From the Desk of the President of the United States

My fellow Americans, it is with a heavy heart, and an even heavier conscience, that announce the Death of…my Sanity. My sanity had suffered many years of abuse and neglect before succumbing to the Common Cold. This a day that will live in infamy, as the day that the Leader of the Free World totally started tripping balls. Man this is some good shit. Good Night and A Happy St. Patrick's Day to Everyone.

Android 25

Sad but true, My insanity died March 4, 2011 11:59 PM, it had been showing the signs, but I ignored them. Now I regret that decision to let it play in the snow in its underwear on Christmas Morning. Even before the day in question my insanity had been going on vacations, having amassed years from working with me. Now I'll always miss him. Good Night sweet prince.

Now onto the reason you have suffered through that lengthy exposition, a New Chapter in the Crack of the Batman. Now I've decided to turn this into a collection of the Batman Universe on Crack. Please Enjoy

Disclaimer- I own nothing mention here but anything you have never seen before, and even then that's a little shaky.

Stephanie Brown, Batgirl, former Spoiler, Former Robin, had finally met an enemy she could not beat. Human Stupidity. But no fear, many a hero had fallen to that which has no brain. Look at Solomon Grundy, wait bad example. Anyway the stupidity Stephanie was facing had come in the form of Timothy Drake, Red Robin, former Robin, and one time Batman. Tim had come to her whining about Bruce Wayne, former Batman, and his brain bleaching hobbies, right in the middle of a case she was working while standing in the apartment of a Venom dealer. She did the only thing she could, tuned him out and nodded her head as she formulated a way to get out of the room.

Every avenue of escape was blocked, even the toilet was backed up, and the super wouldn't be there to fix it until morning. So in a bid for desperation she used the tried and true method of escape.

"What the hell is that!" Pointing just over his shoulder. Tim turned and at that moment she took her staff knocked him right in the back of the head. He dropped like a sack of oranges, out cold. When the adrenaline had worn off Stephanie realized what she had done, and using all her training, began to clean the crime scene. As she was finishing she heard groaning, Tim was waking up. Quickly she tied him up with a grappling line, just like a calf in a roping contest, and used a torn sheet to blind him.

As Tim came to, he realized three things.

One, for some reason he could taste green, weird taste.

Two, He was tied up.

And Three, He was blind.

"Oh god I'm blind, the knock to the back of the head must have permanently blinded me." Yeah…

The first thing that came to mind was Ras Al Ghul, but then he remembered Ras had died early in the week from a fatal drive-by slapping. Then he remembered Stephanie yelling about something just behind him, turning, and then this blinding pain in the back his head, before complete darkness. As Tim put everything together, his brilliant detective mind had come to only one conclusion.

"My evil twin from another universe quickly knocked Stephanie out after she had pointed him out, before sweeping behind me and hitting me square in the back of the head with his staff." Well…he got the staff part right. "Evil fiend unhand Stephanie and take me, I will protect me friend with everything I have."

Stephanie stared at Tim as he yelled into the green shag carpet, his words completely muffled by the 70's shag. She shook her head, suppressing a sigh before lifting the poor confused boy into a fireman's carry over her right shoulder. As Tim's face left the carpet he continued his speech.

"I will defeat you with every fiber of my being as soon as I escape, I will break you in half for the evil you have done. Then turn you in to the proper authorities." Stephanie not hearing the beginning of the speech thought he meant her. With her mind on assault charges, she didn't hear his next words. "Now let me go doppelganger, and fight man to man." Which was weird since he yelled it right into her ear. So she sort of panicked, and by panic I mean throw herself out the window hoping to escape. Forgetting of course that she was already carrying him. "OH GOD, STOP…PLEASE DON'T DO THIS…HELP!" Tim himself was panicking because he thought he was tossed out the window along with Stephanie.

Realizing mid-jump she still had Tim, Stephanie smacked herself in the forehead before using her grappling hook. Then realizing she had used the grappling hook line to tie up Tim, screamed in terror. Tim misunderstanding started yelling himself.

