"I just wanted you to know one time"
Silence By Prospect Mali
Jim could not help but smile through his salty tears. He shook his head thinking of Pam and Dwight being friends. He wish he could be there. He wished he was Pam's friend again, no strike that he wished he was more then that. He sighed and began to reply and to try and explain his lack of goodbye.
To: Pam Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Pam
Where do I start? I don't have a good reason for not saying goodbye. I can only say that I am a coward and a jerk. I thought running away would dull the pain. I thought that if I moved it would be easier to deal with you marrying Roy after what we shared. I just couldn't endure watching you get married. I am sorry Pam. I don't think that will ever be enough.
I really hope that you can somehow forgive me. I hope that one day we can be friends again.
Please tell Dwight hi. I am glad you have a friend. To answer your question about Stamford, it is ok. Everyone dresses classier and pranks are not taken so well here. I guess I am adjusting and trying to just get through the day.
Jim
PS: I am so happy that you are taking art classes. I am so proud of you.
Jim threw the beer bottle against the wall and laughed when it didn't break. It's funny how a glass object can uphold a throw and not break, but your heart can be broken so easily. Jim closed his eyes and smiled remembering Pam's smell, her warmth, and her kisses. That night was the best night of his life, for that moment Pam was his. Jim's eyes opened and he realized that she was now Roy's. He cursed, that bastard never deserved her. Jim grabbed his coat and took a long walk. He was like a stranger in a foreign land. A stranger trying to kill his love for a woman that would and could never love him
Pam was getting ready to walk out the door when she decided to check her email. She saw he wrote back and decided to forward it to her personal email and read it at home.
Pam arrived at her small one bedroom apartment and checked her answering machine. She listened to her sister rambling about a new boyfriend and that she would call later with details. Pam chuckled and decided to take a hot shower before eating a salad for dinner. She preoccupied herself to not rush to the computer to read Jim's email. She needed to relax and clear her mind. She needed to not get her hopes up that maybe Jim still loved her. Why would he? She broke his heart and in return he moved away. Now she had a secret and she had no clue how she was going to tell him. Maybe she would just keep it to herself and let him create a new life without her. Pam peeled off her clothes and showered, letting the tears fall effortlessly.
Pam slipped on her PJ's and ate her salad. She washed her dishes and finally sat at her computer. She opened her email and clicked on Jim's email. She read the words, tears silently falling. She swallowed hard and realized that Jim had no clue that she ended things with Roy. She took a deep breath and started her reply.
To: Jim Halpert
From: Pam Beesly
Jim
How do I say this? Roy and I didn't get married. I called it off. I finally realized that I was not happy. I deserved better. I always knew that I loved him, but I just wasn't "In Love" with him. I just couldn't go on pretending.
Lets make one thing clear, Jim. You are not a jerk or a coward. You are a great man that put it out on the line. I am the jerk. I hurt you and I am sorry. I ever wonder if you will ever forgive me?
I am proud of myself for finally doing what I love. I would have never done it without your words of encouragement. I miss you Jim.
Pam
Pam hit send and walked to her bedroom. She laid on her cold bed and sobbed.
Jim walked aimlessly for what seemed like hours. He glanced at his watch. It was after six. He walked back home. Deep down he hoped Pam replied to his email before leaving the office. He grabbed a slice of cold pizza and clicked on Pam's reply. Jim's face lit up and he reread the email over and over. She wasn't with Roy! Jim stood up and paced the living room. He ran a anxious hand through his hair and couldn't stop smiling. He sat back down and tried to calm his nerves.
To: Pam Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Pam
Lets get this straight, you are not a jerk, far from it. I want to be friends again. I want to have you back in my life. Do you think that will ever be possible?
I wish I could say that I am sorry that you didn't marry Roy. I am not sorry because I know you deserved better. Don't get me wrong, Roy was a good guy, he just didn't give you what you needed. He never looked at your needs. I hope you don't take what I say as being rude. I just think that he never knew how good he had it, when he had you.
I am glad that you took my advice. It makes me smile. I hope I can see your work one day. It could happen right?
I want you to know that I have dialed the Scranton office a million times before hanging up and cursing my lack of strength. Maybe one day I will follow through. Do you think you would like that? By the way is your number the same? Just wondering.
I miss you too, Pam.
Jim