. He's going to loose everything because of me. Because I was impatient, and selfish.

My stomach lurches again. I get up quickly, running to the toilet. I throw up again, heaving. He holds my hair, because love is caring. He wets a wash cloth and kneels down to wipe my face. I stare into his eyes pouting. "Are we caught", I ask again with sad eyes. He kisses my forehead.

"No", He says as he stands, helping me to my feet. He grabs my face between his hands, causing me to look up at him. "We just need to be more careful." He says and I sigh inwardly, because when is love ever careful.

Thank you for reading please review :))))