"Stephanie it's okay Dick and Damien will save us!" Before realizing what he had said. "Oh shit we're dead!" Stephanie using incredible speed quickly switched out the grappling hook ammo for a new one. She fired, and just three feet from the ground they jerked to a stop, causing Tim to fall from Stephanie's shoulder and crash to the ground. Stephanie quickly let the grappling line go and holstered the gun to check on Tim, he was out cold once more. With a sigh of relief she picked Tim up and reloaded her grappling gun before swinging to safety.

At her apartment she removed her mask, and quickly moved Tim to the closet in her bedroom before tying him to the chair. Then she bound, gagged him, and removed the blindfold, before closing the closet door, to give her time to think about how she was going to deal with this. She couldn't think in the same the apartment in which her victim is restrained. So she leapt to the window, crashing through the glass with a yell, ten seconds passed before she crashed through the next window over. She slapped herself in the forehead before grasping her mask from her kitchen counter and wearing it. With another cry she crashed through the window next window over sending shards of glass flying.

In the closet Tim awoke to complete darkness, the only light from a crack near the floor. He assumed it was the bottom of a door, and from that extrapolated that he was in a closet. So he started to panic, screaming and jerking around, and with one wrong move he fell backwards knocking himself out once more.

Now, everyone reading must be asking themselves, why the hell does he keep getting knocked out by a single blow to the head. Simple, Gilligan Island Syndrome. Others might be asking shouldn't he have brain damage by now. Answer, Maybe. Now shut the hell up and read the damn story.

Hours later Tim awoke, I made it hours because yes he is getting brain damage and I needed to move the story along a bit. This time though he kept his cool as he analyzed where he was and what had happened. Then he remembered the doppelganger, how the bastard had knocked him out and had taken him and Stephanie hostage. It was at that moment he realized Stephanie wasn't there, and more importantly he could see again. He whooped in triumph, thereby realizing he was now mute and could only grunt. The recent knock to the head must have given him back his vision but made him mute. Of course he forgot that he could see before he was knocked out.

Then he remembered Stephanie was gone, when he did he tried to untie himself, and realized he was at an angle with his head propping up his body against the wall. He groaned in frustration, he was at an angle his neck was in a weird position and his back was sore. He couldn't untie himself, he didn't have the leverage, and he couldn't reach the knot. All he could do was hope and pray for rescue from Dick and Damien. He groaned again when he realized what he had just thought, knowing that there was no hope.

Meanwhile…

Across town Stephanie had been captured by some bargain basement villain calling himself Radon. A Fat guy in a metal suit covered in radioactive warning stickers. Somehow he had captured Stephanie, I don't know how because I was covering the action with Tim. Anyway she was tied to a rocket built from scrap metal, and when she looked closely she could see he had used everything and the kitchen sink to build it.

"Now Batgirl with this rocket I will release a radioactive vapor cloud over Gotham causing one in ten people to suffer from hair loss. Bwahahahaha!" That's how he laughed, man what a maroon. By this point Stephanie had untied herself, and gave the idiot a savage beating. By the end of it Radon was nothing more than Spam in a can, and Stephanie had unleashed an incredible amount aggravation. She was now relaxed, but before she could move, she was struck upside the head by an overweight man in a green St. Patrick's Day shirt, black shorts, and white tennis shoes wielding an iron skillet.

She crashed to the ground and the man had disappeared leaving her laying on the ground.

Tim was ten out of a thousand bottles of beer on the wall when he heard a thump. He perked up, it was three days and he was hungry and bored, and someone was here. The door knob jiggled, before turning and opening revealing Stephanie holding an Ice Pack to her head. He yelled in joy and started crying in happiness, Stephanie removed the gag and as she opened her mouth he started speaking in a jubilant tone.

"Oh Stephanie, thank you, thank you, thank you." Stephanie paused before looking confused. "You rescued me from the evil clutches of my doppelganger from another universe." As Tim continued to sing her praises Stephanie had only one thing to say.

"Huh?"

A little piece of fiction tied into the Crack of the Batman, Please Read and Review. Tell me what you really think, because I know this is crap.